do you ever get to the point where you just don't want baby near you to feed?

[Jenkeywoo]

I'm really struggling with evenings and nights with DD2. Days are fine, she feeds 3 or 4 times but I love it. Nights are hard - she feeds to go to sleep then wakes screaming about an hour later - DH can normally settle her (although it takes 30 mins) but by about 10.30 I end up feeding her again as she is inconsolable. I then feed her again when we go to bed at midnight when she wakes up. Last night she then woke up screaming at 1.30, dh tried to settle her but she was hysterical - when I fed her she wasn't even sucking just kind of sleeping with my nipple tightly clamped in her mouth. She was then up again at 2.30 and I tried to feed her but I started feeling claustrophobic and panicky -I just feel crowded out sometimes and I just couldn't feed her anymore - DH is such a good husb and tried to settle her but she screamed on and off for 2 hours - so I ended up feeding her at 4.45am when she finally gave and slept. I want to continue breastfeeding but sometimes at night I just feel physically sick at the thought of her near me again, I feel like she is just using me like a dummy most of the time. I just want a few hours out of the 24 when a small person is not climbing on my head, lying in my arms or feeding at my breast. Dh is willing to help where he can but she can cry for 2 hours for him and not give up till she gets more breast. Can you believe it has taken me nearly an hour to even type this message as she has been up 3 times since bedtime - now Dh is up there trying to settle her but I can hear her screaming again already. .

forgot to say dd is 1 now and has been sleeping worse and worse since about 5 months old.

How old is she, Jenkeywoo?

How much is she eating as solids during the day?

Could this be a teething issue? Sorry you are having a bad time.

she's one now, she doesn't eat tons and tons in the day but has never been a big eater and won't eat anymore than she already does.

Have you tried a dummy or comfort blanket? That sounds an awful lot for you to cope with at one year. Is she teething by any chance?

The teething theory sounds good. Especially if she's using you as something to clamp onto.

doesn't seem to be teeth as it's been going on for months - it does seem worse since MMR last week but she does not show signs of being ill (temperature etc) and when we gave her calpol it didn't help. She looks so tired and has big dark circles under her eyes.

I would try a dose of Calpol before she settles for the evening. Or Calpol and Nurofen (these are safe given together) or even Medised which will help her to sleep even more.

I'm not suggesting you dose your baby every night but if she sleeps better with some pain relief you may have your answer.

Ah! Post crossed. You've already tried Calpol.

How long do you let her cry for before you or DH goes in to settle her?

I have tried to get her to have a dummy and have also tried to get her to have a comfort object but she flaty refuses, she has never even agreed to have a bottle or even drink reliably from a cup as I wouldn't be adverse to Dh giving her a bottle at this age. she only drinks liquid properly from a pint glass with a straw in it. I think I must have messed up somewhere as I am the only one responisble for this mess but I don't know what to do.

Is she sleeping in your bed? Or do you put her into a cot after she's fed to sleep?

If you are feeling like that could you try dh giving her a bottle at night. It does sound like she is using you as a comforter. If you weaned her onto night time bottles you (or rather dh) would still be offering her milk if she is genuinely hungry, and it would ease the pressure on you all night long.

Granted, she's going to complain like hell for a few days, but do you feel she actually needs feeding continuously all night long?

We tend to go to her quite quickly because she wakes up screaming and is there eyes open just crying and crying, if you don't get there straight away she starts making choking and vomiting noises.

You haven't messed up, Jenkeywoo. Far from it.

I suspect that, as you are such a good mummy, she doesn't want to be parted from you during the night.

we're co-sleeping, I have tried sleeping in another bed and leaving her to DH but after hearing her cry for an hour or so I end up feeding her. I'm going to try a bottle next time she wakes up though and see if she is hungry. I'm not convinced she is.

sorry, crossed posts. Please don't think you have done anything wrong. SOme children are just more demanding than others. If she'll accept a glass and straw get dh to offer that. The chances are that after a few nights of that she'll realise its either straw at night or nothing, and will probably opt for nothing. Could you bear to not go and comfort her but to let dh do it?

Hmmm. I'm probably going to get shot down for this, but I think you might need to, after ensuring she is warm enough, not wet or dirty, hungry ( though she can't be if she's feeding to sleep and is eating enough during the day)..... Let her cry for a while.

Ignore the choking and vomiting sounds, as long as she isn't. (can you leave her door open so that you can see her without her being able to see you?)

I can try but he starts getting a bit loopy after a while and I can tell he is getting cross with her. I heard him call her a little brat last night, he is a very patient person and a great dad but she is just too attached to me. I'm wondering about trying to convince my mum to have her over-night - it would be a real act of love but at least then I would find out if she can survive the night without me!

It might be an idea to try and break the 'feed to sleep' routine when she first goes to bed. She probably doesn't realise she can go to sleep without a boob in her mouth. Once dd mastered that, during the night wakings were easier.

Oh Jenk you are having a hard time aren't you I have felt like this many times. Is she showing any obvious signs of being teethy? (Ds used to put his fingers in is mouth with a pained look on his face and wail sometimes) Would she let you near with teething granules or bonjela? (worth a try)

If she is only settling for you at night then I think you have to resign yourself to that for a while, but make sure that you get time for yourself whenever else it is possible.

"I just want a few hours out of the 24 when a small person is not climbing on my head, lying in my arms or feeding at my breast." - I so understand how you feel here. I have found the only way I can alleviate this feeling is by making sure that dp takes ds out for a few hours at the weekend, and I get a bit of a break. It makes the times when I am in constant demand more bearable. Do you think this would be possible for you? Do you think it might help?

We've thought about crying it out although it's not something I believe in - main reasons not to are she is the room next door to my other daughter who is only 2.5 and a very light sleeper so we tend to do anything to keep dd2 quiet so she doesn't wake dd1. Also that she can cry in the pushchair when we're out or in the carseat when driving for an hour and not give in to sleep. No shooting down from me Bubble99; I appreciate the ideas and advice.

It could be a side effect from the jabs. Thats probably right. And I also agree that medised is good at making them drousy.

I really feel for you.I know how you feel. Dd is 20 months and wakes for feeds every night. Sometimes (less often at the moment, she's getting teeth, the pointy ones)its only once, but other nights 2-3 times. Its so upsetting and hard work and tiring. Last night after feeding her twice I said I'm not doing it again tonight. I had a horrible headache and was shattered. (ds waking lots too cos of bad asthma)We just went in and out a few times and she did go off for a while. We do that every so often and for a while she's quite good then she gets poorly again and its back to square one.

Lots of times I've thought, right we're going to stop the bf at night. But I just can't face doing it. Even though I know once we start it will probably only take a few nights to break the habit. But I can't face those few nights! especially when she's having a good stage and only wakes once.

She probably gets so upset when she's not bf when she wakes, because she knows that sometimes she'll get Mummy. I think that about dd. I think to myself 'I have to be consistent. I can't go to her some nights and not others' Its not fair on her. So untill I make the decision to stop the night bf then I just have to live with that. I've been saying that since she was tiny thouugh and I'm still liviung with it.

If it is her teeth have you tried homeopathic remedies? I have chamomilla(sp) for dd. Its good , I think.

Sorry I'm waffling.

Excellent idea if your mum will have her. As a doting gp she would have infinate patience, and could reasure her and comfort her without the smell of milk around. I think 2/3 nights on the trot would work best though. You and dh could also have an uninterrupted nights sleep for the first time in a year (I expect)

Yes Tatties I think time out would help alot - actually dh and are going out for dinner this week so she'll have to cope. Ok, Dh back down after 30 mins settling her.. and guess what she's screaming again - one minute after he made it downstairs. I'm going to gather teething stuff and calpol and make her taken them all. god I love her but I am so sick of her.