1 week old baby and thinking of giving up bf already - would I be so bad?

[ELB1]

My first DD is one week old and was born early and weighed only 6lb 1oz. I had no idea what to do about feeding and had no help in hospital. My DD does not feed "on demand" because so far she has never demanded a feed - I have to wake her up and keep her going all through a feed. During my first MW visit once home (3 days old) my DD had lost too much weight and the MW sat with me, confirmed my bf technique was fine, but was concerned about the weight loss so we agreed on a plan to "top up" with formula which I have been doing since then.
Her weight gain since then has been great and she seems to love the formula top up as she guzzles this whereas at the breast she seems very half hearted and I have to "encourage" her with tickles, rubs, strokes etc all the time and whilst she latches on fine, she take ages about it with lots of head shaking and tossing about first.
In addition to this, I am now getting sore - not because of the way she feeds but because of the process we go through to get her to latch - the shaking, tossing etc menas she goes on and off the nipple several times and I think this is drying to the skin.
Having chatted to DH, I also know that I will never feel comfortable bf in public (very big boobs so I have to full on haul them out) and so I'm thinking this is all a waste of time and I might as well switch to formula. I don;t want to spend the next 6 months having to hide myself away for an hour every three to four hours to feed my baby (it takes an hour at the moment to feed, top up, wind and settle her).
I don't know what to do. Can anyone help either by re-assuring me of the things I am experiencing, or encuraging me one way or another?

Not an expert by any means so don't want to try and give you any advice, but just to reassure you the first few weeks of bfing are really hard for most people.

It does get easier. There are solutions to most bfing probs and some more knowledgeable people will be along in a minute to advise but you have to decide if you really want to carry on. We can offer loads of encouragement but don't want you to feel under pressure. you clearly need more support, are there any bfing cafe/groups near you.

oh and public bfing is scary to begin with but you will learn to do it more discretely with practice. are you worried about getting negative responses?

bump till someoen knowledgaable and wise comes along.

i wish you the best whatever you decide, and commend you for searching about for advice and perspectives before making a decision.

congrats on the baby

Congratulations on your DD.

How sad that your mw suggested the top up at just three days. Most babies lose weight in the first few days of life - it's so common as to be considered normal.

If you do want to switch to formula then do it and don't feel guilty. Just embrace it and enjoy your baby.

However, if deep down you feel that you'd really like to keep going with the breastfeeding then it would be worth trying to get hold of a breastfeeding counsellor - there are NCT counsellors in most areas and there is also a helpline number which I am sure someone here will post.

Hang on for a few of the other MNers who are fantastic when it comes to breastfeeding and usually know more than many midwives and HVs.

I have 4 kids and tried breast feeding all, and lasted the most 4 days, initially I would be so enthusiastic and by day 4 would find the latching on so painful I would be crying, even though I loved the intimacy of the breast feeding I was so uncomfortable with the soreness it spoilt it for me. I would always feel so dejected when giving in and feeding the baby with a bottle. But my MW kindly reassured me, that its just not for everyone and it was so pointless beating myself up about it.

I would advise you to do what ever you feel truly happy with, listen to your instinct and the important thing to remember is a happy mother is a happy baby. The relief I felt once I did what was best for me (which was bottlefeed,) allowed me to move on and enjoy my baby. Do whatever you have to do, without a thought for what others think is right or wrong. Hope this helps you. All the best with your beautiful baby.

I'd echo theclosetpagan - it's a shame about the top-ups as that will have decreased your milk supply and your baby will probably have found it easier to get milk from the bottle than breast.

I always took BF one day at a time early on - if you want to continue I would definitely try and get hold of a BF counsellor.

As others have said, it's your decision. In those early days I was taking one feed at a time, let alone one day at a time. Drinking from a bottle is easier in some ways for a baby, as they are still learning how to breastfeed - and this takes time. It's still really early days for you and your baby, you're just getting used to each other.

On a practical note, I can really relate to the big boobs. When my milk came in I went up to a J cup and I was initially cautious about feeding in public. However, as DS and I got more practised, and doing my first feed outside the house in a friendly situation, it was fine.

Hope you find the solution for you and your family. Take care of yourself.

Youve got to do what you feel will work for you.

If DD falling asleep at on feeding you could try stripping some of her clothes off so shes not so warm, or expressing a bit first of all so shes getting a bit more of the hind milk.
As for going out, you know she'l take a bottle so you could bottle feed while your out and breast feed at home.
Wishing you all the best this is the toughest time with hormones and emotions as well as the sleep deprivation, hope the next few weeks get easier.

I'm no expert but my opinion is that you should give it as good a go as you can getting as much help as possible and in the knowledge that it is hard the first few weeks. But I do also personally feel this should be a positive time in your life and that you should not feel guilty one tiny bit if you decide to give formula.

We work hard us mums even if we're not breastfeeding! And formula isn;t poisen.

I say that becasue I felt in the first 3 weeks that the constant nightmare of feeding seemed to spoil what I felt should be a good time.

Have now established breast feeding and it rocks bgut I was lucky to have mega help and didn;t have your initial difficulties.

Best of luck in what ever you choose to do xXx

Congratulations on your DD, and congratulations on making it to a week when it's been so hard for you. Only couple of things to mention - has dd been checked for a tongue tie? It can make bfing very hard, and IME makes them shake their head around madly.
What about your let-down? dsis found that her let down was v forceful and this made her ds have difficulty feeding unless she expressed off before latching on.
Also if you're using formula top-up, she may now be getting nipple confusion - maybe someone who's had experience of this will be along soon.....

Bumping for you elb1.

It may not always take an hour to feed btw. And it's such early days, you should just stay in bed or on the sofa together and just feed feed feed. possibly the lack of feeding and sleeping and not demanded are a vicious cycle. can you recognise hunger cues in her yet? lapping with her tongue, routing for the breast?

Have you got something to put on your nipples? Lansinoh or something?

Ask your hv about a local bfing group

I would say, after congratulations, think about if you do want to breastfeed and if so, get help from a breastfeeding counsellor as all your problems have solutions.

I found breastfeeding initally very difficult, but am really glad I persisted, it has been a lovely experience.

It is difficult at the beginning, but the problems really don't persist. Like someone else said, one feed at a time.

Good luck with whatever you decide...

Echo what the others have said - you have to do what you feel is right. You will inevitably feel guilty if you give up breast feeding - unfortunately we mums feel guilty about everything - but it is your decision to make. I gave up very early with my first two - I was exhausted, had very little support, very sore breasts and very uncomfortable about feeding in public. My DD3 is now ten weeks old and I am loving BF and do it everywhere. I do regret not persuing it with the other two but realise that I was in a different place then and it was the right decision for me at that time.

Good luck with whatever you decide - your baby will do fine either way xxx

just read about topping up - shame she mentioned that as I found that quite unmotivating.

True GraceT - breastfeeding rocks when you get going and baby will be fine either way.

And of course you wouldn't be bad if you gave up. No-one would judge you but I know it galls us all on here when people who don't want to give up do so through lack of support, which is why we are such eager beavers

Honestly, it does get easier, and eventually will be so rewarding. With a little more help and a few more weeks you can over come your problems. Jeepers, do a search on my usual name 'bumperlicious' and you will see a million 'help me it hurts I'm doing it wrong going to have to give up bfing' threads! DD is now 4.5 months and I do it whenever, wherever and mostly love it. There are always fresh challenges but there always are with children.

congratualtions on the birth of your baby elb1, but sorry to hear about your woes.

As far as I'm aware, babies are expected to lose about 10% of their birth weight, but provided they have regained their birth weight by two weeks old then there is usually nothing to worry about. your milk normally only comes in around day 3 so I'm really surprised your MW advised topping up quite so early on.

with regard to seeming to like the FF, of course she does....it's easy to get formula, but a little harder to get at BM. the head shaking and tossing I imagine (I'm no expert) is a result of nipple confusion from changing between BF and FF.

Re your big boobs.....I'm currently a 34H, so by no means small, and although I find it easier to feed at home with a cushion on my lap, I can manage to feed very discretely in public. It just takes a little bit of practice, and BF cafes/support groups are great for giving you the opportunity to hone this skill.

I hope that someone more knowledgeable comes along soon, like tiktok or hunkermunker, mears or moondog, but in the meantime, you are doing a fab job, and every brest feed you get into he is getting her off to the very best start in life. Although it is really difficult at the moment, if your latch is fine once she's on (try lansinoh on your nipples between feeds, tis fab stuff)
then it would be great for both your LO and you if you could persevere.

I would also second the views of getting some support via a BF counsellor or lactation consultant. If you want to BF, it is still possible to get to the position of exclusive BF, but equally, if you feel that it is not for you, then your DD has had a great start!

I hope this has made some sense.
Good Luck

Daisy xx

Hi ELB1 congrats on Lo. No expert either but I had major problems bf too (flat nipples) and LO found it really hard to latch. My LO lost weight (although she wasnt weighed for the first week) and my main regret is that I didnt give her a bottle sooner (3 weeks) as I will always feel guilty about her being hungry and my not realising. but just to give you some hope I managed to bf and bottle feed for 6 months, then she got teeth. The first 3 weeks was hell but it got a lot better after that. It is so knackering and painful if you dont get the latch right ( I ended up using 1 breast only) but good luck with what you decide.xx

good luck with BF - it does get easier, but if you decide to FF don't feel guilty -just try to easier your lovely new addition.

just did a quick search for you...tiktok not around today, and hunker is at another MNers wedding.

moondog was posting earlier, so hopefully if you keep this bumped someone will see it.

If you do a search for hunkermunker and look on her profile page, she has numbers for all the helplines, ie NCT, Assoc of BF Mothers, La Leche League. Please try to talk to someone. I know the NCT have counsellors who will come out to your house.

I recently read an older post on mumsnet about a lady who managed to stop formula top ups and went on to breastfeed fully...very imspiring

As for which way to go, that is something you have to decide yourself, talking to one of the breastfeeding counsellors will help. They are trained to help you make decisions on the right choice for you whatever that is.

Here are the numbers for the four main breastfeeding charities to speak to a Breastfeeding Counsellor. I prefer the NCT as they helped me a lot, but I heard good things about all of them

National Childbirth Trust (0870 444 8708 )
La Leche League (0845 120 2918 )
Breastfeeding Network (0844 412 4664 )
Association for Breastfeeding Mothers (08444 122 949)

oh, babies, am feeling very now that I didn't look out the numbers.

I second a vote for the NCT, I have spoken to them a couple of times when things werre quite blek for me due to problems latching and a nasty bout of mastitis.

also check out your local Baby Cafe

ELB, you say she'd lost too much weight by day 3 - how much weight had dd lost? Had she had lots of dirty nappies? What about wet nappies (can be hard to tell at that age I know!)? What was the delivery like? Has she had any other problems, like jaundice (which would make her sleepy)?

It's still early days - I had twins & had probs at first; ended up with breast & bottle - not an ideal situation, but eventually the bf worked out and I bf for a year. I even managed to feed them discreetly in cafes. What I'm trying to say is, please don't give up so soon - bf is such a treat, good for both of you, so much better for the baby than formula. Get some more help and keep trying. Good luck!