Panic attacks breastfeeding

[RLI1105]

Hi everyone, just looking for some advice and/or support.

I have a beautiful 10 day old baby boy and always assumed I would breastfeed but in a tale I'm sure as old as time it has been extremely difficult.

I have extremely large boobs (34JJ) and small nipples and my baby has never managed to latch on - not once. I have an NCT breastfeeding counsellor and she got me nipple shields which he can latch on with but poorly. My nipples are cracked and sore but I've been trying to push through.

I was an emergency c section so stayed in a bit longer and had a stressful stay. I got no support whatsoever from the midwives and would stay up most the night squeezing out 1ml of collustrum to give him. I ended up giving some formula because he was dehydrated and literally getting 5mls if he was lucky.

We're now at home and I have never felt this low in my life. I dread feeding him although I also get extremely stressed if he goes too long so I really struggle to sleep. He has put on weight but slowly. The midwife thinks the shield is stopping him fully emptying the breast so wants me to top him up with expressed which he guzzles. She visited yesterday and she wants me to try for no longer than 40 minutes to latch him and if he struggles then give him expressed and then I can express the rest off. Apparently I should be expressing every 3 hours. If I'm relaxed I can manage. If I'm anxious (99.9% of the time) then nothing comes.

Yesterday afternoon/all night he didn't latch properly once and I know he didn't get much milk. We gave him 3 50ml top ups which he guzzled.

When I got up at 3 to feed and he wouldn't latch again I ended up having a panic attack - the first of my life which was terrifying.
I feel like the most terrible mother that I can't feed my baby properly and the anxiety the whole situation is giving me is crippling.

Has anyone had a positive experience weaning off nipple shields with large boobs? I have a good support system but everyone just says you need to give it weeks. I don't know if mentally I can do that but would take any encouragement.
Has anyone else suffering from a new bout of anxiety due to feeding? If so did anything help?

Sorry for being so long winded. I feel helpless.

Oh OP

Are you really sure you want to continue breast feeding?

I would either phone your health visitor again and discuss with them ASAP, there should be specialist infant feeding nurses with children services so ask about those too. If you can afford it could you seek advice from a private lactation consultant? I had to for a different problem and paid £70 for a 2hr visit plus free email support for however long I needed it.

Oh that sounds so tough!..

I've used Nipple Shields the entire time DS is 11 months now. It wasn't ideal but I gave up trying to get him off them and just accepted it. I have small Nipples too. They are a bit of a faff to put on in public disgreetly but you get better. They haven't impacted my supply at all do not sure if that midwife is correct. I went to bf support a few times and they helped me with the shields - never said there was anything wrong.

Wish I could help you - you're doing amazingly well so far

Your suffering severe anxiety and now panic attacks over this, totally different from 'struggling a bit', your health is paramount- decide what's best for you, healthy and happy mum leads to a healthy and happy LO-
I EBF Dd1, I couldn't with Dd2, their 1 & 2 now, both thriving.

Sounds really tough OP. I’d second what @Pippinsqueak said and try and seek advice from an IBCLC registered lactation consultant. In my experience, the one I saw was the only person who was able to teach me how to latch my baby. As kind as everyone else was, I never found their advice actually helped my situation.
I’d also highly recommend some healing cups called silverette or breast angels. I got mine from amazon. They are expensive but I’ve been amazed at how well they have worked this time round with my second baby- I was dreading a repeat of the first (nipples which bled for 4 months and mastitis 8 times) but I’m 10 weeks in and so far, so good!
Best of luck 🍀

PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE do what’s best for
YOU! Don’t push yourself because you feel you “should”.
You’re not a terrible mother you’re amazing for doing all this for your little one but you must look after yourself as-well 💜

I too am still using nipple shields and my baby is now a year old. They haven't impacted my supply in any way and she is thriving. I don't think you should worry about coming off them just yet!

Does your baby take a bottle? We did combination feeding for the first 8 weeks or so until we'd both got the hang of BFing. It meant that my DH could do some night feeds and I didn't feel so stressed about whether she was getting enough milk.

I agree with a PP who said your health must come first so do whatever is going to work for you and don't feel any guilt about it.

@Kate3150 totally agree!

You need better support than the midwives can offer. Call La Leche League on 03451202918 , and see if there is a meeting you can attend. They will give you advice over the phone anyway.

If you can afford it definitely hire an independent lactation consultant (IBCLC). They are the real experts.

The Facebook group Breastfeeding younger babies and beyond was a lifesaver for me too.

Bless you, it sounds like you're having such a tough time.

Bless you op

I just wanted to tell you that you don’t have to breast feed. It doesn’t make you any less
of a mother, or in any way a failure if you decide to stop. Expressed milk out of a bottle or formula are absolutely fine, and nobody will think badly of you.

I obviously don't want to comment on your decision for breast feeding as of course we all know breast is best. However In my case I bottle fed my lo for my own mental health and anxiety reasons and had no regrets. It worked for me. Good luck whatever you decide to do

I had a funny shape too OP and tried hard with shields and expressing. Switched to formula and life became so much better.

Shields can impact your supply but so can loads of things and I'd imagine dreading feeding doesn't help your supply either. I stumbled through for about 3 weeks with shields and kept trying to not use them and eventually was bullied into a lactation consultant by my mom and husband. It changed my life. I didn't realise it but I was so stressed out over the feeding I was like a hunchback on the couch, he had tongue tie, my nipples were in bits and after a 2 hour magic consultation she just saved my life. She didn't talk about how often to feed or how much he was getting she was just this serene breastfeeding guru and she got me to completely chill. I used the shields exclusively from that point, I started to express for supply and I managed to wean him off the formula top ups. She diagnosed tongue tie and after the snip I forgot the shields one day and it wasn't sore and suddenly I didn't need them anymore. Obviously everyone's different but for me the lactation consultant helped me get out of my head and also gave great advice.

I could have written this post.
Inverted nipples, tongue tie. Baby didn’t latch. It went on like this for 7 weeks and I was the lowest I’d ever been in my life. It sounds extreme now, but I hated life. We switched to bottles and overnight we were 2 completely different people. Don’t feel guilty, you’ll look back and be annoyed that you did.

That sounds really tough op, and you've got to look after yourself.

I can't help with regard to big boobs, but my ds struggled to latch and stay on to start with and it turned out he had a tongue tie. Are there any breastfeeding drop-in clinics near you or a la leche league meeting you could go to? They may have health visitors and lactation consultants there who could check (the doctor at my hospital had a very quick check and missed my ds's so I do think getting an expert too check is worth it!) Once that was cut it was a game changer. If he doesn't have a tongue tie, I found them really helpful at offering different positions or ways to get him to latch which the midwives/hcas were not so good at during that first few weeks.

Please please look after yourself though! You're doing great doing all this for your ds - please remember that!! The first days are so stressful and you get so much conflicting advise. Good luck!

My baby wasn’t well when I was born and I expressed for 3 weeks, saw a LC, and decided to switch to formula ironically

For months I felt suicidal over giving up trying to BF and now he’s nearly 1, I’m on my last box of formula and it doesn’t matter anymore

On the other side of the coin I felt almost instantly better and bonded so well, I held him for 6 mo this solid and now we are little best mates

If it’s not working for you, please consider not doing it

But I would see a LC first, they are so deeply trained and spent so much money on it, they are best placed to help

My first dd was like a piranha and ate me alive so I had nipple shields to protect my very cracked and sore nipples from the first week. I used them for ages - months. I was the most clueless mum imaginable and ending up EBF all my three kids. So OP reach out for support everywhere and stick with it if you want to BF. With support all your issues will resolve. Can someone hold the baby so you get enough sleep or a warm shower? Relaxing is so, so important for you! Don't forget you are coming down off your pregnancy hormones which can make the first couple of weeks extremely tearful and emotional. So if at all possible don't make permanent decisions for a few weeks (such as stopping BF) because you will get back to a more emotional equilibrium. Right now get as much help as you possibly can, rest, have other people bring you food etc. so you can focus 100% of your dc and establishing BFing.
Congratulations!! You are a fantastic mum!!

Thank you so much for all your kind words, I'm sitting here crying reading them (in a good way!)

My NCT breastfeeding counsellor is coming to see me this afternoon and I had actually looked into a lactation counsellor and it's good to know that they helped some people. I'll see what this afternoon brings with my NCT lady but maybe the more help the better.

It's such a complex range of emotions - I have always had good mental health which I've obviously taken for granted. I had a very stress-free straight forward pregnancy and despite needing a cesarean, I don't have any negative feelings towards the birth. I was so, so excited to meet our baby and I've never known love like it but I feel crushed by feelings of inadequacy and anxiety about feeding.
My husband is great but I know it's breaking his heart to see me like this. He'll take the baby whenever I want, night and day but I feel like if I can't feed my baby it should at least be me that soothes him and I like letting him sleep on me too.

Thanks again. I'm so touched that so many of you would say which kind things xxxxx

@RLI1105 how did it go with the NCT advisor? I hope you had some success.

I don’t have big boobs but did have a tiny baby. So they were big compared with him. I struggled so so much with feeding and felt more inadequate than I’ve ever felt in my life. And got really bad anxiety too. We got there in the end. I combi fed with formula because I couldn’t pump enough. But after seeing a lactation consultant and breastfeeding nurse and going to groups, we got there in the end. I ended up feeding for a year and a half and also mainly dropped formula. I couldn’t pump much but I had enough milk when the baby was getting it out! I’m so pleased I fed that long but I also wish I’d had a more relaxed attitude. It really robbed me of enjoyment of those first few months as I was so preoccupied with trying to feed. Really hope you got some good advice today that actually makes a difference. Also, you baby is growing every day so will be stronger and more able to latch as time goes on. But if it all gets too much then please don’t be hard on yourself about stopping. Although in saying this, I’m well aware that I’m giving you advice that I couldn’t myself follow!

Wishing you all the best OP, it’s such a tough time. I just wanted to add lanisoh is a lifesaver for sore and cracked nips.

Hi everyone - again thanks for the messages!
Bit of a whirlwind of a day!
The NCT counsellor cane round to the flat to see us and tried to help latch. She was pretty mortified when I told her it was taking hours and hours to feed and could see how stressed I was. We tired every position known to man and nothing worked. She was pretty frustrated herself but after assessing everything she basically just said to me that there are just too many obstacles at the moment and that's why it's so difficult. You have his tongue tie, the fact we're having to use shields, the size of my breasts and nipples and the overall anxiety I'm feeling. I've been just about getting away with it up to this point as he's been smaller but he's now wanting more and he just can't get it out.
She basically told me that I was doing all the right things but that I need to give myself a break. Hearing it from her was just such a relief.
She's recommended specialists to get his tongue tie reviewed and in the meantime I'm going to express and probably end up supplementing with formula (he's a hungry boy!) She said that when he's bigger it could be something we revisit and she said we should definitely get his tongue tie looked at as this will also help.
Honestly I feel so relieved. I'm going to have to work really hard at the expressing which I'm determined to do but the dread has lifted.

Again, thanks so much for all the messages. You can feel so alone and just hearing someone go "that sounds really shit, I'm thinking of you" is actually such a help xxx

My DD was a forceps delivery. They squeezed her skull so hard she has dents in her cheekbones (now 9 so very much permanent). Add that to my (at the time) K cup boobs and fairly flat nipples and there way no way she was going to be able to latch on.

I started expressing every 3 hours when we came home from hospital (day 3). Managed it for 9 months and pumped enough milk for her first year. I don’t know whether I’d actively recommend it, but for me it was the next best solution to breastfeeding.

Sound like a great plan. Also, re expressing, i defo got more out if I was either looking at baby or looking at a picture and really trying to imagine the milk coming down. Good luck

I tried to have DD next to me (sleeping) while I expressed.