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Infant feeding

Get advice and support with infant feeding from other users here.

Original poster

For everyone that decided not to/wasn't able to Breastfeed

84 replies

VictorianSqualor · 13/11/2007 12:03

I just wanted to say..
To those of you who tried- well done.
To those of you who didn't recieve the support you deserved -sorry.
And to those of you wo have felt guilty ever since because of some generally awful attitudes- Please don't.
To those of you who decided against it- I hope it was because you made an informed decision and not through lack of support available and hope any threads you read about breastfeeding do not make you feel bad either, you did what you decided was best and have nothing to feel bad about.

It seems that just lately there has been an awful lot of threads judging people who do/don't bf/ff and I hope that as mothers we can unite in wanting the best for our children and having all the information to hand so we can make an informed decision.

I was unable to bf DD, after being born 8wks prem, and my milk practically not coming in, I gave up, and I wished I hadn't.
Maybe if I had had more support with trying to express whilst she was in SCBU I would have been more successful, I don't know.
Thankfully with DS I had a wonderful midwife who helped me to latch on after my first night of despair, and have since learnt not to blame myself for not succeeding with dd.

I don't think anyone else should either.

OP posts:
TheStepfordChav · 13/11/2007 14:39

Smee -OK. Thanks for explaining

smeeinachristmastreeinnit · 13/11/2007 14:39

wow yeah there are alot of vowels arent there?!!!

Spoo · 13/11/2007 14:39

Never posted on this area before as I think I will get shot down on my views on feeding. Whatever you decide to do - you do so with consideration and love for your little ones. You do what is best for yourself and your family. NO ONE SHOULD JUDGE!! If you have made a decision not to bf or you cannot bf - you should not be alienated and made to feel guilty but this mummy community. We are all trying our best!

((rant over))

smeeinachristmastreeinnit · 13/11/2007 14:41

no probs stepfordchav great name by the way!!!

ScottishMummy · 13/11/2007 14:41

voweltasticT think of the scrabble points - o im dizzy counting 'em all

FioFio · 13/11/2007 14:42

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn

monkeybird · 13/11/2007 14:43

FWIW - and I broadly support the tone of this thread - I have two older kids and a DH who had to go back to work, and I've just expressed my first EBM (this time round) and had to go through the whole gamut of washing, sterilising, blah blah just for one feed... It took ages all in. TBH I think I'd have much less time for the other two if I was FF cos of all that.

For me the point is ALWAYS that being a parent is hard enough without the guilt. BUT the problem is that most women don't just choose not to, or happily choose to stop; most women start but stop because they don't get enough support or the right information.

I've no idea which thread you're referring to as the 'problem' one but a lot of the info given out is often in an attempt to persuade women having trouble to carry on, not to judge those who stop for whatever reason. If it bl**dy hurts, sometimes it helps to have someone remind you that there are other reasons (other than you're supposed to enjoy it when you feel like screaming) to carry on for just one more feed.

And I think the issue for what someone called 'militant BFers' (perhaps I count as one of those if you mean do I believe in it? and do I believe women should be given the very best info and help to get them through the very difficult early days? Yes... ) is that women so often get given the wrong advice, or have a complete lack of support for BF.

But do I judge FFers? No. But I have no guilt about trying to persuade women to BF at first either and to continue even when you feel like you have no milk, or it's agony for weeks, or someone tells you you can't, or someone tells you your baby is not thriving. All of these and more are solvable problems.

IMHO, there's no such thing as raw individual choice: choice is always informed by experience, information, others, mood, beliefs etc.

Spoo · 13/11/2007 14:44

Wow - Smee (and other vowels) you are like me - just a bit braver! I found the idea of bf unnatural too but have never really been able to tell anyone as been worried that the response I get is always negative. That said I think it is great for people who do want to. It doesn't LOOK unnatural on other people - just felt unnatural to me.

smeeinachristmastreeinnit · 13/11/2007 14:47

spoo,i do know another couple of mners who feel the same as us about bf.its not just me and you!

Spoo · 13/11/2007 14:49

Good to know that there are others out there. Always been a bit reticent to say anything for fear of getting shot down as 'abnormal' or even worse 'selfish'.

Avadawnsmum · 13/11/2007 15:02

Hurrah for VictorianSqualor
I joined Mumsnet shortly after the birth of my beautiful dd who i was unable to breastfeed, looking for some solace and support. However, when i found threads relating to these issues and saw the pious condemning attitudes to women who bottlefed (regardless of the reasons behind, i didn't come on again for a very long time.
I've now gotten over it, but i wonder how many other Mummys have been put off by these self-righteous zealots...

Original poster
VictorianSqualor · 13/11/2007 16:35

Spoo, smee etc, if you feel for whatever reason you cant breastfeed then that is your choice and your decision. The fact that you have said it sits perfectly fine with others doing it, is enough for me!
As long as we all try and just remember that feeding our baby is a hugely emotive subject and that none of us want to be in agony or for our baby to starve, then maybe, just maybe those of us who would like more people to breastfeed, and those of us who wish we werent judged for formula feeding would find that everyone was able to get the support they needed either way and be happy with what they are doing.

Another thing, a lot of people have said well done VS etc for my op, but I wasn't always quite so easy at supporting FFing, MN (and hunker and tiktok) made me look at it in a different way and change my original opinions..

OP posts:
Eddas · 13/11/2007 16:43

i too choose not to bf. DOn't care what others say either. My choice. Really admire all bfers though as many of you on here seem to have troubles and overcome them. Really admire you for sticking at it. THe horrors stories i've read on here wuld've put me off even if I had decided to bf

Lio · 13/11/2007 16:45

well said, VS. I'm sure your OP will be referred to many times in future.

mumbear · 13/11/2007 17:09

About time there was a thread saying this. I had every intention of breast feeding, hospital was crap, dd was checked in the morning after the birth and I was briefly shown how to put her on the breast. Later that day they said that I could go home they ASKED if she had fed and I said she had stayed on for 5mins they didnt check to see if she was latched on correctly or anything. The next day the midwife didnt turn up until after 5 and I had already called NHS direct because of 6 hours of excessive crying and then she just didnt want to do anything. We were refered to hospital (this time the childrens ward) and it turned out she was just sucking on the end of my nipple and wasnt getting anything. That thought that I effectivly starved her has never gone away and still upsets me when I think about it. She had my milk for 4 weeks and then I started her on formula. I think its fantastic when women breast feed but bottle feeding doesnt make ANYONE less of a mother my baby is bright and happy and amazing and is the picture of health. In fact where I work we had a customer who was telling us all how she was breastfeeding and doing the best thing for her baby and then sat with her friends smoking over him go figure!

Spoo · 13/11/2007 19:38

Bump - as other thread is very active!

Original poster
VictorianSqualor · 13/11/2007 19:59

So I saw.

OP posts:
OracleInaCoracle · 13/11/2007 21:22

bump, put this into watched threads so if i have another baby i can come back to it x

GColdtimer · 13/11/2007 21:33

I haven't seen the other thread, but great post. I bf for about 6 weeks and it was bloody hard to get that far. I needed to hear this about 18 months ago so thank you VS!

lucy5 · 13/11/2007 21:45

VS you are a star!

Original poster
VictorianSqualor · 13/11/2007 22:14

I cant take all the credit!!
Thankfully it's not just me that feels this way

OP posts:
chipmonkey · 13/11/2007 23:15

Nice thread VS. Nice to see you're sticking around too, unlike the OP on the other thread!

munchkinmum · 13/11/2007 23:15

From a mumsnetter that got very upset with the other thread (had to concede to BFing not working out for my DD after 10 days - one of the lowest points of my life without a doubt) a big thankyou to the OP for this.

Feel bad enough without smug women judging me (who clearly don't know me and of many others who are in the unfortunate position of bfeeding not working out).

Anyway, cheers once again.

chipmonkey · 13/11/2007 23:21

Have to say, it is a bit odd to make assumptions about other people bottlefeeding. I know someone who can't bf because of meds she has to take, she doesn't like to discuss her medical situation with other people, so just gets on with ff. Would hate to think she'd feel judged.

Trimum2 · 13/11/2007 23:56

I am LO no. 2. And I feel I have seen both sides of it. First time around, nipples in shreds, thrush in ducts, pain worse than childbirth with no pain relief (yes really) and misery for weeks. Gave up at 3-4 weeks. Then expressed for 4 months and mixed fed. Felt like a complete failure as a mother.

This time tried again. It has gone much better. despite thrush (again!) and mastitis also. Still frustrating not seeing how much he is taking! (esp when we are having some feeding issues)

Having been through both scenarios, I feel its a privilege to be able to BF time around. I am humble, thankful, grateful and savouring every moment of it. I love it. And although I can't see myself being an extended bf - it does give me a very special closeness at the moment that I love.

As has been said many times here. You can't judge people and their choice. For many they try and can't do it. (lack of support etc)

And that to be honest is the worst feeling in the world because if you choose not to BF for personal reasons then you can square that away and its your choice. The worst thing is to have your desire to BF taken away by the inability to feed / get through the problems. Thats the worst of all