Refusing a bottle after 13 hours of going cold turkey. Any help for this confirmed Bfer (4 months) appreciated

[SpeccieSeccie]

My niece has been exclusively breast fed since birth but has refused to take a bottle. Her mother, my SIL, desperately needs a break (her dh left her last month for another woman when her dd was 12 weeks and she has an 20 month old as well). Her HV told SIL that her dd would have to go 'cold turkey' from the breast in order to take a bottle. So today I volunteered to try to feed SIL's dd the bottle while SIL went out. She was gone for 8 hours and I could not get her dd to suckle at all. Nothing. Tried cup, syringe and bottle feeding but no joy, just screaming and sleeping.

SIL has now rung me in tears saying she's tried for a further five hours after I left but still the dd won't crack. I said to just bf as it isn't worth a fight at night but SIL weeping that she needs her dd to take a feed from someone else and this is the only way.

Can anyone advise? It's miserable.

and i do really feel for yr SIL too... is awful, truly, to try and try to do something really hard coz you think its for the best... anly to 'fail' and feel even more awful for doing it coz it was 'all in vain'....
SIL needs (and deserves!) TLC as much as baby atm

and, BLOODY hv's. wish theyd do some feckin training

Thank you all for the advice which I shall pass on. Plus encouragement! Sounds like keeping the baby calm is pretty essential. Calmness wasn't really in evidence from about hour six so I guess we should have called it off then. And, yes, I suppose it might as well have been a laundry basket!

Is there a wetnursing forum? That would be ideal. (Tho another friend I know got her sister to feed her baby and the midwife was horrid to her.) Oh, to have a wetnurse, that would work I'm sure.

god, a wetnursing forum... what a fabulous idea !

I would happily bf someone else's baby, if they needed a rest

now THERE's an idea!! go on!

I offered my friend so she could have a rest(she was widowed when her baby was four months old) but her mum vetoed it

I'm certain my SIL would wetnurse too. It seems a pretty normal concept. Shame that there aren't babysitting agencies who could incorporate it.

But still, I guess the bottle is needed as well. SIL's horrendous ex will need to feed the baby and my DH (her brother) looks after SIL's dcs also. Right now SIL can only count on being away for 3 hours and they have to be the 3 hours that fit in with her dd - not nec the 3 hours she wants to be away for.

Why did her mum veto it?! What a shame. It's milk, from a nice source.

[ponders starting wetnursing forum]

off at a tangent maybe (sorry) but does anyone know whether there are still "milk banks"for special care babies where bf mums can donate their surpluss?

yep. contocat your local maternity hospital or maternity ward. they can gove you the info. theyre always happy to take donations!

she thought it was weird

SS, when I wanted to get DS1 used to a bottle (when I went back to work) we tried DH giving it to him and he was disgusted - DS1 that is, not DH!

What I found worked was bfing DS1, having the bottle ready (v warm EBM - body temperature, warm teat too) and once he was latched on and had fed fairly well, I used to ease the teat into his mouth. Took a couple of days trying at a couple of feeds, but he soon worked it out and guzzled EBM pretty well. I still had to be there for those feeds, but when I went back to work, he'd cheerfully take a pint of EBM in a day, so it worked v well with him.

HTH and hope your SIL's life gets a bit easier soon.

Here, Fihi

Oh. Not someone familiar with, say, any social history at all then.

ta, nappies & hunker, will look into it!

Hunker, thanks. I think the warm milk is relevant. My ds takes formula room temp so this is what I was trying to give. I did warm it up later but, as everyone's said, probably too late. Oh dear.

No, room temp no good, ime, it's got to be pretty hot (though obv not dangerously so!) - you weren't to know though so don't worry on that score. Was it ebm or formula you were trying to give?

Both. It was ebm in the syringe but formula in the bottle. Though later SIL put ebm in bottle. No joy either way but SIL reckoned formula would be more successful. Was this right?

i miss bf'ing now. id wet nurse now and then if it felt worthy.

i do know about being/feeling 'tied' tho... but since its only exclusive for first 6m, its 'only' 6m that i was tied for each time iyswim... (am quite aware 6m doesnt feel 'only' anything at the time, and no, i didnt have the pressures your sil is under )

I haven't read all the threads but just to say: my 6.5 month old went from Friday night through to Monday lunchtime refusing a bottle (I HAD to get her off me, I was going back to work): I was feeding her yoghurt and water until it was coming out of her ears (not an option for you I know as the dd is too little). I eventually cracked at lunchtime on the Monday and bf her. Although she definitely "won" that round, about a fortnight later she was on the bottle - and certainly once I had no milk left, we were fine on the bottle. Not sure whether that helps but tell your SIL to persevere, particularly given the difficulties she is having. I think my considered view is that once the breast milk is gone, the little one will be fine on the bottle, it's just having the confidence to let the breast milk go if you see what I mean. HTH

PS I do agree with the comments about starvation though, my dd was not starving (she was full of yoghurt and water), just bloodyminded (and a fair bit older than your niece)