1 week old baby and thinking of giving up bf already - would I be so bad?

[ELB1]

My first DD is one week old and was born early and weighed only 6lb 1oz. I had no idea what to do about feeding and had no help in hospital. My DD does not feed "on demand" because so far she has never demanded a feed - I have to wake her up and keep her going all through a feed. During my first MW visit once home (3 days old) my DD had lost too much weight and the MW sat with me, confirmed my bf technique was fine, but was concerned about the weight loss so we agreed on a plan to "top up" with formula which I have been doing since then.
Her weight gain since then has been great and she seems to love the formula top up as she guzzles this whereas at the breast she seems very half hearted and I have to "encourage" her with tickles, rubs, strokes etc all the time and whilst she latches on fine, she take ages about it with lots of head shaking and tossing about first.
In addition to this, I am now getting sore - not because of the way she feeds but because of the process we go through to get her to latch - the shaking, tossing etc menas she goes on and off the nipple several times and I think this is drying to the skin.
Having chatted to DH, I also know that I will never feel comfortable bf in public (very big boobs so I have to full on haul them out) and so I'm thinking this is all a waste of time and I might as well switch to formula. I don;t want to spend the next 6 months having to hide myself away for an hour every three to four hours to feed my baby (it takes an hour at the moment to feed, top up, wind and settle her).
I don't know what to do. Can anyone help either by re-assuring me of the things I am experiencing, or encuraging me one way or another?

I know she's a week old, but week olds can have jaundice which would make the sleepiness worse.
Also, before we all jump in and slag the mw off for suggesting formula, it's better to know if there was a reason for the suggestion: how much weight was lost, was there a worry about dehydration or hypoglyaemia. I think it's unlkiely - surely if that were the case the mw would have suggested re-admission, but I just wanted to be sure of the facts (and then I'll lay into the mw for suggesting top ups!)

Congratulations! I echo all of the above. The first few weeks can be tough and ultimately you need to make a decision that suits all of you. But it's difficult with no sleep and all those hormones. Professionals aren't always that helpful either.
Try not to give up because of lack of support or wrong advice though- the support is out there... is there a BF clinic near you? You can contact the La Leche League and they can give you numbers of BF mums nearby...anyone have the links? I'm rubbish at links
Have you tried pumping/expressing. I know that's probably the last thing you feel like doing but.... Basically if you top up with formula your milk supply will drop and actually there's more calories in your milk than in formla (ml for ml) so if you can top up with your own milk then it will actually fatten her up quicker and increase your supply in the process. I don't mean to sound biased towards the boob but if you stop now it may be difficult to go back and it does get easier- honestly! At least if you get a bit more help and support you can give it your best shot and then if you decide it's not for you... you'll have no regrets. Good luck, trust your instincts, you'll make the right decision for you and your babe

Jen - Nowt wrong with bias towards the boob! Boobs are best!! (On the whole, if at all poss, etc etc)

Sure the midwifes would have picked up on it but no problems with jaundice? DS didn't wake for feeds because of this. Also how long have you left her to see if she will ask for feed? Are you waking her up overnight? I'm not an expert but I'm just wondering that if you are (waking her) perhaps not too one night (as she is now gaining weight) and see if/when she wakes. When she does she will be very hungry (hopefully) and have a good feed from the breast, which after a good nights sleep should be full and therefore ensure she has a very good feed. As i understand it babies once used to them, always prefer the bottle.

Are you using lasinoh on your nipples? Works wonders! Good luck, and really the first two weeks are the hardest, the next four after that up and down and then it starts to become easier.

ELB1 - any breastmilk your baby gets is not a waste of time and you are doing well to continue.

The problem here is that your baby is not getting established well with breastfeeding because of the topping up situation. She won't wake for a feed because she is full of formula which takes longer to digest.

She will not be fixing well to the breast because she is not really hungry because she is being woken for feeds.

I would try letting her wake for a feed no matter how long it takes. If she is hungry she is more likely to faff around less. I would also start reducing the amount of top up formula she gets until you can phase it out altogether.

Topping up a baby is not the ideal way to establish breastfeeding and no wonder you are torn about what to do. Babies will ofetn take a top-up feed even if they don't need it. It is the same siotuation as you having a huge meal, feeling full then being able to cram in a pudding. You eat it because it is something different - not because you need it.

Your baby is possibly showing signs of nipple confusion with all the tossing about when trying to latch on. Sucking a breast is different from sucking a bottle and it can be frustrating for a baby. Some babies manage without problems.

It would be good if you could speak to a counsellor or an advisor from the hospital to help you establish breastfeeding. By the sounds of things your experience so far has not been great.

For breastfeeding to work the top ups need to go and you will need support with that. It can be done and many women successfully BF with big boobs. You could express milk if needs be for feeds when you are out and about.

You really need someone in real life to talk it all through with. Good luck

How was your night? I hope you feel supported by all the advice and not overwhelmed. Believe me...it will get easier and BF is lovely once all these initial stresses have been overcome. It is sooooo difficult once someone has installed doubt in your own milk. (unfortunately a professional here )
If you were thinking about it but feel nervous about trying to phase out the formula top ups, please be reassured- your breast milk is higher in calories... no really it is so if you can get it into her soon this worry about her weight will be over and I promise I speak from personal experience. My husband banned all professionals from our house when DS was 2 weeks old as they had convinced me I was starving him and he said all the fuss was ruining his few weeks off with our new babe. We all curled up in bed for a few days and fed and fed (baby obviously not DH and soon my confidence increased as did my milk and we haven't looked back. If you think you want to continue to BF ind a professional who's BF advice you can trust and go for it xxx

Hi ELF
Hope you're doing ok this morning
I have been where you are and it is a horrible vulnerable feeling. At this point, you need some looking after as well, so in addition to the advice you get here, make sure you sit down with your dp and have a bloody good cry and tell him you know it'll get better but you need him to look after you, to enable this all to work out. No brave faces!
I second/third/fourth the advice about calling one of those numbers: in fact, can you get him to do it for you? They are used to having partners call. I would advise getting your dd checked for tongue-tie, too - it is so much more common, it seems, than you'd believe from the literature, and it makes all the difference getting it sorted. The telltale sign is a heart-shaped tongue when she cries. It's very easy to fix.
I know you are feeling awful at the moment, and it's easy to say it won't always be like that, but it won't: babies change quickly at this stage. Keep your options open witht he breastfeeding - your dd is very little yet and she'll 'wake up' and get a better idea about it soon.
xxP

Haven't read the whole thread. First of all, many congrats on your new arrival. I always thought BF was supposed to be the most natural thing in the world but I was shocked when I did it myself - first of all couldn't get ds to latch on and he hardly had anything for the first few days and when the midwife came round, I cried my eyes out with worry. She was great and said it was fine and baby would be fine, just I was engorged and she suggested dh got me a breat pump and I cup fed the first lot. Thanks to my mum, we expressed but I then tried the boob before the cup and it worked a treat - I was just far too full to start with, poor ds was drowning in it!!! Anyway, I must say I started hated BF after about a week as so sore and cried my eyes out at every single feed - it felt like cotton had been tied round my nipples and pulled hard. I must say for ME it took about 2 months to settle down but I was very pleased I stuck with it. But for me I HAD to be able to BF. It's YOUR decision at the end of the day, you do what's best for you and your family. I personally hated BF in public but I used to put a muslin over ds so nobody could see. I say give it a little longer and see how you feel and if you really don't want to then fine, you've given it a try, more than some people do! I also agree that it was wrong to suggest top ups unless the weight loss was dramatic??? Baby's do loose weight in the early days and then start to put it back on.

Good luck whatever you decide

ELB, congrats! your LO is so little and it is a huge shock and adjustment and in my experience BFing was not easy to begin, but settles down a lot after the fisrt month. babies also get more efficient with feeding, so will not always take an hour. you might find one day down the track she only takes 5 or 10 minutes andyou are wishing for longer!
anyway, it's purely your choice to breastfeed or not, but know that if you would like to continue, there is loads of help. i would second finding a bf group near you if possible or calling one of the helplines.

Breastfeeding Network Supporterline 0870 900 8787

NCT Breastfeeding Line 0870 444 8708

La Leche League Helpline 0845 120 2918

Association of Breastfeeding Mothers Hotline 08444 122 949

unfortunatley the bottle is probably not helping dd to get used to feeding at the breast. It is easier for them to suck from a bottle, they don't have to work so hard. This can lead to what they call 'nipple confusion' where the baby will prefer the bottle and to some extent refusethe breast. A BF counsellor could help you work with this and get her feeding effectively at the breast if that is would you'd like to do.

xx
best wishes and hoping for a little rest for you and dd

Big thanks to all who posted here - your thoughts and best wishes have been really appreciated. I have gone from being 90% certain that I will give it up to 90% certain that I won't. I am sure this will keep swinging back and forth so am not setting myself up for a fall, but I have woken up to another day and will keep going.

Last night was not too bad. DD woke up for feeds for the first time, and on two occasions this was only after two hours and she seems to be getting more alert.

I just wanted to defend my MW a bit though - as she really has been great and has sat with me for ages and been really encouraging. Her suggestion to top up was put over as really my decision, however she did say the next day when she came back tow eight DD that if she hadn't have believed that I could get through this she was about to re-admit us as DD had lost more than 10% of birth weight in the first 3 days, and appeared dehydrated although not jaundiced - so she was genuinely concerned and I am actually grateful to her as sending me back to hospital would have really set me back psychologically as well as physically (no sleep at all due to other people's crying babies)! She is encouraging me to keep going with BF and says that getting back to full BF is possible. I am just keeping an open mind for now.
I always give DD the boob first and although she is fussing, she does take it - I think I just need to get past the pain barrier.
I am just about to post a new thread as I want to move on from this - and this will be a stack of questions, so anyone who has taken the time to help me out so far - many many thanks, please have a look at my new thread (Questions to help me persevere)and I will be even more grateful

ELB1 - havent read all the thread, only your original post.

All i can say - is take each day as it comes and make the decision that works for you. You are not alone. I was prepared for the physical and emotional demands of pregnancy and labour. But nothing had prepared me for how utterly draining - emotionally and physically I found Bfeeding.
My LO was born at 5lb 1oz and was also topped up with formula in his first few days until my milk came in.
Teaching him how to latch on/ building his energy up to feed for long enough at the breast was the first battle. Then I had to deal with the fact that I was the only one who could feed him. Fortunately I escaped physical problems of bfeeding but emotionally found it very hard.

It all came together for me between 5-6 weeks and now at 9 weeks, I am so so glad that i persevered with the feeding.

It has been limiting to me - I have fed in public, but 99% of my feeds have been at home - which means my social life has been very limited. But looking back, I am equally quite glad that I have taken the first 9 weeks so easy and done nothing but relax at home (have gone out for a walk every day to retain my sanity tho!)

At 9 weeks - I am also finding that my LO is much more efficient at feeding and that getting out with him is far easier. Also my confidence has built up and I am happier to feed in public - a good table combined with a shawl means no one has batted an eyelid whilst I have fed.

To stop waffling - how you feel is justifiable. If you need to switch to FF to retain your sanity - then do. All I am saying is that it does get easier - and even though 9 weeks sounds a long way away, it really isnt.

Good luck whatever you decide.

Not much to add except to say you are right about breaking through that pain barrier. I've bf my 4 and everytime just when I'm about to give up, it comes good. If you want to carry on, its a matter of gritted teeth sometimes.

Good luck with whatever you decide, either way, it definately get easier.