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Infant feeding

Get advice and support with infant feeding from other users here.

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Original poster

I hate breastfeeding and am miserable

37 replies

Cocopops2010 · 24/12/2018 05:27

I am really struggling. 11 day old baby. In one way breast feeding is going well as by day 5 ds was already back up and over birth weight. 10 day weight check also good. However I absolutely hate hate breast feeding. The first 20-30 seconds are excruciating. My nipples are a mess - bleeding and cracked and tonight I think there is pus coming out of one of them. The baby feeds constantly in the evenings and at night I have had no sleep at all tonight. I just fed him (nearly screamed out in pain at start) and he fell asleep. He refuses to settle in his cot now so I have been co-sleeping but tonight he woke up straight away and started screaming as soon as we lay down. My dh has just taken him to try to settle him but I know what he wants - food.
I am so so miserable. I thought I would like bf but I absolutely loathe it. I dread each feed. I am beginning to feel resentful towards my baby. I have read lots on the latch and looking at him he seems to have it right so I don’t know what i’m Doing wrong. Please help I just want to disappear right now.

OP posts:

Fatted · 24/12/2018 05:32

It sounds like you might have mastitis. Can you get yourself to the GP today?

Mummydearest12 · 24/12/2018 05:32

up feeding now as well. It does get better but you have lots of options. You could try combo feeding, pumping while your body recovers a bit etc - I am sure someone helpful will appear soon - but in the meantime- you are doing a good job!

Rhynswynd · 24/12/2018 05:33

I have been where you are. It is awful. Is there a breastfeeding helpline in your area? Would you consider a bottle?
My first 2 babies were exactly the same as yours while feeding for the first couple if weeks. It did get better but with my third and 4th I swore I would not go through it again but they fed with no pain immediately.

I totally feel for you

blackcat86 · 24/12/2018 05:34

Breastfeeding can be lovely and has lots of benefits but not if it's making you unhappy. There's nothing wrong with deciding that it's just not for you and consider other options.

If you want to continue breastfeeding I would see what support is available in your area or contact a private consultant. There is also no shame in combination feeding, expressing and topping up with formula, or going on to formula altogether.

baby410 · 24/12/2018 05:42

It's so hard in the beginning but it does get easier. I've nothing to add that other posters haven't said but I would highly recommend multi mam compresses for your sore nipples - they are amazing! You can get them from boots or amazon x

swearymad · 24/12/2018 05:42

I struggled too and had very sore, cracked nipples. I switched to formula feeding as feeding was too painful.
Years later my niece had very painful nipples and she used nipple shields when feeding. They might be worth trying. Can't seem to copy link - but they are called Medela Nipple Shields.

thatmustbenigelwiththebrie · 24/12/2018 05:54

Just stop then? It's not a requirement of motherhood.

Chardeemacdennis1 · 24/12/2018 05:55

I started a very simular thread a few days ago.

I'm on day 10 first time breastfeeding.It's not what I expected at all. At best uncomfortable at worst painful. Those first few sucks the pain is intense.

Just want to say I was ready to give up on day 4. But it did get better. I'm still not enjoying it but I'm no longer dreading it. I used some nipple cream which helped and just kept changing latch and positions until I found somthing that worked.

For me feeding with a foot stool on an office chair with baby on a pillow works best. I read that it baby doesn't feel properly supported they will suck harder. So I always hold her bum which also helped. I've got small nipples so pinching my boob for her stops her sucking too hard as well.

It is hard work but it will be worth it in the end. Also I bottle fed ds and that has its own difficulties.

jessstan2 · 24/12/2018 05:57

Oh op I really feel for you. You are trying your best. Remember, babies get most of their 'mum immunity' in the first couple of weeks. Nothing wrong with gradually changing to formula. Both you and your baby will be fine with that. x

motherdemeter · 24/12/2018 05:59

I had this too! For me, the initial poor latch (and probably just her tiny little mouth) caused enough damage in the first week or so for it to be painful for about 6-8 weeks, even when the latch was actually good after that first bit! It's hard for nipples to heal when the cracks keep getting opened up each feeding, but they definitely will recover - I know it's hard to feel positive about this when you don't know what will happen in the future, but it will get better. Just try to get through day by day, if you want to keep breastfeeding, eg take painkillers, keep nipples in best condition you can (I think of them like lips - you're lips would be really dry if you kept licking them and didn't put any lip balm on, so let nipples dry after feeding then put lanolin on to keep moisturised). Go topless if you can/just a thin cotton shirt. I'm so pleased I stuck with it, but I know it's the hardest thing in the world. Don't worry about feeling resentful towards your baby - you are looking after them , no matter how you feel towards them at any given hour, and that's your job - the squishy warm feelings will come in their own time. Co-sleeping on a safe surface saved my sleep so stick with it and don't worry about anything apart from getting you and your baby fed and rested. Perhaps set a time limit, I.e breastfeed for three months then decide? If you set a short term goal that can help you get through (although if you decide you want to stop and switch to formula tomorrow, that's fine too - it's all up to you, but know that it will improve if you can bear to keep going, and you've come so far already!), xxxxx

celeryeater · 24/12/2018 06:01

Have you got any lansinoh cream? A bit of that on your nipples after every feed will help with the soreness and cracks. You don't have to wipe it off before the next feed either. Then I would look into nipple shields while you heal and find a local breastfeeding support group. Ask at your children's centre. It can be so hard at the beginning. I had it all with my first child but stuck with it and ended up feeding her for nearly two years. Has your baby been checked at the hospital for tongue tie?

AnnaMariaDreams · 24/12/2018 06:04

If it’s hurting you like this just stop. Formula is fine and nothing is worth you feeling so unhappy and in pain.

Eminybob · 24/12/2018 06:14

Rite Aid Hydrogel Breast Discs... www.amazon.co.uk/dp/B01FDTH9LA?ref=yo_pop_ma_swf&tag=mumsnetforum-21

Try these for your cracked nipples.

7kyay · 24/12/2018 06:20

I'm up feeding my 9 week old and I remember very clearly the early night when I felt exactly as you describe. Had there been formula in the house I would've given in. However instead I contacted a breast feeding counsellor I met through nct class and started attending her support group. It also turned out DS had a pretty severe tongue tie so despite doing everything "right" I had cracked bleeding nipples. His fixed tongue tie and the external support means I now actually enjoy breastfeeding and I never imagined I would ever day THAT in the early days!!!

7kyay · 24/12/2018 06:22

Also lanolin cream or even vaseline applied after each feed to the nipples.

Chardeemacdennis1 · 24/12/2018 15:22

I'm using lanolin cream and it's made a massive difference.

JuniLoolaPalooza · 24/12/2018 15:31

Good luck OP. Great advice here, and you do what is best for you and your family. One thing I heard about breastfeeding is not to give up on your worst day. I hope you can get healed up and painfree soon

CroneXX · 24/12/2018 15:46

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

bellajay · 24/12/2018 15:52

I really feel for you, I’ve absolutely been there and I really didn’t think I’d still be going at 14 weeks, but I am and not just because the milk monster won’t reliably take a bottle.

It really, truly does get better so if you think you’ll regret it, try to keep going. And if things don’t feel right, trust your instincts and seek help (health visitor, gp, midwife, private consultant, la leche league...)

But you have done an amazing job to get this far and there is no shame whatsoever in supplementing with or switching to formula to give yourself a break. It’s what I’ll be aiming for in the new year!

Parker231 · 24/12/2018 15:58

Switch to formula - there is no benefit if you are in such pain and dreading feeding. Send DH to the nearest supermarket to stock on formula and bottles. It’s not a competition - do what is best for you and your baby. You want to be able to enjoy your first Christmas as parents.

donajimena · 24/12/2018 16:03

I started using formula for this reason. I don't regret it but I did at the time. A tip: introduce a bottle now. Don't wait 6 weeks. By then they won't take one. I don't know anyone whose baby wouldn't happily switch from breast to bottle but plenty who refused bottles if introduced too late.

PineapplePower · 24/12/2018 16:06

This was me; the first 3-4 weeks were so miserable and painful too.

.....I used to seize up in fear and loathing when the baby started to cry. But now I find it incredibly relaxing several months out. It gets so much easier, but I know that’s hard to believe when you are in the thick of it

CaptainWentworth · 24/12/2018 16:08

Just wanted to say I’m feeding my 9 week old right now, and it does get better. It seemed relentless in the first 2-3 weeks, with a few nights cluster feeding all night, but she often goes 3 hours between feeds now and they are much quicker as she’s more efficient now she’s a bit bigger.

I was lucky enough not to have a lot of pain, but people from my NCT group have got through pain and damaged nipples using shields. Also loads of lansinoh- apply after each feed religiously.

Also it’s perfectly possibly to mix feed if you want a break but don’t want to give up on breastfeeding completely. Your supply will regulate to match the amount of feeding you’re doing.

I’d also recommend joining your local la leche league group on Facebook - my local groups have been really helpful and supportive, with loads of useful advice, and totally non judgmental about using formula alongside breastfeeding. The leaders are trained experts and can give support via PM if necessary.

Good luck with everything whatever you end up doing- you are fab!

AnneTwackie · 24/12/2018 16:09

Can you express to give your boobs a break? By day 11 I was biting a cushion at the start of every feed by day 14 I was pain free. Could you give yourself a time limit? Say 20 days and then if it’s still painful you stop? I found it excruciating but I am glad I persevered. I’m sorry you feel so crap

CaptainWentworth · 24/12/2018 16:11

Also second the comment above to introduce a bottle early- we did top up bottles from a few days old due to weight loss, and DD feeds fine from either breast or bottle now; we do one bottle a day right now at bedtime. I’ve heard a lot of comments about older babies that never took a bottle though.

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