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Infant feeding

Get advice and support with infant feeding from other users here.

Original poster

Bad experience with health visitor - formula feeding

51 replies

Newmum1245 · 30/11/2020 15:20

Hi; I wanted to get some opinions on this. I went to see a health visitor today (different to my usual one) who asked if I was formula or breast feeding.

I originally wanted to breast feed but after a very challenging delivery I needed a lot of time to recover so my partner ended up helping a lot and we ended up formula feeding. After I had recovered my son was around two months old and was and still is thriving on formula. I felt bad about not breast feeding for a long time and I’ve only just started to feel okay, until today.

My son is 4 months old and the HV asked me if I had made the choice to formula feed and if so, why. When I explained she was not accepting it was a good enough reason and kept pushing me for more information. I ended up getting a bit upset as she was making me feel terrible. After this she started saying things like ‘I hope you are your partner are formula feeding with no t shirts on or your baby might struggle to bond’ and ‘I hope only you and your partner are feeding the baby and never grandparents as the baby needs to feel the love with you and they won’t feel that if other people are doing it’ (this was reiterated to me 3 times). I wanted people’s opinions on this?! I feel absolutely awful after that!!

OP posts:
Nightmanagerfan · 30/11/2020 15:21

She sounds like a nutcase. Carry on as you were and enjoy your baby xx

dementedpixie · 30/11/2020 15:21

God she sounds awful
Both mine bottle fed after a week or so and i bonded perfectly well with both of them

PanamaPattie · 30/11/2020 15:28

Take no notice. Refuse to see her again and enjoy your baby. In future, remember that you don’t have to explain your choices regarding your baby to anyone. Never apologise and never explain.

bloodywhitecat · 30/11/2020 15:28

She has some very hard core ideas that she should be keeping to herself!

firstimemamma · 30/11/2020 15:32

Some HVs are just crap in my experience op, try to forget about her. I had one who tried to make me feel guilty for breastfeeding my ten month old (yes really) so sometimes you just can't win no matter what u do in their eyes! Enjoy your baby, sounds like you're doing great Thanks

Twizbe · 30/11/2020 15:33

Some HVs are just nuts.

Don't take it personally and don't worry about what you're doing.

If it helps I had one tell me off for weaning DS at 4 months despite this being done under paediatric supervision.

This same one also accused me of lying about DS puking up formula and that he has CMPA

She also refused to believe that DD was just breastfed as she is a chunker

Original poster
Newmum1245 · 30/11/2020 15:34

Thank you so much everyone, I think as a first time mum it just really panicked me I was doing something wrong. it just really took me off guard as normally HV’s are so supportive xx

OP posts:
SatsumaFan · 30/11/2020 15:34

I'm sorry she said those things to you, how awful and untrue Sad Please just forget them and enjoy your baby.

Original poster
Newmum1245 · 30/11/2020 15:36

@Twizbe I have also been advised by the doctors to start weaning around 4 months and she also said that that was completely wrong as his gut won’t develop properly!!

OP posts:
JacobReesMogadishu · 30/11/2020 15:39

I’m pretty sure she’s right about the weaning, it’s not recommended until 6 months.

It sounds like she has a bad bedside manner and I’m sorry she made you feel bad. There is evidence about limiting feeding to you and your partner doing the formula feeds but it sounds like she’s been very cack handed in how she’s told you.

carleyemma91 · 30/11/2020 15:39

Thats absolutely insane @Newmum1245. I had a really rough delivery and wasn't well enough to bottle feed my daughter so my husband, mam, sister and best friend all did it in between looking after me. Nothing the matter with our bond, if anything i'm her favourite haha. The best type of baby is a fed baby, keep plodding on OP you're doing fine.

dementedpixie · 30/11/2020 15:40

[quote Newmum1245]@Twizbe I have also been advised by the doctors to start weaning around 4 months and she also said that that was completely wrong as his gut won’t develop properly!![/quote]
Why have they suggested weaning early?
6 months is the recommended time

Ghouliet · 30/11/2020 15:44

I went to a pre-birth session with a nurse who read the riot act on formula feeding, insisted that everyone is able to breast feed and those that don’t end up with obese children. Some of the mums-to-be were upset with how militant she was.

I chose to formula feed. My DS is now 14 and thin as a rail. Stuff you horrid breast feeding nurse. Flowers for you OP

KnitFastDieWarm · 30/11/2020 15:48

@Newmum1245 she’s a complete nut, ignore her. There’s no other situation in which it would be considered acceptable to harass a woman about what she does with her body, but breastfeeding is somehow seen as the exception. Breastfeeding is brilliant, formula feeding is a great alternative, and you never need to justify your reasons for using either or both to anyone - your baby is happy, safe, fed and loved. You’re doing great Flowers

doadeer · 30/11/2020 15:50

Wow that's awful.

I live in a very Pro breastfeeding area and I can't imagine any professionals saying that!

I'm sorry that happened, it must have been very stressful

tyrannosaurustrip · 30/11/2020 15:53

Is it possible you over-emphasised that you wanted to breastfeed and it didn't work out and she wrongly assumed that maybe you had been pressured by grandparents etc who wanted to 'share' feeding? Its just I've seen a lot of pregnant women saying that on here - 'I want to breastfeed but my MIL says its selfish' - so she may have got the wrong end of the stick? Skin to skin is lovely to bond, having a primary bond with mum and dad is lovely, but she should have been supportive in suggesting that.

She was right about 6 months though unless there are very specific medical reasons for weaning early. I know feeding can be an emotive topic so I do wonder if maybe she picked you up wrong on why you weren't able to breastfeed and was trying to give you an 'out'/ way to feel a closer bond and went about it the wrong way.

Twobrews · 30/11/2020 16:22

My SIL was told the same about skin to skin and not letting anyone else feed a bottle the baby. She was offended too but I don't see it as a criticism just advice. Skin to skin is very calming for babies.

The weaning advice is standard. It's not advised to wean before 6 months, it's rare for a baby that young to have all the signs of readiness to wean.

LuchaGarcia · 30/11/2020 16:33

Some HVs are just idiots. I was told I was starving my child and almost got made to give up breastfeeding. Ignore and do what works for you.

Disfordarkchocolate · 30/11/2020 16:36

Bloody hell. You are far more tolerant than I would have been. What rubbish.

Twizbe · 30/11/2020 16:39

@dementedpixie this was with my first. He had severe weight issues and allergies. Weaning was under the supervision of doctors. Weaning was by far the best thing we did for him

Twizbe · 30/11/2020 16:40

@JacobReesMogadishu

I’m pretty sure she’s right about the weaning, it’s not recommended until 6 months.

It sounds like she has a bad bedside manner and I’m sorry she made you feel bad. There is evidence about limiting feeding to you and your partner doing the formula feeds but it sounds like she’s been very cack handed in how she’s told you.

6 months is a guide and there are situations where early weaning is advised.
Crimblecrumble1990 · 30/11/2020 16:45

This is awful. It took me a long time to come to terms with not being able to breastfeed my baby and a comment like that would have really upset me. No nurse/midwife/HV I have come across have ever said anything remotely like that to me when I told them I was FF so I think you just got a loony one.

It didn't occur to me to bottle feed my baby with my top off, I feel bad for that too now! At least covid took care of other people feeding him Hmm although the break would have been very welcome :)

sqirrelfriends · 30/11/2020 17:11

What a load of rubbish, I know HV have a lot of training but some do come across as absolutely clueless.

When DS had reflux his HV told me to stop drinking fizzy water because the bubbles were upsetting his tummy. I asked her to clarify and she thought it would make my milk fizzy.

tigertreats · 30/11/2020 17:23

@sqirrelfriends

What a load of rubbish, I know HV have a lot of training but some do come across as absolutely clueless.

When DS had reflux his HV told me to stop drinking fizzy water because the bubbles were upsetting his tummy. I asked her to clarify and she thought it would make my milk fizzy.

Omg fizzy milk - what a great example of the nut jobs ! Cheered me right up xx
OakleyStreetisnotinChelsea · 30/11/2020 17:30

There is some truth in what she says but it sounds as though she has not put it across well. Skin to skin contact is important for your baby and does all sorts of wonderful things to your and your baby's brains in terms of bonding and attachment and baby's brain growth. That's not to say you have to do it all the time, but it is a good thing to do, so feeding in skin to skin or taking baths together, cuddling skin to skin is fab. She is also right that it should be the primary care givers who give the vast majority of the feeds and that is also to do with relationship building and baby working out who his caregivers are and what his safe place is. Weaning at around 6 months is also the correct advice unless your child has any health conditions such may affect this in which case you should be getting specialised advice and not from the GP.