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Infant feeding

Get advice and support with infant feeding from other users here.

Original poster

WARNING very long, boring and just getting it out of my system: what BF was like for me

54 replies

jetjets · 22/05/2007 14:03

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Judy1234 · 22/05/2007 22:50

Yes, it is somehow getting to a point mentally where it doesn't matter, but ensuring you aren't treated so badly again. It certainly isn't likely to have made much difference to your baby. My mother gave up breastfeeding me because my father and his brother both doctors made silly comments that my crying was "not enough milk" which I think she regretted (she was in the NCT).

I have never ever come across pro bottle feeding though anywhere ever with any of the 5 children. I was always hoping someone would move me on or cause trouble and our local hospitals are all in favour of breast milk for premature babies. I think you just had bad luck.

I remember when I had my first - we got home and all was well and the midwives a couple of days later forced me back into hospital with her I think under false pretences. I was only 22 and she had very mild jaundice but it certainly didn't need treating and wasn't treated. We escaped as soon as we could and now (22 years later) I would hardly ever think of that but it was annoying at the time.

morocco · 22/05/2007 23:01

an eloquent and moving post, jetjags, I really feel for you. i hope writing it all down has been helpful for you
please do also send this in to the hospital so they can understand and hopefully retrain some staff there on giving good bf advice. a lot of your post rang bells for me as well but i never told anyone at the hosp how crappy their 'help' was so I guess they never learned

HonoriaGlossop · 22/05/2007 23:05

Good idea to write it all down.

My first memory after giving birth is coming round from a GA and watching a nurse bottle feeding a baby.....oh, that might be my baby I thought to myself.....hardly what I expected my post birth memories to be. It can be really shocking and traumatic when things go so totally differently to what we would like.

I also remember my utter despair at ds who never, ever latched on or tried to suck. So I do sympathise with you; it must have seemed that everything was against you. I remember thinking that I just needed ONE thing to go right; having little or no midwife support might not have been so bad had my baby at least been trying to feed.

The pressure put on you when you were vulnerable sounds truly dreadful. I hope you now realise that you did your absolute best and that no-one could have done more.

And yes, my ds is four now and the sharp regrets about it have gone.

As tiktok said feeding is important but THE most important thing you can give a baby is love. Feeding is only a small part of that. Yes, if it goes well I'm sure it's an enriching part, but it's still only a part.

I too like another poster went overboard on giving ds, when weaned, the healthiest, home made, organic food I could and I loved doing that with a passion. Still do; feeding doesn't stop when they are six months!

hotchocscot · 22/05/2007 23:50

Jetjet, i ached when I read your post, all i can do is repeat what the others have said, you did a fab job in the face of lousy conditions. I also agree that the antenatal advice is rubbish. Our NCT BF lady basically said "tummy to mummy, nose to nipple and off we go, la la la all the way to happy land by day 3". Bollox. I had a natural birth of a full term baby and really wanted to BF, had read all the info about health benefits. He wouldn't latch on, was told to formula top-up in hospital, they also made me keep trying so long that my left nipple was so bruised, that the midwife when i got home said the nerve was exposed. I tried so hard for two weeks, getting more and more stressed, I remember expressing at stupid o'clock when all i wanted to do was lie down with my baby and sleep. Result was that i got ill, was put on antibiotics that killed off my milk, and ended up formula feeding by week 4. He's now nearly one and is very healthy, happy and a joy, but I still have a twinge when i see other mums BF without a flicker of a problem. It had such an effect on me, feeling like a "failed mum", i'm sure it contributed to me developing PND, which i struggled with until ds was seven months old when i finally went to the doctor and got help. DH tried to help but he just couldn't understand me getting so upset over not being able to feed my child myself. If we have another, I really hope i'll be strong enough to ignore the hospital dragons, go home as soon as possible and try to BF on my & my baby's terms not theirs! In fact, sometimes i think the ONLY reason i'll have another is to get BF right, not really a good enough reason to bring a child into the world i know (only joking before someone leaps on me with outraged post). Phew. sorry for the rant. You can see, even a year later how much these events affect new mums. So please DO send your info to the hospital. If more of us had the wits to do so (but who does with a first newborn?) perhaps the level of care would start to improve. To all new mums, don't beat yourselves up if BF doesn't go according to plan. I did, and ended up a basketcase. Give your baby your love and they'll be just fine.

Twinklemegan · 22/05/2007 23:52

Hotchocscot - I really understand where you're coming from, even down to having another to get the BF right (I'm about half serious on that one).

onlygirlinthehouse · 22/05/2007 23:52

here here hotchoc

hotchocscot · 22/05/2007 23:58

twinkle, i'm glad somebody else understands that feeling! and i have heard of lots of people who didn't manage BF first time round, but got it with the 2nd one - more relaxed about it all, not so panicky as new mums. I wonder if the stress of it all supressed my milk too, as i never felt much sensation.

tibsy · 23/05/2007 09:01

hotchoc, i felt exactly like that when i had dd (9 months ago) not that i had her because of that! i didnt manage to bf ds 12years ago, so when i had dd, i was bloody determined i was going to do it this time its been really hard, but i have done it, and am still bfing now and for the foreseeable future

Original poster
jetjets · 23/05/2007 13:09

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moondog · 23/05/2007 13:40

Hi Jet.

You are so right about lack of impartial advice re formual.It is a point that has been discussed at length on MN.
There is indeed a hole in the system as the only advice you will get is from peopel who are trying to flog your something.

Noone of course needs to flog the idea of breastfeeding,or if they do,it is flogged for the good of the baby and the mother.

i am involved in a protracted 'discussion; with Cow & Gate re an assertion on their website that a baby (Little Johnny) in a promotional film 'might not need breastmilk now'.I want them to tell me what they mean by that. I also want information on some graphs which have no proper references.

They promised to get back to me 6 weeks ago on both counts and I am still waiting.

i will be phoning them again today.

Original poster
jetjets · 23/05/2007 13:43

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moondog · 23/05/2007 13:51

Well Jets,I've no reason to believe that the graph doesn't speak some truth.It does at least show formula in comparison to breastmilk. It is unacceptable though to just throw stuffl ike that in with no references.

Also as Tiktok has often said,these helplines target women who do and have breastfed rather than those who are already using formula.

Yes,there should be an impartial body which moniors and offers advice on formual.

Have you seen the Baby Milk Action website Jet? it gives lots of info on underhand ways of formula companies.Makes your hair curl.

tiktok · 23/05/2007 13:58

jetjets, it is awful, yes.

It's now illegal for manufacturers to make claims like 'closer to breastmilk' or 'closest to breastmilk' or 'closer than ever to breastmilk' .

I wish HPs were able to say, 'we can't recommend a brand because there is no way of knowing which is 'the best' but as all these are made to comply with the law, you can be sure that they are probably more or less the same and we will support you in how to formula feed in a way that ensures you and your baby have the best formula experience' or something...and they can explain how your can ff a baby with similar closeness to bf, and how to sterilise and store and make up feeds, and about ready-to-feed options...I can totally understand that their silence can seem like disapproval to a new mother

Original poster
jetjets · 23/05/2007 13:59

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Original poster
jetjets · 23/05/2007 14:01

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moondog · 23/05/2007 14:02

Jets,ignore me if it is too heavy for you,but if you want an amazing read that opens your eyes to the political, economic and sociological issues surrounding breastfeeding (as well as the more obvious nutritional ones) I would recommend 'The Politics of Breastfeeding' Gabrielle Palmer.

It changed my life (along with 'No Logo' Naomi Klein.)

Original poster
jetjets · 23/05/2007 14:05

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Original poster
jetjets · 23/05/2007 14:06

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Ellbell · 23/05/2007 14:12

jetjets

I have read the whole of your OP but not the whole thread, so forgive me for any repetition.

Your post has really moved me and I am sitting here like this because I have never heard of anyone else before having a situation so close to my own. Slight difference in that my dd1 was more prem (35-36 weeks - dates a bit uncertain) and was tube fed (formula and then EBM) for about 10 days. But the sleepiness was totally the same and the just lying there with my nipple in her mouth as if she didn't know what to do with it. I eventually got my dd home from hospital feeding with nipple shields, but gave up after 6 weeks, when she was still under 6lb in weight.

I am so sorry you were treated so shoddily and that you still feel so bad about it.

Here is the good news...

  1. The day will come when it won't matter any more. My dd1 is 7 now and I can honestly say that I don't think about how she was fed as a baby (except when I read a post like yours). She eats well and is no more prone to illness than her sister or any of her classmates.
  1. I managed to bf dd2 from day 1. Not without problems, but they were resolvable problems with the latch etc. which I did eventually get sorted. But the key thing was that dd2 wanted to bf. So there is reason why your experience with your ds should repeat itself.

(((hugs))) and good luck for the future.

Original poster
jetjets · 23/05/2007 14:14

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Ellbell · 23/05/2007 14:20

Hiya

dd2 was born at 37+something, so not prem, but not completely full-term either. She was 7lb 5oz (and I went home the same day she was born thus avoiding the midwife problem altogether!).

dd1 was a very problematic pregnancy. I had placenta praevia and had been in hospital from 27 weeks, so she was delivered by elective section. dd2 was a natural delivery and all in all a much simpler scenario.

Please don't beat yourself up about what happened. It was not your fault and throughout you did what you thought was best for your ds. Good luck for the future.

Ellbell · 23/05/2007 14:23

I lie... she was 7lb 8oz! (My brain has gone to mush.) Dd1 was 4lb 12oz. Oh, and she was never in SCBU despite being tube fed, so whoever threatened to remove your ds to SCBU was talking rubbish. Babies who are tube-fed tend to stay on the ward with their mums (unless they are also ill in other ways, of course). I kept dd with me the whole time (they wanted me to let her go into the nursery, but I wouldn't let anyone else but me put milk down her tube, even if it was formula... Still haven't quite worked out if this was foolish or heroic, but it seemed important to me at the time ).

2Happy · 23/05/2007 14:29

OMG jetjets, what an awful story. I totally agree with sending it to your hospital. But I agree with your last paragraph - 100% not your fault, you sound a fantastic mum.

moondog · 23/05/2007 18:24

Jets,no i don't know of anything that loooks at history of formula.It would be interesting wouldn't it? Perhaps Mears or Tiktok might know?
I keep on meaning to read a book called Milk (??) about well...milk but not sure if this alludes to formula.

mears · 23/05/2007 18:45

jetjets - here is an interesting site about the history of feeding bottles