Long one - OK, pregnant with DC3, want to breastfeed, but have um issues.... help get my head round them please..... please..... help

[Hopeitwontbebig]

I will try and keep this brief....

My background is... my Mum didn't breastfeed us, and she almost sounded shocked at the suggestion that she might have breastfed, like it was something dirty.

During both my previous pregnancies I planned to breastfeed. DS1 was 10lb 10oz and I had a bad labour, he was posterior and I suffered a bad tear. I attempted to breastfeed but he made my nipples bleed within a few minutes. I was already starting to feel depressed and it made me feel like I didn't like my baby. The midwifes tried bullying me into breastfeeding and it just made me more and more depressed. As soon as I got home I bottle fed him. I was then put on anti-depressants so couldn't have taken up breastfeeding if I'd wanted to.

DS2 latched on really well at hospital, labour was perfect, no tears or anything. I bonded really well with him. On day 3 depression seemed to hit me again, but it resulted in horrible anxiety attacks, I was prescribed Diazepam, this worked brilliantly, but again, because of the drugs, had to change to bottle. When DS2 was 5 weeks old we moved house, so were REALLY busy and I just continued with bottle feeding. When DS was 7 weeks old I asked community nurse if I could take up breast feeding again as I was still getting milk, but she said there would be no point.

OK - my issues are

1. When I was BF I felt like a cow,
   
2. I feel embarrassed getting my breasts out in front of people,
   
3. It feels somehow 'rude' to me, because breasts are associated with sex,
   
4. I have a tendancy to suffer from depression and end up on medication, albeit for a very short while,
   
5. I get told that because my babies are big I will end up breastfeeding constantly (DS2 was 10lb 4oz)
   
   I really really want to get over these hurdles, because I desperately want to be able to BF this one, due in September, so you've got a while to help me....
   
   Thank you in advance, again sorry for long one.

[vnmum]

maybe you could see if there are any BF support groups or baby cafes in your area. details can be found on the relevant BF charity websites eg, ABM, LLLi,BFN etc or your midwife may know of one. i help run a support group and we encourage pregnant women wanting to BF to come along to chat with BF mums and also it could give you a chance to get used to seeing babies breastfed as the norm while you are there, also you could talk to the mums about their own experiences.
making friends in this way can help you feel confident as its proven that you are more likely to breastfeed if your peers do.

HTH

[mistersmum]

Re BF in public - I managed for a year without having to feed in public ie in feeding rooms (Boots,Mothercare and most big shops have facilities) the car, changing rooms, and even at Drusillas zoo near the meercats on a bench etc which was my choice because I didn't want to feed openly in public ( my issues with myself not my issues with feeding in public!). And I went out loads and didn't stop in because of it.
Also Hennes do some fantastic feeding tops you can just poke a nipple out of rather than hoiking (SP?) tops up or down.
There was also a baby cafe set up by the HV and MW in our area where you could drop in if you had ongoing problems feeding, but my hostpial experience sounded like yours - open up and poke it in!!
Also Lansinoh nipple cream was an absolute godssend... Anyway goodluck

[Cazee]

SoupDragon , a MW told my friend "your baby doesn't have a mouth for breastfeeding", another friend of hers, who worked at the hospital, came and sat with her to establish feeding.

[moondog]

God,they talk some shit eh Cazee??

[berolina]

On the frequency thing - my 6lb ds fed constantly for about 3 months (we did have problems with breast refusal at the beginning, though, so there may have been a more intense need to build up supply). My friend's much bigger baby settled down quite quickly after the initial frequent feeding stage.

[Hopeitwontbebig]

Here's hoping I have another 10lb'er!!

[potoroo]

I was a bit self concious about BF in public too. I practised at home for a bit until I could do it without showing anything.

Like mistersmum I also knew where all the feeding rooms were - some of the big mothercares have nice rooms with rocking chairs and toys for toddlers. I've often popped in just to BF and do changing.

Once I got more confident I could feed in cafes - I just sat in a corner. But as other posters have said - most people don't even notice what you are doing anyway.

DS was biggish and wasn't feeding all the time - I think that's a myth. Besides, they do become pretty efficient at it!

[Anna8888]

My daughter is 2.5 and still breastfeeds. We do so less and less in public (though she sticks her hand down the front of my shirt for a try quite often) because I'm trying gradually to wean her, but when she was younger I was totally unphased about breastfeeding in public - the initial embarrassment only lasted about 2 or 3 months (the time to have gone to a few restaurants with her - she was born in November so no parks the first few months).

I found in the UK that people were generally very supportive in public places. Here in France a bit less so, but since I am quite convinced that breast is hugely superior to bottle I don't really care what other people say.

[MrsJohnCusack]

as soon as you have a big baby everyone goes on and on about how 'you'll never feed them' bla bla bla and they'll be desperate to get you to supplement with formula (and before too long solids, grrrrr). It's infuriating

I fed 9lb14oz DD with no problems and am now feeding 6 week old DS who was 10lb 5oz with no problems, and he is putting on weight like noone's business and on 5/6 fairly brisk feeds a day. Lots of babies feed a lot at the start regardless of their weight, it doesn't mean they're not getting enough or that your supply isn't good enough - that's just what they do and how the whole supply/demand equation gets sorted out. And all babie are different. Usually it all calms down after a little while; it can feel like you're feeding constantly but at the same time what better excuse to put your feet up for a while!

Also there are ADs you can take whilst breastfeeding (I had sertraline (Lustral)) - do a search on here, there are lots of threads on taking meds whilst breastfeeding.

you've had some great advice here - good luck! Sounds like

[SoupDragon]

"your baby doesn't have a mouth for breastfeeding"

[katwith3kittens]

I think that because you are consciously making a decision to sort out your issues now you will suceed in the future.

My mum never BF me, it wasnt the done thing in 1968, and I never had any encouragement from her to BF my own children, which, like you I wanted to do ... I have a 6 yr gap and now have a 3m baby who I am enjoying BF much to the concern of my mother. In fact she recently suggested in all seriousness that as I am now older my milk might not be as good as previously (ie stale !!!) and hadnt I considered putting him on the bottle. I tell you, if I can brush aside omments like that then the rest of it will be easy !

Theres some good advice on this thread. You will be well supported here however it woks out.

[katwith3kittens]

Sorry about the typos .. one handed typing because BF (see, you will still be able to MN when you BF, its just the typing that gets harder !)

[Hopeitwontbebig]

Thank you all SO SO SO SO much for your help and support. You're all so very friendy, I really appreciate it.

One thing I forgot to mention, prob not TMI but here goes, I have an inverted nipple, do you need to sort before birth?

x x

[MissGolightly]

I have no idea but didn't want your q to go unanswered, hopefully someone with more knowledge than me will be along soon. If not I'd say ring the LLL or NCT line and ask them, they're bound to know.

[shonaspurtle]

Hope, as your ds2 was able to latch on ok you will probably be fine this time as well in that respect?

I would definitely seek advice about it though. I have very flat nipples that caused me no end of bother. I really wish that I'd known about it when something could have been done. Unfortunately I was under the impression that my nipples were normal not having done much comparison!

[SoupDragon]

Avent do a "niplette" thingy that's meant to sort inverted nipples out or something.

[harpsichordcarrier]

hello and congratulations on your pregnancy!
I don't have much to add to the greta advice you have received here, but I wanted to say good on you for caring enough to get to this point. i think a lot of people in your situation would probably allow themselves not to worry about it, so I think your determination shows great strength of character.
the other thing I wanted to say is that - you have a great start because you have already bf successfully and latched successfully - you know you can do it.
I think you should concentrate on really positive thinking - saying to yourself, I can bf, I will bf, I am capable of producing lots of milk.
if anyone tries to spin you a load of baloney about big babies and how you are not going to be able to feed them then just ignore ignore ignore or feel free to say: actually, I really want to bf and I don't think it's helpful for you to be so negative.
or you could try adopting this expression
I have every confidence in your body's ability to bf your baby successfully. it is what you were designed for! and it's a cracking design.
best of luck
HC xx

[harpsichordcarrier]

hello and congratulations on your pregnancy!
I don't have much to add to the greta advice you have received here, but I wanted to say good on you for caring enough to get to this point. i think a lot of people in your situation would probably allow themselves not to worry about it, so I think your determination shows great strength of character.
the other thing I wanted to say is that - you have a great start because you have already bf successfully and latched successfully - you know you can do it.
I think you should concentrate on really positive thinking - saying to yourself, I can bf, I will bf, I am capable of producing lots of milk.
if anyone tries to spin you a load of baloney about big babies and how you are not going to be able to feed them then just ignore ignore ignore or feel free to say: actually, I really want to bf and I don't think it's helpful for you to be so negative.
or you could try adopting this expression
I have every confidence in your body's ability to bf your baby successfully. it is what you were designed for! and it's a cracking design.
best of luck
HC xx

[harpsichordcarrier]

buggerI keep doing that today.
soz

[Hopeitwontbebig]

Aw, I love you all.... [sentimental emoticon] , such a lovely supportive thread. I keep checking in regularly, thank you so much. x x x x

[maxbear]

Dd weighed 6lb 10 at birth, bf constantly and I was dreading it this time. Ds is six weeks old, 8lb 10 at birth and feeds frequently at times but also sleeps well and enjoys some alert not feeding times. You can get some good BF tops which allow you to do it more discretely in public and I think a lot of the time people don't even notice I'm doing it. I hope you are able to do it and enjoy doing it. I get a bit frustrated with it at times but it is worth persevering with it as it does get easier.

[dueat44]

Hope you get sorted - I'm still trying myself four weeks in ...

But I am greatly comforted by being able to express all dd needs even though she just will not latch on (she spent some time in intensive care and just showed no interest). Expressing is no more trouble than formula feeding if you're going to have to resort to a bottle anyway, so if all else fails (and you've come to the right place for making sure it doesn't) you can still do your babe a lot of good.

Like my dd, my ds didn't latch on at first - we were both ill after a rupture of placenta. But then he did, three months into expressing, and we kept bf-ing for another year. So anything is possible.

[rabster]

Just a message of support -
I felt EXACTLY the same as you before I had DS. The idea of bf was like milking a cow, there was no WAY I was going to do it in public, my boobs are for sex etc.

Well, now 13 weeks in I will breastfeed anywhere I need to, and I LOVE it! It is a great feeling feeding your babe yourself, and no faffing with heating bottles when you are out. and I have inverted nipples too, they (TMI, sorry) just pop out as he is feeding!

[Hopeitwontbebig]

Thanks rabster for your post. It's good to know that having felt the same way as me, you managed to overcome it and have succeeded. Great words of encouragement.. thanks

[gingertoo]

Just read through the whole thread with great interest. I bottle fed my first two babies from birth. My mother also was, and is, totally against breastfeeding and unsupportive of my doing so. DS1 and DS2 seem to be doing well having been formula-fed BUT I have never got rid of the guilt that I didn't breastfeed and have always had a niggling worry that the nasty eczema that both boys suffered with might not have been so bad if they had had a 'natural' start to life.
SO, I am now expecting LO No.3 (I'm 30wks) It is great to hear all of your positive comments and thanks Hope for bringing this subject up
Deep down, I know I want to breastfeed, but if I'm honest, I'm scared......