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Infant feeding

Get advice and support with infant feeding from other users here.

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Original poster

3 am feed. Might need to force the issue. No discussion please, just advice on how to do it.

43 replies

rabster · 22/04/2007 08:59

Ds is 13 weeks now. He feeds well in the day, every 3 hours or so. He is bf, with 1 ff at 5pm, and a EBM dreamfeed at 11pm.

I think we need to force the issue with dropping the night feed. He feeds at 11pm, then wakes at 3 and has a full feed, then wakes up for the day at 6.30.

I don't htink he needs this night feed because:
a couple of nights we postponed the dreamfeed til he woke up. He woke once at 12.30 and the next night at 2am. Yet, at 3am he STILL took a full feed - 1 hour after polishing off 6oz.
and he isnt taking a full feed at 6.30. Instead he has about 5 mins, drops off for an hour then wakes up at 7.30 to start the day. He won't take another feed until after his nap, at 10am.

So, how can I force the issue and get him to drop that feed? any ideas?

OP posts:

amijee · 22/04/2007 10:07

I agree 13 weeks is way too young but you could just see if he settles without a feed by holding/rocking etc. If it doesn't work - then a feed he will need.

It's a really tough time - seems like forever but things do get better - honest. Just hang in there and sleep when you can.

MorocconOil · 22/04/2007 10:10

Good luck tonight rabster

prufrock · 22/04/2007 10:11

Rabster, please don't feel got at. It is quite reasonable for you to feel that it is logicaly possible to get your baby to have his 7 hour sleep when you do. Unfortunately babies are rarely logical or reasonable.

I would just ignore his snuffling at 3 am - don't even intervene to try and settle him until he is actually crying, otherwise he amy get into the habit of waking for a cuddle at 3am rather than a feed. I think the fat he doesn't feed well at 6:30 does mean he doesn't "need" the 3am feed, but you have to wait for him to realise that himself

Good luck

Pinchypants · 22/04/2007 15:11

Rabster, my DD, now nearly nine months, set her own feeding pattern at around every three hours during the day and I woke her for a dreamfeed before I went to bed. (She was fully breastfed until 7 months). At around nine weeks old, one night she slept right through from 11 to 7 for the first time and we thought 'ah, so she can do it'. She too was just snuffling when she woke at 3-ish rather than crying, so the next night she snuffled I left her to see if she would settle, and she did. End of night feeds, although I carried on with the dreamfeed until she started refusing it at 7 months. Never had to leave her to cry, but like you it hadn't occurred to me to not leap in there as soon as she stirred. Give it a go - if your DS is ready he'll be fine and will probably have a good wake-up feed instead. If he needs food, you won't be in any doubt! Good luck and let us know how you get on.
Pinchy xx

fearscape · 23/04/2007 17:12

Ah had exactly the same problem (only at about 6 months rather than 3 - ds was waking at least twice a night then so it could be worse!). Couldn't get him to change and eventually he did it himself. I came to terms with it by thinking - well I CAN go 12 hours or so without food - but I'd be a bit annoyed if someone wanted me to do it during the day! He was (still is) only a baby and just wanted feeding when he was hungry. Still not very comforting at 3am though. Hope you had a better night.

Mumpbump · 23/04/2007 17:16

Ds only stopped feeding in the night when he was 6 months or so and having protein at lunch. 13 weeks sounds very young. Some babies go through without feeding from a very early, but perhaps he just isn't one?

If I were you, I'd stick with the dreamfeed at 11pm and see if you can get him back to sleep at 3am without a further feed. I kept track of the length of time ds went without a feed and once I was happy he could do, say, 4 hours, I just patted him on his back and got him back to sleep (with some protest) without feeding him...

theUrbanDryad · 23/04/2007 17:50

my ds is in a similar routine to you, Rabster, except he wakes at 5am for a feed, rather than 3am! does your lo have a dummy? sometimes they will suck for comfort rather than nutrition.

i'm not talking from personal experience here (ds won't take a dummy!!) but my friend's lo goes through the night with just a dummy put in at 3am.

good luck, sounds like you're doing fab!!!

sunnysideup · 23/04/2007 17:56

yes I think my ds was six months too, before he slept through without a 3am ish feed - then he went straight to being unsettled through teething, so no regular nights through for a while in our house!

However there's no way my ds would have got a feed without hollering for it - if he's just awake and stirring, definitely do as you're saying you will and LEAVE HIM! If he really needs a feed he will make himself heard soon enough.

But as others have said, he probably does still need that feed.

yellowrose · 23/04/2007 18:02

why say no discussion ? why ask if you don't want a discussion ?

it is normal for a 13 week old to wake in the middle of the night for several feeds when bf. the formula feed will keep him going for a while, but he needs feeding in the middle of the night and it does you good as well as it maintains your supply.

i wouldn't personally "force" a 13 week old to do anything. the only way you are going to force this one is to let the baby cry when he wants a feed.

yellowrose · 23/04/2007 18:03

giving a dummy is not a substitute for feeding.

colditz · 23/04/2007 18:05

too young, unrealistic.

Original poster

rabster · 23/04/2007 20:04

ok. last night he woke at 1.30am. I didnt quite leave him til he cried - he did settle when I put his dummy in again but then spat it out and rooted about. He only fed for a couple of minutes, then dropped off and would NOT be woken to finish the feed.

then, he woke at 3 am - same pattern. then 5 am, then 6am!!!!! All with a quick snack then back to sleep!! Just as I think I am getting sleep, it all backfires!

Fearscape - good point about not going 12 hours without food during the day though you can at night.

OP posts:

fearscape · 24/04/2007 09:04

Personally I wouldn't get up to him until he is crying. Ds did lots of wriggling and making noises in his sleep, took me quite a while to realise that he really was asleep because if I left him he would eventually go quiet again with no crying. Are you sleeping in the same room? If so you are probably waking up at every little snuffle and then it's hard not to go to him! If you have a spare room, maybe try sleeping in there for a night and leave dh/dp in charge. He can come and get you if ds is crying for a feed. He probably won't wake up to every little noise as much as you do and you might all get a better night's sleep. I definitely didn't sleep properly until we moved ds into his own room at 6 months.

amysmum247 · 24/04/2007 09:28

Just read this and I agree def only go to him if crying, everyone moves around in their sleep. I would also wait & listen to his cry sometimes my dd will just let out a whimper then goes back off to sleep. Usually she lets me know if she can't settle back. It's bad I know but I just pick her up & cuddle till she is settled then put her back down. I used to just feed everytime she cried but at 6 months I thought she was old enough & was never having a feed at 7am as she was full from all the night feeds. So instead when she cried I left her, listened to the cry, if she needed me I or dh would go in & cuddle her, if she was just whimpering I would leave her 20mins to see if she could settle alone. My dd was a good sleeper til 5months the following 5 months have been an adventure!

librarianmummy · 24/04/2007 09:54

Rabster,

I've got a 13 week old as well, she's been sleeping through from about 9.00p.m until 5.30a.m but doesn't need her first feed until 7.00 for the last couple of weeks. I also don't bother with a dreamfeed as I found that it didn't seem to make any difference when I tried it.

I found this book: Sleep: The Secret of Problem-free Nights
really useful. The essential idea of it is that your baby will start to have a core night from the age of 4-6 weeks when they suddenly start sleeping longer and you can start lengthening that out. Once they start sleeping this you need to avoid feeding them during this core night as they have proved they don't need it any more. Things that I noticed with my dd was that she that night feeds were getting shorter or even that she would start crying which woke me up but obviously stopped fairly quickly as I went back to sleep without going over to see what was the matter. At this stage I tried to calm her down rather than feeding her in the night. It didn't work every night but gradually she seem to get the idea.

Ally90 · 24/04/2007 13:39

Hi Rabster,

I would advise you to wait too. See what develops. Think one of the main probs was that I was worried about my dd waking dh (need not have worried ) so would go at the slightest twitch. Sometimes my just moving in bed seemed to bring her to full wakefulness and crying. I had the tendancy to stay very still and just wait for dd to settle again (or not). Also heard about trying to move the feed back, ie to break out of the pattern. (Hard to do) Wake at 2.45 am give a feed then hope ds sleeps thro to usual time, then the next night move to 2.30am etc. May break the pattern?

THe other thing I was advised, stick to what your doing, don't chop and change before any change has a chance to develop.

Or have you tried speaking to health visitor? I got loads of support and advice when I rang them with any problems. Just being listened to helped and they gave a fresh view/solution to problems...

Anyway...good luck, sleep deprivation is awful

Original poster

rabster · 24/04/2007 20:59

Hmmm. tonight I might try to cuddle him to sleep then...
I WILL leave him till he cries! I WILL!!

OP posts:

fearscape · 25/04/2007 09:50

Try thinking of it this way - he might just be stirring in his sleep. In which case you are waking him up, disturbing his sleep which isn't fair to him. Not trying at all to make you feel bad, just trying to help you leave him till he cries!

Also agree with Ally90 about moving in bed fully waking him up - I used to lie absolutely still if I heard ds stir as well. It gets SO much better when they move to their own rooms.

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