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Infant feeding

Get advice and support with infant feeding from other users here.

Original poster

4 week old NEVER off the breast

35 replies

Queenbee95 · 29/05/2021 12:28

I don’t get even 5 minutes. She is relentless. All. The. Fucking. Time.

I sit and cry all day because I can’t take it. I’ll feed her, she’ll fall asleep. I’ll remove my nipple from her mouth and she’ll either wake instantly and scream till I put it back or I’ll manage to lay her down for less than 2 minutes and she’s screaming again.

I can’t keep up, I can’t get anything done. I’ve been in hospital the last two days and she hasn’t come off AT ALL. I just had a midwife comment on this too.

What can I do? I’m beginning to hate being a mum and I’m beginning to wish I never BF her..

Someone please help me 😭

OP posts:
crispywaffle · 29/05/2021 12:30

DS2 was the same, and it went on for months. He's only just stopped bf at 3 years old.

You have a choice - maybe you just need someone to say it - it's ok if you want to give a bottle. It's ok if you want to bf. ITs ok if you want to mix feed. It's ok if you want to stop bf altogether.

Make the decision that's best for you and your family.

crispywaffle · 29/05/2021 12:31

(But also - get someone who's an expert (not a midwife or a health visitor) to check for a tongue tie. DS2 had one only spotted at 8 weeks. He'd been on me constantly because he wasn't getting enough milk. Things got better from there.)

BertieBotts · 29/05/2021 12:39

You need a proper feeding assessment done by an expert.

If your HV/midwives/infant feeding team haven't been helpful, the next step up is the free support:

NCT / ABM breastfeeding counsellors
Peer support groups (google for your area)
La Leche League Leaders
Any free BF support groups run by lactation consultants.

If these are no good or you can afford to skip straight to the big guns, have a search here:

lcgb.org/find-an-ibclc/

Many are also working online at the moment and can do consults over video call.

NeedNewKnees · 29/05/2021 12:41

One of mine was the same. I sympathise.

The feeding settled down by about 6 weeks. It seemed ages at the time, but OTOH was a sterling reason not to do a damned thing and OH took over everything else.

milkjetmum · 29/05/2021 12:43

I would agree on the tongue tie check, and perhaps consider a dummy?

FTEngineerM · 29/05/2021 12:43

I don’t blame you that sound brutal, can you use a dummy whilst you decide what you want to do? Maybe give your nips an hour off?

Does she get comfort from skin on skin if she’s not latched on?

newtolineofduty · 29/05/2021 12:43

It may be she's using your nipple as a dummy-would you consider trying that at times when you think she's using you as a dummy rather than for food? Xxx

Lazypuppy · 29/05/2021 12:44

Have you tried a dummy? Babies like to suck but that doesn't mean they are feeding all the yime. Whrn she is on you, can you feel the difference when she is feeding/just sucking?

Also as PP said, baby needs a happy mum, so if that means you switch to formula then that is fine, but if you want to continue BF, then try a few techniques to keep her off you between feeds.

DifferentHair · 29/05/2021 12:46

It's exhausting but it will pass soon. If BF is important to you try to stick it out, I think 6 weeks is a turning point for most people and from then on it's generally easier than FF.

lavenderandwisteria · 29/05/2021 12:49

This is definitely what dummies were invented for!

Montgomerystubercles · 29/05/2021 12:49

Does she have any other reflux symptoms? My first was the same and we later worked out she had very bad reflux, much improved with medication but she liked to have frequent (aka constant) feeds and stay upright all the time, so she basically lived in the sling feeding/sleeping/feeding until she was about 4 months old. A friend did then comment that it was the first time she'd actually seen my daughter's face!
It wasn't until I had my second and he just had a feed them was happy for a while that I realised the constant feeds must have been related to the reflux.

Original poster
Queenbee95 · 29/05/2021 12:57

I bf my son for 2 and a half years and it was never like this. I’d definitely say she isn’t suckling for milk always.

@Montgomerystubercles funnily enough she HATES laying flat on her back and prefers to be held upright. She screams a lot too, like she’s in pain. Seems to have A LOT of wind that she can’t bring up.

I just feel exhausted and sore 😔 I’ve thought about using a dummy but I’m scared she gets confused and won’t feed from me again

OP posts:
Original poster
Queenbee95 · 29/05/2021 12:57

I really really would love to continue BF but it’s just hard when it’s 24/7

OP posts:
gamerchick · 29/05/2021 13:02

Breastfeeding was how I got into gaming. It was relentless.

I wouldn't say anything is wrong though, the more she feeds the more milk you make. A clean little finger nail against the tounge can help with an especially sucky baby.

It should settle down but if you feel better getting it checked out then do so.

gamerchick · 29/05/2021 13:02

*not that you can detach your finger either.

bubblebath62636 · 29/05/2021 13:07

Sorry you feel this way op.

If i were you I'd consider changing to formula and maybe use a dummy, sometimes they just want to suckle.

Faranth · 29/05/2021 13:12

Is she weeing and pooing as you'd expect? DD was like this because she was getting absolutely nothing from me.

I had to destroy a used nappy in front of the midwife to prove she wasn't weeing before they would listen to me, we'd been in hospital 3 days at that point.

nameisnotimportant · 29/05/2021 13:14

Definitely try a dummy. She won't get confused. My daughter wouldn't suck at birth and the doctors encourages us to give her a dummy so she could learn the technique. You could also just try a formula top up and see if she takes it. If she refuses then she probably is just comfort sucking. It's relentless and it sounds like you are doing amazing.

Garman · 29/05/2021 13:17

How are her nappies and weight gain? I'd definitely get her and her latch checked out by a lactation consultant or similar, she might not be transferring milk efficiently and needs to keep feeding endlessly.

Graphista · 29/05/2021 13:22

With all the other potential symptoms you mention sounds like reflux or even possibly cmpa

My sister had this with her middle child.

You need to get baby assessed and if a problem found treated.

My own dd didn't have these issues but we definitely found using a dummy in the early weeks/months prevented my being used as one. Especially for sleep - very common that they want to suckle to sleep and suckle during sleep

Bear in mind also you are still in very early stages of motherhood and breastfeeding too it takes time to establish a good routine and you and baby are both still very much learning.

You will get through this though I appreciate it doesn't feel like it just now Thanks

BasicMadeira · 29/05/2021 13:25

They never tell you how this is how it can be; being an exhausted food supply and soother all in one and a baby sapping every last millimeter of energy from you. My eldest was like this I think it was the closeness and reassurance she needed to feel safe to sleep. If you can try and soother but I think they can take a bit of work to get the baby used to it because it's you they want. It may not get better. Not a helpful post I know but you are not alone and there may or may not be a solution that does not involve a lot of crying

Himawarigirl · 29/05/2021 13:34

I’d try a dummy. My daughter was like this and it really helped. My MIL is a breastfeeding expert and was there to help when she was born and we really struggled. She would never have suggested a dummy that early due to the potential for confusion but in the end she did when nothing else worked. She said that it was humbling to see the reality of how hard it can be 24/7 early on and she could see that many of the rules and advice need to be flexible. But it’s easier to say ‘nothing before 6 weeks’. Good luck. It will get easier.

BertieBotts · 29/05/2021 13:41

All very well to say add formula, give a dummy etc, and I'm not saying not to do those things if they will give you some relief. But literally constant feeding is not right and it's not an issue that's likely to magically resolve itself. That's why it's important to get a proper feeding assessment done, in addition to whatever you need in the short term to protect your sanity and mental health.

Since it's so extreme I would go survival and think short term. So don't worry about nipple confusion etc. Give a dummy in case it helps, seek expert input as well, and then see where you go from there.

Melitza · 29/05/2021 13:44

Ds was like this. I got very sore.
Midwife said to give a dummy. It took a couple of days for him to accept it but once he clicked it was brilliant. He only had the dummy at sleep times so it was easy to stop when he was 3.

user1471462428 · 29/05/2021 14:07

My friend is a breast feeding advisor and has been for 22 years and has never met a baby who rejected the breast for a dummy. She says baby get a preference for the bottle if the parents do not pace the feed but as long as you are feeding at least 2 hourly during the day and 4 hourly a night it will be okay.

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