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Infant feeding

Get advice and support with infant feeding from other users here.

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Original poster

Please help I can't cope breastfeeding

48 replies

NationalShiteDay · 30/09/2018 02:47

Baby is 16 weeks and is 98th centile (may be relavent?). He feeds all night and I can't cope. Feeds generally at 8pm(bed), 11pm, 1am, 2am, 3:30am, 4:30am, 6am(wake).

It's been like this for about 6 weeks.

I'm going insane from sleep deprivation.

Feeds are around 20/30 minutes long.

In the day he feeds about 6 times, often with 3/4 hours between. Much quicker to feed to.

I can't do it anymore. I have raging PND as a result of the sleep deprivation.

Rang HV. She suggested DH giving him a bottle of expressed milk at 11pm. He's previously taken a bottle a few days earlier but refused this time. Screamed and screamed.

I'm done.

Please help. I just need to sleep.

OP posts:

HelloPeopl3 · 30/09/2018 02:50

Hi OP..

Have you got nobody to give you any help and support.. partner etc?

Original poster

NationalShiteDay · 30/09/2018 02:52

Hi, thank you for replying. DH is downstairs now preparing another bottle of expressed milk to give at next feed. I might go and sleep on the sofa. I don't hold out much help for it working tho 😔

OP posts:

RickOShay · 30/09/2018 02:54

You will get through this. Could you get dh to persevere with the bottle at 11ish? Don’t be in the room when this is happening. You are in the eye of the storm at the moment, but it will get better. Have you got anybody you could leave him with for a couple of hours?

RickOShay · 30/09/2018 02:55

It’s on your dh now. Ignore any screaming, give them both a cuddle and leave them to it.

HelloPeopl3 · 30/09/2018 02:55

Maybe dh could do a few feeds from maybe 8pm so you could get your head down before the crazy night feeds start. It will get better with time.. there's a light at the end of this tunnel

WhyBird2k · 30/09/2018 02:57

Is there any way you could feed him more often during the day, maybe 2 hourly, to see if it reduces the number of night feeds you are doing? Well done for expressing on top of all of this. I gave in and DH gives a bottle of formula at night.

moredoll · 30/09/2018 03:01

I think if the sleep deprivation is making you feel like you've got PND you'd all be better off if he had a bottle of formula at night.

WhyBird2k · 30/09/2018 03:06

Forgot to say if he's 98th centile and growing well, he's doing really well. Could he be tired overnight but wanting a feed for comfort?

RickOShay · 30/09/2018 03:09

Agree with the bottle of formula lady thing.

RickOShay · 30/09/2018 03:09

last thing

WhyBird2k · 30/09/2018 03:15

I know giving formula can be a big decision but if it's going to help with your mood and your sleep it must be worth it. He's getting all the antibodies and good stuff from his breastfeeds

HJE17 · 30/09/2018 03:19

Hmmm. At 16 weeks this could be the 4-month sleep regression? My DD was a champion sleeper (1-2 night feeds) up until about then, and then all of a sudden was waking up every 45-90 minutes all through the night demanding my breasts! We did some gentle sleep training (the “ladder” method) that kind of helped (got us back to about 2 night feeds within a week) and then at 6 months when she was a good weight we did 3 nights of cry-it-out (5-15 minutes) and ever since she’s been sleeping 10-12 hours a night. I have some friends with larger babies in situations like yours who did cry-it-out at 4 months with the pediatrician’s blessing, and it worked for 4 out of 5 of them. Can be controversial, but if you’re really suffering mentally it might be worth discussing with your partner and GP.

AcrossthePond55 · 30/09/2018 03:23

OK, this may sound nuts but....when we had trouble getting DS2 to take expressed milk bottles in desperation one night my DH took his shirt off and put the bottle in his (clean) armpit, nipple out (of course). Then he held DS2 skin to skin in a close approximation of a nursing position. It worked!! Eventually DS2 took bottles in a more 'usual' position from DH, but never would he take one from me.

If that doesn't work, honestly, switch to formula at night and let DH take some of the night feeds. You need to take care of yourself first, the rest will follow

Yarnswift · 30/09/2018 03:32

There are compounds in milk appropriate to the time of day, researchers now think - so nighttime milk has something in it that promotes sleep, and morning milk doesn’t.

Could you add a bottle of formula? With my first, he was feeding constantly- I wasn’t getting any sleep for months onbend and it made a big impact on my mental and physical health. I’ve just had my second , six weeks ago and I’m giving him a bottle or two a day. It’s SO much better. He still gets loads of breast milk but he’s not crying with hunger, he’s growing properly and he’s sleeping 2-3 hours in a row.

I don’t know why mix feeding isn’t promoted more. Best of both worlds!

Original poster

NationalShiteDay · 30/09/2018 04:59

Oh bless you all for replying.

He screamed and screamed and screamed with the bottle. I've fed him 3 times since my last post

I'd happily give him formula, I just can't see how he'd take it if he's refusing bottles.

HJE17 that's really interesting to read, I will definitely look up the ladder thing. If he was 6+ months we'd have definitely started sleep training by now. Worked wonders with DD when she was 8 months and she's a champion sleeper now

OP posts:

DwangelaForever · 30/09/2018 05:02

You need to put your own mental health first before your need to EBF, agree with other posters, if this means topping up with formula then so be it!

DwangelaForever · 30/09/2018 05:06

Also what bottles/teats are you using for bottle feeds? Could just be a test issue as to why baby is rejecting bottle?

Knittingteapot · 30/09/2018 05:09

I would second the suggestions of more feeds during the day. I aim for at least every two hours during the day time - tbh, it's usually much more frequently than this as mine is currently a newborn, but I did it with my older two as well. And then try offering a few extra feeds in the run up to bedtime to 'tank' up.

flumpybear · 30/09/2018 05:12

Try to be nowhere near your baby and get your DH to feed with bottle, try the pose PP mentioned so the position is right

My DH used to feed the babies after 8pm til he went to bed about midnight then I'd take over from then so about 2:30 onwards usually so I'd had a good 6 hours to sleep - was a killer before that 😔

earlybyrd · 30/09/2018 05:21

Have you thought about silent reflux ? The response can be constant feeding and a big baby
It may be why he's so unsettled and feeding so much

ApplestheHare · 30/09/2018 05:51

Do you use a dummy/soother? I was DEAD against them until dd had reflux and fed constantly.

The doctor explained that it was because she was in pain and that feeding all the time actually made the pain worse. She suggested trying a dummy -and/or formula if I felt like I couldn't cope (I couldn't).

The dummy worked wonders for all of us. I also started mix feeding to take the pressure off me and felt terribly guilty about it all at first but within a matter of days dd was a much happier baby for it all (and presumably getting more sleep herself!). Look after yourself

Original poster

NationalShiteDay · 30/09/2018 06:03

Feeding again. Baby won't take a dummy most of the time.

Not sure it's silent reflux either, he's only like this at night.

Think I'm going to put him on a strict 2hr feeding schedule today and limit naps a bit

OP posts:

Groomer · 30/09/2018 06:24

Try to bear in mind - as others have said - this will get easier, whatever you do. From what you describe you are an AMAZING mother! Do you have a La Leche League group nearby, or have you phoned their advice line? They helped me enormously when I was in a similar position (quite a few years ago!) and I'll always be grateful as I was also feeling pretty desperate. Good luck!

Strawbe · 30/09/2018 06:51

My DS was like this at that age, it's such hard work and totally exhausting. This won't be for everyone, but from around 2/3am I used to bring him into bed with me and safely co-sleep - it was the only way I could get enough rest. I never thought I'd co-sleep, but it was that or lose my mind. I think as long as he starts off the night in the cot, you should be able to maintain that when his sleep starts to improve again - and it will improve again soon. The other thing I used to do when I was BF'ing was offer it to him every 1.5-2hrs during the day - he wasn't always obviously hungry, but he would feed more frequently and then after a little while we started to get to 3 hrs between feeds at night. DS is nearly 10 months now, doesn't sleep through yet but we generally one have 1 or 2 wake ups a night which feels so much better. Also, if you aren't already, go to bed at night when baby goes - I know it's early, but it's only temporary and it will help. Sending hugs

LivLemler · 30/09/2018 06:59

When DD was up every hour during the four month regression, I found things improved when I stopped feeding every time. When I was so tired and woken up after only just getting to sleep, putting the baby to the boob was such a natural, autopilot thing. But feeding seemed to be a vicious cycle as the more she fed, the windier she was and the more she needed her nappy changed.

If she'd been fed in the past couple of hours, I tried soothing on my shoulder first for a few minutes. Often that was enough to get her back down, and quicker than a feed too.

I hope you sort something, you must be on your knees

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