Oh Edie, try not to be too hard on yourself. Your breasts aren't stupid! Bfing is a skill that has to be learnt like everything else we do. Except, like you know, we have to learn it when we are physically done-in and suffering from lack of sleep. At the same time we have to teach a new born how to do it too. It's not easy. Some very annoying people take to it very easily, but for most of us it takes a little time.
Before I go any further has anyone told you about the baby blues that kick in at about day 3-4? Everyone gets some kind of hormone surge at this time and most of us feel at best moody, at worse homicidal (!) but usually somewhere in the middle. I was moody, tearful and irritable. It can be short lived or stay with you for a few days. I'm saying this to try to help you understand where the tears and arguement came from. (I had a huge ding dong with dh when ds3 was about 3 days old, only difference is we did it in the full public gaze of the maternity ward, oops). These feelings will hopefully pass quite quickly for you, and you'll be back to your normal state of mind soon.
So back to little dd. I bet that won't be the first time she'll have you running around at 4am. Imagine 15 years time and boyfreinds and parties! Fwiw, (and I'm sorry if I disagree with all these helpful ladies on here) but in your moment of crisis you felt you needed to get milk into dd and you succeeded in that. You got her nutrition, and you got it into her. So you did your job just fine. The odd bottle will not affect your supply and will not put her off the breast. You did ok. My ds had to have some top up formula when we were in hospital, for different reasons admittedly, and it hasn't done him, me or my milk supply ANY HARM at all.
I don't have many practical tips to help I'm afraid, just some things that have helped me. Ds doesn't like feeding with a wet or dirty bum, so I change him before a feed. This also wakes him up properly (I use cold water on purpose) because he feeds so much better when more alert. In the early days, he had flappy arms, so I'd get dh to hold them until he was settled. Ds3 is most comfy feeding across my chest, but I remember ds2 would only feed well in the early days in the rugby ball position. Talking to him as he feeds helps him relax a bit. If ds fidgets and loses his latch a bit, I break the seal to take him off completely and then wait for him to open wide again and shove him back on, rather than letting him try to do it himself. Hope that makes sense.
About sore nipples: a wise old midwife told me not to waste money on creams. Instead at the end of each feed express a bit of milk out (the rich creamy milk at the end of the feed) and rub it into the nipple. Apparently there is some healing componant in breast milk. It seemed to work for me. This midwife also told me to only feed from one breast at each feed. This is so the baby gets the right quantity of both fore and hind milk, but also gives the other nipple a few hours break from feeding, and time to recover if feeling sore. Don't forget to massage the milk into both nipples at the end of each feed though.
Sorry this is so long and waffly. Hope there is something in there that helps a little. Hang on in there. But please don't be too hard on yourself. You really are doing a good job.