Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. A phone that grows with your child.

Meet the Other Phone.
A phone that grows with your child.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
Infant feeding

Get advice and support with infant feeding from other users here.

Original poster

please help - new mum 3 days - going demented over inability to breast feed

63 replies

weeonion · 25/04/2007 01:37

oh folks - feeling bloody miserable and inadequate here. just home hospital tonight - have had a pretty awful time trying to get her to feed for loads of reasons.
1/ real diffs from start to latch on - turns out i have 2 flat nipples. these got chewed by baby with a vry strong such apparently. now have 2 bleedng, cracked and sore nipples.

2/ she sucks for 20 minsand then falls asleep and comes off boob. wants fed again 1/2 hr later and this has been constant for past 2 days. she will not settle and is always hungry. i dont seem to be able to get her to actually feed for long enough

3/hospital gave her 2 formula cup feeds to settle her - she gobbled it down. feel distruaght that she is so hungry and upset and i cant settle her.

4/ they started me on shields but still in agony and feel that i am not getting anywhere as she is not getting enough from me.

5//i cant feed off one breast - the nipple is just too flat so i am not meant to be expressing off it - no milk coming out however.

i feel miserable. she is so beautiful and all i want to do is breast feed but i dont want to be sitting crying all day.

sorry for long ramble.
any suggestions?

OP posts:
Kbear · 26/04/2007 23:03

If you give a bottle now to get you through the first few days, don't dismiss breastfeeding necessarily - hand express if you can, in the bath, to keep your milk coming and after a couple of days you might be read to try again or at least continue expressing. I mix fed from two weeks so I now it can be done.

You can get through it, the first few days are such hard work but we're hear to support you don't forget.

Also don't underestimate the benefit of a good cry to get it out of your system and make you feel better and more able to cope! Good luck

Aloha · 26/04/2007 23:07

Oh darling! you sound so sad. Three days is NOTHING! I had no milk whatseover for five days with my son and three days with my daughter. It WILL come though. Flat nipples, big nipples whatever, you can breastfeed. It is possible. YOu need to see a specialist in breastfeeding. Does your hospital have a breastfeeding clinic? Call and find out. YOu need someone to watch you. A tiny, tiny adjustment can make a vast difference. I had to get help with both my children and fed ds to 13months and dd to over two years. Why are you 'not supposed' to be expressing or feeding off one breast? That sounds wrong to me.
Your milk will come in very soon and everything will be different, I promise! YOu can do this. Keep posting.

kamikayzed · 26/04/2007 23:08

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

mears · 26/04/2007 23:09

Weeonion - I am so sorry to hear you are having such terrible problems. As you may have masitis then it is better to shift the milk from your breasts if you can.

here is a link showing you how to hand express
You might find that less painful than the pump. Can your midwife not get a pump out to you from the hospital on loan?

For the moment you could bottle feed your baby while you get your breasts sorted out. It sounds as though you have severe engorgement. The swelling is not all milk, it is party swelling of the breast tissue too.

Savoy cabbage leaves will help that. Get a cabbage and put it in the fridge. Replace cold leaves fairly frequently. Take Ibuprofen for the pain - you can also take paracetamol inbetween.

Try and express milk off at least 3 hourly - any milk you get you can give to your babe - brufen and paracetamol are safe to take breastfeeding.

Use lansinoh for your nipples. If your nipples are flat then the engorgement will make them worse.

You really could do with personal support from a breast feeding counsellor at the moment. Although you find it too painful to breastfeed at the moment, you might find that you will be able to try again when your nipples are healed. You can give formula until you are able to contemplate it again.

I am only saying this because you have said that you really wanted to breastfeed - you really need help to get through this part.

No one is judging you - please do not get upset worrying needlessly about that. You must do what is best for you and your baby. There is support out there.

Aloha · 26/04/2007 23:09

Sorry, didn't read your last post. Look, you ca still mix feed if you want. Things get much easier as your baby grows. Congratulations on your baby and good luck whatever you choose.

NormaStanleyfletcher · 26/04/2007 23:16

weeonoin - you have tried so hard, and no-one here will judge you. If they do I will smack them around the head with a damp cod! If anyone anywhere else judges you then you can give them my mobile and I will tell them to feck off for you.

Relax

Breathe

OK

Speaking as someone who has BF all three, here is what I think. If you are all engorged and cracked and painfull - give her a bottle. Give yourself a break. If you still want to try BF (and it sounds like you wanted to from the start), then try to feed her some of the time from the breast. Even with DD, who is number 3, I still had some cracked nipples and pain for the first 3 weeks. It really really does get better though.

Promise

But do what is BEST FOR YOU.

Katy44 · 26/04/2007 23:19

weeonion, sorry to hear you're having such an awful time of it. Glad you are making decisions to sort out these problems. Hope you get ff going and then reconsider bf when you've healed if you still want to.
No-one should be judging you it's obvious from your posts how much this has meant to you and how it's affecting you. In a day or so everything will look much brighter.
I have all this to come!
Sending lot of love xx

Katy44 · 26/04/2007 23:20

Actually, I think I'd quite like someone to judge you now, just to see them get slapped round the head with a wet cod

mears · 26/04/2007 23:26

weeonion - princess royal has an infacnt feeding advisor - ask your community midwife to contact her or you can phone her yourself. You should have a list of local breastfeeding support groups too. There is help around you.

AitchTwoOh · 26/04/2007 23:43

oh dear, weeonion, you do sound low. {squeeze} i've got to say, to be completely blunt about it, that i saw both of the PRM bfing advisors and they weren't a patch on the QM ones. if you are going to ty to keep going then can i suggest calling the QM first? sorry mears, but i have had first-hand experience of the PRM bfing people and they were Lovely but just didn't have the expertise imho.

i hope you can manage to sleep, weeonion, and that your poor wee nipples will get better over night. nothing is written in stone yet, weeonion, there is time to fix all this, but at the moment it sounds like you need to give yourself a break from it all. leave the talk of failure til another day, none of it's true but i know how much it feels like that right now.

mears · 26/04/2007 23:49

No problem Aitch - will QMH see women outwith their catchment area?

AitchTwoOh · 27/04/2007 00:04

absolutely, it's the specialist unit for the whole of scotland. they are amaaaazing. plus they hold a bfing support group every tuesday and people come from across glasgow. they are really very dedicated and brainy and because they get referred all the difficult cases that the other hosps give up on they are very skilled in helping with freakier problems. if i'd not wasted my time with the prm bfing counsellors (who as i say were very nice) who knows what may have happened to my supply with domperidone from the off?

anyway weeonion, if you come across to the west end me and your german chum can meet you and admire your new daughter (i bumped into her today, she said she'd been trying to contact you). paperinos would be good, they're very amenable to buggies.

shonaspurtle · 27/04/2007 00:07

wee onion - your posts were me 5 months ago. I've got flat nipples too (well I did as bf has kind of fixed them now).

I absolutely second Aitch's suggestion of phoning the QMH and speaking to Linda or Rosemary if you can (and if you want to). They gave me brilliant support. I was also lent a hospital grade breast pump for 6 weeks - the pumping gets easier and more productive by the way.

If you do need to give formula to give yourself a break and room to breath then you can still bf if that's what you want but good, regular 1-1 support is so important.

The nipple thing is bloody hard (no pun intended but it does get better. Night times were always the worst for me and I couldn't see beyond the next feed.

I just want you to know you're not alone, oh and huge congratulations on your dd!

AitchTwoOh · 27/04/2007 00:10

you coming to paperinos, too?

oh yes, i got a lend of a hospital pump as well, it was fab. worth a flipping fortune as well, i later found out. most hospitals rent them out but the lovely QM lot have them for free.

shonaspurtle · 27/04/2007 00:18

Paperino's was my first outing with ds when he was 2 weeks old - v baby friendly!

AitchTwoOh · 27/04/2007 00:20

yeah, the food's okay but you can't knock the service. where are you in glasgow, ss?

shonaspurtle · 27/04/2007 00:24

Very near Yorkhill actually which was fan-bloody-tastic when I was trooping up there with ds 3 times a week to get my defective boobs out

AitchTwoOh · 27/04/2007 00:25

how strange. i wonder if we were at the same defective boobs support groups with our tits out at the same time?

shonaspurtle · 27/04/2007 00:34

Actually I never made it along to the support group which looking back was really dim. It's so easy to think you're the only one having problems.

AitchTwoOh · 27/04/2007 00:42

i only went a few times myself... but i did sit next to a woman with flat nipples once. i don't even know her name. i see her on the street and we smile and nod to each other... me thinking 'flat nips' and her thinking 'shite supply' no doubt.

mears · 27/04/2007 00:46

I hope weeonion sees this - QMH may well be the answer.

Firepile · 27/04/2007 02:40

Another vote for Queen Mum's here. Really helpful, very empowering (in the sense that I always came away feeling boosted and supported). And there is no doubt the Linda and Rosemary Know Their Stuff.

Good luck, Weeonion, it sounds like you are having a terrible time. I hope that things look up for you soon.

liath · 27/04/2007 03:21

FWIW I think you are doing the right thing, give dd some formula and give yourself a break from the physical & psychological torture. It doesn't mean you can't get the BF back on track with help.

There is so so much more to being a good mother than BF - if it works out then great, if it doesn't then please don't beat youself up. It's only by doing the best for yourself that you'll be mentally in a good enough place to do the best for dd.

Thinking of you.

NormaStanleyfletcher · 27/04/2007 06:45

weeonion - I hope you are feeling better today.

Do go and see Aitch and contact the QM. The people there sound fab (as does aitch of course!), and the more quality support you can get the better

eca · 27/04/2007 08:37

hi wo, really hope that you can hook up with some of these people who are being recommended.

BUT just wanted to say that if you do decide to give up you haven't failed at all. You're doing really well remember you're trying so so hard for your lo to have your milk. You may feel like you're a teary mess at the mo, but you will get through it.

Really hope today is a better day for you lovely. Thinking of you xxx