Please help I can't cope breastfeeding

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Baby is 16 weeks and is 98th centile (may be relavent?). He feeds all night and I can't cope. Feeds generally at 8pm(bed), 11pm, 1am, 2am, 3:30am, 4:30am, 6am(wake).

It's been like this for about 6 weeks.

I'm going insane from sleep deprivation.

Feeds are around 20/30 minutes long.

In the day he feeds about 6 times, often with 3/4 hours between. Much quicker to feed to.

I can't do it anymore. I have raging PND as a result of the sleep deprivation.

Rang HV. She suggested DH giving him a bottle of expressed milk at 11pm. He's previously taken a bottle a few days earlier but refused this time. Screamed and screamed.

I'm done.

Please help. I just need to sleep.

Read a thread here about bf babies like this being linked to caffeine? Not sure if that helps but I know sleep deprivation is hard x

My oldest son was like like from about 4-8 months so i feel your pain. I co slept which helped and then just slept in the day when he did (sorry I know that might not be possible with an older child). Eventually we got to the point where my DH could settle him sometimes with some rocking and also found that if DH co slept with him instead of me that he would sleep longer before waking.

But sorry no real advice, hang in there, it will change and this will all be a distant and brief memory soon

Sounds like reverse cycling.

kellymom.com/bf/normal/reverse-cycling/

Liv I agree, feeding every time isn't helping. I held him at one point for a cuddle and he went straight back to sleep. Think I need to do this more. It is so instinctive to offer the boob. He's actually a good self settler and nearly always goes to sleep in his own in his cot after a feed. It's all the other times he wakes that it's an issue. Maybe I need to give him time to self soothe. I'm scared of him waking the whole house up.

Well you could be right. I posted a while ago and someone mentioned this. I've tried all the tips in the KellyMom article but to no avail he gets a lot of fresh air/sunlight during the day, naps are in noisey places, very different to night time.

I've just downloaded The Happy Sleeper on kindle, maybe that will help.

Your support is greatly appreciated. I posted in desperation, then logged back in a bit later thinking that maybe there would be one or two responses, but there were 13. It lifted my spirits

National. Hope you get a bit of sleep today.

First of all, you’re doing great. He’s obviously gaining weight well and you’re feeding responsively which is exactly what he needs. Well done for making it this far!

My only suggestion would be to feed him up in the day more - DS2 is a couple of weeks older than your DS and rarely goes 90 mins without a feed during the day. In the evening he feeds more (inc a small bottle) and then when he does goes to sleep he wakes once maybe twice for a ten minute top up, like you might reach out for a drink in the night yourself.

But be kind to yourself - sleep deprivation is horrible. This will not last forever, you will get through it.

Could he be awake more because of teething pain?

Give yourself permission to quit if it is too much. Lots of people will say persevere but quitting is an option too. You need to do what is best for you and your baby not what others say or what is expected of you. There are far worse things than formula feeding. Your mental health is as important. So what is best for you as well as the baby. X

Thank you all.

I implemented some of the suggestions last night and it was much better.

• fed at least every two hours during the day rather than on demand. Made me realise how little he was feeding in the day. I set a timer on my phone. Will definitely keep doing this.

• no caffeine after 3pm

• read the sleep ladder book. This has really given me hope!!!

He went to bed at 8pm, woke at 9 but self soothed with a dummy (which he normally doesn't take!!), fed at 10:30, 1:30, 4, 6:40

This is a vast improvement! I really liked how the sleep ladder worked. So if they've fed in the last 2 hours then pacify them. I've been so used too just feeding him all the time but it was good to have permission to not feed if that makes sense. I thought feeding on demand meat just that.

I feel like there is light at the end of the tunnel and I'm so, so grateful to you all.

Going to persevere with giving a bottle too.

Thank you all

I could have written this at 4 months. I honestly thought I had PND.

Do what you've got to do to get through. I'm committed to breastfeeding but in desperate times I am all for a big bottle of formula from Dad as the last feed of the day, if it gets you a proper chunk of sleep.

I resorted to this at the 4 month mark. I only needed to do it a few times (maybe three times a week for two weeks? So hard to remember that whole period is a blur) and then baby grew out of whatever hideous phase he was in and everything was rosy from there.

This will probably only last for a few weeks more tops, OP. In the meantime - do what you need to survive!!!

Thanks Silver I completely agree, and am also reconsidering my PND diagnosis. I'm just so much better mentally when I've had a bit of sleep. I feel great this morning even though waking 4 times in the night is still a bit shit.

I've got a massive slab of for later

Hi OP!!

I sympathise with the sleep deprivation, it’s so tough!!

Back when mine was that young I would wait for DH to come home from work just before 5pm and I’d hand baby over and go straight to bed. I’d only get about 1.5-2 hours but it felt amazing to have that sleep in me before the night time hell started. That was DS1 and we sleep trained him at 9 months of age because his nighttime behaviour was so bad that life was bleak for me and I could barely function. He woke up constantly and wanting feeding over and over again. It was awful.

I’m on baby number 2 now and he’s 13 months old and still wakes up at least 3 times for a night feed and it’s hard. I probably get a total of about 5 hours sleep a night in three separate blocks and feel exhausted - it’s even worse this time because I have my first child to look after and I’m back at work.

I’ve got two weeks off work in November and I’m going to night wean. At the minute I’m so tired that it’s easier to pop a nipple on his mouth when he wakes at night rather than listen to him cry for 45 minutes whilst DH tries (and fails) to settle him.

My son won’t take a bottle either.

Stay strong OP, you’re doing great

Thanks for the update! I’m glad The Happy Sleeper has given you hope too! :-)

Hi, what's the sleep ladder?

Similar child here, I came on to ask if it really was ok that "you can't over feed a bf baby" as my first reverse cycled. I'm feeding this one frequently in the day but he's had some all night banquets too in the last 3 weeks (he's 20 weeks).

I fed ds every wake up as he had weight issues and am sort of happy to do so here (hourly isn't great though) however I am genuinely starting to think he really is very over weight. Born just above 50th, now on 95th.

Till a few weeks ago he could do a good 4-5 hours at the start of the night, then every 3 on a good night, down to 2 on a bad night. Won't take a bottle but we could try again. Sometimes takes a dummy, not always at night though!!

I got round this by DH doing bottles at 8/11 and even 1am. It meant I could go to bed at 8 and get a chunk of sleep at least

@Dinodora classic 4 month sleep regression!

Dinodora wow that's a big centile jump!

The sleep ladder is from this book www.amazon.co.uk/dp/B00R78Z1DE/ref=dp-kindle-redirect?_encoding=UTF8&btkr=1&tag=mumsnetforum-21

I've only read the 0-4 month section but basically it says if you've fed them in the past 2 hours at night then they don't need a feed and you can find another way to help settle them back to sleep, starting off at one end of the ladder with being present and sushing them, right up to dummy and then feed only if all else fails. All about allowing them to learn how to self soothe in a gentle way. I'm massively over simplifying but the book is well worth a look.

We had a great few nights but last night was bad and baby is on a nursing strike today so I suspect tonight will be bad. Overall though things have improved. I do think he was reverse cycling.

Hi All

Don't really know why I'm posting, but just came on to say he's back to waking ever 90 mins/2 hours in the night 😔 He's also started waking up properly at 5am, so that's fun.

Sleep ladder not really working.
Tried to start weaning him into foods but don't think he's ready so have stopped.
HV sympathetic but not really that helpful.
Persevered with bottles but that's been a disaster.

I just don't know what to do. I can't be his sole source of nourishment anymore, it's too much.

He has gained weight though

Hey OP, how have things been? My baby was a bit like this, not every night but enough that I can massively sympathise. She tended to wake 3 times a night, although it did gradually become twice, then once and now at 8 months has actually slept through a few times. It definitely helped once she was old enough for some gentle sleep training. My DD could self settle no problem through the day but would demand to be bf back to sleep at night. I hope things have improved since your last post and that you are getting some much needed sleep

Have you tried Gaviscon Infant (Little sachets mixed with water, I give it through a calpol syringe) for the reflux? I found them really good.

I increased the number & length of naps. I bf more during the day. Have a very relaxing structure to indicate it is time for sleep/bed (change, sleeping bag, teddy bear, dimmed lighting, quietened lead up, lullaby). I bf before naps/bedtime, wind and put in cot awake. I patted, stopped to see if there was a cry and leaving longer gaps for reassurance. It took time but it did work. This won't last forever. It's hard when you are so sleep deprived.

More than once I’ve sent OH to with a baby for a midnight walk. Baby ended up settling and I got a chunk of sleep helping me be able to manage better.

Hope things have gotten better OP.

My only words of wisdom are that in a yeah you will look back and it will just be an anecdote about when the baby didn't sleep at night. Ie, you absolutely will get through this and he absolutely will start sleeping at some point

How's it going now @NationalShiteDay