I'm really not enjoying breastfeeding

[Ekdkso999]

I feel awful just saying that, all the websites I go on bang on about how it's a bonding experience etc., but honestly I hate the sensation and everything about it.

DS is 2 weeks old, feeds well, putting on weight and has a good latch (confirmed by countless midwives and a lactation consultant).

But let down still hurts, only for a few seconds but enough for me to dread it every time.

My boobs were big to start with but they're enormous now (34I) and I can't go without a bra, day or night because they're so heavy. They're worst when they're engorged, I hate how it feels.

My nipples are insanely sensitive. Not painful when feeding, not dry or cracked (I've gone to town with the Lansinoh), but sensitive. I have to cover them over when I'm in the shower because the sensation is horrid. I can't dry them afterwards with a towel, only gently pat them. If I go out in the cold it's the worst, they sting they're so sensitive.

I'm dreading the next few months. I'm doing it because of the health benefits for us both, and because I'm stubborn, but I'm hating it so much.

Will any if these things ease off? Will my boobs settle down at some point or is this my fate for the next few months?

Well done for getting to 2 weeks and for keeping going.

The good news is that it does get better. When your milk establishes both the let down sensation and the engorgement will ease off (engorgement comes back if you don't feed for a while)

Nipples get less sensitive and you might find the boobs go down a bit too.

They also start to feed less often as they get older.

It all gets better

Thank you @Twizbe I needed to hear that! I really don't want to give up, I wasn't able to BF my eldest and ultimately it caused my post natal depression. Now I'm in a position where I can and I don't like it! I feel so guilty and wish I was one of those women who enjoys it.

The engorgement and soreness passed in my experience. Also the leaking stopped and the massiveness reduced too!. If you can, keep with it a bit longer. Sounds like you’re doing great so far x

Congratulations! I hated it for the first few weeks both times. Found it painful, awkward, felt quite touched out even though that’s ridiculous with my own tiny baby, then something just clicked and it became easy.

I don’t know if I’m allowed to say that in case I’m encouraging you to do something you don’t want to do, it’s your choice, your body etc... but that was my experience, both times and I persevered and it got better.

Whatever you do, good luck 🙂

I hated the first few weeks with both my son and daughter for all the reasons you've mentioned. Managed to keep going til DS was 2 years old. DD now 16 weeks old and it's a breeze. So in my personal experience it got better, probably by around the 8 week mark for me. I hope things improve for you soon too 😊 💐

It does get better, so if you're determined to keep going there is light at the end of the tunnel. I remember wincing when anything brushed against my nipples and clutching my breasts in shock and pain when the letdown happened without warning (when I wasn't feeding or even near the baby). I had big problems with latch leading to injuries and it was only my own stubbornness that got me through. In the end I breastfed for 16 months and I really did find it enjoyable and natural as time went on. I was pretty devastated when my daughter self-weaned!

Hi OP, I found it got easier after a few weeks. I also found it much less hassle than making a bottle and of course it's good for baby. Honestly, I am a lazy person and I loved that I didn't need to go downstairs in the night to make up a bottle.

Definitely no need to feel guilty. All those sensations - pain on let down, engorgement, sensitive nipples - are horrible. It's possibly to both be glad you're breastfeeding, and (rightly) proud of yourself for it and also feel like the day to day reality is a bit shit. So don't make yourself feel worse by feeling guilty or wishing it was this magical lovely experience as promised online. If anything, you should feel really good about yourself as a mother, you've been doing something you don't enjoy because you feel it's best for your child. I mean honestly, that's amazing. There's nothing to feel guilty about there.

Now for your question it definitely does get better. Engorgement will become much more rare once you're properly established. Your boobs won't stay that big. I'd expect the let down/latch on pain to improve as well. I'm not so sure about nipple sensitivity as I didn't experience it but I'd imagine that will probably lessen too. Maybe set yourself a goal for another 2 weeks and then re-reevaluate. Then you have an 'out' in the future rather than this feeling of oh my god this is it now my life is going to be shit it might be easier? And, there is always the option to stop entirely. It's a cost-benefit thing, if carrying on is making you more miserable than stopping then it's not worth carrying on.

I'd just caution about introducing a bottle at this stage if you also want to continue breastfeeding. It'll make it harder to get established so engorgement stops etc and could end up being more problematic. Once you're established it's different and you could add some formula if you still feel a lot of pressure.

Just to reiterate my original point, you're doing a wonderful thing and there really is zero to feel guilty about. It's ok not to enjoy it, or not to enjoy it all the time. It really is. Try to be gentle on yourself x

It does ease off. I found the first two weeks so hard and my let down was so, so very painfully. If the baby moved their head it would squirt across the room. So no wonder it hurt! So i completely sympathise with you. When we hit six weeks it was easy, and easy from that point on. And it is so much easier than faffing with bottles. I had little cups that you put over your other nipple and it catches the excess milk during a feed. That felt like a game changer as it meant we always had a little bit of milk that wasnt even expressed.

Squeezing a bit of milk out before the feed by hand to take the pressure off also helped.

Massaging to help with the ket down too. One smooth movement towards the nipple.

Get on the kellymom site for more advice.

The first two weeks is a killer. Youre on the up now.

@Ekdkso999 I would say the first 3/4 weeks I was so uncomfortable and in pain but it slowly got better bit by bit. The engorgement wasn't as bad the nipples settled down, the let down relaxed and me and baby got into our own comfy happy way of feeding. It did take a while. I'm a bigger boobed lady (32f pre baby 32ff now) and I don't ever go braless either. Have you got some nice comfy good quality nursing bras?

BUT if you're not happy don't feel pressure to continue baby needs a happy mummy ultimately. You've done amazingly to do 2 weeks and don't forget that. Hugs x

As PP have said, the things you mention will settle down over the next few weeks. A lot of people cited 6 weeks as a point of real change to me, which was both helpful and not. Part of me was glad to know it would get better but at 2-3 weeks in, doing an incessant number of feeds a day, 6 weeks might as well have been 6 years away. It also proved unhelpful to me as things didn't really settle (in terms of number of feeds, the pain/sensitivity/engorgement went quite quickly) until closer to 3 months.

Obviously do make the right choice for you and your baby. For me, it was to carry on but also to acknowledge that it was a bit shit and not just a magical bonding experience (although the bonding happened too, but I think that would have come however they fed).

Best of luck, and congratulations on your new baby.

You are doing so so awesome to have done it for two weeks!

My LO is 10 months and I hated it. I mean, really hated it. It got to the point where I was having small panic attacked when I knew it was time to feed.

Part of it was the pain and the things you described and part of it was I just didn't enjoy doing it!

I found everyone to be thoroughly unhelpful. My community midwife told me to push through the pain barrier and it would get better. The breastfeeding support helpful told me they could see me in a week to try and improve my latch and my GP said it's usual to feel like this and I was probably tired.

It was only a kind HV who looked at my sobbing face and asked 'do you want to carry on?' It was the first time anyone had actually asked me rather than going straight to 'fix it' mode. I admitted I didn't but I felt overwhelmingly guilty,

She was utterly brilliant and amazing but it's so sad I felt I needed 'permission' from someone to stop.

I lasted just shy of 4 weeks and I'm pleased I did it but moving to bottles was the right thing to do for me. My LO is perfectly happy and loving.

It's great you're doing it and other posters have reassured you that the pain will ease-it's ok to feel as you do though!

I cant deny I that i didnt really enjoy much of the 28 months i spent breastfeeding 2 children. It's ok not to like it. It's ok to carry on even though you don't like it. It's also ok to stop if you don't want to do it any more.

I'm glad I DID breastfeed them, but part of the reason I wont have a 3rd is because I cant go back to breastfeeding again and it feels wrong to not do it for one when I did for others.

It does get much better after the first few weeks though from a personal comfort point of view.

Struggled with it everyday. I dreaded every feed. I cried so much! I forced myself to carry on, out of pride and guilt really. I got to 7 weeks and broke, DH had to tell me it was time to stop because I was struggling so much. We ordered everything ready for me to formula feed. Whilst we waited for it to be delivered I got the 8 week mark and turned a corner. It stopped hurting, started being a genuinely nice experience and I carried on until 12 months. If you truly want to stick it out, remember it will get better so soon. However, if you don't, there's no shame in stopping if it's better for your mental health. I had got to that point and knew I was done, it was just luck that it clicked before everything arrived!

At 2 weeks it was awful for me too. But at 6 weeks or so I found it for much better, as others have said. You think it never will be easy and painfree, but honestly it does get so much easier.

I started off 32F ended up in 30K in the first few weeks. It was very hard at first but I was determined to get to 3 months when the babies own immune system gets stronger.
I was very glad I continued, it gets so much easier, so quick and convenient with time.

BF for 18 months -gradually stopped, which I think is the key to not getting saggy boobs.

A few years later I am a 30GG

Try and keep going for s few more weeks. But if it gets too awful there's no shame in calling it a day.

Well done OP. You have done the hard bit, from now on it'll get easier and easier so hang in there if you can.

Join a local bf support group on facebook for some friendly support.

Thank you all, you've been so kind. I'm surprised at so many people feeling the same. I felt like some kind of freak for saying I don't like it.

It's definitely pride and stubbornness for me that'll keep me going for the minute, as if I have a point to prove. I'm feeling pretty hopeful that most people have said they turn a corner with it eventually.

I have been giving him one bottle of expressed milk every day since my milk came in. Oddly enough I don't mind the breast pump at all. But my DD was fed by expressing into a bottle for the first few weeks of her life and it's a pretty exhausting road I want to avoid. But the one 'break' I have using the pump instead of directly feeding him does help my mental health, I have to say.

It gets better!

Are you on Instagram? If so, I'd recommend following some breastfeeding accounts. Sometimes seeing photos and videos of other bf-ing mums, or seeing affirmations and memes, can really give you a boost.

I found breastfeeding painful and uncomfortable. And yes, I dreaded it too. In the end I had enough and madam was bottle fed, as were the other two. Midwife got all shitty but I'm medically qualified so I gave her a free demo of how the front door worked. It also meant that it wasn't all down to me and I could hand the baby over and happily drink my scolding hot coffee nor did I have to expose myself in Starbucks or bugger around with scarfs or such like. It also allowed me the freedom to get back into shape on the track/gym and I didn't get all saggy. My boobs are still amazing and I was back at work within 12 weeks. So I wouldn't be afraid to do what suits you best - and remember you, or your partner, can make up 6 bottles so you just have to grab one, warm it up and your in business. Don't let the breastassi brow beat you into submission. As mentioned, all mine grew up happy and healthy and their father got to bond right from the get go.

I have bf 4 children and I found the first couple of weeks intensely painful with all of them! It DOES get better and pain free. Have you had your baby checked for tongue tie?

I bf both mine to they were four. But I do remember when i had my second how surprised i was of the disccomfort, because i hadn,t really stopped bf my first, but it was def different in the early days. I remember been told it would take 6-8 wks to get established so I aimed for 6 wks, then 8, then 6 months ect. Set you self targets. (I will get to then of the wk then reassess.) Well done you.

@Pyewhacket how is what you wrote any better than breaststassi?

You've said that breastfeeding mothers expose themselves (we don't) that we have saggy boobs (pregnancy does that not breastfeeding) that we can't go to the gym (I was back in the gym at 8 weeks with an EBF baby) that we bugger around with scarves (we don't have to and I never did) that we're somehow work shy (not sure what going back to work at 12 weeks has to do with it) that we can't have hot drinks (we can, I'm assuming you didn't tend to hold a newborn and a scolding hot drink at the same time)

Honestly, if I wrote something like this to a formula feeding mum I'd be flammed alive. Why is it ok for you to shame breastfeeders?

It gets better and easier! You won’t feel a thing soon, and it’s free and less faff than formula. You’re doing so well x