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Infant feeding

Get advice and support with infant feeding from other users here.

Original poster

3 am feed. Might need to force the issue. No discussion please, just advice on how to do it.

43 replies

rabster · 22/04/2007 08:59

Ds is 13 weeks now. He feeds well in the day, every 3 hours or so. He is bf, with 1 ff at 5pm, and a EBM dreamfeed at 11pm.

I think we need to force the issue with dropping the night feed. He feeds at 11pm, then wakes at 3 and has a full feed, then wakes up for the day at 6.30.

I don't htink he needs this night feed because:
a couple of nights we postponed the dreamfeed til he woke up. He woke once at 12.30 and the next night at 2am. Yet, at 3am he STILL took a full feed - 1 hour after polishing off 6oz.
and he isnt taking a full feed at 6.30. Instead he has about 5 mins, drops off for an hour then wakes up at 7.30 to start the day. He won't take another feed until after his nap, at 10am.

So, how can I force the issue and get him to drop that feed? any ideas?

OP posts:
JodieG1 · 22/04/2007 09:03

Sorry but at 13 weeks they do NEED night feeds still. He's still so young and it won't last forever why try to make him drop a feed that he needs? My ds2 is 14 weeks and he still feeds 3-4 times a night and many times during the day, this is normal. In other cultures it's seen as normal for babies to feed around 18-20 times a day (my ds2 is about 15 times) because they have baby with them all the time and sleep with them etc. My other kids are up between 5 and 6 am. Personally I forget about the clock as it's not important and just feed as and when he needds it, doesn't interfere with anything I want to do as he comes with us and I feed him wherever. I know that wasn't what you asked for but I thought you might appreciate a different perspective from someone with a baby the same age as yours. All the best

JodieG1 · 22/04/2007 09:04

Oh and forgot to say ds2 was 16lb 4 last Monday when I took him to get weighed and he still needs the night feeds even though he's huge. He's fully breastfed too.

sar123 · 22/04/2007 09:10

My dd still fed during the night until she was 6 months old and still had a dreamfeed until 8 months. You can't force a 13 week old baby to stop waking up in the night and needing food and/or comforting. He might be going through a major growth spurt. Go with the flow for now and it won't last forever.

WigWamBam · 22/04/2007 09:11

Not sure you can force the issue with a 13 week old - you can't exactly negotiate with him. You can decide he's not going to get fed, but you also have to deal with the crying when he wakes - and leaving a tiny baby to cry isn't a good thing.

If he feeds every three hours in the day, it's surely not unreasonable that he needs a feed at 3am? If he's hungry, why deny him the feed? The fact that he still woke for it twice when you'd missed out the dreamfeed doesn't mean that he's only waking for comfort. I personally think that with only one night feed between 11pm and 6am he's doing brilliantly.

As it probably won't be long before he's able to go through the night without the 3am feed, can't you just go with it for now? I know it's knackering and soul-destroying, but he's still only ever so little and in my opinion he still needs that feed - his tummy is still tiny and can't hold enough milk to get him right through the night yet.

MorocconOil · 22/04/2007 09:12

My 3 had a similiar pattern of feeds to those you describe.I did controlled crying with my 3 DC at 10 months-ish to drop that feed. I think 13 weeks is too early and you could try it but it cause a lot of upset and not work.

Mine all sleep really well now and I think this is partly due to following their lead in the early months. It was bloody exhausting though.

Original poster
rabster · 22/04/2007 09:13

but he can go for 7 hours without a feed - from 3am til 10. He has skipped his morning feed now for quite a few days. So why can't we help him take those 7 hours at night (11 - 6 or so) rather than early morning (3 - 10)?

OP posts:
WigWamBam · 22/04/2007 09:17

He can't help what time he wakes for his feed. He wakes, he's hungry, he cries for milk. You won't be "helping" him at all by not feeding him when he asks for it.

He's three months old; you can't force him to do anything without making both him and you unhappy.

MorocconOil · 22/04/2007 09:20

Some babies do fall into a pattern which is suitable for their mothers, some just don't and it is hard to force them to. We spent months agonising over how to manage DS1's night feeds to try and fit in with my needs for sleep. Nothing worked. By Dc 3 I just went with the flow and got the same outcome. Sleep deprivation is an absolute killer but it doesn't last forever. Promise.

compo · 22/04/2007 09:22

I know it's hard but you just have to go with the flow. He will eventally drop the feed of his own accord but he'll decide when that is not you. I don't really understand how you're going to force the issue? Leave him to cry? Try pick up put down? Offer water? All these things will mean you're awake at 3am and you'll soon realise it's easier just to feed him. The only thing you could do is wake him up at 7am to make sure he feeds more in the day rather than having a lie in until 10am. Is he your first? If so that means you get to sleep from 3am util 10am too so I would be happy about that!!

ViscountessPetitLapin · 22/04/2007 09:25

Agree with the other ladies (sorry, but putting "no discussion" in your thread title pretty much guarantees you are going to get one!)

13 weeks is too early; they do wake through the night when they are that little. If you can, just accept that this is going to be the case for a while, try and sleep when he sleeps during the day (I don't know your circumstances or if that is possible), and bear in mind that it WILL stop at some point!

My DS started sleeping through at about 4 months; we also did some CC at 8 months because it was taking us 2 hours to get him down each night; 4 horrible days, but now he goes to bad, good as gold (he's 1).

Have a look at This excerpt from Elizabeth Pantley's "No Cry SLeep Solution"; it is a much gentler way of "retraining" babies' sleep associations, and may be more suitable for your little one.

Best of luck!

ViscountessPetitLapin · 22/04/2007 09:26

(there should have been a after that first sentence )

Original poster
rabster · 22/04/2007 09:30

ok. I feel thoroughly told off!
I thought it was possible to somehow get him to switch the 7 hours without a feed to the night time. Obviously don't want to do CC, but I am SO fed up with broken nights.

Compo - He gets up at 7.30am and won't take a feed then til after his first nap. So, no sleeping til 10am as he is up and at 'em already.

OP posts:
WigWamBam · 22/04/2007 09:34

Don't feel told off. No-one's trying to make you feel bad - but it's hard to post on a thread like this without it coming across a bit that way!

Honestly, it will get better.

ViscountessPetitLapin · 22/04/2007 09:35

Don't feel told off. We have all been there, we all sympathise completely and we are all just trying to help.

MorocconOil · 22/04/2007 09:37

Oh don't feel like that rabster. I only told you about what I had learnt from my own experience. Doesn't mean you have to agree. I just know I used up alot of energy trying to get my baby to do something he just wasn't going to do. I really know how horrible that sleep deprivation feeling is, so know where you are coming form in asking for advice.

compo · 22/04/2007 09:39

ah bless you, it's so hard those first three months.
That's interesting he wakes up but doesn't want feeding! Does he just play until his first feed of the day?

Original poster
rabster · 22/04/2007 09:40

It is just really frustrating KNOWING he can go for 7 hours without a feed. So WHY does he have to do it when I am awake?!?!
I must say though that he doesnt wake up crying at 3am, just fidgeting, awake, rooting around. I have never left it until he starts crying, just always gone over and stuck him on the boob.

OP posts:
lulumama · 22/04/2007 09:42

because he is a baby and doesn't know, nor care that it is night time!! one night feed at 3 months old is great going, if you try forcing the issue, by not feeding him , he won;t settle properly, and you are most likely going to be getting up to settle and re settle and re settle him for hours, when if you feed him, he will settle back immediately !

compo · 22/04/2007 09:42

You could try leaving him and just see if he goes back to sleep. When we moved dd into her won room at about this time I realised she was settling herself back to sleep whereas before as soon as I heard her i was feeding her because i thought she'd cry and maybe wake ds. Defiitely worth a try if you haven't already

WigWamBam · 22/04/2007 09:45

If he wakes but doesn't cry at 3am, you could always wait and see if he settles himself back to sleep again before you go to feed him. He'll soon let you know if he wants the feed.

compo · 22/04/2007 09:46

exactly WWB

BandofMothers · 22/04/2007 09:48

If he's your only child could you go back to bed when he does???

You're lucky he only wakes up once tbh.

oldwomanwholivedinashoe · 22/04/2007 09:48

I agree with all the advice given - that at this age he probably does need night feed (although my dd slept through at 6weeks! - she fed every 2hrs though during day!)
My ds fed every 4hrs adn didnt sleep through until he was 7mths and then we orced the issue. We let him cry it out one night and after that he never woke in the night again.
You could try waking him for feed rather than letting him sleep 7 hrs in day. If I were you I would probably try and get at 5 feeds in during the day - that might help.

BandofMothers · 22/04/2007 09:53

I sometimes left dd2 to drift back off again, but it was very obvious if she wanted to eat. I was left in no doubt that she was hungry and would NOT go back to sleep.

Original poster
rabster · 22/04/2007 09:58

ok tongiht, I will try to settle him a bit when he wakes up fidgeting, just to see if he WILL go back to sleep. Never occurred to me to not feed him immediately, just assumed he stirred cos he was hungry....

OP posts: