Really struggling with BFing

[brogueish]

My beautiful baby boy is four days old and I'm finding feeding really difficult. Ftm so everything is completely overwhelming right now.

So, the first few days feeding seemed to be going OK, DS has a slight tongue tie and favoured one side slightly but we were getting good 30-40 min feeds in. Day one midwife was dismissive and negative about everything (inc other HCPs) and I lost confidence. Couldn't successfully feed at all for the rest of that day.

DS started getting fractious and frustrated at the breast - nodding and rooting but unable to get a latch and then crying. And that's basically where we've stayed, for the most part. We've managed a few decent feeds but a lot more stressful and frustrating sessions.

Day 3 mw was lovely and positive but as DS has jaundice and lost 8% birth weight said we need to feed more often. I'm trying to feed every three hours as she suggested but it just doesn't seem to be working and we both get upset. My milk has come in so my breasts are huge - not sure if this could be making it harder for DS to latch on?

I've expressed several times to relieve the pressure and make sure DS is getting nutrition. DH bought one of the Mendela Calma teats to feed baby (supposed to not interfere with BFing) and has been feeding DS my expressed milk this afternoon. I know this is the best solution right now but I feel like a complete and utter failure . Not sure if this means that BF is now over for my son and me?

I don't know what to do or try next or whether to just get over myself and accept that i can't BF. I really want to but I feel so useless Does anyone have any advice for me please?

Thank you for reading.

Oh bless you.

Have you called a bf helpline?

Don't feel like a failure - remember fed is best.

Have you tried nipple shields? DS wouldn't latch as initially I was too ill to BF - if it wasn't for a MW going against local health board guidelines and recommending them I would have given up.

Best Advice I can give is that you both need to learn to BF and that learning is a process, not an event.

DS got the hang with shields and while I don't think I'll be able to get rid of them completely, he is fed and happy - and that is all that matters.

Not yet, I can't stop crying at the moment but once I pull myself together I plan to. I found the breastfeeding network online, is that them? Thank you for your post.

Oh and see if your community MW team has a BF champion that can come out and see you. Ours was a fantastic help.

I’m no expert, my little one is also 4 days old and I’m struggling too. You’re not alone. I second the suggestion of a helpline or a support group - there should be free NHS or voluntary ones in your area. I went to one yesterday and was taught to lean back and put baby face down near one of my breasts with their legs over my stomach so parallel with your own body, express a little liquid onto the nipple, and be patient and allow them to explore. Apparently in this position they find the right latch themselves. As I say I am far from an expert but that has really worked for me.

And it definitely doesn’t mean it’s over for you, your boy is tiny and still learning!

I should add it took my baby about 10 mins to latch on trying that - I would have given up had the support worker not stood right by me telling me to be patient and give her a chance.

My DS had Tongue tie (divided at 4 weeks old) and it did make feeding harder - however we managed by lying down skin to skin and basically making a horizontal sausage shape of boob and shoving it in until he learned to latch himself when a bit bigger. This progressed to sitting up feeding but lying baby on a pillow on lap and doing same sausage technique! I was very observant for feeding cues and as soon as I saw baby arms stretching or tongue out a little I would offer the boob. This helped reduce frustration of being super hungry and more difficult to latch but resulted in feeding more often than three hourly. Breast feeding can be really hard and you're doing really well so far, try la leche league or see if your midwife team has any breastfeeding counsellors details - they can be really helpful. If you can get tongue tie snipped it might make a whole lot of difference - ask your midwife team for a referral to paediatric dept to assess. Good luck and congratulations on your new baby!

Look up nct breast feeding support line and La leche League helplines. They have peer supporters that can give you advice. You have not in any way ruined bf! Every 3 hours is really quite infrequent for a bf baby, I would aim to go longer than 2 hours before putting him to the breast.

I haven't considered nipple shields, I will look at that now, thank you. Is there a specific type you'd recommend?

I'm so nervous that my baby is getting more poorly because I can't feed him properly; he's having his 5 day check tomorrow and it feels like I need to show that he's improved by then.

Of course breastfeeding isn't over. Try not to think in absolutes, sometimes breastfeeding needs to be temporarily supplemented with expressed milk (or formula) if you're experiencing issues with latching on, or other things.

As other posters have said, ideally you need an experienced and qualified lactation consultant to observe you feeding.

Try and offer a feed before your baby is very hungry, as sometimes that can make them frantic. So maybe try 2 hours after the last feed/bottle and see how it goes. Sometimes nipple shields can help, they're worth trying out to see if they do.

Please don't feel useless, this is perfectly normal!
I cried more often than not when feeding (or trying to, my DD was fidgety) for the first few weeks.
My DD lost just over 10% of her birth weight so the hospital had me give her like 10-20ml formula after every feed, I remember crying at one point because I didn't have time to eat myself with all the feeding, trying to express etc.
BUT.. it does get easier, and when it does it's so rewarding. Definitely speak to a bf helpline/find a group near you (where I live there's a baby cafe that does this sort of thing)
Hang in there xx

It's totally fine btw to spend a day expressing and bottle feeding if you're worried your baby isn't getting enough milk. You can try to latch them on before each feed, but if they won't latch then you can give expressed milk (or formula if expressing is difficult) for that feed. Then try again at the next feed.

Medula nipple shiels are good, get the large 24mm shield. Can I pm you an info sheet for positioning?

Thank you so much for all the reassurance and responses, i really really appreciate it. Lots to look up.

Thank you too for the tongue tie experiences, that's so helpful.

Mumsnet is brilliant. Thank you so much.

Get his tongue tie snipped. I went through 8 weeks of hell as had been told at Hosp that the tie wasn’t bad. Went to a bf support group, cried my eyes out, was given the number of a private practitioner who came out the next day and my hell was over.

I can’t describe the misery of those weeks, pain, bleeding, scabs, expressing.. she gained weight throughout or I would have just gone to formula. All of it need never have happened if only I’d seen the TT practitioner in the first week.

8% weight loss is normal, also day 3 /4 is when your hormones can crazy. With my first it was completely unexpected and I spent the day sobbing, its ok to be overwhelmed you have this amazing new life and trust me when I say 8% is not a bad weight loss.

Congratulations

At 4 days just get yourself comfy, top off & baby on you (& remember your hormones are all over the place!). Google "flipple technique for breastfeeding" utterly fantastic for getting a deep latch for the wee mouth/tongue tie v.s big nipples problem

Lll are your best bet or a bf cafe.

It gets easier!!! I've been bf (or pg) for 10 yrs but i can still remember the sobbing, worry & pain of the first days with my eldest (posterior tt that was missed again & again).

Your doing absolutely fine. 4 days is such little time to get used to breast feeding. It takes a good six weeks to really get the hang of it. I put my baby on whenever he cried just to take the pressure off and stop build up. If you feed more often rather than waiting till too full then it may be easier for your baby to latch. Also the calmer and more relaxed you are the easier it will be for the "let down" to happen. When your stressed the "let down" often doesn't happen and the baby can't get milk. So please realise that you are doing absolutely fine and it's just a case of preserving, eating, drinking and having a book, phone etc right by you when you feed. I had a little feeding station so I could just plonk and relax. I found a breast feeding cushion helpful too. Your nipples may get sore(a little or a lot) but that also passes in a week. Keep going you

Do you have a local breastfeeding support group which you can go along to this week and meet some health visitors (with a special interest in breastfeeding) and peer supporters face to face for a cup of tea, a cry and a latch assessment.

If you can afford it can you find a private tongue tie specialist who can assess and snip it if necessary...I looked it up prior to birth of DD and I think it was about £200 all in, but we were lucky and didn't have any issues. In my area there is only one tongue tie midwife and for two of my friends she was on annual leave when they needed her, so it is not always best to relay too heavily on the NHS.

Express a little before you feed to release some pressure, this will make latching easier, and will help to prevent forceful letdown putting your little one off.

We did feed on demand, and it was a lot more frequent during the day than every 3 hours (and probably around 3 1/2 hours at most during the night) during the newborn stage. Can you make the most of the warm weather and keep baby in just a nappy and you with your top off and boobs out as much as possible, so you can place him to nipple much more frequently. DD is 4 months now and she doesn't often go more than 3 hours during the day, particularly in this heat when she is naturally thirsty more often, just like you and I.

Always remember this is as hard as it gets, it will get easier from here!

x

Yessss completely agree with pp who mentioned top off, baby on your stomach, let baby find the nipple. It’s called “laidback breastfeeding”, and it saved us. Have a quick google around it!
And OP you’re not a failure, it’s so tough at the start :) You’re doing a great job- it might just take some time to work out the best way forward! :)

Be wary about taking advice from unqualified people on the internet. The same goes for real life actually. Are your midwives, etc. IBCLC? There are some fantastic forums on Facebook but again try to speak to an admin. Stick at it, you are doing great!!

Fizz why warn OP off advice from other Mums on Mumsnet? Then direct her to go look at forums on Facebook. Facebook forums are no different to here. Still unknown people .

First of all - congratulations!
Second of all - your only 4 days in. It’s perfectly normal to feel hormonal, tearful and a bit out of it. Totally normal. This will pass so try not to let it worry you. Get as much rest as you can as lack of sleep can really mess with your emotional state.

You are not a failure with regards to BF. Not at all. For a lot of people (myself included) it’s really bloody hard, not easy, frustrating and just a really tough tough process.

My advice is simple - stop putting so much unnecessary pressure on yourself. Please.

Your baby just needs to be fed - that’s it. If that’s breast feeding then brilliant but don’t put this huge pressure on yourself to BF at the expense of your own emotional well being. Yes, we all know the benefits of BF and for sure give it a go but I can’t stress enough that it’s not worth all the undue stress, pressure and constant worry that it sometimes causes. It’s just not,

I did 4 weeks before moving to formula and you know what? I won’t BF again, it’s just way too much when you’re already in such a fragile place. I made myself miserable trying to do it, it was really terrible and stressful.

There is absolutely nothing wrong or bad about switching to formula. None. Do not feel any guilt if you choose to switch.

Chin up, your doing fine and you will work through this whatever option you choose. X

JemmimaJ because there are some excellent groups run by qualified people. If the op would like I can point her in the right direction.

Hello,
I'm totally agreeing with Wildlingofthewest!
I also put a lot of pressure on myself because breastfeeding is the only and best for your baby. However my cousin one day talked to me and she took my fear of formula feeding. As already mentioned above it is totally okay to bottle feed and you don't have to exclusively bottle nor breast feed. The most important thing is that your baby gets enough milk and that you as a mother are not losing it. My cousin helped me a lot finding an organic formula I felt comfortable with (myorganicformula.com/collections/holle-organic-formula) and she helped me get rid of all the pressure.
When I started combining breast and bottle feeding I felt a big relief and also my baby started sleeping way better. I guess my baby girl could feel me stress and was also weary because of this.
So I tell every mother try out and think about what's best for your baby.
You are not a bad mother just because you decided for one option someone else wouldn't. Every baby has its own needs and also every mother's situation is different!
Don't lose your hope, it is great when you ask for help and never forget: you are not alone!
Love from me bumblebee