Help - torn between Breastfeeding/Formula Feeding!

[LittleRayOfSunshine911]

I've been breastfeeding for 5 weeks, and right from day one it hasnt been an easy ride. I've struggled with latching, painful nipples, sore and tender boobs and feeling guilty when DD becomes overwhelmed with let downs etc.

I recently had thrush, and she did also in her mouth which we are now being treated for. I spent many nights contemplating switching to formula before this, but persivered with breastfeeding anyway. But the intense itchiness, alongside cracked and swollen painful nipples, and Dd's inability to feed for more than just a few minutes, seconds even made me crack and supplement her with formula. I chose to do this as she seemed very unsettled and I became concerned she wasn't getting enough and I am happy with this choice as I can tell she is as she really enjoys being bottlefed and cries for more mid-feed when stopping to wind her. It also means my partner is able to help with feeds and hes enjoying that time whilst I can relax and have a bath or do other bits around the house like cook and clean for us.

I've also been expressing to relieve myself and giving Dd the expressed milk. But now I feel my supply is drying up I'm starting to think perhaps giving up BF is the wrong decision. However, I'm less anxious since making the transition from breast to formula - I don't have to worry about expressing enough milk to take out with me as I'm to self concious to feed in public. And I'm more relaxed in the sense I know she's full and content. And the thought of all my doubts about breastfeeding no longer consumes me. I spent many days/nights expressing for hours as well where I could only get 4oz maximum. So exclusivsly pumping isn't an option and its also far to time consuming.

I know Dd is happy enough on the bottle which kinda reasures me she isn't missing being breastfed. But I miss that bond we had, just me and her.

I need opinions/advice...

Apologies, I wasn't aware of those stats - I often see the 1% one bandied around and it annoys me so I did jump to conclusions a bit. Fair enough - though I'd love to know what the rates are in (e.g.) France, or Spain or other countries where the culture is not so breastfeeding-supportive as Sweden or Germany (I live in Germany and it's about 50% at 6 months IIRC).

Yes certainly the benefits of breastfeeding are statistically significant. I'm not saying they aren't, and it's important this information is available as it may well form part of a mother's decision but ultimately it is her decision, and I don't like that some people insist the health benefits are the only factor worth considering. I don't believe that's true for everybody and I don't think it's fair to shame somebody for placing health benefits lower in their personal priority list.

The US is interesting as it has one of the lower rates for initiating breastfeeding, yet most people who start seem to continue to 6 months and beyond. I find this quite astonishing especially given their lack of maternity leave and the lengths women have to go to to pump etc. I'm on a birth month group with American women on another site and I am really impressed with the dedication a lot of these women have. (That is not to say UK women are undedicated - there are completely different challenges.)

@memoryofsleep I didn't think you were posting the information to make a FF mum feel guilty nor did I think you were not being supportive and i apologise if my comments came across that way.
This is topic which is very sensitive for me and I can totally relate to the OP as I have had all the same feeling and doubts with both my children. I feel that posting the benefits of breast milk, which somebody else asked for not the OP, could trigger the guilt feeling in a parent who is already conflicted. Especially when seeing words like child lukemia etc.
As others have said, I feel the OP is maybe looking for "permission" to stop bf. It's hard to understand but I can 100% relate and i sought the same thing. With this in mind I feel we should be talking to her about how she feels, why she wants to come to this decision and offer other options as she mentions bond and closeness and is worried she wont have that connection with baby. But mosy importantly reassuring her that whatever she chooses she is ultimately doing what is best for her and baby.
Facts are facts, but at the end of the day it's all about how a person feels that matters.