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Infant feeding

Get advice and support with infant feeding from other users here.

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Original poster

Refusing a bottle after 13 hours of going cold turkey. Any help for this confirmed Bfer (4 months) appreciated

47 replies

SpeccieSeccie · 21/09/2007 22:34

My niece has been exclusively breast fed since birth but has refused to take a bottle. Her mother, my SIL, desperately needs a break (her dh left her last month for another woman when her dd was 12 weeks and she has an 20 month old as well). Her HV told SIL that her dd would have to go 'cold turkey' from the breast in order to take a bottle. So today I volunteered to try to feed SIL's dd the bottle while SIL went out. She was gone for 8 hours and I could not get her dd to suckle at all. Nothing. Tried cup, syringe and bottle feeding but no joy, just screaming and sleeping.

SIL has now rung me in tears saying she's tried for a further five hours after I left but still the dd won't crack. I said to just bf as it isn't worth a fight at night but SIL weeping that she needs her dd to take a feed from someone else and this is the only way.

Can anyone advise? It's miserable.

OP posts:

paolosgirl · 21/09/2007 22:40

I've had a problem getting all 3 off the boob - DS2 is just not playing ball at all right now, little pest - and I started them all off gradually getting used to one bottle a day. I found it easiest to give them one at the same time each day (around 3pm worked for me), and found nuk teats the best as they are shaped like a nipple. It took a long time to even get them to take one bottle, but I just persevered.
I'm not sure what the answer would be here - I'd be too worried that she'd be getting dehydrated, and would give her breast milk tonight and start again with one bottle tomorrow when everyone is calmer.

Original poster

SpeccieSeccie · 21/09/2007 22:44

Thanks PG. What happened the first time you offered a bottle? How long did it take for your dcs to crack? Do you think 4 months is too late?

Sorry so many questions but very grateful for all help (Am failed BFer so no experience)

OP posts:

Summerfruit · 21/09/2007 22:46

Message withdrawn

determination · 21/09/2007 22:51

Would it be possible for her to do it gradually over a few days or a week?

She could feed her dd from the breast using nipple shields this will allow her dd to get used to the texture of the silicone teat and also the slight possible taste from it, whilst still being close to mum for a gradual transition.

Or create a "happy time" with the bottle. Play with her until she giggles then quickly try her with the bottle to try and psychologically get her to associate the happiness with the bottle?

Original poster

SpeccieSeccie · 21/09/2007 22:51

I was trying with the NUK teats but she just would not suck. At all. After 13 hours no less!

But very encouraged to hear that 4 months isn't too late. (My SIL is getting really unwell with the stress of everything so she's got to find a way through this.) Does 'cold turkey' work? She isn't a suckle-y baby and never took a dummy.

OP posts:

Original poster

SpeccieSeccie · 21/09/2007 22:57

Nipple shields a good idea and definitely worth trying. She isn't a playful baby - I know, all babies enjoy playing but apparently her mother was very serious as well - so I am not sure about the fun time with the bottle but I shall suggest it. Sadly, her mum isn't feeling very playful either .

From what I saw, I think the problem the baby simply doesn't want to suck anything non-boob.

OP posts:

paolosgirl · 21/09/2007 22:59

The first time I offered a bottle they spat it out, and clamped their mouths shut - and I hate to say it but this went on for a couple of weeks anyway. I just kept offering it at the 3pm feed, and eventually they took it. I started at 4 months because I was going back to work p/t and they had to be on the bottle so they could go to nursery.

DS2 is 6 months, and taking his time to accept the bottle, but I'm just persevering.

I think after 13 hours she was maybe a bit too upset to take anything else, and needed her comfort blanket in the shape of a boob - I'd give it another go tomorrow, and just keep at it

fihi · 21/09/2007 22:59

i'm with others who said chill it all out 2nite, try again when every1 calmer. 2 of my 3 didn't want to try bottles - "i'll sort it" said granny, but 3hrs later both baby and granny were purple and screaming. tried again a week later and much more success. half feed from bottle and half from boob worked well. wierd tip-with mine the bottle had to be very warm, quite a bit warmer than straight from mum. don't go scalding your baby tho!!

harpsichordcarrier · 21/09/2007 23:02

this is a REALLY long time to leave a baby without anything I really do sympathise having had a Bottle Refuser myself but honestly, 13 hours .the thing is, the baby may not associate a bottle with food AT ALL it might feel completely alien and odd so it isn't a case of "cracking" because she is hungry, she maybe just hasn't made the connection?
ok, a few things to try:
wrapping the bottle in one of your sister's bras?
dustracting the baby by propping her up to watch something facinating e.g. a tree, a dog, the tv and pop the bottle in her mouth?
what sort of cups have you tried? have you tried making a big hole in the teat so she can taste the milk straight away? holding her very close so she gets hte physcial contact?

NappiesGalore · 21/09/2007 23:05

have you heard of a haberman feeder?
is a speacial sort of bottle... was the only way to get ebm into my dc as young bf babies (if i was out for eg)

link here to one site with them on

Original poster

SpeccieSeccie · 21/09/2007 23:05

Fihi - we had Granny there today as well: useless! Kept saying 'let's just give her back for a feed' from about five hours in. I think Grannies really can't hack seeing their dgcs in any distress at all. Very lovely really, but not a lot of help to SIL!

OP posts:

Blu · 21/09/2007 23:06

God, this sounds awful!
DS never took a bottle. never.
But I saw TikTok (an NCT BF support counsellor, I think) say once that starvation (aka cold turkey) is the least effective way for a baby to learn to accept a bottle - because when they are hungry thet simply wnat what they know will satisfay them - and they don't yet know that a bottle can help. She said the best time to introduce a bottle was ehen the baby is NOT hungry - after a feed or half way through a feed, to encourage the baby to experiment and find out that milk comes from a bottle, and how to suck it.

I hope I am not mis-quoting Tik Tok, just trying to remember her advice in her absense.

And don't let your SIL bellieve the oft quoted maxim that a baby won't starve itself - when DS started nursery as a baby he would come hme weak having refused a bottle. He would then feed from me all night and refuse a bottle throughout the day. (expressed milk, too!).

13 hours? I would urge her to feed the baby herself now, tbh. And try again with a ore gradual approach. Cold turkey sounds very un-restful - and horrible for the poor baby.

NappiesGalore · 21/09/2007 23:07

i REALLY think a bf or two tonight tho, and try again when all is calm tomorrow.

babies cant 'hold out' thru stobborness the way we understand it... she just doesnt 'get it' and is now v v hungry thirsty and distressed i should imagine.

Original poster

SpeccieSeccie · 21/09/2007 23:08

I agree about 13 hours, it is too long, hence SIL crying. Luckily, her dd had had to take some milk as I'd been dripping it in off the end of the teat, and SIL had put in syringes, etc. I think because HV had said it was the only way to do it my SIL didn't see another option.

OP posts:

Blu · 21/09/2007 23:09

Yes, well, HVs are known to get things wrong. Often.

AuntJetPetunia · 21/09/2007 23:10

Has she tried giving formula from a cup? This worked with my dd when she was 8 weeks and refusing breast AND bottle. Put the formula in the cup from the top of the bottle, sit her on your knee and hold it up to her lips to sip.

Original poster

SpeccieSeccie · 21/09/2007 23:11

Sorry, should say that the baby has been fed now. But SIL very very upset as she's put herself an dd through a terrible day and she really thought that 'today's the day' etc. Very disheartening.

OP posts:

fihi · 21/09/2007 23:12

AJP, good point. we used a 'doidy cup' and bottle refusers took those, before going for bottles! they can see and smell the milk, see!!

harpsichordcarrier · 21/09/2007 23:12

yes, there you see Blu explained it better than me.
try it in the middle of a feed.
take the pressure off all concerned.
and this is a problem that will simply go away because in a few weeks time it won't matter so much.
really sorry about your sister's situation though and good on her for carrying on bf.
in this situation what she could really do with is some wetnursing/cross nursing - shame we all go yeeeucccchhh at the prospect

Blu · 21/09/2007 23:13

Nappiesgalore is absolutely right about the 'stubboness' thing. They aren't stubborn, they just don't know. Giving a bf baby a teat is like giving me a plastic laundry basket when i'm mad with hunger and saying 'go on, that will satisfy you, honestly!' Of course, I am going to be furious and hurl it across the room. Or at least giving me a tin of beans still in the tin, when I have never heard of a tinopener.

AuntJetPetunia · 21/09/2007 23:13

Glad the little mite has been fed. What a horrendous day for all concerned! I remember all too well the despair when dd was refusing to feed and crying her eyes out. Awful.

NappiesGalore · 21/09/2007 23:14

i agree harpsi.

Blu · 21/09/2007 23:14

Phew - very pleased the baby has beeen fed, and VERY sorry for your SIL - over today and the terrible time she has had. poor woman.

And Grrrr at that HV.

fihi · 21/09/2007 23:15

more grrrr at the HV!!

lornaloo · 21/09/2007 23:16

It will just take time. If she keeps offering it her dd will become more familiar with the bottle. I know she's probably desperate to get some freedom but its an alien consept to her dd and will need time to ajust.Has she tried dripping a little milk onto dds mout so she knows its milk? Have you tried holding her in breast feeding position and sneaking the bottle in?

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