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Infant feeding

Get advice and support with infant feeding from other users here.

Original poster

Hate breastfeeding, but baby won’t accept a bottle

38 replies

Ameo · 28/12/2019 22:14

DS is 6months old now and has been exclusively breastfed despite multiple issues - tongue tie, allergy and reflux. It’s making me really miserable, I feel suffocated now because I can’t leave him, get no time to myself and I am beyond exhausted with his constant waking up overnight and having to settle him alone (this is due to reflux i think, he wakes up choking and coughing at least once an hour). Our hospital appointment isn’t until February. I have been expressing milk for him to try in a bottle but he screams so much and holds his breath. I had hoped to introduce some bottle feeds with EBM as I am concerned about his gut health with the allergy so want him to have breastmilk if possible. A ramble that probably doesn’t make sense but I’m fed up, I want my life back, have time to take real care of myself, socialise, spend quality time with my older children. Any tips welcome Sad

OP posts:
LittleFoote · 28/12/2019 22:22

Is the breast milk fresh or frozen/defrost?

LittleFoote · 28/12/2019 22:23

Is the milk fresh or frozen/defrost?

TeddyBeans · 28/12/2019 22:29

I didn't breastfeed DS at all but surely if there's nothing else on offer your little one will take it eventually? Seems really harsh saying it like that! There are bottles/teats you can get that mimick nipples really closely which may help your little one transition.

Sorry you've had such a rough time with his health, it will get better Flowers

Original poster
Ameo · 28/12/2019 22:29

He won’t take frozen milk (think high lipase) so a relative tried to give him fresh milk today (it had been expressed and left in the fridge this morning). Still refused it

OP posts:
waspfig · 28/12/2019 22:34

How long have you been trying the bottle?

Had a similar thing with my 7 month old. Things that helped us:

Get someone else to feed baby and you completely leave the room/house.
Try lots of different bottle teats- nuk first sippy cup is the one that worked best for us.
Try different temperatures of milk.

Also, don't forget, once baby starts taking more food/water, they'll need less milk and you will get some time back!

onedream · 28/12/2019 22:37

Did you try a cup? Some babies just won't take the bottle no matter what you do..I would try sippy cup to see if he takes it like that..

Original poster
Ameo · 28/12/2019 22:39

I’m very very tired today, very emotional. I’m proud of breastfeeding him but it’s been a real slog. I was so desperate for him not to have allergies like his siblings (I bottle fed them) but he still does anyway. The reflux is crippling, it’s ‘silent’ but I can hear it every night and breastfeeding is the easiest way to resettle him. I’m up multiple times every night with no respite as no one can help. I’m pretty sure I could continue if I could have some decent sleep (ie husband could do a bottle feed overnight to let me sleep) or an evening with friends without being ‘mum’.

I’ve got a selection of MAM bottles and medela, I wonder if teat size would make a difference. He won’t even take water from a Sippy cup with meals at the moments

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Lotsofpots · 28/12/2019 22:46

Both my bottle refusers eventually took a lanisoh momma bottle (tried about six other brands to work this out).
Kendamil formula was also a game changer, my youngest literally devoured a bottle of this first time we tried it having refused all other milk, including expressed. I realise you want to stick with EBM for the time being, but worth a try if you go down the formula route.
Good luck.

hollyangel · 28/12/2019 22:57

I'm sorry you are finding it tough. Sleep deprivation is a killer, particularly around 4-6 months when it's as if all the new baby adrenaline is gone. Everything is so much harder when you're tired and I really don't think mums with bad sleepers get enough credit for how hard it is.( I have/had two breastfed babies who
were are dreadful sleepers so
I sympathise)

Do you have much support at home? As a previous poster said, he'll be eating soon and this will stretch out the feeds. How much water will he take? Best thing would be for you to take yourself out of the house for a day, if you could even book a cheap hotel room and leave your husband to it.

Imagine a whole day of sleep in a hotel room?! You would feel like a new woman afterwards. It would definitely worth the investment, if at all possible.

Original poster
Ameo · 28/12/2019 23:02

Husband (although lovely, and wonderfully hands on with the older ones) is rubbish with the baby. No patience, gets very stressed and then gives up. I don’t feel like I’ve got any support when it comes to DS at all. I’ve had 3 hours away from him ever. Sleep in a hotel sounds utterly wonderful. I’ve always had good sleepers, was very lucky. I dread the nights now, it’s long, lonely and frustrating. Then I see his beautiful little face grin in the morning and obviously all is forgiven. That is, until the next night when I’m back in tears again from tiredness.
GP refused to prescribe allergy formula because I’m breastfeeding, and said the paediatric team has to see us first.

OP posts:
Original poster
Ameo · 28/12/2019 23:02

Forgot to say, doesn’t seem to take any water, just screams at the Sippy cup !

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newbingepisodes · 28/12/2019 23:16

I didn't have this issue, but a friend of mine did and she had to crack it before she went back to work. In the end she just refused the boob the child went 16 hours refusing the bottle, but then was obviously so hungry he just took anything. I should add that one parent is a doctor so they were very careful to look out for dehydration signs etc. But it did work instantly and took a bottle ever since no problem.

HotPenguin · 28/12/2019 23:24

Have you tried resettling him with a dummy at night rather than BFing? I had a refluxy, tongue tied bottle refuser. I used to do what I called "extreme winding", which was very extensive winding changing his position part way through and that seemed to help.

Original poster
Ameo · 28/12/2019 23:35

He has refused 9 different types of dummy. I saw an IBCLC in the early days who said that as he has a high palate he’s unlikely to accept a dummy. Wish he did, my others loved theirs!

OP posts:
Snoodleberry · 28/12/2019 23:39

Have you tried nipple shields whilst you breast feed, to get him used to the feel of the plastic teats?

Useful22 · 28/12/2019 23:58

I hate to say this but been where you are and still am at 18 months but obviously not as bad now. The thing is if the reflux isn't managed then boob sucking is the only relief for baby. It can be really nasty for them pain wise so I wouldnt take it away. I do get how you feel, mine still wakes up 10 times a night and will only sleep with boob. Its exhausting and emotional not having a normal life.

Mine used to take bottle pre 6 months but then refused because of a reaction to formula in a bottle. All I can say is they do tend to grow out of reflux or at least it improves dramatically with age. I don't think formula from gp will help if baby wont even drink breast milk from the bottle. I would be seeing someone for the reflux and allergies...what makes you sure about allergies? You may find the allergies are causing the reflux if you are eating something baby is allergic to.

Just remember it's a period in time that will pass. I had to remember that a lot laying there at night crying with pure exhaustion.

Useful22 · 29/12/2019 00:00

So try audible books and eat some extra toast before bed!

Original poster
Ameo · 29/12/2019 00:05

Useful22 my older son has CMPA. I’ve cut dairy and egg out of my diet entirely and he is more settled now, no more hours of squirming and screaming but we do have the frequent refluxy wake ups that haven’t changed. His nappies are much better (no more mucus/green and significantly less wind). Been off that for 8 weeks now. We went to A+E for something unrelated and the paediatrician there diagnosed reflux and CMPA, pin pointed the egg from a change in my own diet as to when the worst of the symptoms appeared.
I’m not convinced he will take formula at all, particularly the prescribed formula with it being so nasty in taste. Happy to continue to express milk for when he needs a bottle... if he will take it at all.

Thanks all, really needed some insight from those who have been here before. I come from a very anti-breastfeeding family who have never offered any support. In fact, they use it as a reason not to help with DS at all as they can’t feed him!

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UptightFunk · 29/12/2019 00:15

Haven't got any advice but in the same situation. We're just coming up for 7 months and while he loves food he still won't take a bottle/ wants a lot of boob at night. We have one of the lansinoh momma cups and it's definitely the only one that's not been an outright no. It isn't a hard yes though either!

Soya was another big trigger for us (alongside the CPMA) and sneaks into loads of stuff just in case you could try excluding that too....

Sillyscrabblegames · 29/12/2019 00:15

Would it be possible to Co sleep with him to make nights easier for you?
I had a reflux baby and it really was Torture. I wish in hindsight I had given into Co sleeping earlier rather than fight the baby! He never took a bottle or a dummy, and went onto sippy cups when old enough for juice and was weaned at about 18 months.

lovethesunshineways · 29/12/2019 00:36

Have you started weaning yet? My DS refused to take a bottle from anyone and would only feed from me. Totally stressed me out as I was going back to work. Once he started on solids he wasn't feeding so often and gradually introduced a bottle and sippy cup which he took.
I then totally went the other way with my second, in that I was so determined that she take a bottle she refused me after 20wks and it broke my heart!
So with no3 I didn't stress at all, demand fed and she was breastfed until a year.
I look back now and it was such a short period of time, I'd do anything to have my babies back and feeding from me.
What I'm trying to say is try not to get stressed out (easier said than done I know) and just accept that this is what it is for now, it does seem like it's going on forever, but honestly it won't and all of a sudden they'll be smelly teenagers ☹️

Original poster
Ameo · 29/12/2019 00:48

I’ve given in to co-sleeping. I’m not a fan at all but at least get some sleep. I wake up stiff and cold! Husband and I thought we would attempt a bottle this eve when he wakes up, typical he’s slept the longest stretch I’ve seen in a long time and we’re sat here yawning!

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Original poster
Ameo · 29/12/2019 00:51

@lovethesunshineways did you just not go out whilst you were feeding yours? I’ve got occasions in the next few months where I simply can’t take him with me (hen do etc). Do I just accept I can’t go? I am feeling very grateful I’m not due back at work yet. We’ve started weaning, he’s not particularly interested yet but it is early days

OP posts:
hollyangel · 29/12/2019 06:54

@ameo Well done for breastfeeding him still, particularly with an anti-breastfeeding family. You are so kind to do it for him, as you realise it gives him comfort.

My second is a dummy refuser and a bottle refuser. I never heard that about a high palate, I wonder is that the same reason here?

When I had to go to night-time stuff at around 6 months, I would feed, wait until the baby was asleep and then leave. He would generally sleep from 7.30/8 until 11.30/12.

With regard to your husband, mine was similar. It was generally just easier for me to take the baby, as I could soothe him so quickly. But then I cracked from exhaustion and my husband had to step in and find
his own methods to get him to sleep without milk,which he did when I wasn't there one evening. Best thing ever as it meant I wasn't the only person that could put him to bed.

lovethesunshineways · 29/12/2019 09:48

@Ameo I did go out, took them with me when they were really tiny, or just popped out for a few hours then came back to feed. But I was extremely lucky with mine and by a few months old they didn't need feeding once they'd had their 7pm feed, and if they did wake it was around 2am.

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