Help - torn between Breastfeeding/Formula Feeding!

[LittleRayOfSunshine911]

I've been breastfeeding for 5 weeks, and right from day one it hasnt been an easy ride. I've struggled with latching, painful nipples, sore and tender boobs and feeling guilty when DD becomes overwhelmed with let downs etc.

I recently had thrush, and she did also in her mouth which we are now being treated for. I spent many nights contemplating switching to formula before this, but persivered with breastfeeding anyway. But the intense itchiness, alongside cracked and swollen painful nipples, and Dd's inability to feed for more than just a few minutes, seconds even made me crack and supplement her with formula. I chose to do this as she seemed very unsettled and I became concerned she wasn't getting enough and I am happy with this choice as I can tell she is as she really enjoys being bottlefed and cries for more mid-feed when stopping to wind her. It also means my partner is able to help with feeds and hes enjoying that time whilst I can relax and have a bath or do other bits around the house like cook and clean for us.

I've also been expressing to relieve myself and giving Dd the expressed milk. But now I feel my supply is drying up I'm starting to think perhaps giving up BF is the wrong decision. However, I'm less anxious since making the transition from breast to formula - I don't have to worry about expressing enough milk to take out with me as I'm to self concious to feed in public. And I'm more relaxed in the sense I know she's full and content. And the thought of all my doubts about breastfeeding no longer consumes me. I spent many days/nights expressing for hours as well where I could only get 4oz maximum. So exclusivsly pumping isn't an option and its also far to time consuming.

I know Dd is happy enough on the bottle which kinda reasures me she isn't missing being breastfed. But I miss that bond we had, just me and her.

I need opinions/advice...

I only ever FF my two boys, so can only offer advice from that perspective.

Only you can decide what's best for you and your DD. If BF has become physically and emotionally difficult, then perhaps it's better to do what makes you both happier.

Is there any reason why you can't do combined feeding, once the thrush is better? We do bf in the day and formula top ups at night. My supply has never been great so the formula has really helped

Breastfeeding does get easier, particularly after 6-8 weeks. It's supply on demand, the more baby feeds the more you make. I have over active let down too, I found it helped when DD would pull off to let the milk spray into a muslin then latch her back on. As she got older she could cope with it better.
We had to mix feed DD2 until she was 10 months old, I hated the faff of preparing formula and was glad to see the back of it.

Every family is dufferent. Ultimately only you can make the decision of what is best for your family.If that's breastfeeding, great, if it's combination feeding, great, if it's formula, great. Whatever you decide, don't beat yourself up about it!

In my experience, I hated breastfeeding. It just didn't go right for me! I preferred formula feeding as it was more convenient for me and my husband as well as I went back to work early.

It's probably impossible but stop agonizing and look at the pros, cons and probable outcomes.

If you supplement and your supply is going down, you'll probably find mixed feeding tricky. So that probably means FF, which is fine if that's the choice. Or you get over the hump with BF and after 6-8 weeks it's much easier.

Either way, your baby will be fine. I preferred BF because it was so easy after the first horribly awful bit! No bottles, sterilization, remembering stuff... have boobs, will travel. But I'm quite lazy. FF does mean other people can feed them but we're not near family so it wasn't worth it.

I have to say I found those first couple of months ths such hard work, but suddenly it all just settled down and for a lot easier. I learnt that some babies are just fussy (BF or ff). So glad I persisted beyond that threshold to reap the rewards.
I would pump in eve when supply at lowest; good idead, unlatching by putting finger in corner of babies mouth to let milk spray, maybe into a bowl to collect for feeding later?

Soon as you drop some feeds or supplement them it risks your whole supply so its a shame you can't do a bit of both. Although by the end (around 18mths with each) i would only do doing last feed of the day as a bf and I wouldn't have full booba the rest of the day, only in the eve. I'm not sure the same is poss when in early stages of establishing your supply though. A good breast pump is a must though for any supply issues.

You sound much happier with the bf?

I meant happier with the ff

I have expressed and FF my Ds for 10 weeks as bf wasn't for us - he struggled to latch, I was too tired. It was hard for me to do at first and understand your struggles but it sounds like you are doing the best thing for you both.

If it's just the closeness you had just you and dd then why not take her to a separate room sometimes when she is being fed? That way there are no other distractions and she can look at you.
While I'm feeding my ds I look straight at him and talk to him while he's feeding from his bottle. My husband also does this when he is feeding him so it could be something you encourage your partner to do to develop their bond as well.

However your closeness and bond isn't just made through breast feeding/bottle feeding times. If you feel you are missing our then spend more time just talking to her, singing, playing with her to develop that bond further.

Most people formula feed, so when you ask for advice on breastfeeding, most people will say "formula feeding is great!!".

As PP have said, Breastfeeding gets significantly easier at around six to eight weeks. My daughter suddenly got more efficient at eating at around seven weeks - overnight, she started feeding for only a few minutes at night, so we do the whole wake/nappy change/feed/sleep routine in less than fifteen minutes without turning the light on. Around this time, she also started pooping far less frequently, as breastfed babies generally do.

At nine weeks, breastfeeding is a pleasure. A month ago it was mostly stressful. You've put in all the effort of getting going, and you're about to give up before you get the reward.

I went though the same, had a lot of pressure from h.v and husband to ff as baby was born big so was not gaining weight quick enough. I was reluctant to do so and continued to bf up till 5months. Looking back at it it was such a unhappy time for me as baby was so fussy and would cry all the time, in hindsight i now realise that it was because he was hungry, when i look at pictures of him when he was exclusively bf he looks so gaunt, i hate myself for being stubborn and thinking i knew best. After i got over the whole ff situation, i can see that it isnt all bad. I mix feed baby now but he still prefers bf. Its our special time together as mum and baby.

I completely relate and have been there twice and in my case I very much wanted to move to ff but the guilt consumed me. With my first I mix fed until she was 2.5 months and then somehow managed to ebf until 6 months when we moved to formula. With my second I managed to mix feed until 3 months before moving to formula.

The first time round I'd made my peace with it because i did manage to ebf for a bit, but the second time round I felt such extreme guilt, however felt such immense relief once we did actually move to formula.

Currently laid holding 3 day old newborn having the same debate again (I have gastroenteritis and DH has a migraine and we had to give a bottle in the night because i couldn't manage to feed and she slept well for the first time).

I also never get much when I express and also not keen on public feeding.

Ultimately you have to do what is best for you. Can you pinpoint why you want to breastfeed? Do you think the disappointment of not will outweigh the desire to ff? Your post reads like you need permission to ff. I recall one day with DD2, DH saying to me, "right I'm deciding, you're going to bottle feed now". He wasn't actually telling me what to do, he was giving me the permission that I needed. I felt immense relief.

This is awful women feeling so pressured to ebf!

I always really wanted to, for many reasons and did find it extremely liberating to always be able to just get up and go. It was so easy and I actually really missed it despite how long I did it for!

It can go too far though. Aren't formulas any good or something? I know they're not the same but surely they are very scientifically balanced aren't they?
Why so hard on self. Is this just women's lot with evry decisikn come s huge social pressure and judgement.
It's exhausting, and needs to stop. You need to be happy with whats right for you. Never a truer saying happy mum happy baby.

Feeding is lovely bonding time BF or ff

Be kind to yourself... sounds like BF has been a real struggle (as it is for many of us) and you are looking for permission to stop BF.

I might be projecting here, but BF was extremely painful and hard for me for DS1, but I refused to give up because I had done a lot of reading on the benefits of BF and wanted to do what I thought was best by my son. It did eventually get easier (at 14 weeks) and I fed him to 15 months, but looking back now, I think I had over emphasised the nutritional benefits and under emphasised the benefit to my child of having a more relaxed, better-rested mum!

If I have the same experience this time around, I am going to switch to formula without any guilt at all.

Having said that, have you had your baby checked for a tongue tie? I found feeding much easier after a posterior tongue tie had been identified and cut.

@shriekingbanshee BF reduces the risk of sids, childhood leukemia, obesity, diabetes, allergies and infections generally. It helps them digest solid foods if continued when weaning. It's a natural laxative. It lowers the mother's risk of breast cancer, ovarian cancer, osteoporosis, diabetes and cardiovascular disease.

In short, there are lots of reasons BF is promoted above FF.

www.nhs.uk/start4life/baby/breastfeeding

Also, for what it's worth, feeding should only be done by primary care givers where possible. Studies have shown that feeding by others causes stress to baby, so PP who not sharing the duty with extended family because they're so far away, don't worry about it.

Don't know what went on with that post. Seems to have deleted my paragraphs and repeated my link. Honestly, the site has a glitch so you switch to the app, then this happens... Grumble, grumble, sigh.

Wow! So glad I BF mine. Clearly a lot more evidence has been mined for BF than I knew when I was doing it.
No idea about ch leukaemia. That's a shocker. Obviously babies bodies are designed to mothers milk, or rather other way around or both. Certainly there are many enzymes/bacteria in mm that are part of developing immune system and gut development, but impressed and understand self pressure and health pressures to ebf. I recall ff babies getting constipated.
Interesting feeding should be restricted to primary carers.
So glad I BF, and feel for those struggling so badly with all this for bf bearing down on them

Breastfeeding got so much easier for me after 8 weeks. In fact it just became the easiest thing in the world and I was so pleased I’d stuck with it as didn’t have to bother with bottles, could quickly feed anywhere and I also knew I was giving the best possible nutrition.

We are told of the benefits of the bf and are always told breast is best- which the nutritional benefits are obvious.
However what about those mum's who struggle to bf, who are trying to bf because of the pressure end up depressed and full of guilt because it's hard? Made to feel like something is wrong with them because they have tried everything and it's still not happening? Then being told baby has lost too much weight and you don't know what to do for the best?
I have been that mum - I cried for days because i gave my son a bottle of formula instead of bf because I was so exhausted and he had lost so much weight. That's not a good start for my baby or me. It took me a while but I realised a happy, rested mum is much healthier for my son instead of a depressed, miserable one. The fog has lifted and i enjoy spending time with my son, which I hate to say at the start I didn't as I was so tired.
Mum's shouldn't be made to feel bad, guilty or pressured for which ever way they choose to feed their baby. As long as mum is doing the best for their baby and baby is happy and healthy then who cares if it's by bf, ff or mixed.
Sorry for the rant but it's something I feel strongly about and wish women would support each other more with this xxx

Also telling someone to continue because it will get easier, I'm sorry is not the best advice.
I know someone who bf for 7 months simply because her child would not take a bottle. It was always hard for her, draining and she can now say she was depressed the entire time.
She would have loved someone to take over for her and give her a break.

Why don't you carry on with combination feeding OP? I've combination fed DS since day 5 (initially due to medical need but he took to it really well) he's now 9 months, my milk hasn't dried up and there's been no nipple confusion (which is probably a myth anyway) or bottle preference. I don't pump as I never got much out. You have to be a bit disciplined to make sure they still do some boob but it really doesn't have to be one or the other with bf/ff.

I think that pressure is awful, as is the knowledge of the difference it can make, but its a rationalisation of the risks thats necesssary surely. naturally you want to do the best.

I also know that women have far more pressure to carry on with everything else as well as give birth and ebf, have job, run house, other DC, etc. Women used to have so many involved in their rest and support with them and other DC. Two weeks bedrest was standard, although not good to have enforced bedrest it does show the recovery support in stark difference to now. Enough rest and food, less stress is a formula for good milk supply.

@superduper1982 I think women are very good at judging and censuring each other whatever they choose tbh. When I was pregnant my nct class teacher told us that we would get negative reactions however we fed our babies. At the time I didn't believe it tbh, but breastfeeders do get negative comments too. 'How do you know how much they're getting? Oh they eat too often, clearly they're still hungry. When are you going to start weaning them off the boob? You know, they would sleep better if you switched to formula...' The list goes on. Lots of women have been nagged into FF by the previous generation who were misinformed as to the benefits by formula companies.

I would never try to make a FF mum feel guilty. I would probably FF myself if I hadn't gotten lucky and received excellent support at the start. I had a rotten time. Unfortunately, the government thinks its job is done when it encourages women to breastfeed, but we have a FF culture in this country and women often require a lot of support to feed successfully. That support often just isn't there and a lot of the 'experts' contradict each other and give unhelpful misinformation out to women who are already very sleep deprived, stressed and vulnerable. Willpower alone is often not enough to make breastfeeding successful. 80% of women try to breastfeed at the start but the lack of support means we have one of the lowest BF rates in the world at six months.

PP asked what the difference was between the two and I answered with the facts, not to make anyone feel bad but because the information was requested. In an ideal world, women would receive support and not get to the stage where they feel they have to quit. Obviously we don't live in that world and if it's not working and baby is losing weight then FF can be the only option. It's worth considering though that over 95% of women produce enough milk, so expressing and bottle feeding that can also be an option.

Ooo, did you see what I did there, seriously no pun intended!

The health benefits have diminising returns the longer you do it which is not to say that BF is pointless, but that the older a child gets the less difference it makes.

IMO nobody should feel pressured and health benefits do not need to be the only factor in decision making nor weighted so heavily that they might as well be. There are other factors which need to be considered and one important one is whether the mum actually likes BF, or not.

Also to be frank, "over 95% of women produce enough milk" is completely incompatible as a statement with the lack of support in the UK. Neither does it apply to exclusive expressing (and the OP already said she didn't want to exclusively express anyway, and I don't blame her.)

I do also wonder if your 6 month figure you're referring to is the 1% which relates to exclusive breastfeeding, I do find this extremely misleading, it would be very unlikely to still be exclusively breastfeeding at 6 months simply because introducing solids at 5 months + 29 days breaks EBF status. So does a single feed of formula e.g. for a night out or a baby in SCBU. Most UK guidance for solids emphasises starting by 6 months or "at around" 6 months and the cultural norm is to begin earlier, so it's very rare to find anyone who waits until 6m exactly or later.

UK BF rates for any breastfeeding by 6 months are around 1 in 3 as of 2010 which is the last dataset we have.

Actually, I wasn't referencing the one percent.

www.rcpch.ac.uk/resources/position-statement-breastfeeding-uk

'An analysis of global breastfeeding prevalence found that in the UK only 34% of babies are receiving some breast milk at 6 months compared with 49% in the US and 71% in Norway.'

Also, the protection that breastfeeding gives is substantial enough to be statistically significant and if the nhs can present it as fact I see no reason not to believe them.