Really struggling with BFing

[brogueish]

My beautiful baby boy is four days old and I'm finding feeding really difficult. Ftm so everything is completely overwhelming right now.

So, the first few days feeding seemed to be going OK, DS has a slight tongue tie and favoured one side slightly but we were getting good 30-40 min feeds in. Day one midwife was dismissive and negative about everything (inc other HCPs) and I lost confidence. Couldn't successfully feed at all for the rest of that day.

DS started getting fractious and frustrated at the breast - nodding and rooting but unable to get a latch and then crying. And that's basically where we've stayed, for the most part. We've managed a few decent feeds but a lot more stressful and frustrating sessions.

Day 3 mw was lovely and positive but as DS has jaundice and lost 8% birth weight said we need to feed more often. I'm trying to feed every three hours as she suggested but it just doesn't seem to be working and we both get upset. My milk has come in so my breasts are huge - not sure if this could be making it harder for DS to latch on?

I've expressed several times to relieve the pressure and make sure DS is getting nutrition. DH bought one of the Mendela Calma teats to feed baby (supposed to not interfere with BFing) and has been feeding DS my expressed milk this afternoon. I know this is the best solution right now but I feel like a complete and utter failure . Not sure if this means that BF is now over for my son and me?

I don't know what to do or try next or whether to just get over myself and accept that i can't BF. I really want to but I feel so useless Does anyone have any advice for me please?

Thank you for reading.

Hello,
I'm totally agreeing with Wildlingofthewest!
I also put a lot of pressure on myself because breastfeeding is the only and best for your baby. However my cousin one day talked to me and she took my fear of formula feeding. As already mentioned above it is totally okay to bottle feed and you don't have to exclusively bottle nor breast feed. The most important thing is that your baby gets enough milk and that you as a mother are not losing it. My cousin helped me a lot finding an organic formula I felt comfortable with (myorganicformula.com/collections/holle-organic-formula) and she helped me get rid of all the pressure.
When I started combining breast and bottle feeding I felt a big relief and also my baby started sleeping way better. I guess my baby girl could feel me stress and was also weary because of this.
So I tell every mother try out and think about what's best for your baby.
You are not a bad mother just because you decided for one option someone else wouldn't. Every baby has its own needs and also every mother's situation is different!
Don't lose your hope, it is great when you ask for help and never forget: you are not alone!
Love from me bumblebee

OP, if it makes you feel better, my DS lost 11% of his birth weight and my milk hadn't come in at 4 days because of a difficult birth (took until day 6). You can do this.

Look at engorgement - essentially draining a little milk from overfull breasts to make it easier for your DS to feed. Usually into hot water in the sink by hand or in the shower. As hot as you can. You just need to express a small amount and then have a go at feeding again.

Make sure baby has his tummy towards yours and is nose level with your nipple. I'm relearning about this stuff now as we're about to have Dc2, and found a La Leche group and a BF peer support group locally to get in touch with. See what support you can find out there that's face to face, preferably at home. Best of luck with this but you are not letting your baby down and you don't need to demonstrate anything at your baby's 5 day check.