How do I make this better? I love BF but something has to give.

[Jenkeywoo]

DD is 14 months- started on solids at 6 months, has never eaten really. Kept being told that it would come but it didn't. If I'm lucky - she will eat around 10 'bites' of food a day. She also rarely drinks, we've tried every drink and every type of cup. She is always constipated as she doesn't drink. She breastfeeds quite a lot - typical day..
6.30am in bed,
7am in bed
9.30
12.30
7pm
10pm
4am

I LOVE breastfeeding but wish she would also eat some solid food. She has stopped gaining weight so much and I know that it is my breastmilk sustaining her. She will not take a bottle or cup of milk under any circumstances. We try her with a bottle of milk every night- she has never had more than two sips. I don't think she drinks more than an ounce a day of any liquid.

I don't know what to do - if I complain to anyone they tell me it is my fault - she doesn't eat because I'm always breastfeeding her and she is never hungry. (We have tried not breastfeeding her and it makes no difference to the amount she eats).

She also has cerebral palsy and a very clingy personality - I feel that breastfeeding is such a special comfort for her and I feel unwilling to let that go. But I cannot go on like this forever. She has to eat some food at some point, she can't go on living on just BM and I also would like to breastfeed her less, my dream is to be able to leave her with my mum or something for more than an hour or two.

So what do I do? I feel like I have two options - 1) keep breastfeeding her day and night and accept that she isn't going to eat solid food.

2. go cold turkey and give up breastfeeding which would be a living hell for me and her.

I don't know what to do, I am too scared to even tell the doctor or HV the truth because we know they'll tell me to stop breastfeeding and I just can't. DH and I think she would probably end up is hospital as she doesn't eat or drink anything.

Does anyone have any advice? In particular does anyone have a little one who was still not eating at 14 months?

Sorry it's such a long post, I just don't know what to do and I'm sick of being made to feel like this is all my fault. If I had FF her from day one would things be different? would she be some massive 30 pounder and be eating me out of house and home? Have I really really fucked up that much by breastfeeding my baby?

And LOL at custard with hands - DS2 would love that!

listen. very very gently......you keep saying you love breastfeeding....is this about you rather than your lo?

i only ask because i think i have been guilty of that, and to some extent we all are.

it what is happening about her wants and much more importantly her needs...or yours?

I would probably try cutting out the 9.30am feed (by being out of the house, with her in a car seat, buggy, etc, etc) and seeing if she'll eat at lunch (before 12.30 bf) because she'll be hungrier then.

My dd2 was exactly the same. Wouldn't eat a thing until she was 12 months ( and I mean not a thing) then still hardly anything until about 18 months. She's nearly four now, self-weaned at 2.6, very healthy. She was also constipated a lot when younger, now poos once a day like clockwork.

If you love it then just go on as you are. She will eat one day, honestly she will. I read on a German attachment parenting board, and among babies/children there this is very, very common indeed. I think if you really, truly demand-feed it can happen a lot.

Try this book

I haven't read it myself, but on that German discussion board they all recommend it

sophable, while I understand what you are saying, I still think that a baby of 14 months who has been truly demand-fed since birth still very very much needs a mother's milk.

ABSOLUTELY!!!

but perhaps not the night one????

I guess.

Personally I always felt that it wasn't until about 18 months that I could night-wean my dd's without it being too hard on them, but everybody has to decide that for themselves.

In terms of language comprehension I found that at around 18 months I could establish rules like "not while it's dark" and they'd understand and that would make it easier.

Hi everyone - well I fed her about midnight, then again at 5am and 7am and she ate a good breakfast - (2 mini weetabix with soy milk and an 8th of a slice of toast and drank about 10 sips of drink) - Last night before bed she did a big poo and became unconstipated so today she can eat. I think the not eating thing is related to being constipated rather than the night feeds. I find the night feeds the least annoying bit of parenting tBH, it's just like a little night-time cuddle and I'm not even awake for it. DH did try to settle her but after 5 mins of listening ot her cry I fed her, DH works really long hours in a stressful job and spends all evening up and down the stairs settling her and I'm not prepared to make him sit up with her all night too.

She does have food allergies (egg and dairy) and I wonder if the constipation might be related to a food intolerance somewhere that we haven't picked up on.

I have got that book 'help my child won't eat' - it is excellent and I think I need to read it again as when I read it a few months ago it instilled a lot of confidence in me. I think DH and I both find it quite embarrassing when we're out , at the weekend we were in a cafe surrounded by babies wolfing down enormous bowls of dinner when it took us 40 mins to get her to eat 2 peas, 2 beans and a bite of sausage!!

Jenkeywoo, when you say you "got her to eat" - how?

I would be a bit wary of cajoling and coercing her to eat - I know people who've done this and it has backfired massively (mealtimes are one long bribe/pester festival). Not saying that you are doing that, obv.

Longdistanceclara, no cajoling or bribing as we don't believe this would help. But basically DD doesn't like to eat from a spoon, will sometimes feed herself eith fingers if we dump it on her tray but her preferred method is me feeding little tiny mouthfuls by hand - so I find myself mixing bits of sausage or something with some brocoli and then picking up a little bit to pop in her mouth so it is a bit of messy process and why we sometimes feel a bit self-conscious when all the other babies seem to be happily accepting being spoon fed.

We had a very good day today anyway, I was holding DD and stirring the spaghetti sauce and she started making sucking noises so I asked her if she would like to eat some and she nodded and said 'yeah' ! it's so cool cos in the last two days she has learnt to say yes and no and nod/shake head so finally I can ask her if she wants to eat and drink and she can tell me - it's a real break through I think.

I was really upset yesterday as my mum had been really going on at me about stopping breastfeeding and it upset me as she is normally very supportive. We're going to try to go with it as long as Heather is still happy and healthy.

I think it sounds like you're doing brilliantly and feeding her like that is fine, IMO. I used to hold a banana or sandwich for DS1 to eat when we were out - he was a bit funny about odd textures on his hands when he was a baby.

Your mum's probably worried for you - but expressing that in a way that's not helpful for you to hear.

Sounds like DD might be on the verge of a breakthrough if she can start to tell you what she wants.

Hang in there!

Hello Jenkeywoo

My 14 month old DS also adores BF and has a tiny appetite for solid food. He has just never been that interested in food. I also watch other mums spoon feed their babies huge meals while my DS has 2 peas and a tiny lump of cheese!

It is frustrating if I make him food and he throws it all on the floor - but I just think he isn't bothered about food (and definitely wouldn't let me spoon feed him). He's gone from being a cubby newborn to a skinny wee 14 month old.

In the last week I have cut back on my BF to am/pm feeds and he has actually started to eat and drink more other stuff. This was my choice (I will still BF but just am/pm) if it was up to him he would spent most of the day latched onto the boob! I've had to do major distraction tactics to reduce the feeds.

He now might eat 4 shreddies and a chopped apricot for breakfast! woo hoo!
(Chopped apricots is one thing he does like - and they contain iron)

Anyway - my advise would be to ignore any negative vibes from others about BF (people would probably make comments about BF even if she ate loads). Try not to worry and get anxious (I'm sure babies can pick up on it). Eventually she will start to eat more - she will probably just always have a small appetite.

MrsBond - lol at 2 peas and a tiny lump of cheese! So good to know I'm not alone. I did try distraction today as she normally likes a 'half-niner' so as it got near to that time we went out for a long walk and that then meant she went from 7am - 12.30pm without a feed and also ate quite well at lunch. For tea she had a massive bowl (for massive read about 10 baby spoons) of spag bol which was really impressive, however she then had a big breastfeed at 5.30 so I'm not sure how it's all related. I think you're right saying that she'll never be a big eater - I think she looks worse compared with my other DD (2.9) who does what we call 'cave-man' eating - she will happliy eat enormous plates of pasta and veggies and then finish with about 20+ grapes. My other DD ate half a grape this week and we were ecstatic! funny creatures. I'm going to try to block up my ears and not listen to any one else because at the end of the day it's me feeding her and looking after her most of the day too.

I also have an older DD (3) who ate almost anything. I guess they are all different. My DS is slowly getting better - now he feeds himself.

Partly why I've recently tried to cut out bf during day was the older child saying 'are you giving him boobie milk again muummy' and then asking to try it etc.... I think she was a bit jeoulous of the amount of time he spent on my lap.

Also I have to admit I got fed up with peoples comments 'oh you're STILL feeding him' OHH you're doing SO WELL to STILL feed him' etc... I know I am a wimp.... should listen to my own advice and not care what others say!

Last time I visited my mum I only fed DS upstairs - as wanted to avoid the comments! I think their generation just had different attitudes to bf. My mum fed me for 6 weeks which she considered a REALLY long time in the 1970s....