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Infant feeding

Get advice and support with infant feeding from other users here.

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Original poster

breastfeeding and DS not sleeping through. is that common?

50 replies

bealcain · 19/10/2007 16:30

DS2 is now 8months and has never slept through the night. Why is that the only question people ask you about your baby...? is he good? does he sleep through? but they ask you it from like 2weeks old...grrrrr.

When you say no, they blame it one breastfeeding, it does my head in. So....i've tried to help him sleep. He hasn't had boob for the last 2 nights, and granted he slept for an hour longer during the night, but that was only 4hours. How do i go about getting him all the way through. My DF is by no means capable of helping, in fact he'd rather have any thing to do with him at all if he can help it. We tried getting DF to get up with him to comfort him, but DF not very patient....bloody men.

Any tips/suggestions? could do with some sleep!

OP posts:

Piffle · 19/10/2007 16:34

sleeping through at 8 mths
ha ha ha
I feel damned lucky with ds2 at 7 mths that he only wakes once between 11-7
if does sleep longer (ie miss the 3/4am feed)he wakes for the day at 5.45am

I know very few people who have babies sleeping through properly much before a year tbh

Seona1973 · 19/10/2007 19:17

my ds was bottlefed and only just managed to start sleeping through without a feed at 8 months. dd (now 4)was a bit better by managing it at 5 1/2 months but I was stricter with her and did it more 'by the book'. With ds I did anything to make it easier in the middle of the night i.e. let him feed rather than making him cry.

MurderousMaveta · 19/10/2007 19:23

had to laugh at your two questions everybody always asks.. even here in spain it´s exactly those 2 questions, in that order

My ds is almost 6 months and used to wake only once a night until about 2 months ago and now he wakes twice. Goes down at 7pm, feed at 11pm, feed at 2am, feed at 4am, feed at 6/7am and any variation on that theme that you can think of. I only say twice because psychologically I can´t accept it´s more or I´d break sometimes it´s 1am, 3am, 5am. those are baaaad nights..

CorrieDale · 19/10/2007 19:23

I night-weaned DS at 9/10 months. He didn't sleep through until he was 11 months, and then he woke for the day at 5.30am. At 13 months, he stopped sleeping through, only to re-start at 15 months. He is now a good sleeper and is still bf.

I know mothers who stopped bfing to try and get their DCs to sleep through. With some, the babies slept, with some, they didn't. I'm afraid it's just the luck (or not!) of the draw.

Be aware though that 9 months is a classic crappy sleep time. Sorry!

jumpyjan · 19/10/2007 19:31

My DD woke for a feed every 3 hours (sometimes 2) until around 6 months when we took action! We did the following 3 things all together so not sure which one worked (suspect no 1) or whether it was a combination:

moved her into her own room
started her on solids making sure she had a decent size amount of food for tea
let her have a very long bf before being put to bed

What I realised after putting her in her own room is that they have little cycles of sleep and they come around every 3-4 hours or so and might make whimpering noises for a few minutes before drifting off again. When DD was in our room I was picking her up when she was making these noises straight away and feeding her. So maybe leaving him for a few minutes when he wakes might mean that he goes back to sleep again.

prettybird · 19/10/2007 19:43

It's nothing to do with being bf - my fully bf ds was sleeping thru' from 2 weeks (actually too early, so I had to wake him to feed him for a while ).

It depens on the baby, noy how they are fed.

All babies are different!

ProfYaffle · 19/10/2007 19:43

dd1 was/is a great sleeper but still didn't sleep through til 9 months. dd2 is almost 8mo and still waking 3 times per night (dd1 was waking once at this stage) I'm not sure what to do tbh, just going with the flow atm.

morningglory · 19/10/2007 20:08

It might just be baby-linked. DS was breast-fed and was doing 7-7 by 3 months, but he was a great sleeper in general. I've known FF babies who continued waking throughout the night until almost a year.

Amberjee · 19/10/2007 20:10

You are not alone!!
I'm sorry you don't get help from DF, that is a shame, it's tough having to do it all on your own.
You can join us for whinging and sympathy at
Sleep is For the Weak thread

and our blog
Sleep Is For the Weak Blog

We have a lot of long term sleepless babies between us.

Original poster

bealcain · 20/10/2007 10:00

thanks everyone, it's nice to know that i;m alone. last night was alittle bit better. i put ds down at 4:30 fora nap, and then had to wake him at 7, fed him then took him out shopping with me til 8, put him down and he didn't wake till 3:30, which was fab and then 5:30, so maybe the later nap and bedtime. all is good for tonight, we're having our first baby free date! my mu is having both DS while we watch the rugby and keeping overnight i dont know what to do with my self....lol

it might being somewhere totally different......we'll see!

OP posts:

yellowfrin · 20/10/2007 21:58

my DD is 5 1/2 (bf) and I got a rather ranty e mail from my MIL today saying that I would need to start her on cereal as I needed my sleep. whats that all about??

Original poster

bealcain · 22/10/2007 10:39

they say that when you start solids they will sleep through as their stomachs are full....load of ol' shite if you ask me!

OP posts:

spookykitty · 22/10/2007 10:52

hi just wanted to give you my experiences, I have 2 DDs both BF, first one slept through 11-8am at 6 weeks then 8-8 at 12 weeks. DD2 was a different story much bigger from birth and a much hungrier girl, at about 8 months she would wake at least 2-3 times in the night and only a feed would do. Solids didn't make one bit of difference. She either slept in beside me or in a bedside cot right next to me.

I tried PU/PD from the Baby Whisperer and the gentle unlatching technique didn't really work for us. When she turned a year I decided enough was enough as she was sometimes up 5 times in the night. What we did was put the bar up on the cot but have it right next to us still, when she awoke the first night, DP picked her up comforted her etc never left her alone to cry. She had about 50 minutes that first night of crying and whinging. Second night again Daddy picked her up and comforted her but no Mummy and no boob, took her 10 minutes to fall back asleep that night and that was it. Slept through. I'm not a fan of controlled crying and I think babies under a year sometimes need the milk in the night.

Just wanted you to know that there is an end to it (I know it's bloody hard when you haven't had a full nights sleep for months).

I think your DF has to take some responsibility TBH he's his baby too and it's hard if your always the one getting up to him.

good luck x

jorange5 · 22/10/2007 13:50

Yep, same advice from me belcain. At about 9.5 months we decided enough was enough and i slept in the spare room with wax earplugs in (they really do work ). DP did all the hard work, the first night he had to sleep with DD on her floor because she wouldn't settle, the next night he had to go to her for a few minutes and from then she slept through (OK, she mostly sleeps through ).

Unless you have the nerve to do CC you have to get daddy involved.

Amberjee · 22/10/2007 14:13

jorange, we just tried for 3 nights to have dh settle ds when he woke. last night he screamed for 2 hours even though dh was holding him, rocking him etc. and i had to give up! we just had to get some sleep. so onthe third night we caved in, i don't know if that was a good or bad idea.

MegBusset · 22/10/2007 14:18

Yeah, like Amber, my LO won't settle for DH at all and I end up having to go in when DH runs out of patience (a LOT sooner than I would!).

knifewieldingtoddler · 22/10/2007 14:28

just in case this hasn't been said yet, there is nothing wrong with what your baby is doing. he is perfectly normal. your problem is the cultural expectation that a baby will sleep for longer and (i mean this nicely,) your deep wish for you and your baby to conform to those expectations.

I have the t-shirt. I am a firm believer in cosleeping as both dd and i would have been driven insane if we didn't co-sleep.

Humans evolved as mammals who carry their baby everywhere in order to keep them safe. So, our bm and all the other primates, is low in fats and proteins and high in simple sugars. So our babies need to feed little and often. Cache species like dogs and lions have milk which is comparatively high in fats and proteins so they are able to 'stash' their babies for safety and feed at longer intervals. Human babies also are born with the least evolved brain of any primate or mammal so they depend on the parents for safety for the longest. YOur baby is waking frequently to make sure that you are still there. The hominid babies who did not protest when they found themselves alone were the babies that didn't grow up to pass on their genes.

hence why many bf babies do not or cannot go thru the night for a very long time.

right. got the geek hat already. I'm gettin' me coat.

skatey · 22/10/2007 14:34

All three of mine were breastfed. All three went through the night (7 till 7) between 10 and 14 weeks.

They are all different characters so I'm sorry to say this but I think it is parenting style that helps them go through. Nothing against people that are happy to wake up and feed - I know it suits a lot of people but it didn't suit me.

In terms of tips, we went for the approach that once they had done a stretch (say 4 hours) we didn't feed them in that period unless they were genuinely hungary. We'd leave them for a few mins to see if they would settle, then go and pat them and give them a dummy if necessary. Then gradually stretch that period. From memory, one of mine just dropped the middle of the night feed (ow - sore boobies!) and the others just went a bit longer every time.

Amberjee · 22/10/2007 14:39

i'm totally with you knifewielding, but sometimes a mum just needs some sleep. sleep deprivation is not kind at all.

Amberjee · 22/10/2007 14:41

sorry skatey, i don't think parenting style has that much to do with it (barring leaving them to cry perhaps). i'm glad you've had such success with yours, but where does that leave us with non-sleeping babies, who would actually like some sleep, who have tried exactly what you've said plus other things? i'm not willing to accept that my parenting style is to blame

Amberjee · 22/10/2007 14:42

ps. skatey, maybe you and dh have good sleep genes!

knifewieldingtoddler · 22/10/2007 14:43

"i'm totally with you knifewielding, but sometimes a mum just needs some sleep. sleep deprivation is not kind at all."

totally agree, i don't think i was ever insinuating that it wasn't. so i can't see the relevance why you have brought this up.

PinkGlitterFairy · 22/10/2007 14:49

My 2 DSs were Bf until 19 months. They didn't relly sleep through the night until about 1 yr. KnifeWeildingToddler is spot on. All babies are different and waking and the need for contact is natural. Alot depends on your "parenting techniques". Many babies who sleep through at a young age have been denied contact or had contact kept to a minimum to teach them not to expect it. Some mothers are happy to do this others are not.It appears that doing it the natural way and allowing contact can mean it takes longer before your baby sleeps through.

Amberjee · 22/10/2007 14:51

sorry, just meant that i can totally sympathise with belcain and understand she is looking for ways to improve the nights, even though i agree what you say is right about baby survival instinct etc, and that our expectations of babies are sometimes too high.
i guess in an ideal world we'd all have more family and friends around that could help us so we'd feel a bit more sane sometimes!

knifewieldingtoddler · 22/10/2007 14:54

i totally sympathise too hence passing on information based on the findings of relevant sleep research in infants which she can use to eventually make a decision which is best for her and her baby instead of for 'society'.

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