Giving up

[iamsuchatit]

Feeling really emotional today at not being able to breastfeed. I’ve tried literally everything.

I was expressing milk for her but only getting the equivalent of a bottle a day out and I can’t express as much as I want as she’s such a handful. Plus I had managed to pump out a long milk clog earlier which was gross and I’m still traumatised. So I’m stopping pumping as well as I just can’t be assed now.

I have wasted so much time and money on this and I can’t help but feel low. Also super jealous of those who can breastfeed.

It’s early days. Your baby is only 6 weeks old. Things will get easier. Don’t ever ever think a breastfed baby has more of a bond than a ff fed baby. You are so wrong to think that and I mean that in the nicest possible way. It sounds like you are struggling. Be kind to yourself. Expressing can also be very hard if you haven’t established feeding from the breasts. It’s a bit of a catch 22 situation. I wish you well. Be kind to yourself and your baby

Don't be hard on yourself! I called the baby a little bollocks early on and at six weeks burst into tears and begged him to smile at me so I'd have something to live off from him! At 6 months I'm totally and utterly besotted. The love will come, I promise.

Thanks again all.

I was feeling better earlier but now it’s midnight, DD won’t sleep and I’m alone with my thoughts I’m feeling down again.

I can’t help but feel me and DD are biologically inferior for not being able to do it. I know that’s irrational and horrible, it’s just where you head is at.

There’s a thread on the parenting page about a poster who is still feeling low about not being able to breastfeed a year later and I don’t want to feel that way.

I think I’ll get myself some counselling sessions in addition to speaking to the doctor on Monday

*Where my head is at even

Not saying that those who can’t breastfeed are biologically inferior. Just that me and DD are

@iamsuchatit I am so sorry that you are feeling so bad. I am currently sitting up with aching nipples and a 4 week old asleep on my chest who has refused to go down in his basket for the last 8 hours so apologies if my post is not coherent!

Just wanted to say a few things. Firstly fed is definitely best. I got myself In knots breastfeeding my first son and I was terribly down aboit how hard I found it. I was horrible to myself about it, feeling like a failure. I also felt like I had failed in labour because I was induced and ended up with an EMCS. I felt I had not passed some sort of test of womanhood. I felt just as you describe - biologically inferior. And weak. I felt weak! I was jealous of friends and relatives who had given birth and fed seemingly without trouble
In reality DS is now 2 and nobody ever asks how he was born or how I fed him. It just doesn't matter any more. I know at the time it feels like everything but it isn't. I let go of the EMCS feeling of failure six months afterwards, and I actually requested a Caesarean this time.

My mum bottle fed me from day one and I had the best bond with her ever. All my friends at senior school were very envious of our fabulous relationship. I think you may possibly bond with your baby better if you take the breastfeeding stress and resentment out of the equation. I was considering doing this with my baby two weeks ago because I had got to the point where I felt furious with him when he wouldn't latch. Luckily for me the breastfeeding has got easier since then but if it hadn't I would have had to reevaluate what was actually most important for my baby and me: him being breastfed or me being calm.

Your MIL's comments about boys being mummy's boys I reckon comes from a place of her comforting herself that she hasn't had a daughter. People make really weird comments to mums of all boys about missing out on having a girl and that has probably been her stock defence for years. Ignore it.

Speak to your GP about how you are feeling, definitely. I attended a perinatal anxiety and low mood group with my first (I was very very anxious) and it was brilliant.

Good luck and keep talking. X

Oh my lovely you sound so so sad.

For what its worth, my thoughts are:

1. Most mothers have said things to their babies that they wish they hadn't. I once walked out of the room leaving g a screaming DS with DH because- and I quote- 'otherwise I may drown hom'. Sis I really mean it? No of course not. Did I think I meant it? Yes I probably did. So - try to stop yourself saying g stuff because the guilt over saying it is awful. But she isnt going to know, there is no logical reason to feel bad.

1. Your DH doesnt sound like he is pulling his weight. Give him a list of the things you need done and then see what happens. I remember sobbing at my DH that he wasnt doing enough and he just looked helpless and said 'I dont know what I can do'. Everything has been much better since then. Your DH might just be a twat in which caseyou need to LTB - but I was told once you dont make any big decisions until any baby is a year old.

1. Breastfeeding. Go to a playground and pick out the kids who were BF. Can you? No. Fuck that. If it is making you miserable - and possibly making your baby miserable - just dont do it. Anyone that judges you is a cunt and unfortunately people will ALWAYS judge your parenting decisions.

1. Your inlaws. You need to be more assertive. Goodness I know it's hard but if you dont want them to take the baby away, say so. If they say 'ae just want to help' say 'great, can you come over and do some washing/ironing/tea making/hold the baby while I shower.

1. I really, really urge you to see your GP. You sound like you have PND to me (disclaimer- armrchair diagnosis) but taking to them will help.

1. The bond will come. Dont worry a out it

Right now just make sure her needs are met - everything else will come

1. Eat chocolate/cake/crisps whatever is your thing.

You have got this. You will come our the other side and all this will be a fuzzy distant memory.

Ooh that's an unfortunate one. Report your post and ask for it to be amended!

Thanks again all.

Me and DD are doing so much better.

I’ve stopped trying to breastfeed although I am still expressing. I’m only going to express until she’s had her vaccinations so the end is in sight.

Our bond is much better, she’s smiling now and when I took her out of her Moses basket this morning she greeted me with the biggest smile ❤️

I have had my in laws over this weekend but my MIL said that my DD only had eyes for me ❤️ Whenever DH has had DD she’s been a right handful (usually when I’m upstairs napping) so although I don’t like seeing him struggling, I don’t feel like she’s a daddy’s girl right now (even though I think the mummy’s boy/daddy’s girl stereotype is just bollocks anyway).

I found your post today and wanted to check how u are?
I've had 3 babies my first I had a traumatic birth 2nd was a lovely water birth and 3rs was a c section. 1st wasn't breastfed 2nd was for a week and 3rd hes 8 weeks old and combination fed after some problems. Anyway I can't say I immediately loved any of them at first sight, its something that grows as you grow together but I know I don't favour one child over the other ( they all have their bad days and usually take it in turns) so don't worry about liking your future children more than your first. Also please don't feel guilty for feeling how you do. I remember when my 2nd was about 3 and we had a really testing day and I lost the plot with him. The minute he fell to sleep I felt ridiculously guilty and cried all night for being a bad mum. The next morning he had forgotten about me telling him off and loved me the same. Things don't really get easier we just learn to wing it better .

@karinajack - I was worried that if I have a second DC and breastfed them that we’d be closer :/ I’m glad that’s not the case!

I am feeling much better although having a bad day today just because I’m getting bored on maternity leave...

I was really looking forward to time off but it's a big difference from working 45 hours a week to nothing.
Why not go for a walk whilst the weathers still nice?

How are you getting on OP?

If you're still trying to express with a manual pump, please buy or rent a double electric one (Medela, spectra or similar); it's like a Lamborghini compared to a horse 😀.