Really struggling breastfeeding :( when did it get better for you?

[jamie980]

Hi all, FTM here to 4 week old baby girl. I’ve found breastfeeding a struggle from the start, due to having flat nipples I couldn’t get her latched until I was referred to a breastfeeding counsellor and given nipple shields to use. She’s now fed 90% at the breast with a bottle or two of expressed milk overnight. She’s suffering badly with gas and reflux and I don’t know if it’s the shields to blame? I say this as it started when we transitioned to more feeds from the breast - she actually seemed better when she was purely on bottles. Despite the shields I’m still finding it pretty painful as she’s drawing my nipple into them and I can’t tell you how demoralising it is to grit my teeth through a full feed only to see what looks like the whole lot get thrown back up minutes later. I hate seeing her in discomfort and feel like it’s my fault for not being able to feed her properly. I’m trying to wean her off the shields but not having much success so far. I’ve seen the BF counsellor twice now and going back this week to check the latch - everyone has said it looks fine so far but I’m not sure. She’s gaining weight nicely and doing plenty of wet and dirty nappies so she’s getting enough I’m sure. But I can’t help but feel like a bit of a failure for not being able to feed her without the shields 😞 it’s making me feel pretty low about my body and my ability to nurture my baby naturally.

I don’t know really why I’m posting this but I guess I just wondered at what point breastfeeding ‘clicked’ for people, especially if you’ve had similar challenges? Or when issues like gas / reflux eventually resolved themselves?

Feeling pretty crappy about it all today and could do with some motivation. I really don’t want to give up.

I had a very windy/possibly refluxy baby and it only really clicked after we got her tongue tie diagnosed and snipped- this was not till 15 weeks as I’d been told by the hospital nurses and BF counsellor that she didn’t have one 🙄

I found that at 6 weeks with all 3 of ours the breasts sort of "settle" ie they're less bulky (maybe because milk production becomes more tuned in or something). Not sure if that might make your life easier...

Agree it was about 6 weeks for me when it suddenly seemed to click . The cluster feeding settled allowing my nipples time to heal and I’d managed work which hold worked best for each side . Everything seemed so much better probably helped by the fact I was also getting a bit more sleep .

Have you had her latch checked? That was what was destroying my nipples. Once we'd sorted that out at a breastfeeding clinic, it was plain sailing. But yes, the first month or so was unbelievably painful

It wasn't long before DS had his tongue tie cut at 10 weeks when things got better. So sometime between the referral at 6 weeks and the procedure at 10 weeks that he stopped breaking suction all the time and the issues that resulted from that resolved.

Thanks for all your replies, hoping if I hang in there I’ll see some improvements over the next few weeks. @Clymene yes the breastfeeding counsellor and a midwife both checked the latch and said it looked good but maybe I’ve got sloppy with positioning since then, so I’m going back to the clinic again to have it checked again this week. Will ask about tongue tie too. Thanks for all your responses, I guess I just wanted to know I wasn’t alone in finding it difficult. Really beating myself up about it today for some reason x

You’re already doing amazing for still bf at this stage as many women have given up. I agree that 4-6 weeks tends to be a more positive stage and in a few months the ease far outweighs the struggles of the early stages. You’re doing fab! 💕
A good fb page for support and advice is breastfeeding yummy mummies.

Oh and my daughter used nipple shields for a good few months and it helped her to establish BF. She fed her son til he was 22 months old.

It was really tough for me at first, at ten weeks it got better but only because I didn’t get help until then, when I saw a breast feeding counsellor. She helped me with a different position (laid back) which suited me and baby more. Well done for getting help early, and trying to stick with it, I felt the same about not wanting to give up as you, and am glad I didn’t. But looking back, it was a tough time and there is no reason to put yourself through it if it is making you miserable. Lansinoh cream was an absolute godsend and helped me heal. Good luck!

Have you tried laid back breastfeeding - also known as biological nurturing? The idea behind it is it allows your baby to use the feeding reflexes that she's born with to get a really good latch. I have seen it transform painful and difficult feeding. If you Google it you'll find some good resources and explanations of why and how it works. But essentially you need to be leaning back in a semi reclined position - propped up on the sofa works well. Put your LO on your bare chest (works well if she's got skin to skin with you) and let her latch herself on. Because she'll lift her head and then plonk it down over your nipple you don't get that painful slurping in situation (which I remember very well ).

I could have written this post myself 6 months ago. I also have flat nipples and initally my baby could only latch when I was using the shields. I mostly fed her with expressed breast milk from a bottle as the shields became so painful. I found the constant pumping and sterilising routine absolutely exhausting.

BUT at around 5/6 weeks everything fell into place. She started latching on without the shield (I actually found that the shape of my nipples changed around this time) and life became a lot easier.

Hang in there OP. It will get better.

Six weeks was the shift for me too, I also used shields for about three weeks as it was agonisingly painful to feed. I paid to see a lactation consultant privately and she was en enormous help.
I fed her until she was two and half, all through my second pregnancy, it really was plain sailing after that.

Thank you everyone I really appreciate the kindness and words of encouragement. I’ve had a couple of tentative goes at laid back feeding but have found she just faceplants my boob and gets wound up. I’ll persevere with it a few more times this week and see if that helps. Glad to know you managed to wean off the shields and things got better @herbivore15 that gives me hope! Were there any techniques that worked well for you? Been told to try the sandwich trick (basically squashing your boob like a burger) but not had any luck yet.

Well done to everyone else who struggled and persisted xx

The rugby ball hold worked best for me on the side I battled most. You are doing amazingly well and it is sometimes tough going and really sore. Sometimes you also need to know you are not alone. I was living overseas in a city where I knew no new mums and was really battling establishing breast feeding. I felt like a failure until I posted on a local mums fb page and their supportive comments made me cry with relief when I realised it wasn't just me.

Following as in pretty much the same situation and just struggling so much. Thanks for all the positive replies though to the OP as gives me some hope things will improve and to persevere. Just so worried all the time if she is getting enough, having to suck too much per swallow, why her poop is green and she has nappy rash we can't shift either 😕

With the laid back positioning try it when she's not that hungry (not easy with a 4 week old I know!!) so you can both get the hang of it. I was told a good time to try is just as they are waking up from a sleep. So if she's napping on you and you're able to get a boob out, try it then. They can do it in their sleep too!!

You're doing brilliantly and it will get easier

That must have been hard going through that so far from home with little support @Hermie12. Can empathise as doing this in lockdown feels a bit like that sometimes. @ hope you’re doing okay - it’s tough going isn’t it? Not sure if it’s relevant to your situation but have read green (and frothy) poos can be a symptom of oversupply sometimes so might be something to ask your health visitor or a breastfeeding counsellor about? Solidarity to you xx

Sorry meant to tag you @MorgenMuffel in that last post

Thank you for the tips @scaredsadandstuck xxx

6 weeks! Hang in there. Easier from 6 weeks onwards, and then easier all the time. 4 months DS2 here, no more gas or burping, bubs latches himself. Just hang in there love.

I'm trying to think if there was anything that sparked the shift, but honestly I think something just eventually clicked for DD and she was able to latch all of a sudden. To help me transition away from using the shields, my midwife said to start every feed without it just to let my baby try and latch straight onto the nipple. It was advice that worked for me as I remember one day she was just able to latch on from the outset and that was that!

I just cradle my baby in front of me when feeding. DD didn't really like being fed in the football hold (but some of my friends' babies will only feed in this position, so definitely worth a try!). I also feed her while I am lying down sideways on the bed (with her lying on the bed beside me). She found this very easy to get used to and it's a great one for when you are knackered from holding the baby all day!

OP, I remember feeling just the way you do now. I remember feeling SO exhausted and hugely anxious that my baby wasn't getting enough milk. I also just felt a bit stupid that I was struggling with something that was meant to be a completely natural process. I had no idea at the time just how common these are.

Good luck! You'll get there.

@MorgenMuffel

Following as in pretty much the same situation and just struggling so much. Thanks for all the positive replies though to the OP as gives me some hope things will improve and to persevere. Just so worried all the time if she is getting enough, having to suck too much per swallow, why her poop is green and she has nappy rash we can't shift either 😕

Can you try reusable nappies as I find nappy rash is almost non existent with them. Sometimes there's free ones via marketplace and local councils too.

Haven't rtft but just wanted to say I used nipple shields and did overnight bottles (with expressed milk) for about 8 weeks - I just couldn't cope with my emotions around feeding her overnight. It clicked in at about 8/9weeks and feeding her is now my favourite part of my day.

Two things that helped: a breastfeeding counsellor told me that if I used nipple shields forever, that would be okay. I was torturing myself about them and that really helped. Second, I kept going one feed at a time. I allowed myself to quit after the next one if I wanted to. Bite sized chunks helped - when I thought about feeding her for weeks or months or years it was far too overwhelming. One feed at a time got us through.

You can do it - but it is also okay to stop if you want to. X

As for feeding. God my nipples were wrecked a few weeks ago and no they are right as rain. Baby is 7 weeks and I think after 5 weeks all was well. We were using shields and it helped a lot.
Also I'd say putting your milk on them between feeds was the best help. Better than any cream. Get that latch checked and checked again. Keep asking for help as it's their job.

You sound fantastic and well done for keeping going.

Like October i kept going one feed at a time. I would mentally say to myself that I would do this one next feed, and not think beyond that. It just did all click into place. She’d had a slight tongue tie that resolved, I stopped using the shields, it was at last easy. I actually breastfed for eight years, one baby after the other, and apart from a couple of blocked ducts and one brief nursing strike it was easy.