About to hit 6 months - DH this morning so are you giving up BF now then...

[Tapster]

My daughter will be 6 months on Thursday. DH has been very supportive about me BF until this morning. When I got when are going to give up then, its 6 months now... Would like to have been congratulated about getting to 6 months. I'm not going back to work so there is no pressure for me to introduce a bottle. DH says he wants to plan "stuff", as we can't go out at the moment, well I said we can after 7pm after her last feed (I hate expressing and only get 1oz now a days so not an option).

I said I didn't know when I wanted to give up, not at least she is taking most of her calories from solids rather than milk. DH thinks her lack of interest in solids so far is her love of milk and told me to feed her less today so that she would eat her solids... arghhh...

I can't believe I am the last one of all our baby friends to be still BFing but I don't want to stop now. What is going out less for another 6 months going to mean in the whole scheme of things, its such a short time in your life. I think I want to go for one year, and then give up mainly to try and get pregnant again. May change my mind when teeth appear, who knows.

Arghh... All DH's family, give formula she will sleep better, you can go out, get some sleep etc....

There is so little support for BF in the real world.

Tapster - if you don't want to stop, then don't stop. My DS is 23 weeks old, and at first I'd set my goal at 6 months, but I'm nowhere near ready to stop. At the beginning, I couldn't go out, but now I've bitten the bullet and decided that I'll just carry on as normal and go out whenever I want. I even BF in a restaurant last week, whilst eating my meal at the same time. It's a shame you're not getting support at home. You'll get loads on MN, I'm sure. It's your decision, nobody else's. Good luck!

Poor you

Congratulations for making it to 6 months

Solids are not recommended until 6 months because your baby cannot cope with them.
Breast milk is specifically for your baby, providing everything she needs in proportion.

I am still giving my dd (15 months) bf morning and night.

Can your HV tell you if there are bf support groups in your area?
Also try La Leche league , Breastfeeding support or NCT for further support and info

At the end of the day, the decision to end bf should be yours. No-one else should make it for you.

{{hugs}}

Does he mean you going out on your own or out at all?

I only planned on bf dor 6 months but here I am at 9.5 months & she still has a bf am, 2.30pm & at bedtime. It gets so much easier after 6 months, infact I couldn't be bothered with the whole bottle feeding thing now, it's so much easier to just whip them out & feed her myself. I am going to cut down on the 2.30pm feed sometime this month as she is losing interest & then the breakfast one will prob go as she only has 5 mins or so. Bedtime is a whole new issue though, I will just keep going until she is happy to go without it. Do what is right for you & your baby!

Poor you - it's so hard when your DH tells you to give up. Mine kept on remarking that DS would be fourteen and still BF to which I got very stressed and just carried on! Then, after he'd left the country on op tour for 5 months, I suddenly felt the lack of pressure and gave up within a month of him leaving. So you'll know when the time is right. I fed my DS for 21 months and DD for 18 months.I know it's more a comfort thing after such a long time but my kids both love giving me cuddles now and we're very close. Do what makes you happy because if you give up for other people, you'll feel awful.

you done the hard bit - from now on it is easy - feeding cuts down to a few times a day and if you miss one it is not crucial because they can have water and food as well.

Tell him you will carry on for as long as you and your dd are both happy about it.

Going out in the evening is what we haven't been able to do, or getting a full nights sleep. I BF anywhere and everywhere during the day, have even BF in front of a bishop (he is father of a friend of mine, he was a bit embarrassed). I explained this morning that we are not that far off only have about 3 BF a day. DD has never had a bottle in her mouth at all, kept putting it off until it was too late so she probably wouldn't take one anyway.

The nearest La Leche league is about 45mins in London traffic drive away so I've never been, maybe I'll brave the traffic soon as I feel little support in RL.

It is amazing how quickly things change after 6 months when they start solids. As has been said before you are getting onto the easier straight now and maybe your DH just needs reassurance on that part. Your baby will start drinking water/juice with meals in the coming months and you will be able to get out and about. They are only babies for a very short while in the scheme of things, as you said.

Congratulations for getting this far - just stick to your guns. Plan to do nice things at home perhaps - nice meal, good video, glass of wine. Is he needing some lovin'!!

actually, im sorry to say, but your dh does have a point.
my dd, child number 3 refused to take solids as she preferred breastfeeding. she was having what felt like twenty or thirty feeds a day, and no solids. not until i limited her to every four hours, in a cc sort of way did she take any interest in solids. and even that was because the hv wanted to give her vitaminsbecase at almost 7 months she wasnt taking solids.
what im trying to say, is that you have done very very well, but, its ok to try and cut back on it now, but rather than be trying to introduce a bottle, id say introduces the solids, with the occasional sip of formula so you can plan 'stuff'
personally i gave up breastfeeding just after 8 months, becasue it was the right time for me. they had their breastfeeding exculsively, wand were now happy with solids. i also strongly dislike babies that walk up to mommy and demand a drink, but thats me being wierd.
you dont have to stop uf you dont want to, but your dh does have a very valid point.

Some babies aren't too interested in solids at this early stage, regardless of how much milk they are having. And in any case, solids shouldn't really be filling them up yet - milk should be the main source of nutrition until 1yo.

Tapster you are doing a great thing for your daughter. I am still feeding my ds at 2yo, and there have been so many times when I have been so glad to still be doing it. There are lots of ways to spend time as a couple, and bf doesn't have to interfere with that. I don't think it's fair of your dh to be so rigid in his expectations of when you should go out. If you can get a LLL meeting, I would - I have found great support at mine. But you will always get support here! Good luck

Tapster, when to stop is a very personal decision between you and dd. Your dh is wellmeaning but when it is easy to think that bf-ing should come to an end around the 6-mth mark just because most women would have stopped by then. It is just a slight adjustment to make in mindset.

That is why mn is so useful because you will find a lot of ladies on this board who have bf-ed for that period of time and longer. And it is absolutely normal. Bf is not necessarily a grit-your-teeth-for-as-long-as-you-can-stand thing. As you are probably finding it, it is a lovely expression of love and comfort that a mother can give to her child, as well as being nutritionally the best. And you should feel comfortable doing it for as long as it works for you and your dd.

By all means start your solids (it would probably appease dh), but it is not unusual for bf babies to take longer to get into solids. My 7 mth ds is a bit patchy - sometimes loves it, sometimes not interested. My dd only took anything more than a tsp after 9 months.

Breastmilk is still all your dd needs at this point. Well done for lasting as long as you have

You dislike babies that ask their mummies for a drink, cyclobabe? I don't think that's what you meant?

Tapster, I'm sorry you're not getting rl support. I was very lucky to be around lots of women who bf for at least a year; there really are lots of us and you're not doing anything odd.

You'll regret stopping before you feel ready, I think. Your dh may have been expecting you to stop at 6 monthe, but I'm sure he'll manage. Maybe you could arrange a couple of evenings out, if you want to, as a kind of sign to him that your lives are moving along and that you're keen to spend time with him?

I bf my three for about 3 years each on average, but after the first 6 months or so we did start to get a bit of non-baby time, which was really important for us; it doesn't need to be a choice between the two.

Tapster (just seen you on the Sleep is for the Weak thread), sorry to hear DH is not being more supportive. There seems to be an attitude from some people that you 'do' breastfeeding for 6 months and then you are 'allowed' to give up and go onto bottles. If you and your baby are happy to carry on, then talk to DH and explain how you feel.

My DS is 9 months now and is finally in some sort of routine. He doesn't eat huge amounts of solids, but is gradually increasing and I'm happy that we're going at his pace. He is gradually starting to drop back on the BF. I try to ignore the competitive parenting thing along the lines of 'my baby is eating a whole pureed wildebeeste for lunch' etc, but it is hard sometimes, especially if you're not getting enough sleep.

You're doing a great thing for your baby

Tapster - my ds will be 6 months on Thursday too! He's bf but I also started him on solids at 18 weeks as he'd actually lost some weight even tho' I was feeding him on demand (he was settling happily between feeds & giving no indication that he wasn't satisfied) so the hv suggested just starting solids rather than topping up with formula.

I made it clear when I was pg that if I did manage to bf this time I'd try to keep going 'til at least a year so dh hasn't made too many stupid comments (apart from when ds was about a week old & keeping me up all night when dh asked with a smirk 'are you still glad you managed to bf?' to which the answer was a resounding YES!). I do get comments from my parents sometimes but giving a baby formula doesn't guarantee he'll sleep - my dd1 was bf & slept thro' from 6 weeks, dd2 was ff & didn't sleep thro' for ages & dd3 was bf & slept thro' early too so it depends on the baby, not the feed.

I think it's brilliant to manage 'til 6 months & beyond & your dh should be proud of you & glad that you're doing all you can to give your baby the best start possible - after all she's his dd too. What does it matter if he has to wait another 6 months to start going out again?

I should add that ds is on 3 solid meals a day (he took to it straight away & gets excited at the sight of his spoon), breakfast, 2 course lunch & 2 course dinner & he STILL wakes most nights for a bf - and I don't mind a bit 'cos I love it

It's brilliant just being able to pop a boob out & feed baby wherever you need to (in a cafe, on a bus, in the park, wherever) & who wants to do the scrubbing/sterilising/making-up routine when they don't have to?

A child's immune system is not fully developed till age 2 years. That's why WHO recommends bf until then. Ask your dh what's more important: the convenience of getting some one else to feed the baby, or doing everything you can to help baby stay free of infection? And that's only one advantage of breastfeeding.

I'm sorry but your dh's attitude is based on ignorance and selfishness.

tapster it might be worth asking your dh why he is uncomfortable with your continued bfing. it might be something really simple, or he might appreciate some info on the health benefits.

cyclonbabe i find your comment extremely offensive and agree with saintmaybe. a parenting site is no place for someone who "strongly dislikes babies"

Thanks for all your support. GreebosWhiskers so we both have 10th November babies. I just thought my baby would get into solids more as she is 91st percentile (has been since birth) and I would think that milk wouldn't satisfy her. I need to stop being stressed about feeding her, she hasn't been the same since she had a virus a couple of weeks ago.

I gave up seeing my NCT group as they just made me feel like a freak for still BF, not using a dummy, not minding actually not going out etc... I will probably go to the LLL in Wimbledon for the next meeting - I feel a bit lonely on the BF front.

I love BFing I will probably go for a year - I would be tempted I'm sure to go for longer over the winter period for immunity but I do want to get pregnant again (elderly first time mum so no time to waste) and no sign of AF.

i got to 6mths and went on, it wasnt my intention but it was so relaxed at that stage and ds just fed morn and even - so i got my social life back!

You could say you are happy to begin by night-weaning but that will mean that he will have to do all the night-wakings....

I'm sure he will change his mind pretty quickly

Sounds similar to my situation (well, DP always been supportive but everyone else is dying for me to stop?!). My son is now 9 months and I'm still doing it, I think the fact that everyone has been so desperate for me to stop has made me more determined! Anyway, it's a piece of cake these days, he only has a couple of feeds a day and we dropped the night feeds a couple of months back so once he's goen to bed at 7pm me and my boobs are free to wander anywhere we like until 7am.

You've done really well, arse to anyone who says otherwise! As you say, might be good to get to LLL meeting as it helps to mix with people who don't find your choices odd!

I say just carry on until you are ready to stop. I tried to stop early (around 6 months) and found it so distressing, it almost felt like a bereavement. My dd didn't 'get hungry enough to take a bottle' as everyone said she would, and I missed the closeness so much I just couldn't carry it through. After 2 days of me sobbing and dd not getting any milk I went back to feeding her - and then spent the next few days worrying I'd left it to late to restart and my milk had started to dry up. Luckily it hadn't, and I fed her until 11 months, when she more or less decided enough was enough and was well established on solids.

Explain to DH that breastfeeding in public is totally acceptable these days, it shouldn't stop you both going out and doing things. But don't stop Bf unless it's the right time for you. Good luck!

Hi

Maybe your DH would be interested to know that my 8m DS is bottle fed (albeit EBM) and I don't go out for any longer than all the BF mums I know. There is no more 'freedom' than with BF in my view. If you have been BF all this time and used to being with your LO constantly, it is not likely that you are going to want to hand her over to relatives/babysitter for extended periods all of a sudden just because she is bottle fed! Plus bottle feeding just adds to your burden with all the making up and washing, etc, and you are not likely to be any less tired and so no more likely to feel like going out of an evening.

If your DD will take the occasional bottle and you are happy for her to have formula, there is nothing stopping you from going out sometimes and carrying on BF.

When it comes down to it, it's not your DH decision or his family. You are in the right and good for you

Hi Tapster,

Good on you for making the 6 month mark, and may I say your plan re: BF for a year and then ttc sounds pretty reasonable to me. And you are right - another 6 months isn't a big deal.

I'd certainly have a good chat to DH about the reasons why he's asking you if you are going to give up, as if you can understand them - and perhaps find some compromises - it will make it easier for both of you.

The normal reasons are:

Difficulty going out (cant use a baby sitter, esp. as you don't express and I assume dont want to mix feed)
Night feedings (should start to get better as people have pointed out)
The affects on libido (you) and off-limit breasts (him) (dont want to know -tmi)
Family and friends harping on about "how long is she going to BF for" (its his job to defend his familys - i.e. you and dd - decisions to the rest of his family)

With the exception of the family thang, none of these are unreasonable concerns - 6 months is often the time when people start to want to carve out a bit of "me and you" time. I certainly dont think he's being particularly selfish.

It's your body - and in the end your decision - but please do try and get your DH on side, it really will make it a lot easier, and he is entitled to his own views on parenting subjects - incl. this one.

Perhaps try and find a way (occasionally)to go out with dd, or at least near her so you can still BF, etc. Or if he has other concerns, see what you can do to address them.

And reassure him - it will all start getting easier - and soon! And let him know how important his support is.

i got pg straight away when we started trying when still bf only twice a day . Got my af back when lo 8 mths old and still bf up to 8 times a day so was a bit gutted but the bf did not impact on me getting pg when i wanted too so if you get pg easily once your af has come back then the bf should not impact on your fertility.

My lo would not take a bottle so came on two hen dos (not the nightclub bit!), to two weddings and basically everywhere i went. Once she went to bed earlier then we could start going out once she had had the evening feed not that we did that that often as i was often too tired from chasing a toddler around all day. For me bf was really important and so i was prepared to sacrifice certain events out if it would impact on the bf as they are only little for a short period of time

You have done a great job for bf and should feel very proud.