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Infant feeding

Get advice and support with infant feeding from other users here.

At wits end. Newborn constantly wants breast

45 replies

SassyPants87 · 12/10/2020 23:43

So baby is 3 days old and I've not slept in three days! Tonight she wants the breast constantly for comfort. I'm at my wits end! I really want to go to sleep but she will scream if I take her off my breast and put her down

Any advice would be so appreciated!

OP posts:
Aquamarine1029 · 12/10/2020 23:47

Sorry to say this is completely normal at to be expected. Your baby is instinctively cluster feeding in order to ensure your milk supply. It will get easier, I promise. Can your partner try to soothe her while you get a bit of rest?

PickAChew · 12/10/2020 23:49

That's how they work, I'm afraid. It's much easier to just go with it and you will both find your rhythm.

ispepsiokay · 13/10/2020 00:01

It's completely normal I'm afraid - it's hard work at this point when your hormones are all over the place also.

Can you get your partner/parent to swaddle sms hold her so that you can try and get an hour uninterrupted?

Mumsn0t · 13/10/2020 00:10

It's how you get the milk supply going, just remember to keep swapping sides.

If this is your first then it's the perfect opportunity to enjoy the time together as you'll never get it back and it's harder to do when there are older children to look after too. It'll be over before you know it. Just dont give up when it gets a bit painful and persevere past 6 weeks to when it gets easy.

Mind you, if someone had said that to me years ago I would have felt like telling them to fuck off. That first year dragged on and on for me.

wistfulchameleon · 13/10/2020 00:11

No advice, sorry OP. All 3 of my children were the same it's normal. Just know that up and down the country 1000s of other women are doing the same thing as you right now and also at the end of their tether. 💐

SeaToSki · 13/10/2020 00:13

Its comfort sucking after a while, so try your little finger or a dummy. You sometimes have to keep a gentle finger on the end of the dummy for a bit until they get the hang of it.

The way to tell if they are drinking or comfort sucking is that when they are drinking its suck suck and then a gap while they swallow. With comfort sucking its just suck suck suck continuously

MrsAvocet · 13/10/2020 00:15

Yes, its completely normal, and whilst I know it probably seems never ending right now, it will get better I promise. I think day 3 was the worst day for me with all of my babies but then my milk came in and it improved quite a bit. Though very frequent feeds and cluster feeding in the evenings did continue throughout the first few months it wasn't the same intense, draining, non stop feeding of the first few days.
One thing that really helped me, was to accept it and just go with it, rather than trying to fix the "problem". I just accepted that this was my job for a while, stopped bothering about stuff like housework and parked myself on the sofa with plenty of drinks and snacks, a few good books, my phone and the remotes and gave into the inevitable. Learning to feed whilst lying down was another very useful skill. And surrounding myself with good information and supportive people so that the "are you feeding that baby again, there must be something wrong" comments didn't get into my brain and sew the seeds of doubt. Your partner, or whoever else you have around for support needs to take care of the day to day running of the house whilst you focus on recovering from the birth and feeding your little one. Accept all offers of help and don't fret over unwashed coffee mugs or unironed shirts!
It is tough at the beginning. I don't think it is possible to really understand quite how completely exhausting caring for a newborn is until you are there, no matter what people have told you. But if you can get through these difficult first weeks, that's when breastfeeding really comes into its own and I think that in the long term it is easier and less work than bottle feeding. Honestly, it does get better. Its actually a combination of the feeding getting easier and you getting used to managing on less sleep I think, but it will improve. I remember feeling so tired that I honestly thought I might die, and I have done some tough jobs with very antisocial hours, but nothing in the same league of exhaustion as a being a new Mum. But I remembered the advice to "never give up on your worst day" and just kept taking one feed at a time. Before I knew it, I'd done a week, then a month, and I was gradually starting to function again. Then one day I realised I felt human once more and it was actually all ok! You're doing a great job. Just keep plodding on and don't be afraid to lean on those that love you, plus take advice from one of the breastfeeding support helplines from organisations like La Leche League or the Breastfeeding Network if you need it. I don't know if there are ant groups running anywhere yet, but there might be some online ones. Talking to other bf mums was a huge help for me so it might help you too.
I hope you feel better soon. And of course huge congratulations on your new arrival!

PickAChew · 13/10/2020 00:17

In a newborn it really is not comfort sucking. It's increasing the supply. At 3 days old the milk is often only just coming in properly and there are many growth spurts in the first few months.

Longdistance · 13/10/2020 00:18

Oh I forgot about cluster feeding. Baby is upping the supply. I hope you get some rest soon.

KindKylie · 13/10/2020 00:29

We've all been you are! This is what babies do, it's completely normal and necessary and how they get your supply up to meet their needs. You're not doing anything wrong, don't try to fix it or overthink it, just switch sides occasionally.

I remember going out of my mind in the 3rd or 4th night with dc1 when she fed almost continuously for 15 hours - we noted each start and stop and boob switch and nappy change in a notebook and went nearly mad fretting. The mw that arrived in the morning just nodded and said, 'ahhh the night of the long suck, she'll have a snooze soon' and tucked us back into bed. Just hearing that other people had been there before us helped.

Try to go with it, stay in bed or in the sofa, have good and drunk brought to you, watch a box set, listen to a podcast and snooze and let yourself be looked after - you're doing a job, a really important, time consuming and exhausting job and can't do anything else.

The more contact they have with your breast and the more time they spend stimulating your milk now, the more capacity you will develop to respond to future growth spurts. You're investing in the months ahead, you're front loading the work.

Stick with it, it gets better though it's a hell of a climb up this mountain, the view at the top is more than worth it. It's such hard work and feels so unfair after the hard work of pregnancy and labour, but it does get better, promise.

Puddlelane123 · 13/10/2020 00:31

Bless you, entirely normal but tortuous at the same time. I was almost delirious with sleep deprivation at this point with my two children, and thought there was no end in sight.

Can you get your husband to be ‘on duty’ for an hour or so to sit beside you in bed and supervise whilst you safely feed and sleep at the same time?

titnomatani · 13/10/2020 02:22

As above. Cluster feeding. Have you tried cosleeping? It saved my sanity.

TwilightSkies · 13/10/2020 02:31

Co-sleeping? Worked well for me.
Or a bottle of formula and/or a dummy....you need sleep too!

BetterEatCheese · 13/10/2020 02:34

Dd was like this and I gave her a dummy. She was very orally fixated for years and I wouldn't have managed without it

Itllbeaninterestingchristmas · 13/10/2020 03:03

It’s a good thing she know what she needs and is increasing your supply. If they don’t feed much and lose weight that’s when to worry.
She is also practicing feeding so should get quite good quite quickly and hopefully you’ll get some 3 hour blocks of sleep soon.
I co sleep a bit and mine just remains attached to my nipple and feeds as she wants for a few hours. If you are not happy doing this as others have said make your husband supervise whilst you sleep and feed.

KitKatastrophe · 13/10/2020 03:15

@SeaToSki

Its comfort sucking after a while, so try your little finger or a dummy. You sometimes have to keep a gentle finger on the end of the dummy for a bit until they get the hang of it.

The way to tell if they are drinking or comfort sucking is that when they are drinking its suck suck and then a gap while they swallow. With comfort sucking its just suck suck suck continuously

Nor at 3 days old. It will be cluster feeding, not comfort suckling.

Sorry OP this is normal. Your milk will probably "come in" in the next day or so (you'll know when it does!) And then she will probably do it much leas frequently.

Could you sleep while she is feeding sometimes during the day? You would need to make sure your partner stays awake and watches to make sure you dont move into a dangerous position.

SnuggyBuggy · 13/10/2020 03:15

Even if you don't feel comfortable with it at least look up the safe seven rules for cosleeping. A lot of women in this situation resort to it and its safer than accidental cosleeping.

NameChange30 · 13/10/2020 03:40

I'm going to go against the grain and say that it's not necessarily normal for a newborn to want to breastfeed constantly.

My DS had tongue tie and would literally breastfeed for hours and hours on end (because he wasn't able to feed efficiently).

I'm pretty sure I started a mumsnet thread about it and some people were similarly dismissive but a few others did suggest getting him checked for tongue tie, which I'd be told he didn't have (by one or two midwives untrained in tongue tie) but it turns out he did.

The constant feeding might be normal but it might also be a sign of tongue tie so please do get someone qualified to rule it out. Ask your midwife/HV. There is usually an infant feeding specialist midwife who should be able to check. You could also look up local breastfeeding support groups as their breastfeeding counsellors are often excellent.

Hang on in there. Tongue tie or not, it does get easier. Flowers

tenredthings · 13/10/2020 03:40

Make sure your baby is properly attached each time she feeds, even if it means taking them off and reattaching, to avoid your nipples getting sore.

SassyPants87 · 13/10/2020 04:13

So I caved a little it was just getting too much!! I put her on the breast when she asked for it but when I put her down she soon started crying again putting her hands in her mouth, so I've given her a bit of formula top up and low and behold she's actually gone down and gone to sleep in the next to me crib!

I'm really worried she's not getting what she needs from me. She's only had 1 wet nappy since being born too

I've got a midwife coming round tomorrow so I will mention it then but honestly it was like she was so much more content once I gave her some formula, I feel like a failure!

OP posts:
Hufflepuff21 · 13/10/2020 04:20

Do not feel like a failure! I did a bit of mixed feeding at the beginning until my lo's tongue tie was sorted and we're now at 8 months of breastfeeding. And if you choose to switch to formula, you are also not a failure!

I would be a bit concerned about the one wet nappy. I think you need to raise that with the midwife tomorrow.

Make sure you ask for help and they watch you do a feed. If you don't find the midwife helpful (the support is patchy!) then contact LLL or look at breastfeeding support in your area. I ended up using a private lactation consultant who spotted a tongue tie that had been missed. She did a referral and we were seen within a week by the hospital due to a cancellation. It made all the difference.

The early days are SO hard and can feel relentless. Don't put pressure on yourself. Do what you need to do and know that it's not all or nothing. You can give a bit of formula and then go back to breastfeeding at your next feed.

FourPlasticRings · 13/10/2020 04:39

Don't worry about it, OP. I did exactly the same with my first- formula for one feed around that age because I was convinced DD wasn't getting anything. It doesn't matter. Get some sleep now, try again tomorrow. Has your milk come in yet? If it has, your boobs will resemble rocks.

MoreCookiesPlease · 13/10/2020 05:13

@MrsAvocet what a lovely post.

OP hang on in there. Just wait til your milk comes in properly. As PP say, this is entirely normal but it doesn't last forever. Best of luck.

silverstrawberry · 13/10/2020 05:25

Im also breastfeeding.A good tip to increase milk supply is try and get hold of some fenugreek you can use it as a herbal tea over the weekend I expressed milk it increased my supply from 1oz Saturday to 4oz on Sunday.. worth a try 😃

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