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Infant feeding

Get advice and support with infant feeding from other users here.

Original poster

Does BF always = a clingy baby?

44 replies

BornToBeAPrincess · 15/05/2007 16:45

Because if not can anyone give me some advice on how to avoid it? A little bit of history?

I had my dd1 at 20. A midwife told me I?d be too young to breastfeed so I decided to prove her wrong. I successfully bf her for 18 months. Towards the end I got very depressed due to various reasons and started to resent feeding. Dd1 was so clingy I had to take her to the toilet with me. She?d let no one else (including dp) feed, hold or even touch her. It was a hard time. In the end my doctor gave me tablets to stop my milk. After a few bad days dd1 was a different child. She slept through for the first time in her life and started building a relationship with her dad.

So, 2 years down the line I wanted another baby. Dp and I discussed the problems we had with dd2 and decided to bottlefeed from birth. Dd2 was born and it broke my heart to give her formula. When she was 2 days old I breastfed her and never looked back, until now. Dd2 has gone the same way as dd1, although not quite so bad. This time I went back to work when she was 6 months so in the day shes fine. But when 7pm comes she changes. Shes never slept through the night and up until last weekend she was fed every 2 hours when we were at home say and night. Shes now 8 months so I decided to try and stop breastfeeding (I?m also pregnant). I?ve managed to cut out all the day feeds but during the night she won?t get back to sleep without a bf. Since I stopped feeding in the day she wakes every hour. If dp touches her she is inconsolable. Any tips?

Sorry to have gone on so much! Back to my main problem. As I mentioned above I am now 12 weeks pregnant with number 3. Dp and my family are all adamant that I shouldn?t breastfeed. Despite this I will bf but I need some practical solutions on how to avoid the baby becoming so clingy and get dp onboard. If anyone has any advice or personal experience it would be much appreciated.

Thanks

OP posts:
tiktok · 15/05/2007 16:51

I can understand your dilemma, Princess.

But breastfeeding does not mean clinginess. All the descriptions of behaviour you outline can happen in a formula fed baby as well and they are all normal behaviours...just to take one example, your dd is fine when you are at work, but wants to show how delighted she is to have you back when you are with her, and shows this in her need to feed.

Breastfeeding supports the mother-baby bond, and there is a father-baby bond as well, it's just not built on the physical act of feeding. There are many, many ways a father can be involved in his babies, right from the start.

I hope people will post with their own experiences.

Please think carefully about withholding something so important and lovely, for fear of clinginess Why would you try to do something that 'broke your heart' last time around?

Mumpbump · 15/05/2007 16:52

I think it is entirely normal. Ds has been on formula since about 5 or 6 months when I went back to work and is incredibly clingy, more so when he is teething. I think it is just a phase they go through when they work out that you and they are actually separate entities. I am not sure that it is likely to be entirely related to the bf...

JoolsToo · 15/05/2007 16:54

as tiktok says princess ff babies can be clingy too.

ds2 was a nightmare - if I went out of his line of vision he's scream the place down.

He's 30 now, the difference is amazing

AnnieOleTing · 15/05/2007 16:55

If it breaks your heart NOT to breastfeed, then DO. I don't think breast-feeding and clinginess necessarily go hand in hand, dd is 10 months and Very Clingy to me (even though I work four days a week), and yet I only breastfed her for the first six weeks.
Some babies just are! (It's cos they love you!)

hippmummy · 15/05/2007 16:57

Princess - you sound like such a lovely mum, now wonder your dd's cling to you

Seriously though, breastfeeding does not determine whether a child will be clingy. My DS1 is 3.5 and the most independent child ever. DS2 is 19 months and I was only able to leave him with a babysitter (my mum!) for the first time a month ago because he was so attached to me.

Both were breastfed for the same length of time.

It's all about the child, not how you feed them so do whatever you feel is best for you and your baby x

Original poster
BornToBeAPrincess · 15/05/2007 16:58

Thanks for the posts.
I will breastfeed the new baby, I couldn't think about giving formula again. I love breastfeeding I just don't know how to avoid this situation next time.
I tried expressing the last feed last time but kind of got fed up after the first week. It seemed pointless when I was there

OP posts:
Original poster
BornToBeAPrincess · 15/05/2007 16:59

Thanks hippmummy
Maybe next time it my turn for a non-clingy baby then....[hopeful]

OP posts:
SoMuchToBits · 15/05/2007 17:00

I don't think there is necessarily any link between the two, but if you are worried you could try letting your dp give a feed of expressed breast milk once a day. It would mean he would be involved right from the start, which may reduce clinginess to you, but would still ensure the baby had the benefits of breast milk.

Original poster
BornToBeAPrincess · 15/05/2007 17:05

Thanks SoMuchToBits. I could definatly make more of an effort to express, I've always been able to do it just too lazy

OP posts:
belgo · 15/05/2007 17:06

Hi Borntobeaprincess-

I bf dd1 for a year, and she has never been clingy, except to be a real daddy's girl!

I've brought dd2 up the same way, and bf a bit longer - 18 months. She was in hospital in February, and after that was very very clingy.

After a couple of months, the extreme clingliness began to wear off and I decided she was ready to stop bf - we went cold turkey and she coped with that fine.

So no, I don't think bf automatically equals a clingy baby, and I find it sad that bfing is being blamed for this.

tiktok · 15/05/2007 17:11

OK, I'm gonna be directive here!

By expressing once a day

  • you introduce hassle into your life (you will have three children - there may be no time for expressing!)
  • you make it look like you think the feeding is the issue with the 'clinginess'
  • you may make no difference at all to the way your baby behaves - and if you don't, your dp and the family will say you didn't express 'enough'

Don't bother.

Don't apologise for breastfeeding. Just do it!

Original poster
BornToBeAPrincess · 15/05/2007 17:12

Hi belgo, thanks for your post.
I didn't intentionally blame breastfeeding for making my dds clingy. Thats just my experience. I just wanted some opinions

OP posts:
OrmIrian · 15/05/2007 17:13

Gawd no! My 'clingiest' child is DS#1 who was only fed for 17/18 months. The other 2 who were fed for muuuch longer are fiercely independent but still loving and tactile.

Original poster
BornToBeAPrincess · 15/05/2007 17:14

Thanks Tiktok! I have no bottles anyway.
Any ideas how I can stop night feeds with my 8 month old?
If she'd sleep through I'd continue with a couple of day feeds throughout my pregnancy.

OP posts:
Original poster
BornToBeAPrincess · 15/05/2007 17:16

Thanks OrmIrian

OP posts:
Bethbe · 15/05/2007 17:23

Why were you told you were too young????

Original poster
BornToBeAPrincess · 15/05/2007 17:26

Not sure, thats what my community midwife told me. I didn't have mumsnet at the time and was quite confused about the whole thing.
Glad I ignored her though!

OP posts:
beckybrastraps · 15/05/2007 17:35

Gosh no. I breastfed dd and she is startlingly, and worryingly, independent.
There are so many factors which influence a child's temperament. I doubt very much that breastfeeding is all-dominant.

Bethbe · 15/05/2007 17:38

I'm bf DS1 and left him in a creche this morning while I went for a swim. He didn't even smile at me when I returned, just looked longingly at the creche staff while I took him away........

katierocket · 15/05/2007 17:38

It's all down to temperament, certainly not breastfeeding.

Original poster
BornToBeAPrincess · 15/05/2007 17:40

How do you encourage a baby to be more independent? I really wish I knew.
I think I do tend to spoil them. Feed on demand, pick them up whenever they make a sound, never get into a routine and never leave them. Maybe this is more to do with why they are so clingy?

OP posts:
Original poster
BornToBeAPrincess · 15/05/2007 17:41

Thanks Katie, ahhh bless him Bethbe!

OP posts:
littlelapin · 15/05/2007 17:45

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Jacanne · 15/05/2007 17:45

TO be honest I think it just depends on a child's temperament - my friend has 2 very clingly toddlers who were/are BF. My 2 dds are/were BF and are very confident and adventurous - they both like cuddles but they don't need to see me all the time and are quite happy to go off and do their own thing.

I think there is some advice on night weaning on Kellymom. Yes it's here . Though, tbh, it sounds a little like she's not ready to wean yet - could you not re-introduce the day feeds and when everything has settled back down try night weaning?

Quite often children self-wean during pregnancy or cut down to v. little.

Bethbe · 15/05/2007 17:49

Well, - I guess I'm glad - it was his first time being left with strangers and he seemed to prefer it to me! Oh well!