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Infant feeding

Get advice and support with infant feeding from other users here.

Original poster

Ff dd2 3 days old and feel guilty as dd1 was bf

39 replies

missyhols · 14/09/2007 21:17

Anyone been in sim position? Dd1 is 3 days old, and i bf at birth and couple of times since. I bf my dd1 for 6 months really well with no probs but had bit of depression and felt desperate for my body back. I now feel really bad about ff but really trying to avoid depression. Can anyone help or make me feel bit better?

OP posts:
Original poster
missyhols · 14/09/2007 21:24

Anyone?

OP posts:
magnolia74 · 14/09/2007 21:31

3 days is not too late to b/f but the help of a good b/f counsellor would be great. You need tiktok.
I have had post natal depression with dd4(age 4) and ds1(age 9 months) I am still b/f ds1 but did not hesitate to go to gp when things got really bad.
Do you want to b/f?

expatinscotland · 14/09/2007 21:32

It's not at all too late to BF if that's what you want.

lazyemma · 14/09/2007 21:32

oh no missyhols - I can totally understand what you're feeling. It's hard to know how to help without knowing whether you're definitely decided on formula feeding from here, or whether you're wondering whether you could go back to bf.

I can only really speak to the first bit: I formula fed my daughter from birth - I had breast reduction surgery a couple of years ago and although I knew I would be able to breastfeed to some extent, I was really intimidated by the idea of having to pump and be worried about supply all the time, especially with getting to know my (first) daughter too. So I didn't, and felt desperately guilty about it.

I don't think anything I can say will make you feel immediately better, but whatever you do, it's obvious you're taking everything into consideration and really thinking about what's best for you and your baby - it's not like you can't be bothered. Cut yourself some slack.

There's also a thread called "formula feeders wracked with guilt - wanna talk?" - or similar, if you do a search you should be able to find lots of similar stories which you might find helpful.

NotAnOtter · 14/09/2007 21:33

i truly dont think it matters
look after yourself
I had five babies breastfed all
one only 10 weeks - the rest 1 year
i love them all the same
i loathe breastfeeding! you love her - you are doing the best by her
please dont worry- she is happy and healthy and in my vho does not give a gnats turd where er milk comes from
not very 'mumsnet' i know but thats how i feel x

Charlie999 · 14/09/2007 21:34

Don't feel guilty..FF is fine...DD will be fine

Congratulations BTW

LadyTophamHatt · 14/09/2007 21:35

ds4 was 3 days old when I satrted giving him EBM because I was FF him.

Its not too late, not by a long shot.

LadyTophamHatt · 14/09/2007 21:38

I was very proud of the one feed worth of EBM i managed to express each day for 5 weeks.

But all of mine have been FF and have lived to tell the tale!!

hunkermunker · 14/09/2007 21:38

It depends how you think you'll feel in a month or so when it'd be much harder to start to bf (not impossible, but quite hard) - do you think there's any chance it'll be the cause of depression that you didn't bf this time round?

Did you take ADs last time? Would you consider taking them this time, if you did get PND again? There are several you can take and bf with safely, if you wanted to go that route? I don't say any of this lightly, btw - I know how vile depression is. But I know that not bfing would've made me feel much, much worse, so I suppose I'm coming at it with that informing what I'm saying, so please feel free to ignore if I've got the wrong end of the stick.

Keep posting, whatever you decide - I think you'll need support either way xxx

ellehcim · 14/09/2007 21:50

At 3 weeks with DS2 I was really ill for 2 weeks and unable to bf. Milk disappeared and it sent me spiralling into a depressive state very quickly since I felt so guilty. Managed to more or less get milk back with help of a bf counsellor (I supplement with one bottle of formula a day) and DS2 is now 3 months and doing well. What do you want to do? Your daughter will be fine whatever you do. Your priority needs to be you. You're no good to her if you're not well.

rainbow83 · 14/09/2007 22:46

hi, had horrendous feeding experiences with dd1 (you name it, i had it). ended up in hosp. nipples got badly infected and torn etc, abscesses.. the lot. when i had dd2 was feeling horrified and sick to my stomach at though of bfeeding.. kept telling myself each feed would be the last & was feeling horribly depressed and worried about recurrences of problems, when she was about 5 days old i thought gosh this is mysteriously easy & fulfilling and the depression lifted a bit, 8 months down the line and am still bfeeding and loving it and never look back!

tiktok · 14/09/2007 22:48

missy - just breastfeed if that's what you long to do. If formula feeding makes you feel bad, you don't need to do it.

3 days postnatal - starting bf will not be hard, believe me. Just stick the baby on, and go for it

clutteredup · 14/09/2007 22:53

Do what's best for you and you will be a happier mum, if you make yourself miserable to be a 'better mum' you'll be a worse one. Damned if you do, damned if you don't. As long as you do what's best for you in your situation then you're doing the right thing and don't let anyone tell you otherwise or put pressure on you to change or feel guilty about your choices. Your body, your babies, your decisions.
Good luck and enjoy your babies, that's what's most important [symapthetic emoticon]

Original poster
missyhols · 14/09/2007 23:13

Thanks. My prob is i want to give her the best but the couple of times i have fed I've felt like 'oh this doesn't feel right' if that makes sense? I think I'll sleep on it tonight and see how things are in the morning? I'm worried i won't have that bond that i got with dd1. But really don't want to be juggling a 21 month old out alone and bf, don't want the watching of what i eat etc, i felt like i was constantly feeding dd1 and it got me down. I'm rubbish for eating meals and milk supply suffered with dd1.

OP posts:
hunkermunker · 14/09/2007 23:17

MH, what you eat won't affect your milk supply, honest. You'd need to be starving for it to be that that affected it. I think I survived the first few months of bfing DS1 eating either nothing or quiche and cereal, iirc!

I had a 21m gap too and it's tough for all sorts of reasons, not just feeding-related ones. I think it's like having twins of different ages - they both still need you massively, but for different things.

If you do want to bf, post about any supply concerns and you'll get good advice.

Original poster
missyhols · 14/09/2007 23:18

I wasn't doubting my choice like this until i had to take dd2 to hosp and had to wait in room which was plastered wall to wall with bf. There was a lady bf her son on and off the whole time and i was thinking god i don't have any of that has she has she not had enough etc thank god. And then i'm sat reading how breast is best

OP posts:
startouchedtrinity · 14/09/2007 23:19

Missyhols, I ffed dd1 and felt awful about it but had no choice. I bfed dd2 for 22 mo, then ffed ds and felt okay about it. Now I am at peace with it - all three are happy and I've bonded equally with them, and the sickly one is dd2. the most important thing is that you are well and happy - then they will be happy too. They are babies for such a little while and the more you can enjoy them, the better for mum and baby.

I have a friend who has been mixed feeding for six months, maybe that is the way for you to go?

Original poster
missyhols · 14/09/2007 23:28

I did think about mixed feeding so any experience on it would be appreciated thanks x

OP posts:
startouchedtrinity · 14/09/2007 23:37

My mate isn't a mnetter but I know she found it a really good way of feeding - her dh took over some nights, and she has two older dcs as well, both at home.

Why not start a thread on it, there must be loads of mnetters who have mixed fed.

Whatever you decide, know that it is best for your baby. Bfeeding is best statistically, but your baby isn't a statistic. It may be that bfeeding will be best for you both, or ffeeding will be best, or mixed feeding. You are her mummy so trust yourself to know what is best for your baby.

hunkermunker · 14/09/2007 23:39

MH start a thread about it, but I think you'll need to establish the bf before you can mix feed successfully. Maybe talk to a bf counsellor about it - give one of the helplines a ring.

tiktok · 15/09/2007 09:50

missyhols, hunker is right. Mixed feeding from the start is not normally successful ie you end up fully formula feeding.

You need to 'tell' your body breastmilk is needed pretty frequently or else the 'production line' slows down and stops.

You can work towards mixed feeding, if that's what you decide to do, by holding off the bottles for now (or restricting them to one top up alone, maybe) and then introducing them or increasing them in a few weeks' time.

That's just the way the human (female) body works!

But a new thread would bring lots of experiences.

In the meantime, if you want to maintain your option to breastfeed, best to start bf today...the longer you leave it the less easy it is to establish it.

ellehcim · 15/09/2007 14:28

I might be in the minority but I'm mixed feeding successfully. Breast at night and in the mornings and then in the late afternoon and early evening when things tend to dry up a little DS2 has six ounces of formula. Been doing this now for a month and a half (he's now nearly three months) and its working so far. Gives me a bit more flexibility too when I'm exhausetd and need DH to take over.

tiktok · 15/09/2007 14:32

elle - you're confirming what I say

You started mixed feeding at about 6 weeks, not when your baby was a newborn.

The formula you are using will still have an impact on your supply, but not to the extent that it dwindles and dies away. Probably most women, once bf is fairly well-established, can 'get away with' one bottle of formula a day.

ellehcim · 15/09/2007 14:36

No you're right tiktok. I breastfed from day one and only started with the formula when I was ill so the breast milk was already flowing by then.

Neverenough · 15/09/2007 14:54

Missyhols do what feels right for you but to keep your options open you do need to establish BF first.
I had to mixed feed all 3 and managed my youngest til 8 months when she sacked me.
What your baby wants most is a happy mother however you feed her.