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Infant feeding

Get advice and support with infant feeding from other users here.

Breastfeeding: How hard can it be?

72 replies

aikigypsy · 04/05/2007 19:41

I'm only about 13 weeks pregnant, but since my 12-week scan I've been starting to think about how I'm going to take care of this little creature when he/she comes out. It seems to me like breastfeeding should be the most natural thing in the world, even if we do have to learn a thing or two to make it work perfectly, but all I hear is how HARD it is. How can it be that hard? How can our species have made it this far without formula and lactation consultants if breastfeeding were such a challenge?

Now I know that there are some women whose nipple shape makes breastfeeding difficult, and others who have not quite enough milk supply, no matter what they do, but honestly, how prevalent are these problems? Does anyone have any statistics on this? I've looked and can't find anything.

Thanks!

OP posts:
CantSleepWontSleep · 04/05/2007 22:31

I think it can seem hard because you can't delegate it to someone else, so it's always you doing the feeding, and you might be rather sleep deprived, and on call 24/7, with growth spurts being particularly difficult. However, you don't have to faff about making up bottles in the middle of the night, don't have to worry about how to take milk out and about with you, and after a few months (when a lot of people have sadly already given up) it becomes a piece of piss .

It really is a lovely thing to do though, so best of luck with it .

thequeenofcontradiction · 04/05/2007 23:19

Honestly, one of the finest pieces of advice I have received about anything was not to expect bf to come naturally - that it was a learning curve for both mum and baby and that it might need some work.

For me, the first 2 weeks were so difficult, but that bit of advice and my sheer bloody-mindedness got me through. Now DS is 6.5 months and we are still going strong.

lemonaid · 04/05/2007 23:40

I found the actual physical process fairly easy DS didn't really have the rooting reflex I'd read about, so I was a bit concerned about that, but we managed fine anyway. I didn't have any problems getting bf established, and never had sore nipples (and yes, I know I was very lucky). But I wasn't prepared for the emotional aspects of a baby who wants to feed all the bloody time for weeks and weeks, and how that would make me feel. I would have supplemented with formula around six weeks if he'd have taken it (theoretically would have been "just one bottle, just this once," but I suspect it would have been the start of a slippery slope) just because I was so tired and drained. I hadn't expected that I'd read a lot and been to a bf class and knew a reasonable amount about the physical problems there could be, but the emotional side knocked me for six.

margoandjerry · 04/05/2007 23:44

I also thought it would be a breeze. But actually it's like birth itself. That is also totally natural and should be instinctive but isn't. You can have all the instincts you want but if the baby's in the wrong place you are going to need help. People have to be taught what's going to happen and how to cope.

For me, bf was the same. It was bloody hard at first and I wish more women knew in advance that it might be a challenge. Then they wouldn't be surprised and upset and give up. For some reason I was determined to persevere and got there at around 6 weeks with the help of a lactation consultant. I didn't have problems with pain or anything but my baby was premature and she found it hard and we struggled with position etc. I bfed non stop and she lost weight inexorably.

Living in a world of bf-ers wouldn't have helped us. My mother and my sisters all bfed without problems and none of them had a clue what was going wrong. My baby simply needed supplementation to get stronger before she could attempt it properly. In a previous era another woman would probably have provided additional breast milk and we would have been cupfeeding alongside bfing. In this era, we use formula. In that sense formula saved bfing for me. Without formula to keep us both going, I wouldn't have got beyond week 2.

That's my experience. Lots of women are lucky and they manage it easily. Lots find it difficult. You do whatever you have to do to get through and all the outcomes are fine. If you exclusively bf - great. If you supplement with formula as I did - great. In fact I wish people could chill about formula a bit - I agree with notquitecockney. Formula helped me bf right up to 7 months and counting. What's not to like?

margoandjerry · 04/05/2007 23:49

oh and I agree with lemonaid. I found weeks 6-10 really tough as I was feeding every two hours round the clock. I wish I had known that I would not go anywhere or do anything but feed. I don't say this to make you feel worse. I would have preferred to know this so I could stop fighting it, settle down on the sofa and get on with it!

GiantSquirrelSpotter · 04/05/2007 23:50

absolutely m&J

Would have settled down with long video

kateyp · 05/05/2007 07:00

Having been up most of the night bf-ing DS2 I can totally agree with squirrel and M&J. If someone had explained to me before DS1 that some days ALL i would do is bf then I think I wouldn't have felt such a failure (particularly surrounded by either babies being ff or those being bf with mums that said "oh - they feed for 10mins and we're done!")

One of the best things I read (I think from kellymom but might be wrong) is that it isn't always enjoyable. You have this image that it will all be loving looks and nuturing. But it is allowed to say "I HATE THIS!" - and as it said - often more impressive that those that do hate it keep going. I kind of fall between the 2. On good days it is great. On bad ones I hate hate hate it. BUT I am more confident having done it with ds1, and more determined to keep going.

Good luck with the pg!

dressedupnowheretogo · 05/05/2007 07:13

i love bf and were still goinjg strong at 9m0 yeah

i did nt eed for a while after my emergency c/s but she went straight on and had a good feed and we went from there it has been easy i must say no problems yet [touches wood]

but the exhaustion of not having a full nights sllep is really hard

i must admit we now cosleep from the first feed at about 2 now otherwise id never get to work in the mornings

otherwise i love it and would hope to feed ,y next loo my self

hettie · 05/05/2007 16:16

have not read thread but in answer to question- actualy it's hard becauase (imho) there is a large psychosematic element to bf, especialy in the initial 6 weeks when you are knakered and fragile anyway). If you are tired and emotionaly wrought out and worried about how your babies doing. Or/and if everyone from health visitors nagging about weight gain, to well meaning but unhelpful dh's asking if you shouldn't give a bottle becasue you sem so tired, to interfering mil's are putting strain on things. Or if you are not taking care of yourself then breasfeeding becomes harder. I was super lucky, both my mum and dh have been uber supportive. Basicaly for the 1st 4 weeks I lounged around and fed and hung out with ds whilst they ran around gettting food, pillows, tv remotes, doing the washing etc. My health visotr is brilliant- keeps telling me I am doign great, is unconcerned about weight gain (although he is gaining weight normaly) so much so that she came around once and didn't even want to weigh him (unless I was concerned whihc i wasn't). As a consequence i feel confident, relaxed and bf is goign well. I could tell you (and you can read on mumsnet) many stories were such brill support wasn't available and people really struggled.

zar1 · 05/05/2007 16:30

hi, I am trying to bf and need help and encouragment to keep going. my dd did not latch on , used a teat and expressed. she finally latched on about 3 weeks ago, but now is screaming for the bottle everytime I try to feed her from the breast. am very worried milk flow will stop. am so frustrated and tired of trying.

zar1 · 05/05/2007 16:34

i envy all of your late nights and hours and hours bf feeding. desperatly want to but do not know how to make it happan. Dh thinks i should give up. says done my best maybe should stick to ff.

Jacanne · 05/05/2007 16:36

Zar1 why not start a seperate thread asking for help - I know there are some very knowledgeable people on MN who could give you some advice.

lemonaid · 05/05/2007 16:39

zar -- well done you for making all that effort. You've got a very specialist situation to deal with; I suggest you start your own thread (with a title something like "Help! Want to breastfeed but baby screaming for bottle") as that will draw the attention of the real pros like tiktok and mears. Is this your first baby? Is taking her into bed with you solidly for 48 hours of skin-to-skin contact and lots of feeding an option?

zar1 · 05/05/2007 16:52

lemonaid - have tried having nap time with her and then feeding but not worked will try your suggestion.

yellowrose · 05/05/2007 17:46

aiki, the reason it is "hard" is not that it is hard, but that women have lost the skill to do it.

it is like any other skill or art, if not enough people know how to do it properly, the knowledge gets lost. in cultures where bf is the norm, grandmothers, mothers, aunts, sisters, cousins and friends bf, they know how to do it, they don't rely on myths and rubbish coming from people who don't know and so they are just free to get on with it.

there are no stats. on what you are looking for, but ask any women who has "failed" to bf in this country for whatever reason and one of their no. one reasons will be lack of contact with any one knowledgeable about bf.

if you wish to give it go, my best advice is get to know other mums who are bf now, get all the nos. of bf advice lines (take them to hospital) have your basic facts about bf sorted out (kellymom.com, any LLL book on bf, etc.) don't rely too much on mw's, gp's, hv's, they tend not to have the facts, but all the myths.

i also know women who swear by Baby Cafes, LLL meetings, bf drop in sessions elsewhere because it gives them moral support. try these too. the more you do now to prepare the easier it will get later.

just to give you my personal experience, i suffered from a lack of knowledge initially as well as confidence, but the more days i did it the easier and more "natural" it became. the more i read, the easier it became. as my son put on weight steadily and looked like a healthy, happy baby, being fed from my body, the more confident i became. i also tend to be very dismissive of anything coming from a health prof. i never trust what they say until i have checked and double checked lots of other sources first. this can be a useful life skill for bf !

good luck

aikigypsy · 05/05/2007 20:39

Ok, so here's what I'm getting:

  1. Sometimes there are problems with the baby latching on correctly and/or positioning the baby, most of which can be fixed with a bit of good advice from someone who knows what they're doing with breastfeeding.
  1. Nipples will probably hurt, at least at the beginning and possibly longer. It should be a passing phase, and/or can be fixed with lanolin or whatever.
  1. I will expect to spend the first 3-6 weeks with the baby latched on non-stop. After that he/she might start coming up for air occasionally.
  1. Milk supply is a problem for some.
  1. Cultural issues. I live in a pretty liberal/progressive area, so I'm hoping this won't be too bad. It wil be interesting to see how my mother deals with it -- she claims that she breastfed us, but I think it was only for a couple of weeks before she went back to work.

Did I miss anything major?

Thanks!

OP posts:
KerryMum · 05/05/2007 20:41

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Pruni · 05/05/2007 20:48

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margoandjerry · 05/05/2007 21:02

aikigypsy, Yes I think you've covered most of it. And I think the biggest thing to get over is what you've already done which is being prepared to struggle from time to time. If you don't then great. If you do, then you've got this thread and advice to fall back on and you won't be surprised and upset.

The only thing I would add is that when I went to breastfeeding cafes at weeks 6-8 I remember seeing lots of older babies there (like 4-6 months) with mothers still having problems and thinking "oh I'll have it all sorted by then, surely".

Actually I found what happens is you get into a groove and then something changes like your supply drops off a bit (can happen at around 4 months apparently) or the baby suddenly starts clawing at the boob when she's been fine for months (this happened to me at 5 months - still don't know why) and you're searching for help again. By then of course you're more confident so it's less of an issue but it's worth knowing that even once you've cracked it, you might go through phases with it.

newtotheplanet · 05/05/2007 21:22

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yellowrose · 06/05/2007 09:14
  1. nipples don't ALWAYS hurt, they may just be sore and sensitive to touch. that is how mine felt. i strongly recommend using lansinoh, started using it in the last few weeks of pregnancy, it keeps nipples moist and supple, the worst thing is when nipples are dried out, then they start cracking, etc if the latch is wrong.
  1. they don't feed non-stop. they will feed frequently and regularly, but the reason for this is that they have absolutely tiny stomachs, bm is digested very quickly (in one end, out the other often !) unlike formula milk which isn't easily digested or absorbed.
  1. no milk supply is only a problem if you interfere with it, i.e. formula feeding, dummies, etc. anything that will stop the baby from being demand fed on the breast. if you allow the baby to feed whenever he wants it, there should be no supply problems.

bf needs a very open mind in our culture because it is not the norm here. i would agree with that. it is more of a battle here because the public often have a negative attitude. but at the end of the day it is your body and your baby, it isn't anyone's concern, not even your mother's.

my mother and entire family made remarks throughout my bf. they tried to stop me when he was a year old. i ignored them.

i find bf is a very personal thing. how long you do it and how long you wish to do it all comes down to your personal views.

macneil · 06/05/2007 11:47

Yes, it is easy for lots of women, but I also assumed I would breastfeed for 6 months, wasn't afraid of pain, and was looking forward to it. My baby never latched, always screamed at the breast, and even though I tried, and kept up my milk supply with pumps, every day for about 24 weeks, it just never worked out for us. We didn't get as far as pain problems.

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