To hate breastfeeding....

[Wingingit07]

Hey,

I'm mentally finding breastfeeding really difficult and have done bottles a couple of times and find my bonding with baby is alot better.

I am 3 weeks PP and my breasts are always engorged and leaking. I've looked online and they all say to feed more and express some off. Surely this will make my supply worse and produce more milk? This is from la leche and my health visitor. When I mentioned it to my HV her response was it will create more but will give you that instant relief. Anyone else have any suggestions?

Getting so fed up with BF did anyone else switch to formula? I feel so selfish but it's effecting bonding time with baby as I feel like a milk machine rather than a mum 😭

Drop the bottle feeds and feed the milk you have,. SAy "this too will pass." give your self a goal. I will make it to the ned of the wk. I will make it to 1 month, 6 wks. then reassess. BF in early wks is hard. But then so is bottle feeding. At night bf is sooo much easier. When feeding try breast compression.TRy to get support contact your hv, but also look online at associtaion of breast feeding mothers or leleche league. I know round my way peer supporters are supporting via zoom.

The vast vast majority of women formula feed in this country. Our breastfeeding rates are shit on a global level. Stopping breastfeeding for formula feeding is absolutely nothing special or different. I don’t know why women who formula feed feel guilty there’s hardly anyone out there who doesn’t do it. Perhaps it’s because the products and the processes get mixed up and they are separate things. It’s so tedious.

Your body your choice at the end of the day.

Please stop if it’s making you unhappy. The benefits to the baby vs formula (assuming available and safe) that have been proved in randomised controlled trials are much smaller than many people will tell you - look at Emily Oster’s amazing book Cribsheet for the evidence here. I had terrible baby blues and hated breastfeeding even though my baby was quite happy and putting on weight. I was crying all the time and just felt awful. I switched to formula and immediately felt better and started to enjoy my baby and I’ve never looked back. There is this horrible pervasive myth that to be a good mother you have to suffer - it’s not true!! Happy mum, happy baby. Give her the gift of a calm caregiver.
(Disclaimer: some people love breastfeeding and find it easier and that is wonderful. But I wasn’t one of them and sounds like you may not be either.)

I’m not sure I would define the benefits of BF as small..

Quote from German research into SIDS:
“What's of particular note is that staph aureus, this golden staph, very commonly carries lethal toxins and as part of our research we found two-thirds of SIDS infants actually carry these lethal toxins in their intestines, as it happens“

www.analyticalarmadillo.co.uk/2010/08/breastfeeding-sids-guilt-at-what-cost.html?m=1

[quote FTEngineerM]I’m not sure I would define the benefits of BF as small..

Quote from German research into SIDS:
“What's of particular note is that staph aureus, this golden staph, very commonly carries lethal toxins and as part of our research we found two-thirds of SIDS infants actually carry these lethal toxins in their intestines, as it happens“

www.analyticalarmadillo.co.uk/2010/08/breastfeeding-sids-guilt-at-what-cost.html?m=1[/quote]
These are not randomised controlled trials because SIDS studies can’t be due to the small incidence of SIDS. So the best they can ever show is correlation, not causation. Formula feeding is associated with lower socioeconomic status which is associated with more smoking/drinking which is associated with higher rates of SIDS (which is also very frequently linked to cosleeping). This doesn’t mean the OP should use this data to make a decision because the evidence doesn’t say that she personally will raise her baby’s SIDS risk by a third by formula feeding, it just says some non randomised studies have shown this correlation before adjusting for confounding factors.

It’s not helpful to scare new mums, which that website is clearly trying to do. There are only a few hundred SIDS deaths every year in the UK - it’s terrifying but really unlikely.

And also the bit you’ve quoted from the link - when you click into this research the page does not exist so I can’t comment on it but a large proportion of the healthy adults walking about today were FF and so I doubt that every FF baby has lethal toxins. Some of these studies are carried out in countries that have no access to clean drinking water, which is terrible but (presumably) not the OP’s situation.

I hated even trying. I felt like a mere cow, nothing more.
DD had her first bottle of formula at just under 24 hours old, was best choice for us both

Oh bless you OP. I had an evangelical Health Visitor who forcefully expressed a view that I mustn't even have formula in the house. Then the HV came along after a few weeks and said if you're finding it so tough then of course it's fine to go over to formula. Just having that 'permission' made BF easier interestingly, and the move to FF was gradual and psychologically easier thanks to the HV.

If it's not for your, it's not for you, and it's absolutely fine to stop.

I think it,s sad when people liken themselves to a cow. Because it shows how distant people are from seeing bf as what humans do for human babies. we are lucky to have an option but we are not cows but we are mammels.

It really does get easier by 6 -8 weeks and it can be a breeze after that. I gritted my teeth with each of mine for first couple of months and for me, the convenience definitely made breastfeeding worthwhile. It's up to you of course and you've already done an amazing job getting this far, so do what's best for you and your baby will thrive. Congratulations by the way!

@june2007

I think it,s sad when people liken themselves to a cow. Because it shows how distant people are from seeing bf as what humans do for human babies. we are lucky to have an option but we are not cows but we are mammels.

God i know, a woman in my NCT group said she wasn't going to breastfeed because she isn't an animal. Nearly bit through my tongue stopping myself asking what on earth she thought she was instead.

@june2007 I agree, also on par with ‘he’s using you as a dummy’

No.. incorrect. He is non nutritive suckling which is done at the breast for comfort. If a parent wants to they can supplement the breast for a dummy during those non nutritive sucking periods. The dummy is the tool, not the breast.

I used to hate it too. It was painful and I felt awkward doing it in front of people. I had a weird feeling where the hormones made the thought of food absolutely repulsive. I could be starving then start feeding and the thought of food would make me feel physically sick. My daughter also had thrush for fucking weeks as well and I seriously considered giving up because it was painful and we kept reinfecting each other. And cluster feeding ughhhh. I felt like she was draining the energy out of me as she drank.

However with perseverance I managed to get through it and now EBF my 4 month old. It is worth it because it's so much more convenient than formula. We combi fed for a while and not only was it expensive but the sterilising drove me mad.

I do love being the only one that can feed her (she won't take bottles anymore which can be annoying when I want to go out but it's lockdown so when do I ever go out without her!) and feeding at night is much easier that bottle feeding.

It's your body and your choice. It's hard work and it can be exhausting but it does get easier for most people. Fed is best though and your baby deserves a happy mum and you deserve to enjoy your maternity leave and bond with your newborn!

If you want to stop, just stop. I breastfeed for over 3 years and I found at the start saying I would BF for 6 weeks then 3 months, helped me. Looking at the health benefits of BF, I don't actually think they are that great if we are comparing a healthy baby with a clean water supply. Do what you want to and ditch the guilt.

If you hate it, stop.

I stopped BF at 4 weeks for my first baby and 8 weeks for my second. Hated it both times, although slightly less with my second which is why I stuck at it longer. Both their weight gain was crap, sleep was crap, my second didn't even nap in the day. It doesn't work for everyone.

When I switched to FF I felt hugely guilty the first time but that slowly disappeared, I didn't few guilty the second time, more of a failure because DC2 fed 24/7 and still barely gained any weight. But once I'd gotten into the swing of FF I was so much happier and it just suited me more to have a routine (and better sleep).

I had engorged breasts too from too much supply and what you need to do is not express and feed more but completely drain for breasts at least three times over three days but at different times. Your baby will then take what he or she needs and the excess won't be replaced because the draining isn't creating a pattern of extra feedings. Hope that makes sense.

If you hate breastfeeding and want be to stop then of course you should, no reasonable person will judge you for it. What's best for your DC is a happy mum.

If it is something you would like to continue to do anyway, then believe me it does get better. The engorgement goes away and the leaking is a massive pain, I would recommend bamboo pads, they're loads better than the disposable ones.

In terms of feeling like a "milk machine" I think we all feel like that at some point, but know that what your doing is so much more than providing milk for your DS.

This is exactly how I feel. I'm 4 weeks pp and have nerve damage in one arm so am basically feeding from one breast. So I have one huge breast and one tiny one. Everyone keeps saying he will feed less and sleep better as the weeks go on but it's actually getting worse.
I called the doctor today for help with the arm and she just told me to switch to bottle because it doesnt really matter. I think today will be the last and I'll go get formula tomorrow.
I have no bond with baby what so ever. He just screams until fed, changed then he hates being near me anymore so it's back down. He loves being around my husband and being held by him and my husband can settle him so easy. I really just want to go back to work but financially it doesn't make sense for another few weeks. When I hear him starting to wake it makes me feel sick and really anxious because i know he doesn't like me but he will be stuck with me for feeding and the pain is coming.
Most of the time it's only ten minutes rest though between feeds.
I'm in so much pain when I feed with the cramps and stabbing pains and all the bleeding too.

@Pawprints2017 that sounds awful, so sorry you feel like that.

I dont think you’re alone, I say almost monthly that I need to go back to work now, for mental health mainly but I’m still here 23 weeks in.

@Pawprints2017

This is exactly how I feel. I'm 4 weeks pp and have nerve damage in one arm so am basically feeding from one breast. So I have one huge breast and one tiny one. Everyone keeps saying he will feed less and sleep better as the weeks go on but it's actually getting worse. I called the doctor today for help with the arm and she just told me to switch to bottle because it doesnt really matter. I think today will be the last and I'll go get formula tomorrow. I have no bond with baby what so ever. He just screams until fed, changed then he hates being near me anymore so it's back down. He loves being around my husband and being held by him and my husband can settle him so easy. I really just want to go back to work but financially it doesn't make sense for another few weeks. When I hear him starting to wake it makes me feel sick and really anxious because i know he doesn't like me but he will be stuck with me for feeding and the pain is coming. Most of the time it's only ten minutes rest though between feeds. I'm in so much pain when I feed with the cramps and stabbing pains and all the bleeding too.

I can relate to so much of what you said. I switched to FF and it was a million times better. Bonding was so much easier when I wasn't resenting him for waking up/being hungry.

I'm sorry it's so tough for you

For what it's worth, the first 6 weeks are definitely the toughest. After that it's much easier, and so much more convenient than faffing with bottles whilst your baby is screeching with hunger.

It's your body and your choice though. FF is a valid choice, so is mixed feeding.

@mynameiscalypso Its so strange that nobody ever talks about that side of things. All the medical professionals would have you believe it will strengthen the bond between you and baby when it actually dies the exact opposite x 100

Pawprints def worth talking to your HV a few things worry me. "I know he doesn,t like me" and "want to get back to work" (when your 4 wks pp).

Do what you feel is right. Most of the research into bf vs formula is pretty poor quality and necessarily there are no longitudinal studies of formula as currently constituted (and there have been significance technology advances in recent years in synthesis of carbohydrate chains). The best paper I have seen shows there is strong evidence for reduced rate of ear infection in first year and reduced breast cancer risk for mum. The rest of the benefits have never been statistically validated in a decent study.
The 'your child will die of sids, or have increased risk of cancer etc' are unfounded and unfair claims.
Personally I formula fed one and mostly breast fed the other. I preferred breast feeding for convenience and I enjoyed the bond. But I struggled with milk supply and my first simply wouldn't latch (probably because she was born early due to preeclampsia).
I think it's wrong to make a mum feel bad for either decision. It's hard enough without other mums telling you you're not doing the best thing for your child.

@june2007 thank you, I've really wanted to go back since 2 weeks pp. It's just trying to find a nursery to take him that is impossible.
I've spoken to my HV and she agrees that for some reason he just isn't taking to me. She is however very archaic and is very much "breast is best". The dr today couldnt have cared less though so just to decide which formula to use!