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Infant feeding

Get advice and support with infant feeding from other users here.

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Original poster

Close to giving up breastfeeding - when does it get easier?

30 replies

Leftie624 · 11/06/2019 12:12

I have a 7 week old DS. He was born early at 36 weeks, had 6 days in neonatal and one night on the ward with me before we came home. He seems to be a good feeder from what I can tell; lots of nappies, gaining weight, latch is ok (had this checked when I had a problem with cracked nipples a couple of weeks ago).

But I am exhausted. It’s so much more intense and demanding than I realised. My older son was bottle fed at 3 weeks as trying to breastfeed him was an unholy mess so breastfeeding is completely new to me.

DS2 feeds ok in the day then settles to sleep and/or stays awake for a bit then sleeps. But at night...he seems to want to feed constantly and doesn’t sleep. He’ll nod off while feeding and i’ll put him down and he’s up again after 10/20 minutes wanting to feed. It feels like I can’t fill him up in the night. Is this normal?

He used to feed from about 7 till midnight but he would then settle and sleep. We’ve had nights where he’s fed every couple of hours as well. He doesn’t seem to want to sleep at night at the moment!

We sometimes have days like this too. He’s finally settled to sleep after feeding relentlessly/crying/bringing milk back and short naps from about 9pm last night.

I’ve tried a dummy and , out of desperation a bottle of formula a couple of times and he refuses to take either.

I keep reading that breastfeeding gets easier and I thought, by 7 weeks that things would be settling down by now. I’m reaching my limit with it and I have an 18 month old lively toddler to look after as well so opportunities to rest in the day are pretty much non existent. Plus i’m feeling guilty that i’m Not able to give him as much attention as i’m constantly attached to his younger brother :(. It feels to be honest like I’m letting them both down.

I guess what i’m asking is does breastfeeding ever get easier? If so, when?!

OP posts:

onedream · 11/06/2019 17:12

Hi I don't have the answer but I'm in similar situation I have a 3 year old and 9 weeks old, bottle fed the first one and breastfeeding this little one..nights are okish but days are been constantly feeding for 45 mins sometimes an hour and after 30 mins - 1 hour same thing again..I too was waiting for it to get better but not much is improving tbh and I have started with 2 bottles a day and will gradually replace all feeds with bottles..I just don't have the energy and time my 3 year old is constantly watching tv or bored because I'm glued to the sofa feeding most of the time..

FairfaxAikman · 11/06/2019 17:18

The first 6-8 weeks are the hardest. Breast milk digests faster than formula but he's also working to establish your supply, hence the near constant feeding.
Learn to feel lying down - it saves my sanity in the early days and I've been feeding for 13 months now.
Honestly by 6 months you'll feel sorry for mums who have the faff of preparing a bottle.

userabcname · 11/06/2019 17:27

I found it improved at 12 weeks. Up until then it's a long hard slog. Feeding all night is very common and at 7 weeks you're probably in prime "growth spurt" phase. I found co-sleeping helped and resting as much as possible during the day was a necessity. Make sure you're getting lots of fluids and eating regularly. My midwife recommended keeping a box of cereal bars bananas by the bed so I could snack in the night during cluster feeding.

Original poster

Leftie624 · 12/06/2019 07:16

Thank you for your replies. We had the best night we’ve had for a long time last night. I fed lying down in bed then moved him into his Moses basket once he was asleep. We had a very fussy hour from 10.30 till 11.30, then he fed on bed, then at 1 and 4 & woke up at 6. I feel human again!

@onedream* it’s so hard isn’t it. I’ve been going out to playgroups and using those to tire my older one out. We have lots of nursery rhymes on YouTube for him as well

OP posts:

Chosennone · 12/06/2019 07:19

I think growth spurt too. Go with it for 48 hours. By 7 ir 8 weeks try and see if baby will go 2 hours rathrr than feed on demand. I perservered with a dummy and it was a god send when i knew baby was fulll

DinkyTie · 12/06/2019 07:21

It was 12 weeks with dd1. I was so close to giving up but then it just clicked and we went until 9 months.

Turns out she had tongue tie and it likely stretched/her mouth grew.

But I didn't have another DC to also care for at that time. Dd2 was hard too, but that's another story for a different thread!

grace7 · 12/06/2019 07:22

I can honestly say that I hated breastfeeding DS in the first few weeks. I found it exhausting and painful. However, it did get easier and he's still feeding now age 1().
Would you co-sleep? I found this helped massively with getting some sleep. We brought the Chicco Next 2 Me but he always ended up on our bed and went from there. If it's something you'd consider, there is loads of information on safe co-sleeping available online. Good luck!

Parkermumma07 · 12/06/2019 07:27

I breastfed both mine and it is soooo hard. I promise it does get easier. I also fed lying on my side with baby latched on which helped a lot. I'm sure your doing a great job 👍

squeekywheel · 12/06/2019 08:55

It does get easier!

Getting proper nutrition for you will help. Plenty of easily digested calories (cake basically), full fat milk, protein, fruit and veg.

Don't try and do low fat or worry about losing baby weight etc.

springgreensunshine · 12/06/2019 08:58

I'd say 7 or 8 weeks and it gets easier. You've done the hard part now.
Having said that though, if it's not suiting you then stop. It doesn't matter.

carneconchilli · 12/06/2019 09:02

It definitely does get easier.. it will be any time now for you if you can just push through. I struggled terribly with DS and moved on to bottles at 5 weeks but with my DD I went to support groups, got things for sore nipples and ate and drank plenty. It suddenly clicked at about week 7 or 8. And I must say my son was a terrible sleeper and woke loads until he was 1, and he was FF. So I think some baby do just wake loads regardless of how they're fed.

I found bottles easier in the first few weeks with DS then a faff for a long time after. But I found breastfeeding my DD hard at first but sooo much easier than bottles in the long run. I'm still feeding now at 9 months and really glad I stuck with it.

Bottom line though you must do what feels right fit you. Baby will be totally fine however they are fed as long as you're ok.

stucknoue · 12/06/2019 10:34

About 8 weeks - seriously I moved at 7 weeks and it was the longest day of my life (8 hour time difference!) and dd fed basically continuously, 30,000' alone with a baby isn't fun BUT things seemed to click by the time she had her first drs appointment the following week, literally it went from close to giving up to it's easy in just a few days. I think the key was I had other things to worry about (new country, new crazy health system) rather than worrying about feeding her

firstimemamma · 12/06/2019 10:43

I found that my baby wanted to feed loads up until 12 weeks-ish then things really calmed down and he started feeding less!

At 10 months old he has 4 feeds a day now - 1 to start the day, 1 to get him down for each of his 2 naps and 1 before bed. On a crap day / teething day etc he'll have an extra feed but really that's it. All babies are different though - my friend's baby is only interested in 2 feeds per day at the same age.

To be honest in the early days / weeks with my baby I often wondered to myself how mums with more than 1 child breastfeed as it's so full on to start with! As a mum of just the one I don't have any advice on how to manage breastfeeding alongside raising your 18 month old, sorry! But you have my admiration, well done on getting this far! I hope things start to feel easier soon op

smokyburgandy · 12/06/2019 10:54

It's really hard off and on and for different reasons. Logistical, emotional, physical. It changes all the time for the first six months, but I'd say by 10-12 weeks you'll be confident to deal with the shit bits and know that it's only a phase! Whatever it is, it never lasts. I think the tough bits is what makes breastfeeding so rewarding when you hit a good point with it.

What helped me was to think 'what would bottle feeding change?'. They still wake in the night, you need to sterilise and make bottles and they still will want held and cuddled. Bottle feeding doesn't suddenly swap your baby for a new one.

AlunWynsKnee · 12/06/2019 11:04

He’s finally settled to sleep after feeding relentlessly/crying/bringing milk back and short naps from about 9pm last night.

Have you considered reflux? I think it's quite common in prem babies. Feeding helps the acid and lying flat makes it worse.

Original poster

Leftie624 · 12/06/2019 20:09

Thank you to everyone who’s taken the time to reply. It really does help reading that it should get easier and hearing from mums who’ve managed to get past where we are.

I didn’t have a plan with feeding, it was just to try and breastfeed and I was focused so much on whether it would work (breastfeeding DS1 was a complete and utter failure) that I didn’t stop to think about how it would be longer term. It’s been a massive shock and a very steep learning curve. DS2 is my second baby but I am a complete breastfeeding novice!

I did do some reading about co sleeping on the Lullaby Trust website and their guidelines specify that co-sleeping with a premature baby is never safe so unfortunately that isn’t an option for us.

Thank you for the advice (yes yes to lots of cake!) and the kind words of support. It has helped a lot with a rough night and couple of days. Last night was so much better so hopefully if we can just keep going for a bit longer we’ll get to the easy part.

I’ve discussed reflux with my health visitor, she thought what I was describing was normal & if it got any worse to go to my GP. I thought babies with bad reflux suffered all the time with it and were never settled? DS does have some settled periods and he doesn’t seem to be in pain. He gets uncomfortable with his wind but once he’s passed this with some of his massive farts he’s happy.

OP posts:

Original poster

Leftie624 · 12/06/2019 20:09

Thank you to everyone who’s taken the time to reply. It really does help reading that it should get easier and hearing from mums who’ve managed to get past where we are.

I did do some reading about co sleeping on the Lullaby Trust website and their guidelines specify that co-sleeping with a premature baby is never safe so unfortunately that isn’t an option for us.

OP posts:

MeMeMeYou · 12/06/2019 20:18

Depends on your baby. Mine both got better around 12-20 weeks but both had some bad times again from 6-8 months and my daughter stayed bad. It is very relentless sometimes and people don’t admit that and also try to compare the sleep of breastfed babies to formula fed babies which is v different often. Just basically rest as much as you can and don’t overdo it and expect crap nights so that you can be pleasantly surprised sometimes. They will one day sleep !

MeMeMeYou · 12/06/2019 20:35

onedream · 13/06/2019 07:49

Same happened to me I can see now I haven't done my research properly beforehand and I wasn't prepared for how hard it will be..my little boy loves my boob as soon as he is on it he's got a big smile on his face so I have decided to carry on for bit longer and just keep one bottle at bedtime..he comes first in this instance and I will worry about the future when it comes..I hope the feeds soon will space out a bit which will give me more time for my older one..

Original poster

Leftie624 · 17/06/2019 17:06

A quick update - got DS weighed today and he’s put on a big chunk of weight and gone up a centile. Health visitor said it was a growth spurt which was also suggested by many people here.

We’re still feeding, things are starting to settle down at night, although we had an awful night on Saturday this had been preceded by 3 good nights so i’m hoping it was all part of the growth spurt. We’re going to carry on for now & at least I understand it all a bit better now, for times when it goes get tough again. Thank you to those who commented and have helped.

@onedream* how are things going for you? Hope you’re finding things easier

OP posts:

onedream · 17/06/2019 17:27

@Leftie624 hi we doing ok nights are good he goes to sleep at around 9 and last couple of nights wakes up at around 3-3.30 for feed and then wakes up again at around 5 and after that feed has a little 30min-1 hour sleep and is up for the day after that..so really I can't complain..I would normally gove him bottle of formula for the bedtime feed but sometimes can't be bothered to make it so breastfeed instead but really want him to keep taking the bottle for the future sake..
Days are okish if we out n about he would go 2.5 sometimes 3 hours between feeds..if we in it's still every 2 hours but he feeds quicker normally done in around 15-20 mins sometimes just feeding from 1 side only and sometimes..so I have to say things are slowly improving and it is definitely easier than 2-3 weeks ago..
I'm glad you had some good nights..looks like it's all worth it at the end

stucknoue · 17/06/2019 17:29

So pleased. You will look back and realise how short the difficult times were

Ohnotheinlaws · 17/06/2019 17:33

My boy is 11 weeks old. It was about week 8 I suddenly thought to myself it doesn't hurt anymore... week 9 he finally lengthened his feeding times. He still cluster feeds in the evening but I have had to learn to admit defeat and let him whilst I have a nice cup of tea and a movie in a comfy position with him supported. My boy won't take a dummy either so i feel your frustration!

Sevo7 · 17/06/2019 17:53

I just wanted to add what changed things for us massively was finally getting dd to accept a dummy at 12 weeks old, before then she was on the breast constantly, literally every half hour and often being sick as I believe a lot of the time she just wanted to comfort suck and was actually full. As soon as she accepted it she went to feeding every 3/4 hours and it actually meant I could get things done for 10 minutes without her screaming the place down and wanting the boob. We’re 7 months in now and I can’t imagine stopping where as in the first 12 weeks I wanted to give up most days!

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