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Infant feeding

Get advice and support with infant feeding from other users here.

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Original poster

If you almost gave up bf in the first few weeks what helped you to continue?

44 replies

katalex · 07/10/2007 20:45

The reason I ask this question is that I stopped bfing both of my babies after 10 days. This was despite getting great advice from bf counsellors to help with the latch. I was in a lot of pain and I found it really hard to be feeding for 3 hours twice a day as well as many shorter feeds. Even after correcting the latch I was in so much pain that I felt I couldn't continue. With the second baby I told myself that if it didn't work out then I wouldn't beat myself up like I did the first time. However, it's all I think about. I feel so angry at myself for giving up so easily and I really really want to get it right next time. I'm not considering having another baby for a couple of years but I need to give myself the peace of mind that I'm doing everything I can to get it right next time.

Does anyone have any advice?

OP posts:

Elasticwoman · 07/10/2007 20:57

What a pity you have been through some of the difficult bit, and not reaped the benefits. Feeding my last baby was painful and difficult for 10 weeks, but gradually it became easy. Then I had a convenient way to feed my baby the best possible nourishment for no cost, and an intimate mother-baby bond. Somebody did suggest to me at the time that it might be bad for my relationship with the baby, that he was chewing me to bits, but that is rubbish.

DITDOT · 07/10/2007 20:59

With my 1st DD I was in agony, the usual cracked bleeding nipples. Kept going for 5 months after they healed. Dreaded same happening with DD2 but it did although worse. However being a 2nd time mum asked other mums for advice instead of the HV and MW. I knew it was thrush so went to the doctor and got some cream and other mums recommended nipple shield ( not long term) and lansinoh cream. HV first time said never used nipple shields!! Well they were a god send and allowed me to feed for 6 months using them on and off and no I didn't have a latch problem.

Also found a female doc who had breast fed and understood exactly what I was going through. She gave me good advice and help that the HV and MW didn't but you can't blame them when so many people are out to sue these days!!!

fishie · 07/10/2007 21:00

katalex i think it might help if you spoke to bf counsellor again now. they are there for every aspect of it and are properly trained counsellors so can help you to set your mind at rest.

bossybritches · 07/10/2007 21:01

Katalex 10 days is far more than some babes get so good for you for trying!! I nearly gave up but advice on positioning helped my soreness. Did anyone actually WATCH you feeding? I thought I was doing it right until my friend who is an experienced MW was watching one day & showed me a different position so the latching on was easier & in days DD1 was feeding better (&therefore for shorter periods of time)& I was less sore.

Don't give yourself a hard time -could you try mixing BF & bottle next time to give you a rest between feeds? 3 hours is a long time to feed. I think what the baby is getting in nutrition they lose with the effort of feeding after 30/40 minutes if I remember rightly. (I'm sure someone will be long to correct me shortly if I've got that wrong!)

tcmummy · 07/10/2007 21:02

Katalex, it doesn't sound like you gave up easily! You sound like you went through a lot. I'm sorry it's all you think about xx So many things can effect how it goes though, and some of them you can change and some of them you can't.

I had a nightmare time for weeks and weeks - tongue tie, cracked nipples, thrush, severe mastitis etc. I think what kept me going was sheer bloodymindedness, a very supportive dh, a positive and relaxed homebirth and making bf'ding my absolute priority for the first couple of months. Everything came 2nd to it. And also the hope that oneday it would be ok, which it now is Although I still have a hole in one nip

pastilla · 07/10/2007 21:08

what helped me, and i'm not sure how helpful this is tbh, with my third was knowing it was going to get easier. i had to cling to that thought and it took 3 weeks before i felt like the corner had been turned, but it did get easier and now is fabulous. i've phoned the helplines a few times and grabbed advice off any passing bf stranger lol as well but i had to repeat every day how it #was# going to get better

Original poster

katalex · 07/10/2007 21:10

Thanks guys. I went to an NCT group and a bf counsellor helped me to correct the latch. Ds fed for 5 minutes and then dropped off. I thought it was the magic cure but then that night he went back to feeding for hours and I couldn't stand the pain. In retrospect, I think part of the problem was goinh back to using nipple shields after the latch was corrected. I know it would have hurt each time at first but I thought I should still use them until the soreness subsided. However, ds got really upset with the nipple shields. He would open his mouth really wide but I couldn't get him on quick enough in the right position because the nipple shields stick out so far.

I would definitely consider mix feeding bossybritches. In fact, that's one thing I wish I had thought to do before I gave up but I thought if you started them on bottles so early that they would start to refuse the breast.

OP posts:

fondant4000 · 07/10/2007 21:10

It also took me 10 weeks to get it right with dd1. 7 weeks till the first pain-free day.

Things that helped:

Supportive dh who didn't try and 'solve' the problem but hugged me when I needed.
Expressing or using a nipple shield for a few seconds seemed to help draw the nipple out and make latching easier for dd
Using Lansinoh for soreness - nothing else works as well.
If you can bear the pain, let the baby explore and find the nipple, don't try and shove the nipple in their mouth. I found that the more I trusted dd1 to use her instinct, the better the latch.

My nipples certainly changed over the course of 12 weeks. When dd2 came along feeding was easy, and never any soreness. Poor dd1 had done all the hard work!

In hindsight it may seem like you 'gave up', but I've been there crying on the edge of the bath, it's not an easy decision and it would have been right for you at the time.

moondog · 07/10/2007 21:10

What helped me to continue?

Knowing that it was the best thing for my baby.

Feeling that it was my baby's birthright.

Having supportive people around me (MWs,HVs,dh and family)

Quite a lot of Champagne.

I did not find it easy.It was one of the hardest and most painful things I have done but we got there.

moondog · 07/10/2007 21:12

A lot of people swear by these. I wish I had known about them.

Silverette

fondant4000 · 07/10/2007 21:13

I should say that I normally wouldn't advise nipple shields. I used them twice and just found if dd sucked a couple of times the nipple would pop out, then I'd take the shield off and feed as normal.

She would also feed for hours and hours, whereas dd2 has never fed for more than about 10 mins - so you can see that the practice does help!

funnypeculiar · 07/10/2007 21:13

Agree with pastilla - had a hard time with dd - and the only thing that kept me going was knowing that with ds it had got better & been brillaint. I know that's not much help to you! You sound like you've given it the best whot you could - well done you! Would it be helpful to talk to people who've gone through the hard bit (first 2 weeks is hardest, imho) & come out the other side, or would that make you feel worse?

LIZS · 07/10/2007 21:17

sheer bloodymindednness, wanting to prove the doubters wrong ! Practically, a particular midwife who took an interest, helped and encouraged me before I left hospital, suggested trying nipple shields short term to get ds to latch on and feed at all.

Original poster

katalex · 07/10/2007 21:17

tcmummy - it sounds like you had a tough time. Unfortunately my dh isn't so supportive. (Through no fault of his own) he got more upset than I did and was in tears when I was in tears. One morning he told me he thought I should switch to bottle feeding. Of course, I didn't have to do it but it was so tempting at the time that I just said ok. I felt an enormous sense of relief but then the guilt kicked 5 days later and I spent an entire day crying, wishing I could turn back time.

pastilla - that does help. Now I've been shown the correct position to latch on I'm much more confident of succeeding next time. Knowing that it would get better soon should keep me going. I think I'm going to go to an NCT meeting before the next baby's born just to get some last minute advice.

OP posts:

paolosgirl · 07/10/2007 21:19

Knowing that it takes 6 weeks to get established

Knowing that there was help - NCT and LLL - and that the pain was due to them not latching on properly at the beginning

Knowing that it's the absolute best thing for my baby (and the health benefits for me are pretty damn good too)

Being too lazy to sterilise bottles and make up formula

Knowing that I'm not going to have to faff about at 3am heating up bottles

Knowing that if I'm out and about I don't have to worry about storing/heating bottles

LIZS · 07/10/2007 21:23

Yes, setting myself short term goals like getting through tomorrow then a few days , then a week then to a month, then 6 weeks etc

Elasticwoman · 07/10/2007 21:24

In my experience, having the latch corrected didn't solve the problem straight away.

You have to have faith, and persevere, if it's not easy from the beginning. Sometimes little adjustments or tips can make a big difference, eg for me life was much easier when I started wearing a sleep-bra in bed.
Some one else on here said nipple shields worked.

Elasticwoman · 07/10/2007 21:25

Great post, Paolosgirl.

possetwiper · 07/10/2007 21:30

I have had a hard time with both of mine fantastic latch but still painful and a bout of mastitis with current lo but the things that made me carry on are:
knowing my friends had done it
knowing the pain would get better
Knowing I am doing something noone else can do for my baby
Knowing I am giving my baby the best start in life
lying down to feed if I was really tired/sore
lots and lots of chocolate (in my mouth of course not on the nipples)
lanisoh cream
and now lo is 14 weeks and he smiles at me when he is feeding and every single wincing moment is worthwhile feel teary typing that [vomit emotcion]

mollymawk · 07/10/2007 21:31

I also found it really really hurt to start with, but (hoping this helps you for next time) if you can get to about 3 weeks it starts (for me anyway) to get less painful from then on. So there is light at the end of the tunnel. Of course, I knew this with ds2 but not ds1 so not sure what made me continue then. Inability to rethink perhaps. And the fear of how much more effort it would be to FF.
With ds2 my midwife gave me some stuff called Jelonet (I think it is some sort of burns remedy!) to put inside the breast pads between feeds, which seemed to help.

sprogger · 07/10/2007 21:33

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Flo23 · 07/10/2007 21:34

Have sadly given up feeding my 17 day old ds2. It was the best decision at the time, as he was feeding constantly, never settled and vomiting blood from my sore sore nipples. All I did was feed and feed and feed so ds1 didnt get a look in during this time. I know exactly how you feel about not being able to doit and I also thought I'd be more laid back this time if it didn't go well again. Feel horribly guilty, like I havent done the best for my beautiful baby but have to remember that bf just wasn't working and I couldn't carry on as I was.

My mw told me she only managed to successfully feed her 3rd child so hopefully things will fall into place for you next time.

Jacanne · 07/10/2007 21:36

I guess my DH made me stick at it in the first few weeks when I had that "broken glass being ground into my nipples" sensation. He knew that I wanted to do it, knew that it was the best thing for dd1 and he kept on encouraging me. Also dd1's amazing weight gain also helped. I feel so much for the women who go through all the pain only to be told that their dc hasn't gained enough weight; it most be so demoralizing. You can take the pain if you know it's worth while and your child is thriving.

Jacanne · 07/10/2007 21:36

possetwiper · 07/10/2007 21:39

the drying thing has gone out of fashion now in hosp we use moist dressings to heal wounds and don't let them dry out as it stops healing there is a link about it here

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