lonely bf mum needs a friendly ear

[chocchip]

i'm a breastfeeding mum to 8wk old, findin it a bit hard but R is healthy and happy so want to keep it up til 6mths. he comfort sucks alot and it's really painful. no support in my area and all mum-friends are bottle feeding. in-laws forever advising to start bottle. feelin lonely and lost.

message withdrawn

Oh chocchip - it can be sooo hard and lonely can't it?
I'm sure some other bf mums will be on here soon, but STICK WITH IT - you know in your heart of hearts you're doing what you want, and think is best for your baby.
I found it helpful to 'rehearse' in my mind responses for those irritating comments from in-laws and bottle-feeding friends. Swot up on all the pro-BF facts and be prepared to use them.

It's a long time since I last BF (DS is 2!) but I remember one friend in particular who was forever saying:

• are you STILL feeding?
• I like to know how much they're getting
• oh, I can't be ar$ed with all that faff... (!!)

Interestingly very recently we were out somewhere and saw a mum BF and she came over all wet eyed and confessed that she'd wished she had stuck it out after all.
Have confidence in your decision and ignore everyone else!! Good luck. Mo2
xxx

Choccochip - well done for doing such a good job, you've already given your baby a brilliant start. 8 weeks of breastfeeding is fabulous. I too found it painful, particularly on one side for the first couple of months or more. But I did find the pain was decreasing, I made sure I got lots of support from a sympathetic health visitor to check the latch and because the pain was improving I stuck with it and eventually by about 3 months it was fine. So if the situation is not improving for you - definitely try to get help. If you search mumsnet I'm sure you'll find the NCT breastfeeding helpline number somewhere.

In-laws need to be advised of what a great thing you are doing for their grandchild. Honestly, as if motherhood isn't hard enough without unhelpful meddling. Lots of sympathy.

hi i had problems with breast feeding very painful but knew i wanted to keep breast feeding so i invested in a breast pump, meant DD was still getting my milk but my boobs got a break!! the pump wasn't as painful and i could control the pressure and limit the time spent pumping, i found it the best compromise, bottle but breat milk, your DS is now big enough to be able to switch between the two without getting confused. My boobs soon got better with the break and when i went back to exclusiely breast feeding (no expressed bottles) they had obviously harden up and there was no more pain and i feed DD until 11 months.

Contact me threw CAT if you want to chat more

Hi chocchip, so sorry to hear you're feeling lonely.

Just to echo what others have said, as if it isn't hard enough without you having other people saying, frankly stupid, things to you. I'm sure they don't mean to hurt you, for some reason babies seem to make people feel they can tell you what choices you should be making.

I am still bf my 11 m.o. ds and I have to say that I don't envy you in those hard, hard first few weeks but IT DOES GET BETTER. I bf dd for a year and this time round I've got much better at ignoring other peoples' views on how I feed my children (was useless at it with dd and spent much of my time angry and upset).

Got to go, I hope things get better for you.

xxx

well done chocchip! just ignore them all or tell them straight to bog off! -youve got through the worst now just keep it up !
sometimes youve got to fight the hvs too ,they can be pro bottles(i took great pleasure in telling mine where to go to-and was very proud of myself- exclusively bf till 22 weeks and then until ds was 1 year-just prove them wrong and take great pleasue from this (as i did)
YOU KNOW BEST

As others have said - WELL DONE and hang in there - not much comfort when you are exhausted I know. I have a nearly 6 week old (DD2) who sucks for Britain - she thinks it's the next Olympic sport and I know what it's like when in laws etc helpfully suggest a bottle... Fortunately DD1 was a good feeder and I know it gets better. Just think of the benefits (no flaff with bottles etc) and especially when they get ill breastfeeding is such a comfort literally and also knowing that you are giving them all the good antibodies...
PS My midwife suggested cool boiled water for when she is unsettled - not strictly required for BF but it has helped when she needs settling between feeds....

hi chocchip

wow I was going to post something similar today as I'm feeling a bit down about the lack of support I'm getting about breastfeeding. My DD is 3 weeks old and after a shaky start we are both getting a bit better at it although it still hurts a bit especially as she latches on. I don't know any mums in my area (am going to try and find some groups though) and my family are all in Scotland. My mum in particular is very anti breastfeeding (probably because she had me in the 70s I don't know) every time she phones I get a comment "I thought you would be fed up by now" "so and so's baby was the same weight as dd but she's put on loads of weight but she's on the bottle" and the inevitable "how do you know she's getting enough" "up twice in the night if she was on the bottle you could get away with once"

I don't think anyone in my family has breastfed I'm due for a visit in September and they are already saying well you can come out for a boozy night out because you'll be finshed feeding by then!!!

I feel like I'm made to feel like a freak because I want to breastfeed my baby! Sorry for the rant and hijacking your thread

Hi honey, well as you can see you've come to the right place. You stick with it if you want to; it probably is worth getting the latch checked, although unlike lucky Twiglett I never got a three-hour break at that age - both of mine were total little vampires.

I stuck with it and much to my surprise am still breastfeeding night and morning (and sometimes in between) a little girl who's nearly 14 months!

Sodding in-laws.

hell guard how are you and hows your babe
been thinking of you hope its all ok
is the wind gettin better
( im sorry for hijacking thread too)

And SK, go for that boozy night out! You can drink - leave an expressed bottle if you need to!

I do feel for both of you. Nearly chucked it in both times round at your stage.

sorry obviously meant to say hello

We all know how you feel - I live in yummy mummy north London which is breastfeeding central (and people get stared at for NOT breastfeeding).
But even then felt really miserable and could not get anyone (friends, health visitors, breastfeeding counsellors etc) to tell me what was problem with DS - who loved to feed but I was in pain for probably first three months.
Stuck it out - the pain lessened as weeks went by, then I wanted to give up at six months and someone recommended the BEST BOOK ever - and I think she does a video as well. Clare Byam-Cook, How to breastfeed successfully and what to do if you can't. May not be exact title, it's on Amazon anyway about £6.99. She is v sensible, not a breastfeeding evangelist and doesnt make you feel guilty about anything.
It changed my life and I wish I had had it when he was little and not latching on well. I went to see her in person when I wanted to give up at six months (bottle refuser) and she was magic in person as well. Cracked it right away AND told me what the problem had been all along (milk flow too fast causing him to gag, latch on badly etc. Noone had noticed that).
Keep at it. My mother was always telling me to give up - made me feel really bad. She fed me on (get this) Carnation evaporated milk. Apparently it was all the rage in the 60s....

I too found it very hard at first, very painful, very difficult to latch on and both me and dd were screaming in pain (me) and frustration (her) for ages until we got it right. I had to get dp to help me. I got a brilliant Medela electric pump which helped.

I also had no bf support anywhere near and didn't even know any other mums with babies, so it was hard. La Leche League will help you by phone and email if you contact them, that's what I did.

15 months later and I'm still bf, so don't give up, you're doing a brilliant job!

Those first 8 odd weeks are the worst because you are both learning from each other - DS is now 12 weeks and I love feeding him, no sterilising and his face when I "strip" is not unlike his father's . Seriously though, you are doing an amazing job and the fact that he suckles must mean he feels happy to be with you.

So many mums in my area are bottle feeding and seem shocked I am still going - however, it just seems right for me to BF. Just do whatever makes you and DS happy, that is all that matters.

I wish I could advise about the pain . . . hopefully someone can come along very soon and do so. Take care.

chocchip,

I echo all the sentiments on this thread so far. It is fantastic that you have been breastfeeding to date and you will have given your little one a great start to life.

So many mothers stop breastfeeding because they lack support around them and then later wish they had continued. If you really wish to continue b/f you should be able to with the right help. Health visitors are very pro b/f and perhaps you could chat to your local health visitor about the discomfort you are in and the comfort sucking. Your local NCT should have b/f counsellors. These people are so committed to b/f that they have so many tips and tricks to help you continue b/f.

Please do not give into any pressure; I am sure that you would not start advising your friends that they should b/f if they are using the bottle - each mother's choice should be respected and supported. In-laws are of a generation when bottle feeding was widely used and perhaps you can educate them on the benefits of b/f.

There will be professional support in your area and these people are a wonderful help, so do contact them. So many women have problems initially but these can be overcome. Enjoy bonding with your little one and good luck.

Forgot to add that my HV is "pro bottles" and never seems to let go on the matter, I tend to get selective hearing when she is around . . . .

Hi Chocchip, if someone had told me before i had my ds how hard bf could be i would never have believed them - after all it's the most natural thing isn't it!!! I have struggled so much with it, from cracked bleeding nipples to ds fussing and screaming at the breast and scrathching and pinching me, oh and i've had mastitis 3 times etc etc. Now ds is 14 weeks and we are both finally getting the hang of it and i've got to be honest it is a real joy when it goes well. I gave my ds a dummy as he suffers from really bad colic and wanted to suck to help alleviate the pain, now he only has it when he is in discomfort with wind. I did contact the NCT because my rather unhelpful HV said he wasn't latched on properly - they were absolutely fantastic; just talking about my frustrations really helped. I know it seems like it will be this hard forever (that's how i felt) but it truly does get better - in fact it becomes a pleasure and the time goes so quickly!!! I also expressed so that dp could feed and i could have a break when it all got too much. Follow your own instinct and do what you feel is right for you and your baby

You are doing a great job and have done brilliantly to get over the first few weeks. The pain you are in, is it from the comfort sucking? My ds used to want to do that a lot and in the end I used to just break the latch after about 5 mins comfort sucking. Seemed to be enough to give him comfort and then he'd go to sleep. I seem to remember that it was around his 8 week check time that it was really bad.

For me, a Boppy pillow really helped as it raised him up and helped position him. It took me weeks and weeks to find a comfortable position for me. I did find myself constantly latching and unlatching ds to get comfortable. This used to help me as ds often didn't open his mouth wide enough. If it's sore and cracked nipples then Lansinoh cream is what worked best for me and baby can feed without you having to remove the cream. If it hadn't been for that I'd probably have given up. Have you tried feeding lying down?

IME, bf can be a lonely experience at times. I used to set myself little milestones. So I'd say to myself that I'd see how it went for the next week/2 weeks etc. I used to say to dh that if things were still this bad on xday, then I was stopping bf. Then xday would come and I'd set another little goal. It was a coping strategy that worked for me.

Are you signed up for any post-natal classes? My HV ran them at the baby clinic and it was great to meet other mums who were also bfing and just as bewildered as I. Ppl used to say to me that it would get better and at the time I just couldn't imagine how it would but it did. I never in my wildest dreams imagined that I'd still be bfing at 9 mos. HTH

Love your name chocchip

It shouldn't hurt - do get help from some of the ideas here.

The NCT bf line 0870 444 8708 is open every day (though is mega biz at the moment as the holidays mean many bfcs are away and you may have to leave a message) but there are other lines as well - a search on here will give you all the numbers,

There may be a bf support group near you, and that is a good source of friendly reassurance to counter the negative stuff. Ask your HV or your clinic or call the maternity unit and ask where the local support group is or post again with your location and someone will respond with a time and place.

Hi chocchip. I had problems establishing breastfeeding with my dd (who's now about 16 weeks) - I can really sympathise with the pain . It might be worth reading through the thread I started here . I did what Portree did ie set maneagable goals. I also got help with latching on and I think in the end time helped too. Well done on keeping it going until now!

chocchip, you're doing so brilliantly - yes it can be really tough so please do get help from NCT, la leche league etc as suggested here, even if it takes a few calls, you'd be amazed how just talking to one supportive person helps. i have no advice but just to say how much I sympathise re the in-laws - nothing has made me feel worse than 'helpful' comments from dm and mil. after a few weeks i used to feel on edge every time i saw them, waiting for a comment and feeling as if i had to try and feed perfectly - if ds showed any sign of being unhappy or if i said anything about discomfort i panicked that they would tell me how easy bottles were. Half the time i think i brought it up myself because i just couldn't stand waiting for them to say something! As soon as you find a helpful person - and you will - grab on to them and be honest about any problems you are having. And even if it's basically going OK, keep getting that support - i really hope it clicks for you as it has for others. Sending positive thoughts.

Reading these messages echoes so much of what I hear/heard. I had a terrible time at the beginning- bleeding nipples, 3 lots of mastitis and i don't know how many blocked ducts. I did however stick at it and when dd 12 weeks things seemed to change. she's now 6 months- am going back to work part time in a month and plan to carry on. Apart for anything else i can't be bothered with the hassle of sterilising and mixing and heating and sterilising... there is nothing more natural or convenient than breast feeding and the bonding time that you have with your baby is amazing. Stick with it- tell the interfering busybodies that formula is made from cow's milk which is very good for baby cows not so good for baby babies.we've got a local bf support group- if you go on \linkwww.abm.me.uk{} (association of breastfeeding mothers)there should be some help there. Whatever you do try and stick with it- it does get better, it's a fantastic thing to do and guarantee that a lot of the people giving you hassle are jealous cos they didn't do it themselves

Hi everyone. Chocchip, one further point to explore...could your baby have oral thrush? My DD is now 4 weeks old, and has thrush in her mouth. The mw prescribed medicine for her, but didn't tell me that I would also need to be treated, and as a result, DD passed it onto me, and it got into my boobs, and what was previously a pain free experience became toe curlingly painful almost overnight. I have now been prescribed cream, and DD has to take a second course of medication as I passed it back on to her! It's worth considering.