Long one - OK, pregnant with DC3, want to breastfeed, but have um issues.... help get my head round them please..... please..... help

[Hopeitwontbebig]

I will try and keep this brief....

My background is... my Mum didn't breastfeed us, and she almost sounded shocked at the suggestion that she might have breastfed, like it was something dirty.

During both my previous pregnancies I planned to breastfeed. DS1 was 10lb 10oz and I had a bad labour, he was posterior and I suffered a bad tear. I attempted to breastfeed but he made my nipples bleed within a few minutes. I was already starting to feel depressed and it made me feel like I didn't like my baby. The midwifes tried bullying me into breastfeeding and it just made me more and more depressed. As soon as I got home I bottle fed him. I was then put on anti-depressants so couldn't have taken up breastfeeding if I'd wanted to.

DS2 latched on really well at hospital, labour was perfect, no tears or anything. I bonded really well with him. On day 3 depression seemed to hit me again, but it resulted in horrible anxiety attacks, I was prescribed Diazepam, this worked brilliantly, but again, because of the drugs, had to change to bottle. When DS2 was 5 weeks old we moved house, so were REALLY busy and I just continued with bottle feeding. When DS was 7 weeks old I asked community nurse if I could take up breast feeding again as I was still getting milk, but she said there would be no point.

OK - my issues are

1. When I was BF I felt like a cow,
2. I feel embarrassed getting my breasts out in front of people,
3. It feels somehow 'rude' to me, because breasts are associated with sex,
4. I have a tendancy to suffer from depression and end up on medication, albeit for a very short while,
5. I get told that because my babies are big I will end up breastfeeding constantly (DS2 was 10lb 4oz)

I really really want to get over these hurdles, because I desperately want to be able to BF this one, due in September, so you've got a while to help me....

Thank you in advance, again sorry for long one.

ginger, I think breastfeeding can be scary when it's something unknown and outside your 'comfort' zone.

Have you ever asked your mum why she is so against breastfeeding?

Is part of the feelling scared knowing she won't approve?

Do you have the sort of relationship where you can share your feelings of guilt and hope with her?

Yes, I think that you are right. Part of the 'being scared' is to do with my mum's disapproval. (She gave me a pack of Avent Bottles instead of an Easter Egg, so the message is strong and clear!!!)
Although to be fair, I have not really approached the BF issue with her this time as even at the mention of breastfeeding, she makes a face and says it is disgusting!

There are definitely other 'issues' in my mind though, other than my mum's approval.
. I'm worried about whether I can actually DO it! Will the MW help me in hospital? What about BF counsellors? How do I find one? Do they help?
. My boys were both big hungry babies (10lb plus) I've heard horror stories about women feeding almost constantly with chapped, bleeding nipples and fatigue!!
. Do you feed on demand or can you wait 2 or 3 hours between feeds like I did with my bottle fed babies??
. DH is not the father of my other children. His ex breastfed his two children with no problems for a year. He is therefore very supportive, but I feel uncomfortable with the 'if she did it, you can' thing!

I've got an appointment with MW tomorrow, so I might see if she has time to discuss it with me a little.

Yes, talk to your MW. Bf counsellers can also help. You may surprise yourself and have few problems to start with! BTE, DS fed about every 2 hrs to start with, but feeding on demand a good plan as it keeps your supply up. Having a supportive DH is a really good start .

And there's lots of info on here, so don't be afraid to ask questions

Hi gingertoo, OMG I thought my Mum was bad!!!

So you had big babies too. I wish I hadnt been told (at the time) the myth that they would feed constantly. This thread is brilliant isn't it!! What great advice.

Good to talk about it with your m/w, ginger.

Your mum might need a little bit of work

Thanks! Will let you know how I get on with MW.

Had a good talk about it all with DH last night. He is SO brilliant and will def support me whatever I decide. He put it all into perspective for me. 'You are a strong, independent, 35year old woman - does it REALLY matter what your mum thinks?' He might have a point!

Was reading a section on the NCT website last night and it said that even if I breastfeed for only a day I will be giving my baby a good start - the message seems to be - the longer the better BUT anything is better than nothing.........
It perhaps makes sense to just TRY!!!........

What a lovely DH