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Infant feeding

Get advice and support with infant feeding from other users here.

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Original poster

If you almost gave up bf in the first few weeks what helped you to continue?

44 replies

katalex · 07/10/2007 20:45

The reason I ask this question is that I stopped bfing both of my babies after 10 days. This was despite getting great advice from bf counsellors to help with the latch. I was in a lot of pain and I found it really hard to be feeding for 3 hours twice a day as well as many shorter feeds. Even after correcting the latch I was in so much pain that I felt I couldn't continue. With the second baby I told myself that if it didn't work out then I wouldn't beat myself up like I did the first time. However, it's all I think about. I feel so angry at myself for giving up so easily and I really really want to get it right next time. I'm not considering having another baby for a couple of years but I need to give myself the peace of mind that I'm doing everything I can to get it right next time.

Does anyone have any advice?

OP posts:

hunkermunker · 07/10/2007 21:44

Hello, Katalex.

You did a good thing giving your baby bmilk for the time you did - please try not to feel guilty for stopping. I won't tell you you mustn't, because I think suppressing negative emotions can be harmful in itself, but I think dwelling on the negatives isn't helpful.

Do try to speak to a counsellor before you get pregnant again. Or write about your feelings on here - you'll get much support.

I think what helped me was one phrase "I will not give up breastfeeding in the middle of the night". I knew things always looked different in daylight and I knew I could get help if I needed to in daylight hours, so if I could struggle through the sleepless nights of latch and relatch and sob a bit and pain-curled toes and more tears and hot, sweaty uselessness, I could do it.

paolosgirl · 08/10/2007 10:05

Second the Lansinoh cream - absolutely fantastic stuff. I'm pretty sure it's new on the market, and it truly is one of the best things ever invented.

Original poster

katalex · 08/10/2007 10:07

That's a really useful link possetwiper. Thanks.

I think talking about it to you guys is also helping. One thing I also intend to do is to start a thread when I next start bf for support and encouragement and to try to catch any problems early.

Do the NCT make home visits? I had a so-called bf counsellor come to my house last time in the first few days but having seen an NCT counsellor afterwards, I know the first woman didn't really know what she was doing. It would really help to have a proper counsellor come round in the first couple of days.

Thanks Flo23 - sorry to hear it didn't work out for you either. It's comforting though to know that I'm not alone.

OP posts:

TellusMater · 08/10/2007 10:10

Honestly?

It stopped hurting so much.

It was eye-watering for the first few weeks, but then it got easier. And then it stopped hurting at all.

That's why I carried on.

OrmIrian · 08/10/2007 10:14

What encouraged me?

Coming back from the maternity wing of the local hospital after having gone back there to get some help with bfing when DS#1 was a week old. Being shown how to latch him on (for the millionth time) and then put on a 'milking machine' for an hour and still not getting anywhere. Being in tears and having the mw very kindly suggest that perhaps I should try formula as I'd given it a good go and I was in agony, miserable and exhausted. Then go home, have to dig out the steam sterlisier my aunt had given me, find the bottles and then to mix the formula and actually get a whiff of it.....at which point I vowed that no matter how much it bloody hurt, my perfect little baby was not going to be given that foul smelling muck. I carried on and after the first few weeks the pain went and he began to put weight back on.

Elsbells · 08/10/2007 10:41

Katelex
You are not alone. I BF DS only for 4m and DD for 3 1/2 m (and not always exlusive, ff too at times). I was so upset that both times I had to endure probs such as DS not latching and getting thrush 3 times and DD was tongue tied and caused my nippples to crack and bleed constantly. Even after her tongue tie was fixed she still couldn't lift her tongue up enough to bring my nipples to her soft palate and I had to use shields and it messed with my supply. There was mastitis as well. After a long struggle I just had to stop.

DS is now 2yr old and it doens't even phase me that I only managed a bit for him.

DD is 17 weeks and I just recently stopped. I get sad about it still as it is so recent but I am sure as she gets older I will no longer dwell on it..

I am sure with time you won't be so down about it.

I am like you and already thinking how w/my 3rd (not yet - a couple yrs we will try again) DC will be different. I think try and draw on your last 2 experiences and arm yourself w/more knowledge and support when no 3 comes. I know that is what I am going to do.

Elasticwoman · 08/10/2007 10:59

Of course you're not alone, Katalex. The majority of babies in uk are ff by 6 weeks.

katwith3kittens · 08/10/2007 11:19

With my first I had no real preconceived ideas as to what I would do in terms of feeding. I tried to BF her and it hurt like hell ... she was constantly sucking and feeding that it was driving me to distraction and I knew I couldn't keep it up for much longer, and so to my horror I gave in (to my personal dislike of dummies) and got her a dummy. The relief was indescribable, but it gave me the confidence to carry on unti l she was 12 months or so.

As the days turn into weeks and then into months it certainly gets easier. I'm currently nursing #3 and he's 9 months now and I love feeding him (I still hate dummies btw !)

tiktok · 08/10/2007 11:20

Katalex, NCT breastfeeding counsellors and the counsellors from the other 3 vol. orgs. do make home visits. They are all volunteers and there are not many of us, so you can't expect a visit routinely...especially if it involves travel. But you can ask

Mungarra · 08/10/2007 11:30

With DS1 is was nipple shields, which kept me going. I used them for about a week and they allowed my nipples to recover while still feeding.

I fell asleep while boiling the shields, woke up to the smoke alarm and burnt nipple shields. That's when I stopped using them, but my nipples were OK by then and I didn't need them anymore.

OrmIrian · 08/10/2007 11:42

Ahh you wanted constructive comments. Sorry

I did use nipple shields - annoying things but they served a purpose. Also a spray called Rotasept which seemed to numb them. MWs no longer recommend it but TBH I was so miserable I gave it a go. Worked beautifully. By the time DD was on the way way it had passed it's BBE and we couldn't find anymore.

TheBlonde · 08/10/2007 11:50

What helped me?

a hugely supportive DH
taking it one feed at a time
support from my NCT new mums gang
2nd time around seeing the NHS BFC
mumsnet

bluejelly · 08/10/2007 11:51

A great counsellor from La Leche League. All down to her

rebelmum1 · 08/10/2007 11:55

a really could cream that stopped the pain and helped me go through the painful patch - believe it or not the painful bit doesn't last that long - i sympathise it really hurts and a couple of weeks is a long time when you feel every second.

rebelmum1 · 08/10/2007 11:56

good cream i mean

rebelmum1 · 08/10/2007 11:57

Lanolin ?

Mossy · 08/10/2007 12:06

Stubbornness and wanting to prove people in rl wrong especially dh and mil who were trying to get me to stop so I would have more time to get on with the housework. (Still not forgiven mil though dh has - sort of - apologised.)

MN; people like tiktok, hunker & mears, who had very expert suggestions for me, and other MNers who understood and were supportive. Oh and who taught me that not all MWs / HVs know about bfing.

Kellymom and Dr Jack Newman websites.

Sheila Kitzinger and Sharon Trotter books.

Finding the infant feeding co-ordinator / MW at local hospital.

Finding another Mum locally who was bfing (and introduced me to said MW).

So you see I needed a lot of help but I think had I had a supportive partner and a better hospital experience I might not have needed so much help in the first place!

MyEye · 08/10/2007 12:20

Nipple shields.
Expressing a bit and introducing a bit of formula so a/ nipples got a chance to recover and b/ I didn't have to dread feeding every single minute of the day... And trying not to beat myself up about it.
These things meant I kept b/feeding for longer than I'd expected (8 mths).

Lyra75 · 08/10/2007 16:33

Katalex, you really shouldn't give yourself a hard time. You gave your babies a good start, and being in pain agony! is no way to care for a newborn. BF is so much tougher than it's made out to be I think!

I found it really hard at first. I found it sore physically, but I also found it really hard psychologically - I found it so difficult to trust in the process, and was paranoid that my DS wasn't getting enough. I posted here on mumsnet on day 5, ready to quit, but gradually things have improved and we are now at wk 9, managing to bf, but still taking it a day at a time.

What has kept me going till now:

supportive DH
fantastic sister (has effectively been my bf coach as she has been through it recently)
mumsnetters (thank you )
lansinoh
being even more clueless about bottles and formula and sterilising than I am about BF
taking it just a bit at a time - in the first weeks I would say - it's day 5, I'm going to try to bf for 6 days, then 7. As things have gone on, I'm gradually extending the goals, I'm currently trying to get to week 13 - but who knows!
finally, the best advice I got was to give myself a break and give myself permission to use formula if I needed to - once I had accepted that I wasn't the most negligent mother in the world if I used formula, and I had some in the house, it somehow made it easier to cope - as it is I haven't used it yet, but if I do - so be it.

I hope next time round you have a feeding experience that you and your baby are happy with - however you manage it!

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