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Infant feeding

Get advice and support with infant feeding from other users here.

Original poster

Does BF always = a clingy baby?

44 replies

BornToBeAPrincess · 15/05/2007 16:45

Because if not can anyone give me some advice on how to avoid it? A little bit of history?

I had my dd1 at 20. A midwife told me I?d be too young to breastfeed so I decided to prove her wrong. I successfully bf her for 18 months. Towards the end I got very depressed due to various reasons and started to resent feeding. Dd1 was so clingy I had to take her to the toilet with me. She?d let no one else (including dp) feed, hold or even touch her. It was a hard time. In the end my doctor gave me tablets to stop my milk. After a few bad days dd1 was a different child. She slept through for the first time in her life and started building a relationship with her dad.

So, 2 years down the line I wanted another baby. Dp and I discussed the problems we had with dd2 and decided to bottlefeed from birth. Dd2 was born and it broke my heart to give her formula. When she was 2 days old I breastfed her and never looked back, until now. Dd2 has gone the same way as dd1, although not quite so bad. This time I went back to work when she was 6 months so in the day shes fine. But when 7pm comes she changes. Shes never slept through the night and up until last weekend she was fed every 2 hours when we were at home say and night. Shes now 8 months so I decided to try and stop breastfeeding (I?m also pregnant). I?ve managed to cut out all the day feeds but during the night she won?t get back to sleep without a bf. Since I stopped feeding in the day she wakes every hour. If dp touches her she is inconsolable. Any tips?

Sorry to have gone on so much! Back to my main problem. As I mentioned above I am now 12 weeks pregnant with number 3. Dp and my family are all adamant that I shouldn?t breastfeed. Despite this I will bf but I need some practical solutions on how to avoid the baby becoming so clingy and get dp onboard. If anyone has any advice or personal experience it would be much appreciated.

Thanks

OP posts:
Original poster
BornToBeAPrincess · 15/05/2007 17:50

Thanks littlelapin

OP posts:
percypig · 15/05/2007 17:51

No - ds was breastfed for a year and is v sociable. The only times he's at all clingy are when he's tired, teething or overwhelmed, eg by a big crowd in a new place

Original poster
BornToBeAPrincess · 15/05/2007 17:52

Thanks Jacanne, I'll have a look at the link.
I'd be quite happy to do day feeds until nights are sorted I was just so tired doing both. I thought I was doing the right thing but it just made her worse during the night. I can't survive on 2 hours

OP posts:
SoupDragon · 15/05/2007 17:52

Blimey no, All 3 of mine were breastfed for over 12 months each and all of them have just gone to whoever takes their fancy. In fact DD (15 months) walked up to me when I was standing next to someone... she ignored me and went to the other woman asking to be picked up.

It's got bog all to do with how you feed them.

Original poster
BornToBeAPrincess · 15/05/2007 17:53

Thanks Percy, its good to know its not the breastfeeding anyway

OP posts:
Original poster
BornToBeAPrincess · 15/05/2007 17:54

Thanks SoupDragon.
What do you all do to make them independent?

OP posts:
SoupDragon · 15/05/2007 17:56

Not only is DD breastfed (and was bf ondemand when exclusively breastfed), she spent a lot of time close to me in a pouch sling so you'd think she'd be clingier than most. As a baby she wouldn't be put down to sleep etc so I carried her about a lot. It certainly didn't stop her being probably even more sociable than my DSs were.

I@m sureI read somewhere once of a theory that babies who have a lot of parental attention are actually less clingy because they're confident that their parent will always be there. Of course there are theories about everything and a lot are conradictory

Original poster
BornToBeAPrincess · 15/05/2007 17:59

I also carried both of them in a sling and they've also both co-slept (something I don't really want to get into next time). I think I've just spoilt them....

OP posts:
SoupDragon · 15/05/2007 18:03

Um... actually I co-slept with DD! It must just be down to the temperament of the child!

You say with DD1 you had to take her to the toilet with you - what would she have done if you didn't? I'd recommend not taking the baby to the toilet etc because then if you leave them for these short periods, they learn that you always come back again.

belgo · 15/05/2007 18:25

you haven't spoilt them by co-sleeping and using a sling. By the way, I forgot to say well done for bfing despite having such an unsupportive midwife.

yellowrose · 15/05/2007 18:44

borntobe, i don't have lots of bf babies, just the one very beautiful bf son, now nearly 3. he has only started showing signs of so-called clinginess in the last few months because sadly my mother died and i have been terribly depressed for several months now. he has noticed and he sees me cry, at which point he will climb on to my lap, hold my face and say "mummy, what happened ?"

i actually think that what i have with my son is an enormous physical bond, much of it due to bf but also because we are a very huggy sort of family, lots of hugging and kissing cheeks many times a day which makes my son feel very very secure. he has been showing signs of "separation anxiety" in the last few months (but it is with both of us, he is very very close to dh and gets upset when he leaves to go to work and asks for "daddy" throughout the day when he is away), possibly because of the tragedy in my family, possibly because we moved to a new house, etc.

none of what i notice in his behaviour is to do with bf, it is to do with what goes on around him and development stages. he is on the whole one of the most confident, sociable toddlers i have observed.

i agree that you should not deny your 3rd baby what is essentially a wonderful way to bond with a child, the way nature intended it to be good uck !

yellowrose · 15/05/2007 18:48

sorry, but putting a baby in a sling or co-sleeping does NOT spoil a baby, it gives them the warmth and comfort they got used to for 9 months in the womb ! or may be i am just an old romantic

belgo · 15/05/2007 18:48

yellowrose - I agree - it's not only temperament which decides if a baby is clingy or not, it's also at least partly down to circumstances, sometimes unavoidable such as the sad loss of your mother

As I said earlier down the thread, my DD2 was extremely clingy after a hospital stay - I indulged this clingliness, which I believe was the right thing to do, because she is now far more sociable and outgoing.

yellowrose · 15/05/2007 18:49

thanks belgo - we all very much loved mummy

JoyS · 15/05/2007 19:50

If you want some reassurance on bfing, slinging etc, you might have a look at The Baby Book by Dr William Sears. It talks a lot about responding to your baby's needs and why that makes babies independent, confident children in the long run, even if they're clingy to begin with!

FWIW, my bf baby is one of the least clingy I've ever met. First day at the childminder's she left me without even a kiss. I was crying, but she was fine. It really is all down to temperament.

mamijacacalys · 15/05/2007 20:10

Bf both of mine (DS 4 and DD 10 mo). Also co-slept. Still bf and co-sleeping with DD.
Have brought them up both the same gone back to work PT both times when they were around 6 months. Would say that DD is slightly more clingy than DS but she has been teething on and off since she was 6 months and so is under the weather much of the time, which is when they want you more.
Agree with the other posts - you're doing fine.
Can't add any practical advice if you want to stop bf. DS stopped at 14 months cos he just wasn't interested and started to bite, so was fairly easy. Wonder if my DD will be the same.....

mears · 15/05/2007 20:20

BornToBeAPrincess - if I were you I would up the breastfeeds during the day because she is obviously looking for them during the night now.

8 months is maybe a bit soon for her to be sleeping through without any feeds - one of my babes didn't sleep through till 8 months. You could get your DP to go to her during the night to let you sleep. He could give her a formula feed then. Perhaps if you stop feeding her during the night she will stop looking for it. Don't know how you feel about that. My thinking is, that if you had planned to stop B/F then she would be getting formula anyway.

You might find that with increased breastfeeds during the day she will stop looking for them at night. Get your DP to help you through the night times

mears · 15/05/2007 20:23

And in answer to your question i do not think BF makes babies clingy - that is just the way some babies are. I have 4 children, all breastfed. They were all good sleepers at night - only 1 didn't sleep through till 8 months as I already said.

ScaryHairy · 15/05/2007 20:36

Good Lord "too young to breastfeed"

In answer to the OP, I breastfed my daughter - not for as long as you - but she was not clingy at all, nor was she terribly attached to the breast.

You've had two children so you know there is a difference between using a breast effectively to "dummy up" a child and using your breast to feed your child when it is hungry (after the first few weeks when they are all just sucky nightmares). From what I've seen, some babies are just clingy, and others are just not. Some of my friends did manage to train their children to feed more frequently through the night by shoving a breast into their mouths whenever they cried so they needed it to sleep and got a major part of their calories in night feeds. To my mind that is teaching a habit, not answering a need, but if a parent is willing to go down that road, who am I to say it is not the right way for them? You could always try expressing and giving a bottle each day after the first few weeks, to give the baby a chance to bond with its father and to give you a break.

I can't help feeling that the "risk" of having a clingy child is not a big deal when seen in the context of successfully breastfeeding a child.

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