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Infant feeding

Get advice and support with infant feeding from other users here.

Original poster

Bad experience with health visitor - formula feeding

51 replies

Newmum1245 · 30/11/2020 15:20

Hi; I wanted to get some opinions on this. I went to see a health visitor today (different to my usual one) who asked if I was formula or breast feeding.

I originally wanted to breast feed but after a very challenging delivery I needed a lot of time to recover so my partner ended up helping a lot and we ended up formula feeding. After I had recovered my son was around two months old and was and still is thriving on formula. I felt bad about not breast feeding for a long time and I’ve only just started to feel okay, until today.

My son is 4 months old and the HV asked me if I had made the choice to formula feed and if so, why. When I explained she was not accepting it was a good enough reason and kept pushing me for more information. I ended up getting a bit upset as she was making me feel terrible. After this she started saying things like ‘I hope you are your partner are formula feeding with no t shirts on or your baby might struggle to bond’ and ‘I hope only you and your partner are feeding the baby and never grandparents as the baby needs to feel the love with you and they won’t feel that if other people are doing it’ (this was reiterated to me 3 times). I wanted people’s opinions on this?! I feel absolutely awful after that!!

OP posts:
june2007 · 30/11/2020 17:37

It sounds like the problem is how she put things. Insisting rather then recommending, akin to skin is good, as the feeding by promary carers. And weening at 6 months.
Sorry she made you feal bad.

peachypetite · 30/11/2020 21:30

How awful. She sounds very insensitive.

MarthasGinYard · 30/11/2020 21:32

‘I hope you are your partner are formula feeding with no t shirts on or your baby might struggle to bond’ '

My goodness she's got some issues hasn't she Grin

JacobReesMogadishu · 30/11/2020 21:34

6 months is a guide and there are situations where early weaning is advised

Yeah as a midwife I’m aware of that but seeing as OP did mention any special situation I was assuming it didn’t apply.

cansu · 30/11/2020 21:35

Many, many children brought up on bottles and shock horror given bottles by nannies, childminders, grand parents and others have grown up having close, loving relationships with their parents. She is an idiot and best ignored.

dotoallasyouwouldbedoneby · 30/11/2020 21:38

[quote Newmum1245]@Twizbe I have also been advised by the doctors to start weaning around 4 months and she also said that that was completely wrong as his gut won’t develop properly!![/quote]
Interesting how professional opinions change. When I had my babies 20 years ago, weaning was at 3-4 months.

Baaaahhhhh · 30/11/2020 21:39

@OakleyStreetisnotinChelsea

There is some truth in what she says but it sounds as though she has not put it across well. Skin to skin contact is important for your baby and does all sorts of wonderful things to your and your baby's brains in terms of bonding and attachment and baby's brain growth. That's not to say you have to do it all the time, but it is a good thing to do, so feeding in skin to skin or taking baths together, cuddling skin to skin is fab. She is also right that it should be the primary care givers who give the vast majority of the feeds and that is also to do with relationship building and baby working out who his caregivers are and what his safe place is. Weaning at around 6 months is also the correct advice unless your child has any health conditions such may affect this in which case you should be getting specialised advice and not from the GP.
I disagree with everything in this post. If all of this was true every one of us over, what 30, would be starved of love, with under developed brains, and terrible gut function. Guess what? We're not. Trends change. They will change again. Advice on weaning is already changing in most other countries due to the epidemic of allergies.

OP you are doing a marvellous job, trust your own instincts, and don't let the HV bully you, because that is what she is doing. You don't have to see a HV unless you want to, it is your choice.

ColdNovemberNights · 30/11/2020 21:40

Shes chatting bull !

You need to complain about her

JiltedJohnsJulie · 30/11/2020 21:43

Really sorry that you've been questioned in this way.

I used to have a bit of a bonkers HV too. I found that a smile and "oh that's interesting, can you tell me what evidence that's based on?" Gets them to back off.

In your case though I think you are perfectly in your rights to refuse to see this particular one again.

Babdoc · 30/11/2020 21:51

OP, you are the expert on your own baby, and that HV sounds obsessive and silly. The vast majority of my generation were bottle fed and still managed to bond with our parents - and I doubt any mother was bottle feeding topless in 1955!
Several PPs on here seem to be quoting outdated advice about weaning at 6 months, too. This is under discussion with a view to changing it to 4 months, as there is some evidence that delaying it is responsible for the massive rise in food allergies (particularly peanut) in modern children.
These things go in fashions - 30 years ago we weaned much earlier (at 2 months, in my case, for both my DDs) and food allergies were almost unheard of. A British immunologist was amazed at a conference abroad to find his overseas colleagues (in a country where early weaning was still the norm) had never seen a case of peanut allergy!
He came back and formulated a theory that babies were getting their first exposure to potential food antigens via their skin instead of via their gut, where they would have been identified as harmless foodstuffs, instead of priming an immune response. It’s particularly marked in babies with eczema, as their broken skin allows easier penetration by antigens.
This may be why GPs are suggesting earlier weaning to mothers, whereas HVs may not be up to speed with the current research.

JiltedJohnsJulie · 30/11/2020 22:06

Several PPs on here seem to be quoting outdated advice about weaning at 6 months, too. This is under discussion with a view to changing it to 4 months,

God I wish I'd got a pound for every time I've read that on MN.

It's been 6 months since about 2002. It's not outdated, it's the current guidelines.

A British immunologist was amazed at a conference abroad to find his overseas colleagues (in a country where early weaning was still the norm) had never seen a case of peanut allergy! one good reason could be that children with severe allergies on countries without good healthcare do not usually survive. Another reason could be that people born a few decades ago with allergies were simply not diagnosed as such, speaking from personal experience.

MrsTumbletap · 30/11/2020 22:20

Ignore her OP, she has her breastfeeding agenda she is pushing and we all know 'fed' is best, whether that's formula, pumped milk, or breast fed. If the baby is happy and gaining weight you are winning. And your mum or friend occasionally doing a feed isn't going to make a difference.

dementedpixie · 30/11/2020 23:37

Several PPs on here seem to be quoting outdated advice about weaning at 6 months, too. This is under discussion with a view to changing it to 4 months, as there is some evidence that delaying it is responsible for the massive rise in food allergies (particularly peanut) in modern children

I've been hearing this change is going to happen for at least the last 10 years and it still hasn't!

Twizbe · 01/12/2020 05:44

@JiltedJohnsJulie the peanut thing is interesting.

DD's allergy doctor told us to give a spoonful of peanut butter every week ASAP with weaning. The evidence is suggesting that early introduction reduces allergies. Some cultures wean with peanut based snacks and have very few peanut allergies

rwalker · 01/12/2020 05:52

PLEASE PLEASE complain report her the damage she could do saying things like that to new parents is completely unaccecpable .

FunkBus · 01/12/2020 06:01

She sounds awful.

The baby couldn't care less who it's being fed by. Where I live, it's normal to have a nanny for the first month - the country is not full of raging psychopaths as a result of this practice.

As for skin to skin - my baby was born in the middle of winter and our house is draughty and cold so we didn't do it. He hasn't shown any signs of murdering us in our beds yet.

These things make so little difference in the scheme of things. Babies need to be fed, changed, kept safe and cuddled. Anything else is a choice.

FunkBus · 01/12/2020 06:03

"There is some truth in what she says but it sounds as though she has not put it across well. Skin to skin contact is important for your baby and does all sorts of wonderful things to your and your baby's brains in terms of bonding and attachment and baby's brain growth."

Skin to skin is a fad like so many other things. Do it, great. Don't do it, also great. The differences it makes are miniscule.

Having a dog is also great, it reduces allergies. So let's all start nagging at parents who don't own a dog.

GalaxyCookieCrumble · 01/12/2020 06:18

@rwalker

PLEASE PLEASE complain report her the damage she could do saying things like that to new parents is completely unaccecpable .
Report her for being factual based on evidence? The way she put things perhaps but what she said is correct.
JacobReesMogadishu · 01/12/2020 06:37

@ColdNovemberNights

Shes chatting bull !

You need to complain about her

No she isn’t
MostDisputesDieAndNoOneShoots · 01/12/2020 07:37

She sounds mad, ignore. I did breastfeed and I do remember that feeling that it was The Most Important Thing in the World with DD1, but honestly, within a couple of years you won’t even consider it anymore. I never gave DD1 any formula because I was so uptight about it all but when DD2 came along she was mix-fed from 12 weeks because it was easier with a toddler around too. DD2 ended up rejecting the breast at around 10 months and drinking formula for a couple of years after and she’s absolutely fine... bright, clever, healthy, funny and ironically my oldest gets persistent colds and ear infections when conventional wisdom is that the two years breastfeeding should have helped that!

Please put what she said out of your mind, complain about her if you want to, you’re well within your rights to do so, and just carry on being a new mum. The fact that you’re so worried about this proves that you’re a lovely mother.

Parker231 · 01/12/2020 20:23

She has been ridiculous.

DT’s were formula fed from day one. I don’t ever remember doing skin to skin (had never heard of it - is it the latest fad?) and everyone gave the bottles. One of my favourite photos is DFil, suffering from jet lag but desperately trying to stay awake to give DS a bottle. Anyone who came to the house was offered a baby and a bottle. It was irrelevant who gave the bottle.

DT’s have grown up healthy with happy parents. Formula is amazing and gives a brilliant start in life.

ColdNovemberNights · 01/12/2020 20:25

@JacobReesMogadishu

Get a grip!!!!!’

MarthasGinYard · 01/12/2020 20:33

Parker123

You mean there were some occasions you fed your DT's actually wearing T-shirts or other garments....ShockShock

MarthasGinYard · 01/12/2020 20:33

Sorry 231Grin

Harrysmummy246 · 03/12/2020 12:09

I've bottle fed my friends' DTs. They don't think I'm their mummy or not bonded with their parents.

They did let me in the door with about screaming at me as a stranger when I visited between lockdowns though. Not quite the same

I agree that the things said and manner are inappropriate and you should maybe report how you have been made to feel