How do I make this better? I love BF but something has to give.

[Jenkeywoo]

DD is 14 months- started on solids at 6 months, has never eaten really. Kept being told that it would come but it didn't. If I'm lucky - she will eat around 10 'bites' of food a day. She also rarely drinks, we've tried every drink and every type of cup. She is always constipated as she doesn't drink. She breastfeeds quite a lot - typical day..
6.30am in bed,
7am in bed
9.30
12.30
7pm
10pm
4am

I LOVE breastfeeding but wish she would also eat some solid food. She has stopped gaining weight so much and I know that it is my breastmilk sustaining her. She will not take a bottle or cup of milk under any circumstances. We try her with a bottle of milk every night- she has never had more than two sips. I don't think she drinks more than an ounce a day of any liquid.

I don't know what to do - if I complain to anyone they tell me it is my fault - she doesn't eat because I'm always breastfeeding her and she is never hungry. (We have tried not breastfeeding her and it makes no difference to the amount she eats).

She also has cerebral palsy and a very clingy personality - I feel that breastfeeding is such a special comfort for her and I feel unwilling to let that go. But I cannot go on like this forever. She has to eat some food at some point, she can't go on living on just BM and I also would like to breastfeed her less, my dream is to be able to leave her with my mum or something for more than an hour or two.

So what do I do? I feel like I have two options - 1) keep breastfeeding her day and night and accept that she isn't going to eat solid food.

2. go cold turkey and give up breastfeeding which would be a living hell for me and her.

I don't know what to do, I am too scared to even tell the doctor or HV the truth because we know they'll tell me to stop breastfeeding and I just can't. DH and I think she would probably end up is hospital as she doesn't eat or drink anything.

Does anyone have any advice? In particular does anyone have a little one who was still not eating at 14 months?

Sorry it's such a long post, I just don't know what to do and I'm sick of being made to feel like this is all my fault. If I had FF her from day one would things be different? would she be some massive 30 pounder and be eating me out of house and home? Have I really really fucked up that much by breastfeeding my baby?

Oh, sweetheart

No, you haven't fucked up by bfing her, put that out of your mind now.

Can you try ringing one of the support lines? The numbers are on my profile.

You have NOT fucked up. You are doing fabulously well. I don't have any constructive advice (apart from, maybe, finding a sympathetic breastfeeding counsellor) but please don't feel that it is your fault.

I think you are doing fine. Some children are like this. My eldest was the same. She DID start eating though.....shes fifteen now and I promise you she is healthy and normal....and eats like a horse.

Don't worry about other people. Would you be worried if it wasn't for other peoples opinions? Children all develop at their own rates. Just keep offering other food and one day it will all fall into place.

The more you worry the worse it will be. Food is not an issue, really. Don't make it one, and don't be so hard on yourself. Shes just a baby still.

I'm no expert but the one thing that struck me is I'd be a bit worried about how much breastmilk she's actually getting from you if she's constipated all the time. But then she's still gaining weight - oh I don't know I'm afraid but I hope someone does.

I think you do need to talk to someone. I doubt very much they'd tell you to stop breastfeeding just like that.

Of course you haven't f*cked up by breastfeeding her, but then you know that don't you?

Some day I do believe all those people who go on and on about how it's my fault she doesn't eat and drink. The paediatrician says she obviously needs more liquid than my milk can give her but I know she's getting my milk as when I pull her off after 45 mins sometimes she still has milk pouring out of her mouth. Do you think she will ever eat? I feel like I'm bringing up a baby veal calf - she even has milky white skin and lovely milky breath. God I adore breastfeeding, I just can't give up, so what I actually need is something to say to all those who keep going on at me (my mum and MIL). Do I have to accept that if you choose to breastfeed you cannot then moan about it ever?!

I think the NCT has (they definitely had) a register of mums who've bfed babies with different needs. It may be you can speak to someone who's had exactly this with a baby with CP - worth asking, anyway.

are you asking for someone to tell you that it is time to cut down on breastfeeding her?

if so, here I am.

if not, of course you are entitled to moan about breastfeeding. it doesn't sound as if either you or your dd are entirely in a good place right now.

cut out night feeds???

Her cP is very mild, only just diagnosed and we're now waiting for physio to help her to crawl. I think part of the problem is not knowing how the CP affects her. Paed thinks CP is not the reason for drinking problems as she is starting to talk well and doesn't seem to have SALT issues. It's a hard one. The breastfeeding counsellor at my group has said that at some point I'll have to ask for help from a health professional so it may as well be sooner rather than later.

DS2 fed a similar amount at that age - not every day, because I work, but definitely when I didn't he would if he could.

He ate like a horse too though and is still skinny as anything - I say this not to "boast" but to reassure you that some children with larger appetites for solid food still bf this much.

He's 16mo and bfs now first thing, bedtime, once in the night (grr) and maybe once or twice in the day. So, actually, still quite a lot. But not every day - on days I work, he bfs first thing, bedtime and once in the night (did I mention grr?).

I'm not an expert on this, but a) breast milk is hardly going to be bad for her, is it? b) props to you for being so devoted and putting in all the tit-hours and c) maybe try cutting it down to night-feeds? Mixing baby rice with breast milk? Mixing everything with breast milk? And I'm sure there must be people on CP boards who have experienced this ...

What happens between 12.30 and 7pm out of interest?

Will she drink juice out a cup? Forget the bottle perhaps. She doesn't need extra milk with the BM sh eis getting.

Have you tried jelly - that food has a high water content. What about little ice lolly? Ice cream? She will eat eventually - please speak to your HV who will be able to help you. She will not starve but you need help and support to get her to widen her diet.

I would try and stop the night feed too.

phew. mears. thought i'd get lynched for that!!!

Mears, can you or Sophable come and stop DS2's night feed for me, thanks.

you just stop it.

and it is rough for a couple of night and you give a little cuddle.

and immediately baby starts to compensate with daytime feeds.

there is no magic bullet iirc.

I stopped my sisters DD's night feeds by taking her overnight for a few nights when she was 9 months old. She was so funny the first night when i went through to her. Her mum had B/F her to sleep then left her with me. She settled really quickly and actually ate food the next day. It was custard that she ate with her hands. Next night when she woke and got me, she quickly went back to sleep.

It will be really hard but as long as you give in and breastfeed at night, then it will continue. However, I do think that if you are happy BF during the night then continue.

I could probably stop the night feed but it's mainly laziness. We co-sleep and it's easier to stick her on the boob than get DH to rock her for 40 mins + whilst she screams. She does sometimes have a feed mid afternoon but usually breastfeeds between 12.30-2pm then sleeps for another couple of hours so that's the afternoon done. I'm going to try jellies and stuff sounds good, and maybe I will get the breast pump out again so I can add BM to her food. Good ideas, thanks.

oh mears how lovely your experience with your niece sounds...

If DH rocked her every night then perhaps she would get the message. Depends if you want to go down that road. I don't know if you can stop co-sleeping babies from night feeds unless you stop co-sleeping.

absolutely agree that if happy at night to breastfeed then you should not stop.

I don't mind doing it, really. Gets him back to sleep. He won't be doing it when he's 17 (not without a bloody good shave first, anyway), so I can live with it.

Her ears must be burning as she is crying - dh going to try and settle her but I'm sure she'll end up having a little feed in a min, better go. thanks for the help and ideas.

If it's any comfort, I bf DD1 until she was 19 months, and had to wean her when I got pegnant with DD2 (because it was freaking aaaaagony), and did it in one awful 24 period of weeping and crying. Kissing her to sleep worked in the end - gently, on her eyes and forehead. But then the next day - all done and forgotten about. She seems remarkable untraumatised by the whole thing.