please help - new mum 3 days - going demented over inability to breast feed

[weeonion]

oh folks - feeling bloody miserable and inadequate here. just home hospital tonight - have had a pretty awful time trying to get her to feed for loads of reasons.
1/ real diffs from start to latch on - turns out i have 2 flat nipples. these got chewed by baby with a vry strong such apparently. now have 2 bleedng, cracked and sore nipples.

2/ she sucks for 20 minsand then falls asleep and comes off boob. wants fed again 1/2 hr later and this has been constant for past 2 days. she will not settle and is always hungry. i dont seem to be able to get her to actually feed for long enough

3/hospital gave her 2 formula cup feeds to settle her - she gobbled it down. feel distruaght that she is so hungry and upset and i cant settle her.

4/ they started me on shields but still in agony and feel that i am not getting anywhere as she is not getting enough from me.

5//i cant feed off one breast - the nipple is just too flat so i am not meant to be expressing off it - no milk coming out however.

i feel miserable. she is so beautiful and all i want to do is breast feed but i dont want to be sitting crying all day.

sorry for long ramble.
any suggestions?

Hi WO, just wanted to echo what the others have been saying. It's so rubbish, isn't it? You look forward to this for 9 months and then spend the first few days feeling like a pile of steaming dog-doo. If QM can help that would be brilliant, but please don't feel like a failure if it doesn't work out. There's so much more to being a mum and whatever happens, you'll look back in a few months and realise that BF isn't the be all and end all. I was SO miserable with DS1 when it didn't work out, and I really felt like there was no-one there to help with that decision (all the help you like to try and bf but then it all sort of evaporates when you decide, guiltily, to ff. Of course, I hadn't found MN at that time!). Anyway, DS1 is now a robust, smily little toddler, and I'm happy with the decision I took.

Hope your day is a bit better, and most of all, enjoy your lovely little girl. In a couple of weeks, you won't feel quite like you've been hit over the head with a frying pan any more.

BTW, I would be very glad to join the admiring hordes at paperino's.

WO hi!

I hope you can but yes please do not feel bad if you tried and couldn't. my friend was in a similar situation and she felt so bad about it she really stressed herself. and that is not smthng you need at this stage.

smtimes it feels you never do well enough anyway, HV made me feel like crap for stopping BFing at 5 1/2m.

WO - Here for you and behind you 100% - Email me - captain_dippy "at" yahoo "dot" co "dot" uk ....... I will help you in any way I can - even if it is just someone to "vent" at! [[[[hugs]] sweetheart - You are a wonderful mother and not failing your child in ANY way ......Have you tried a local BF Counsellor from La Leche or NCT?? Would definitely be worth it if you haven't (sorry if you've mentioned this, but haven't time to read through thread properly right now, but will do later, definitely......)

Big [[hugs] and loves to you honey. xxxx

WO - hugs to you

Mastisis too. I remember the pain of that like it was yesterday (in fact it was nearly seven years ago). A huge red triangle on one rock hard boob. It was August and I remember lying on the sofa with a fleece top and a duvet and I still felt cold and shivery. Send what PPs have said that you really need to keep the milk flowing out somehow to ease the pain, even if it's just hand expressing it, just until the mastisis passes. Also remember seeing my milk bright red with blood - yuk.

I completely understand if you decide ff is better for you. You really need to give yourself a break and do the best thing for you and your little one. I so remember the feeling of dread about DD1 waking up and wanting a feed, which was not how I wanted to embark on motherhood. YOU ARE NOT A BAD MUMMY OR A FAILURE whatever you decide.

If you do decide to keep going you need help, help, help. It will be possible and you will get it in the end.

Thinking of you.

second not send what PPs have said

Hi WO - sounds as though you have had the worst possible time of it. You need to do what's right for you.

Just a tiny thing, in case you think you'd regret giving up BF later one - day 4 is probably the most hormonally emotional day anyway, and everything can easily feel too much. Any chance you can get a breastfeeding counsellor to come out to you asap and see if there's anything that can be done? The amount you were able to express is not an indication that you don't have much milk, and neither is the fact that DD settled after the FF in hospital - formula and colostrum are totally different foodstuffs and do different things.

Anyway, hugs to you honey, if bottlefeeding is right for you and will make you happier, then no-one will judge you for that AT ALL. xxx

WO - No one here will judge you. And for what it's worth, a very good friend of mine has mixed fed since her DS was a few days old; he is now 7 months and on solids, and she still mix feeds. Obviously, you might not feel you can try this - you might feel, psychologically, that you need to switch completely - but as bf was so important to you, as others have said: mixed feeding is very possible.

Sending love, whatever you decide
(and am apparently in labour, by the way, so hope this makes sense!) xx

hi weeonion, how are you getting on today? how are those tired wee nips of yours? any better? did you get some sleep?

apologies all if I missed the gist of this thread, but just wanted to say that I have been mixed feeding since Rachel was born (three weeks ago). I only started partially breastfeeding when she was 18 days old. So far, with much effort, all is going well.

Please let me know if you need any info.

Counsellor told me each feed:
offer breast first, then offer some expressed milk, then finally, formuala. I give formula in the night and if a bf goes wrong.

Haven't read all the other posts, but just wanted to add my sympahty and encouragement WO.

Me & DS had awful trouble to start with too, he wouldn't latch on at all, I couldn't get anything out with expressing and had craked bleeding nipples from hours on a machine trying produce 30mls, DS was losing weight and dehydrated and we were both miserable and crying. We had to have bottle fed expressed milk (such as it was)and formula top ups so he didn't starve and it broke my heart.

However, given a bit of time he would eventually go on with a nipple shield and a couple of weeks after that he gradually started to go on without one. The expressing got easier too. 10 weeks later he feeds without any problems.

Things can sort themselves out even after a rotten start, however, you mustn't feel bad if it doesn't work out. You have tried very hard (harder than lots of people would) and if it's not to be then you are still doing the best thing for your DD by giving her a happier healthier Mum, which is just as important to a wee one.

Hi Weeonion,

Am off to bed so have only read your post, but wanted to offer my sympathy and best wishes. I have a five month old who latched on fine to start with - at least, I thought it was fine until 4 days later I was in agonising pain worse than childbirth. I didn't cry during childbirth, but I did from breast pain.

My solution was an AWESOME nct breastfeeding counsellor, who came round to spend an afternoon with us, watching me and my baby as we tried feeding so that she could make an individual diagnosis. It sounds like this may be what you need. Breastfeeding 'style' varies according to the mother/ child pairing, and lots of women like us really struggle, which is why there are so many counsellors around. Please contact either the NCT or La Leche League - they have 24 hour helplines, I believe, and are amazingly supportive and kind. Also, in my experience and that of friends, hospital staff really don't know very much about BFing at all so don't rely on what they tell you.

Good luck!

Oh - and by the way just to encourage you, I've really been enjoying BFing for about 4 of the 5 months now (pain stopped within a day or two of my BF counsellor's help). It does get much, much better. And a tip I learned for parenting in general is: take things one day at a time. This week's problems won't be next week's problems.

Big kisses!