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Infant feeding

Get advice and support with infant feeding from other users here.

Original poster

Ff dd2 3 days old and feel guilty as dd1 was bf

39 replies

missyhols · 14/09/2007 21:17

Anyone been in sim position? Dd1 is 3 days old, and i bf at birth and couple of times since. I bf my dd1 for 6 months really well with no probs but had bit of depression and felt desperate for my body back. I now feel really bad about ff but really trying to avoid depression. Can anyone help or make me feel bit better?

OP posts:
Original poster
missyhols · 15/09/2007 19:55

Thanks for all your support. My milk has come in today and they are rock hard.
I think i will stick with ff but have to admit I've been really sad today and i can't help feeling that dd2 won't be as dependent on me.
I feel like I've had the pg, had the baby and thats it.

OP posts:
maxbear · 15/09/2007 20:03

I bf dd for 6 months and felt quite down and did not enjoy it one little bit, felt quite relieved when I stopped. I did not consider ff ds but just told myself that I only had to make it to 5 or 6 months then I could stop. He is just over six months and only has 5 short feeds a day now and sometimes less than that. The other day I was upset at the thought that he might want to stop sooner than me. I could have never felt that first time around yet during my second pregnancy I was convinced that I would feel the same. I don't know how it will be for you but for me this time it has been a completely different experience one which I don't want to stop yet. If you do decide to ff you will have to make yourself feel ok about it otherwise you will become depressed. If you think you can't do that then you might as well try bf. Hope it works out for you. Enjoy your lovely baby.

magnolia74 · 15/09/2007 20:04

Oh sweetheart you are her mum of course she will be as dependant on you
If ff is really what you want then thats great but, if not b/f makes you feel that sad you still can xx

maxbear · 15/09/2007 20:04

Sorry have only just read your last post as am quite a slow typist. Hope it works out for you.

Original poster
missyhols · 15/09/2007 20:14

Maxbear its so nice to know that someone else was the same. Thanks for posting. Do you mind me asking the age dif between you dc and in what way you found it different?

OP posts:
3andnomore · 15/09/2007 20:15

missy, sweety...if you hvae those feelings about not breastfeeding, then just do it and see where it takes you.
I know you have had a few traumatic moments in your labour, and of course, there were other issues, but, tbh, in a way you do sound like you actually want to bf.
my ms and ys are 21 month apart, and I know it is difficult at times...but, Breastfeeding, for me, was the easier option, because I still had a hand free to cuddle my ms even when I was feeding, and I felt more mobile...and my ms is by no means an easy child....lol...far from it, and ys was rather demanding...but, I know if I had not breastfed him, I would have felt far worse, if that makes sense...I still miss bf now, even though ys is 3 and weaned himself off at 13 month...

Original poster
missyhols · 15/09/2007 20:17

And thanks magnolia

OP posts:
Original poster
missyhols · 15/09/2007 20:25

Hi 3nomore god i'm messed up. On one side i'm going to miss it and want to give her the start i have dd1 and the other half is wanting to be independent again and not have any worry's etc. Maybe i should and see how it goes. I know I've had my whole pg to deal with the decision but i was sure i wasn't going to and now i feel terrible.

OP posts:
Original poster
missyhols · 15/09/2007 20:33

Bump

OP posts:
3andnomore · 15/09/2007 20:39

Missy, thing is, you just never know how you actually will feel...

I had a traumatic Birth with ys, and basically I felt mainly rejected by him, he would just scream and it would drive me round the bend, especially as dh would walk in and he would be handed over to him and would stop magically with the crying...the only thing I felt I did right and the only time he really seemed to be happy with me was if I fed him, lol...

Original poster
missyhols · 15/09/2007 20:42

She's been so good and barely crys i'm blessed twice around. Thats why i feel so bad that i'm not giving her good start in life.

OP posts:
hunkermunker · 15/09/2007 20:43

Can you try bf for a bit and see how you go? If you don't start now, you'll have less chance of doing it if that is what you decide to do - and you can always stop bf and switch to ff if it's making you miserable.

But if you ff and aren't happy about it, it's harder to switch the other way.

And it might be a totally different experience this time round. You know more about the whole other side of being a mum (nappies, sleep, the massive emotional "omg I have a BABY!"), so it's not ALL new in the way it is with your first.

And/or how about giving a bf counsellor a call to talk it over with? The numbers are on my profile. Maybe get someone else to ring for you in case you need to leave a message for someone to ring you back - can be quite hard to psych yourself up to speak to someone, then hear an answering machine bleep

startouchedtrinity · 15/09/2007 20:48

missyhols, I so feel for you, we get so mixed up about bf. You know how I knew with dd1 and ds that ffeeding was the right decision? When I woke up realising that they needed a feed and then remembered I'd switched from bf to ff - the relief! In each case I was in a lot of pain both physically and mentally.

I will tell you now that I am every bit as bonded to my two ffed dcs as to my bfed dd2, and although in theory they didn't have such a good start in truth I see no difference, and dd2 is the one with health problems. With ffeeding your lo looks up into your face, it is very beautiful, like bf but different. You can still feed skin-to-skin, sing whilst you feed, co-sleep, whatever you like to do to feel close to your baby.

The most important thing is that you are happy, that is where bonding comes from IMO. think about the next feed...do you imagine you bf or are you relieved it's a formula feed?

You know if you want to go for bf that you will get loads of support on here. If you decide to ffeed and need a chat then I'm happy to do so.

callmeovercautious · 19/09/2007 22:25

Missy - Hi - Just had to search for you as have been off for a few days. Sorry you have found this tough. How is it going, what have you decided?

Glad you went for the name

DD awake! Got to go! Back later!

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