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Infant feeding

Get advice and support with infant feeding from other users here.

breastfeeding and DS not sleeping through. is that common?

50 replies

bealcain · 19/10/2007 16:30

DS2 is now 8months and has never slept through the night. Why is that the only question people ask you about your baby...? is he good? does he sleep through? but they ask you it from like 2weeks old...grrrrr.

When you say no, they blame it one breastfeeding, it does my head in. So....i've tried to help him sleep. He hasn't had boob for the last 2 nights, and granted he slept for an hour longer during the night, but that was only 4hours. How do i go about getting him all the way through. My DF is by no means capable of helping, in fact he'd rather have any thing to do with him at all if he can help it. We tried getting DF to get up with him to comfort him, but DF not very patient....bloody men.

Any tips/suggestions? could do with some sleep!

OP posts:
Amberjee · 22/10/2007 14:57

yep

littlefrog · 22/10/2007 15:09

Lots of sympathy too. I have a 6 1/2 month DS who has generally been a pretty good sleeper, but things got a lot worse with holidays, starting solids etc.
DH is working really hard, is a rubbish sleeper at the best of times, and so we decided we did have to 'do' something.
Can't cope with controlled crying, so we did something similar to spookykitty, but with me doing the settling: when he woke at around 11 I'd take him into bed with me, have radio 3 on (DS fascinated by classical music) and I'd lie with him, cuddling and patting until he went to sleep. That was only a week ago, and he's now waking for a 2 minute squeak at 12 and perhaps at 3, but not properly until 5 or 5.30 - SO much easier!
And he's not terribly hungry at that feed, either - one breast is plenty, he generally falls asleep when it's still feeling quite full.
Just our experience...

Amberjee · 22/10/2007 15:29

little frog that sounds good, esp the radio 3 bit!

KSed · 23/10/2007 17:03

I have one of those too! My 8 month old still wakes 2 to 3 hourly all night and has 20 mins nap in the day. I'm back at work too and totally shattered.

My HV suggested 'Medised' (a baby cold remedy) which helped a bit in the evening but nothing to speak of and I felt like i was giving him knockout drops (though I have to say I'd have got over that if they made him sleep through the night!!).

I've been advised by family/friends to stop BF and give formula as I've now "done my bit"! Maybe I'll just give formula at bedtime?? Has this worked for anyone or does anyone know what the official advice is on whether BF babies sleep less?

Amberjee · 23/10/2007 17:08

seems to be more a personality thing than a BF/formula thing, there are still plenty of formula fed babies that don't sleep well either!

GColdtimer · 23/10/2007 17:20

Haven't read the whole thread but just wanted to say, don't feel bullied into trying formula to help your baby sleep through the night. It never made any difference to my dd. I agree with amberjee.

GColdtimer · 23/10/2007 17:24

skatey, just seen this comment:

"so I'm sorry to say this but I think it is parenting style that helps them go through"

Said to a sleep deprived slightly psychotic mother of an 18 month old you are treading very dangerously

Seriously, I do think it has a lot to do with the babies. I know people who have parented in exactly the same way and had both night time demons and angels.

KSed · 23/10/2007 17:26

What do you mean by 'personality thing?'?

KSed · 23/10/2007 17:27

Twofalls - I agree! I have 2 other children who both slept 7 till 7 from 6 to 12 weeks. I thought I had this parenting thing sorted till Joe came along!

Amberjee · 23/10/2007 17:57

i just mean that the baby's personality dictates if they are a good sleeper or poor sleeper, and not a lot to do with how they are fed or parenting style etc. at the end of the day a baby needs what a baby needs and there's not a lot you can do about it (unfortunately)

Bumperlicious · 23/10/2007 18:38

Oh I am getting the insistence from my mum that I give baby rice and she promises DD (BF) will sleep through the night! Or formula will make her sleep though as "all her babies did"

GColdtimer · 23/10/2007 18:56

Oh I remember that, I was told a bottle of formula would make her go through, then baby rice, then a bowl of weetabix before bed, then crawling, then walking, then when all her teeth had come through., etc. etc. Needless to say I am still waiting.....

gegs73 · 23/10/2007 18:59

I don't think FF makes any difference generally. My friend's baby was fully BF and slept through from about 7/8 weeks. Mine was FF from 5 weeks and he didn't sleep through (10.30 - 7) until he was about 14 weeks.

What made a difference for us was leaving him to shout for 10 mins before going in to feed him and him sleeping in his own room. He would generally go back to sleep in this time, if not we would go and feed him. However he never screamed/cried only shouted so I guess this is different from babies really crying in the night which you would obv need to deal with. We structured his feeds in the day too which could have helped. Again as we were FF we could do this, but I know this is harder if you are breastfeeding so would not be suitable for all babies.

sherazade · 23/10/2007 19:21

I for one think that all these mummies with breastfed babies who sleep throught the night are lying

bealcain · 24/10/2007 07:52

lol shera!!

i taken from this that all babies, regardless of their tipple!! are different, and that different temprements are often the cause for this vast contrast. but, most babies do not sleep through and the 'knowledge' of Health visitors in this instance is somewhat marred by people bending the truth with their HV.

So i dont have an abnormal child, just one that misses his mummy, when it's dark and cold!!

thank you all for your help

OP posts:
blueshoes · 24/10/2007 09:18

Bealcain, so right about the personality bit and a lot of sleep patterns are actually due to nature. I assume you did not have the same problem with ds1.

But one thing you can take comfort in is that your ds2's sleep WILL get better. To add to knifewieldingtoddler's post (to which I agree BTW), a newborn baby sleeps lightly for survival. But as it matures, it will have longer and longer periods of deep sleep and shorter periods of light sleep (from which it is easily aroused by hunger, cold, noise etc) and also take faster to fall from light to deep sleep.

I have 2 of the worst sleepers in the entire world - I mean it, dd and ds can wake 3 times an hour. Or it can take us hours to get them back to sleep only, crying and all, only for them to wake up 30 minutes later (repeat)! Both bf and co-sleeping babies.

And they weren't even hungry - if I put them on the boob, they would just comfort nibble all night long and not draw milk - it would do my head in.

With dd, I weaned her cold turkey during a nursing strike at 17 months. She started sleeping through soon after. You could have blown me over - I never expected that. I can't say with ds because he is only 1 year old but will wean him around the same time.

Apart from their sleep patterns maturing, once a baby gets past, say, one year, they are not frightened creatures in the night anymore. And when they cry, it could be because they are upset they cannot get their way (like being allowed to nurse). I know that I cannot wean ds without him crying. I can be there cuddling him and all, but he will still cry because he is not given what he wants. Once they are toddlers, I don't think of it as controlled crying but more like setting limits.

Dd sleeps through like a dream now, through all her brother's histrionics at night.

Amberjee · 24/10/2007 09:40

blueshoes, that is nice to hear. i do think at some point you can set limits, once they can actually understand those limits i suppose. i've still got a while to go though ...

knifewieldingtoddler · 24/10/2007 10:06

i was just wondering if you were coming back, belcain.

when you have the time, have a look at this video. It is an hr long but well worth looking at oh, at least twice.

?Caring for Babies, Caring for Parents: What Human Infants Really Need and Why,?

blueshoes · 24/10/2007 10:36

amberjee, as your baby gets older, you will start to guess ... For my dcs, they cry because they are not allowed to nurse (I refuse to be a human dummy all night long). And nothing dh nor I can do (Calpol, cuddling, rocking, sometimes even wheeling to sleep in the buggy) will comfort them. Due to their strong personalities, they are having a mini-tantrum almost.

I think my ds 1 year old, is sort of at this stage. But because I cannot be sure, I want him to be slightly older (18 months) and sleep pattern more established and the worst of the teething over, before 'setting limits'. Also, don't want to wean him before MMR and vaccinations and because he has just started nursery and is getting the round of colds and illnesses.

18 months is arbitrary, if I can get there before going insane.

Amberjee · 24/10/2007 13:31

i feel like mine is already a bit tantrum-ish sometimes and he's only 10 months. i hate to think when he can do it for real!

blueshoes · 24/10/2007 13:37

amberjee, my babies had tantrums from birth. The 'terrible twos' were a walk in the park in comparison

bealcain · 27/10/2007 09:13

Sorry for not comnig back sooner...i've had 2 awful with LO...he;s got separation axiety, at least i think that's what it is, making lie really hard whatever. i;ve been so busy helping new mothers to breastfeed that i haven't had much time to sit down and read everything. i'm sorry but thank you all for your words.

Blueshoes - would you consider a dummy? we've used one with LO since he was a day old, i needed to be able to pacify without boob so i could grab a little longer to spend with DS1 works a treat! doesn't hlp at all at night now though

and no i didn;t have these problems with DS1, but i started bottle feeding when he was three months, got him into aorutine adn he slept like a dream and still does, apart from early mornigs

OP posts:
LiegeAndLief · 27/10/2007 13:22

my bf ds started sleeping through soon after he went into his own room. Still woke up bright and cheerful at 5 am though - which is more than can be said for his parents...

chocolateshoes · 27/10/2007 14:04

DS started sleeping from his 10pm feed through to 7am at 4mths and he was bf. It just depends on the baby I think (sorry - no help!)Have you tried giving him a quick cuddle and then putting him down again. It may be that he is waking as his sleep cycle changes and he comes into a light sleep rather than being hungry.

claireybee · 28/10/2007 14:30

It has sod all to do with breastfeeding. I started giving my dd a ff before bed at only a couple of months old in response to such comments, before long she self weaned off the breast and was fully ff at 5.5 months.

Did she start sleeping through? No. Did she cut down on the night feeds? No. All that happened was that instead of me being able to pop her on a boob half asleep 3 times a night, I was having to make a bottle 3 times a night, and having to wake fully in the process.

Even now at 17 months she has only slept through a handful of times (although she no longer has a night feed)-some babies just don't I'm afraid.

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