To hate breastfeeding....

[Wingingit07]

Hey,

I'm mentally finding breastfeeding really difficult and have done bottles a couple of times and find my bonding with baby is alot better.

I am 3 weeks PP and my breasts are always engorged and leaking. I've looked online and they all say to feed more and express some off. Surely this will make my supply worse and produce more milk? This is from la leche and my health visitor. When I mentioned it to my HV her response was it will create more but will give you that instant relief. Anyone else have any suggestions?

Getting so fed up with BF did anyone else switch to formula? I feel so selfish but it's effecting bonding time with baby as I feel like a milk machine rather than a mum 😭

I hated BFing too; like properly hated it.

I wouldn’t feed more or pump more as you’ll get the instant relief but it will increase your supply long term so it’s counter productive.

You want to avoid mastitis though so if baby isn’t hungry and you’re feeling very engorged I would hand express off some of the milk.

As baby gets older they get more efficient and go longer between feeds so it becomes less of a hassle

But do whatever you feel is best for you and that will be what’s best for baby.

I switched after a few days because I hated it. I discussed with my midwife who agreed it was best - baby had the first few days of colostrum and then I needed to do whatever was best for my mental health (which was FF). I struggled with it at the time but I have no regrets 15 months on. DS has always been described as thriving!

Do what makes you comfortable/happy. Breastfeeding isn't for everyone, you've given it a shot for your baby - now it's time to focus on yourself if you feel you're struggling. Congratulations btw 🙂

If you're easing off on feeding then I'd suggest gradually phasing it out, don't express a full feed but do hand express a little every now and then. Just enough to ease the pressure.

Cold cabbage leaves in your bra might help you feel more comfortable, weird I know but it does work!

I hate it and my boy is 15 months and still BF
I persevered because I knew it was the best thing for him. But yeh ..it's annoying.

I had a huge supply and I think there was. Technique to reduce it but can't remember the name.
Basically do two feeds from one boob then the next two are from the other side.
I only had to do this for a day or so and my body adapted the supply.

Well apparently breastfeeding is best and breastmilk contains amazing things - I bf all my dc.
They all have allergies and one has some serious conditions (that bf is meant to help prevent ??!)
With my last baby I combi fed as I was thinking I was previously exhausting myself fully bf and seeing none of the supposed benefits and it was a revelation I felt free it was amazing to have just that bit of freedom
If you hate something OP then stop and feel better. You deserve that and your baby is just as loved and will be just as nourished
Guess which of mine is healthiest ! Combi fed baby

@Horehound

Blocking feeding

I loathed every second of it and gave up after 6 weeks. I felt much much better when I got my breasts back but then I have problems in that department due to past history of abuse. Breast feeding caused flashbacks.
Also the wetness, couldn't cope with always dribbling.

So just stop and bottle feed.
There is so much pressure to BF, but the most important thing is to enjoy your baby and bond.
He/she will be eating nuggets and chips in Maccies in a few years any way !

The leaking does stop, I think mine stopped at about 4-6 weeks I can’t remember precisely. I found it hard, I think anyone who does it would agree so well done for pursuing this far.

But at the minute I'm grateful I continued, it’s easier to get baby to sleep and settle than when DP gives a bottle of expressed. I can whip a boob out whenever and don’t have to worry about food for them because it’s always available. He’s 23 weeks now and starting solids.

I would speak to a peer supporter on Facebook group or LLL. Expressing more will tell your body to make more when your body is figuring out exactly what your baby needs right now. If you stop the engorgement will probably be agony for a short while (I didn’t feed one night all night and oh my god it was hell the next morning I thought I had concrete tits).

What ever you do just get sound advice from someone who knows breastfeeding, preferable an IBCLC so they can go through everything with you and then you can make an informed choice about what’s best for you both moving forward.

My HV kept telling me to offer bottle top ups because I looked tired just when DC was cluster feeding to increase my supply, if I’d have listened it could have damaged the journey I wanted. I’m not saying you shouldn’t top up but highlighting they’re not always right in what they say.

Presumably you are in the West and gave an instant supply of clean, fresh water and the ability to properly clean and sterilize bottles, etc.

You must do what's right for you because you and your baby are a unit and as one and if you are comfortable, well and happy and your baby is fed optimally be it by breast or bottle that is best for both of you.

I really struggled and had some complex feelings over by relating to my own relationship with my mother. I needed permission to stop and someone to say hey stop making yourself ill over this - formula won't hurt your baby. But every HCP said the reverse.

I think things are easing sad there is more recognition that bf can be brutal for some women.

Enjoy your baby. No baby remembers being breastfed. They remember their favourite dinners, first day at school, collecting conkers in the rain, finding shinyy shells on the beach and that is the fabulous part of their childhood and memories mothers are a fundamental part of.

Good luck.

No baby remembers being breastfed
Some do if they were breastfed into toddlerhood. Also many babies grow up with the benefits of BF having a role in their health- lowering their risks of some cancers and obesity (which is such a huge- excuse the pun-issue in society) and not developing conditions they may have otherwise due to the protective factors.
Yes it is important for mums to have support and to ultimately “be happy”... but being a mother is hard work too and sometimes making decisions in the best interests of baby is the harder choice but the right one.
However mixed feeding is often overlooked and can give many of the benefits of BF alongside some of the breaks of FF. so that might work for you @Wingingit07
Bare in mind that the early days of motherhood don’t last and the quickness and ease of BF is a huge benefit later in the journey as you don’t need to have all the stuff with you etc. And saves money!!

It’s ok to hate it and it’s ok to stop! As long as your baby is fed, one way or another, you’re doing right by them.

You are really in the hardest patch in terms of supply and demand mismatch, and it should improve in a few weeks, but that doesn’t mean you have to push on through. It’s your body and it isn’t selfish to decide what you want to do with it!

In case you do want to keep trying, I had way too much milk, was engorged and leaked all over the shop, and what worked for me was block feeding - you keep putting the baby back to the same boob for up to three hours, then switch, so the unused boob gets the message it is making too much. It isn’t usually recommended this early on, but if the other option is stopping then it might be worth a try. Don’t go to three hours all at once, and watch out for any early warning signs of blocked ducts or mastitis- massaging sore ducts in the shower and just letting a bit of the pressure out worked for me.

Good luck whatever you choose!

I hated it at first. I set myself a target of 12 weeks. But once I got there I was enjoying it.

However if I did it again I would have combined with bottle. The pressure was all on me and I breastfed for years!

My HV was useless at advice. La leche was probably best resource for me.

What are you finding hard? The first few weeks are relentless and can be pretty miserable but if you can push through it's so worth it.

Give it a few weeks. I remember feeling like you and my and husband discussed it and I said I’d give it til six weeks and if I still felt the same/was in pain I’d stop. By six weeks it was a million times better and by eight weeks a million times more. Be kind to yourself, wear a sports bra, get wheat bags to warm in the microwave and put on your boobs and take ibuprofen for the pain if you need to. Express to help the engorgement, it won’t change your supply in the short term. It’s hard but it gets better.

I had huge issues with Ds1, a fast let down where Ds was having to literally gulp the foremilk, I leaked so much breast pads were just soaked and I ended up wearing breast collection shell things. Ds regained his birth weight in a few days!

I started to pump off some of the foremilk and I could get so much milk it was ridiculous. In the end I had had enough and switched to formula plus breastmilk for a short while to reduce the milk down. He is now 17 years old, healthy, intelligent, all fine.

Ds2 was worse, reflux, constantly put his tongue to the roof of his mouth which meant getting him latched was very hard. I had a BF HV try to latch him for over 40 minutes. It was not for lack of trying. We resorted to spoon feeding him expressed milk. It was totally shit. Again, I switched to mixed feeds but expressed for much longer.

He is now 14. I watched my SIL go through hell for 5 months, cracked and scabbed nipples etc For some people it is very easy for others very hard.

This is a huge deal now because you are in the middle of it and it really won't matter in a few months time. Everyone can share the feeding if you switch to bottles, you may wish to express for a while to reduce your milk down. You do what is right for you, if that is feeding using a bottle then do that. Please don't feel bad about this.

The health benefits is an interesting one: feeding my first was awful. Nobody explained that he was all encompassing and one fed for most of the baby's waking hours. In those first 8 weeks I dealt with 2 hours of mastitis and a breast abscess and now believe the indescribable pain I suffered was due to thrush of the inner breast tissues. I was made to feel an absolute failure by midwives and HVs and never had permission to stop which is what I needed. There was a refusal to advise about how to switch. At 8 weeks I failed and bottles were so much easier and just as available as the breast and so much easier. It was a turning point physically but not emotionally.

I then beat myself up further when that baby developed bronchiolitis, then asthma, eczema and incessant ear infections. His sister who I fed until 8 months however also developed had bronchiolitis, developed asthma, eczema and incessant ear infections.

I know so many people who breast fed marvellously but then filled their children with continuous amounts of processed beige food.

Both my children grew into physically fit adulthood and both are at Cambridge and both are health conscious and mindful of what goes into their bodies. Health and future health are much more holistic than breastfeeding represents.

2 bouts of mastitis. 2 hours would have been a dream.

It’s totally fine not to enjoy it, your early days though so it has the potential to improve and for you to enjoy it, it’s so hard when things aren’t going well for you to feel it’s more of an effort than a bonding experience totally, I felt like a bloody dairy cow sometimes and tied to my baby somewhat. But as they got older and things improved I really enjoyed it fed one son till a year and the youngest 15 months.

However I have 4 sons. All 4 have tongue ties. So that made things more difficult hv disputed it, but they clearly did so never cut.
So my eldest was bottle fed I was young I gave things a go, was quite unwell following delivery and just really struggled, my mum moved abroad so I was on my own too, it just became a chore, 3rd son was in nicu and the nurses seemed annoyed I was bf and one even gave him a bottle without consulting me, so ended up bottle fed due to lack of support really but they are all big now and how I fed them doesn’t make a difference to anything now. Do what’s right for you, what you feel comfortable and happy with, I always think a fed baby is all we are aiming for and if you’re happier not breast feeding then that’s fine

Anecdotal evidence is not evidence though @RosesAndHellebores as I’m sure your oxbridge educated kids can tell you. There is nothing that can truly replicate human milk made for human babies and the protective immune benefits it gives them. Yes it’s great that there are alternatives but in a similar way that I thing that IVF is fantastic for those who can’t conceive- I don’t think it should be suggested to those who just don’t fancy sex or find it messy or time consuming. We are mammals.

You’re at the worst bit, 6 weeks on it is easier so I’d persevere to 6 weeks and see how you feel then.
Nothing wrong with stopping but you may regret it, it’s so much easier in the long run.

Expressing a bit off for comfort won't increase your supply so don't worry about doing that. Do whatever you need to to get comfortable. It would be worth seeking some support to see if you can resolve the issues and make it happier experience before you give up but if you want to stop then there's no shame in doing so but if you do have loads of milk then it's better to stop with support too so you can avoid mastitis. Good luck with whatever you decide.

No there isn't @Isadora2007 but let's not persuade ourselves that generations ago bf was a honeyed experience for all discounted by 20th Century women. Rafts of our forebears died from puerperal fever more often brought about by breast infection than birth itself. Without the mother, only the babies of those who could afford a wet nurse survived. Undoubtedly those who did survive with their mothers alive must have been fit and well formed: probably no tongue ties or prediction to disease. But if you want to make purist analogies I think you take the argument down a Darwinist rabbit hole which is wholly inappropriate.

I really feel for you OP I hated it too at 3 weeks and I tortured myself through leaky boobs and torn and bloody nipples for far too long.

If it’s something you REALLY want to do it definitely does get better eventually - I did continue and it did get better and I’m still breastfeeding at 23 months however I wanted to stop from week 1 right up until around 9/10 weeks and although I am grateful I didn’t I’d say it did affect my enjoyment of the first few months of my sons life.

My boobs were sore and leaky and I couldn’t hold him close for ages and I was absolutely miserable. So. I’m not sure what this is. I guess knowing what I do now... if you want to breastfeed past a year - stock at it.... if you’ve got clear goals and don’t want to do it longer than 6 months/year in your position I’d make the switch now? That’s not really what you asked but it’s just my experience of it.

It gets better over time but I felt like everyone else hit the “it got better” milestone much sooner than I did.

If you want to continue I found what helped me was making regular healthcare appointments so I always had a goal to work towards?

Realistically what happened to me is I got to that 6 week mark and felt like I’d gotten that far why not just try and make it to the next milestone? But it was hard OP so if you’re not enjoying it and truly truly hating it don’t put yourself through it as your baby will be spectacularly loved and well cared for regardless.

Yep. I hated it too. I was/still am so much happier than my breastfeeding friends