I'm really not enjoying breastfeeding

[Ekdkso999]

I feel awful just saying that, all the websites I go on bang on about how it's a bonding experience etc., but honestly I hate the sensation and everything about it.

DS is 2 weeks old, feeds well, putting on weight and has a good latch (confirmed by countless midwives and a lactation consultant).

But let down still hurts, only for a few seconds but enough for me to dread it every time.

My boobs were big to start with but they're enormous now (34I) and I can't go without a bra, day or night because they're so heavy. They're worst when they're engorged, I hate how it feels.

My nipples are insanely sensitive. Not painful when feeding, not dry or cracked (I've gone to town with the Lansinoh), but sensitive. I have to cover them over when I'm in the shower because the sensation is horrid. I can't dry them afterwards with a towel, only gently pat them. If I go out in the cold it's the worst, they sting they're so sensitive.

I'm dreading the next few months. I'm doing it because of the health benefits for us both, and because I'm stubborn, but I'm hating it so much.

Will any if these things ease off? Will my boobs settle down at some point or is this my fate for the next few months?

As well as the above, remember that you can just decide to stop. Only you will know if it is right for you, but it is a wholly valid decision.

You will make so many choices every day for your child until they are an adult. Some of those will work for you and your personal circumstances at the time, and some of those will not.

Be kind on yourself. Your mental health is important for you and also for you baby.

I experienced all you've listed in the first couple of weeks both times. As others have said, 8 weeks seems to be the key milestone, when your supply regulates. I've never been that woman who actively enjoys breastfeeding, but it's still the best option for me. Frankly because I'm lazy!

Hated it. Had two children who were too small to feed well and needed supplemental feeding from birth, so all the faff of bfing, then pumping what was left, then feeding it to them, then sterilising everything and starting kit all over again an hour later. And you're tired as you've ever been in your life two weeks in, even with an "easy baby". The mental load is as exhausting as the lack of sleep.

The little sods were combination fed right up until weaning at which point they became bottle refuseniks which was massively convenient as I was heading back to work FT.

DHs family have huge food allergies so I (MIL) put myself under a lot of pressure to do it and give them the best chance of avoiding it. In hindsight I should have told them all to bollock off.

Anyhow, it does get better, and a lot easier. There are upsides and down to both - the convenience of a boob versus trying to warm up milk somewhere inhospitable.
Big boobs never an issue. I made it to a C cup - wahoo! So I can't comment but engorgement and sensitivity is an issue at any size. My worst day ever was a "keeping in touch" day around 5 months. Trying to express in the office - you never realise how noisy a pump is!

I had horrible let down pain and it started to improve from about 3 weeks. Engorgement issues I had on and off til perhaps 8 weeks. I’d say feeding stopped being a hard task and started being a pleasure about 10 weeks, and now at 8 months it’s one of the nicest parts of my day. Only you can weigh up how it feels now and decide what feels right to you. Good luck whatever you choose!

I combi fed but ultimately don’t feel like I bonded any more with my baby breastfeeding over giving her a bottle.

I didn’t really enjoy it either and I don’t fancy doing it again when we have a second!

Just to echo people on here. Let down pain does eventually disappear. Having experienced what my midwife very accurately described as 'toe curling' let down pain for the first week or two, I woke up one morning a week or two later and realised it didn't hurt at all anymore.

The viscerality of the immediate postpartum period does calm down.

My midwife's advice was to do labour breathing (!) through the first ten seconds of the feed and it really did help.

Hope it becomes a bit more bearable soon.

I was the same! I had mother- in- law sat next to me one time in those early days talking on and on about what a magical experience it was while I was sat there breastfeeding, uncomfortable and in pain. I wanted to scream at her and I wanted to stop.
I understood what she meant a few months in and even more so in the last few nights of breastfeeding DS when he was about to turn 3.
In my opinion it's well worth sticking with it.
So many times I was just able to comfort him instantly when we were out and about. And during the night- straight back to sleep. It helped me fall back to sleep as well, once I'd got past the ouch stage. I think about a month tops.
Good luck! It sounds like you're doing really well, but don't beat yourself up if it doesn't work out.
Go with the flow 😊

Haven’t rtft but in my experience these things did improve. Still feeding 9mo & I have never really loved it but it stopped bothering me at around 3m. I hated the pain & the burning sensation the first few weeks! Thought I’d never be able to sleep comfortably again but things do get better.

OP here, just incase any of the lovely people that contributed to this thread a few weeks ago were around, I just wanted to say thank you.

DS is now 7 weeks old and everything has clicked. The sensitivity has gone, the pain has gone, and my boobs have softened and even shrunk a tiny bit. It's become so much easier.

I just wanted to thank everyone for their encouragement and honesty, it really helped. I gave myself a target of 4-6 weeks to see an improvement before giving up, and I'm so glad I did.