Proud bottle feeding mamas...

[october92]

Everyone I know did breastfeed, is breastfeeding or is intending on breastfeeding. I want to hear from bottle feeding moms.

What made you decide to bottle feed your baby? Did you feel guilty about now breastfeeding? If yes, how did you deal with this?

Bottle fed. Both my girls ones 18 months other is 3 weeks. I didn't know anyone that had breastfed I had 4 nieces and nephews before I had kids and they were all bottle fed so it's what I knew. I do sometimes think about if I had breast fed I just don't think I would have the confidence to breastfeed outside ( I have no issue with other people that breast feed and in public) obv it's good for the baby but then at times specially on here I see a lot off people have problems with breast feeding and feel a lot off people have negitive experiences more than positives ( I could be wrong)

Why are you looking? The vast majority of mothers in the UK bottle feed to some extent, a significant number from birth, so it seems very unusual not to know anyone in this position. I've done both, one of my DCs was unable to breastfeed from birth. I was proud of myself for meeting his needs and parenting overall, but not for bottle feeding, why would I be? Certainly not guilty, as it was the best solution for him, but a little sad that I couldn't breastfeed him, as I've done it with my others and found it lovely after the hard start. On a more selfish level, I liked that DH could do a bit more with the bottles, but not that I couldn't lose weight easily when bottle feeding, it dropped off me when breastfeeding (though I know this isn't true for everyone).

I bottle fed my one year old. All the mums I new breastfed and my whole NCT group planned to.
It was an easy choice for me because it wasn't possible for me to breastfeed. I worried lots of people and hcp would judge me but they really didn't. Half my NCT group ended up exclusively bottle or combo and 2 of the exclusively breast wanted to bottle fed later on (but baby wouldn't take it).
I read a book called crib sheet that really put all the research in perspective and why a lot of it is bias. When it comes down to it breast isn't this amazing golden liquid and you should do whatever you want to.
Bottle feeding has a lot of benefits, my DH got to do half the nights and I got some sleep which made me have more energy to play with her.

I don't think there needs to be any pride, or conversely any shame, in bottle feeding. It's just a way of getting nutrients into baby. Breast feeding, especially ebf, brings a whole heap more challenges than 'scoop powder, pour in water' so I think people who have managed it justifiably feel some pride. I wanted to breastfeed but baby wouldn't latch on and I couldn't express anymore than 0.05ml (literally the tip of the tiniest syringe). I felt lots of guilt early on for giving up but DD is thriving and I don't give it much thought anymore.

For most bottle feeding mums i know it wasn't exactly a choice, more that bf failed to establish, they didn't get enough support and then baby needed to be fed.

That said, breastfeeding rates in this country are abysmal, so you're more than likely to know lots of people who bottle feed.

I'm not sure you are approaching this in the right way. Do some research and make a decision that's best for you and baby. If that's formula, fine. But base it on evidence and your needs rather than 'pride'. We don't need to be divided into tribes.

I planned to EBF but she was difficult to feed and I was worried about her weight. I found cluster feeding impossible.

Initially she was probably 90% formula but I breastfed more, eventually we moved to one bottle a day. I liked having the option of formula so someone else could feed her and give me a break.

I have hypoplasia and trying to bf with it last time made me very ill with pnd. I promised myself I wouldn't put myself through that again even if I had another child. I had my breasts done as a way of putting all the feelings of inadequacy behind me and giving me some confidence. I'm pregnant again now and it will be formula all the way.

I personally never wanted to breast feed my babys. I did look into it both times but it's not for me. I feel like mums make to much fuss over what everyone els is doing and they should do what's best for themselves and there baby.

My first baby was very prem and very poorly in the NICU he was on a very special type of feed made up in the hospital pharmacy.
Second ds was prem again, and I tried to breast feed but midwives were unsupportive. Third ds I just bottle fed because that’s what I’d done with the other two. I regret not breastfeeding my third, I wish I’d had a go.

So basically down to circumstances around the births and a lack of support.

chubbyhotchoc

hypoplasia can make breastfeeding near on impossible. You are the much quoted 1% who physically cannot breastfeed. I hope you had a better experience the second time round.

I chose not to breast feed for mental health and personal reasons. I had no medical reason to do so. I bottle fed from day one. I was the only person I knew to choose this, and I felt very bombarded with 'breast is best', so I lied to my NCT group for 8 weeks and pretended I was breast feeding. I felt people can be incredibly judgemental, that I needed a better reason other than 'I couldnt mentally handle it'. Now, she is 18 months, and I see that once a baby is fed it doesnt matter. She is happy, healthy, and I see no difference between her and her peers who were EBF. I am pregnant on DC2 now, and I will give breast feeding a go this time because I feel a lot calmer and confident. But I certainly wont be pretending this time around if I choose to bottle feed. There is no shame in it.

I’m pretty sure I will get absolutely slated for this- I didn’t particularly want to breast feed any of my 4 DC, a combination of me having a few issues around my breasts and overall just finding it a bit of a strange concept (which I know people will find hard to get their head around as it’s such a natural thing). Even had I decided to breast feed, I had a breast augmentation in my twenties (see above issues with breasts!) so it probably wouldn’t have been possible anyway.

I think I felt pretty strongly about this because my mum bottle fed me and my sibling and we both turned out absolutely fine and have strong immune systems, so I didn’t feel like I was harming my children in any way by choosing to bottle feed.

IMO it has made having children so much easier on me- DH has been able to help out equally so it’s not been as exhausting for me. Also, I can imagine having 4 DC who I breastfed would probably leave me feeling incredibly touched out, which I don’t at all.

I completely agree with @pinkmummy1 too many mums focus on what other mums are doing. A fed baby is a happy baby at the end of the day. I’ve been asked by a few mums why I didn’t breastfeed and I’ve always said that I wasn’t able to to because it seems so frowned upon to make your own choice and I can never be bothered with the eyebrow raising and judgement when I explain my reasons for choosing not to.

I combination fed - I didn’t feel ‘pride’ or ‘shame’ about either ways of feeding.

The majority of new mums do attempt to breastfeed at first but quickly switch to formula for a whole host of reasons.
I was one of those mums and my 3 dc were all bottle fed from a few days old, it isn’t something I would say I am proud of, I don’t like all the talk about pride when it comes to feeding it just adds to the bf/ff arguments and serves to make mums who switch to formula feel like shit because they didn’t try hard enough. Raising a kind human is something to be proud of not the method you fed them for such a small period of their life.

@Lifeaback you wont be getting any slating from me. I think my decision to bottle feed made life easier on me. My entire decision not to breast feed was around making my life easier to be honest. That's selfish, I know, but I had no family, no friends, a husbad who does 12 hour shifts, and I knew it would be too much. I watched my NCT friends battle cracked nipples, no sleep as they were feeding every 2 hours for months, problems with milk production, anxiety of feeding in front of people, their babies losing weight, and I was swapping feeds with DH at night and getting 6 hours sleep. I was completely selfish, but I feel like it was the beat decision for me and my baby at the time. I was functioning. That was the main thing for me.

I bottle fed my eldest two. It was a choice - I look back and see that now. At the time I made excuses (chronic depression, high dose anti-depressants, traumatic birth...), but actually I was just too scared to. I was definitely not proud to bottle feed anymore than I would be making my children a glass of squash now, it seems a bizarre thing to be proud of, mixing powders with water.
My third child I decided not be too make excuses. I was still scared, but I was determined to breastfeed. She wouldn't latch, lactation consultants were confused as to the problem, so I expressed around the clock, every three hours before being it back to her. I carried on trying to latch her, eventually at 12 weeks she took the breast with a shield, at 16 weeks she fed properly for the first time and I could stop expressing. She fed to the age of four. I am bloody proud of that. I worked hard at that.

I guess it's the same as a ready meal and a cooked from scratch meal with home-grown ingredients. People aren't proud of chucking a lasagne in the oven (why would they be), but they could be very proud of a beautiful homemade dish which has taken perseverance and toil. That's not to say there is anything wrong with the lasagne, you feed it to your kids and they are fed, but nothing to be proud of.

Everyone i met in antenatal classes wanted to breastfeed. Less than half, including myself, achieved it. There were many reasons that breastfeeding didn't happen, from little to no support on how to establish feeding to issues with milk not coming in.

In my case breastfeeding wasn't possible as I had such an horrific infection in my c-section wound that I had to take very strong antibiotics that meant my milk couldn't be passed onto my baby.

So I didn't feel 'proud' about bottle-feeding. I just needed to feed my baby. Which I suspect is what a lot of mothers do.

Thank you for all your responses. I admit my use of the word “proud” was wrong. I guess I meant, I don’t really hear from those who chose to bottle feed because of the stigma attached to it, and all the negative judgement. So I wanted to hear from women who bottle fed and were happy/ OK with the fact they did... I hope that makes more sense.

@SqidgeBum I really relate with your answer. Being a first time parent and giving birth during a global pandemic has been very difficult and if I could make my life easier then I would. Bottle feeding helped a lot.

I suppose for me it's just weird to think that bottle feeding would be easier, especially in a pandemic. All the sterilising, getting hold of formula, getting up in the middle of the night and faffing about with boiling water... and then when you're out and about having to make sure youre always going to be able to make up a bottle wherever you go... Sure, some women struggle with breastfeeding but for lots and lots it's actually very easy, and massively convenient, especially if you also cosleep.

@MoonBaby1 thank you. It was very difficult both not being able to breastfeed and spending those weeks trying fruitlessly but also realising that my breasts were weird and looking at photos of hypoplasia online and thinking how ugly my breasts were. I really hope to enjoy my first few weeks with this baby without all that terrible struggle this time.

Sure, some women struggle with breastfeeding but for lots and lots it's actually very easy, and massively convenient, especially if you also cosleep.

I agree, although we really struggled initially. I combination fed as my DS didn’t latch until he was 9 days old, so I was making up formula and expressing until then. It was hard work, and if I hadn’t had a supportive DH and a fairly easy birth I doubt I would have had the energy for it. Once we’d cracked it my supply unfortunately didn’t increase enough to EBF, but sticking DS on the breast was definitely so much easier than when I was getting up and preparing formula and sorting out bottles etc. Establishing BF can be difficult, but once you’re underway it’s definitely more convenient than formula imo. When I have another I would definitely try and EBF again - hopefully it would be easier to establish next time round. I would definitely prefer to not faff around with bottles so it is for my own convenience as well! But what one person finds inconvenient is not the same for another so everyone needs to do what is best for them.

I suppose for me it's just weird to think that bottle feeding would be easier, especially in a pandemic.

Having done both, I agree that once established, breastfeeding is massively less hassle. The early weeks can be easier with bottles, as breastfeeding can be a steep learning curve, undertaken with cracked nipples and little sleep, but after that and assuming there aren't other reasons that make it hard, it's so easy, cheap and kit-free. If anything, it would be easier in a pandemic as it's not like you'll be worrying about how to go to your friend's hen do in Amsterdam while breastfeeding...

Though having just said the above... Good support does make it immensely easier to breastfeed successfully, if you don't have that due to closed services, then yes, it would be much harder than usual.

I bottle fed all three of mine. It was just what I wanted to do. I never regretted it at all.