do you ever get to the point where you just don't want baby near you to feed?

[Jenkeywoo]

I'm really struggling with evenings and nights with DD2. Days are fine, she feeds 3 or 4 times but I love it. Nights are hard - she feeds to go to sleep then wakes screaming about an hour later - DH can normally settle her (although it takes 30 mins) but by about 10.30 I end up feeding her again as she is inconsolable. I then feed her again when we go to bed at midnight when she wakes up. Last night she then woke up screaming at 1.30, dh tried to settle her but she was hysterical - when I fed her she wasn't even sucking just kind of sleeping with my nipple tightly clamped in her mouth. She was then up again at 2.30 and I tried to feed her but I started feeling claustrophobic and panicky -I just feel crowded out sometimes and I just couldn't feed her anymore - DH is such a good husb and tried to settle her but she screamed on and off for 2 hours - so I ended up feeding her at 4.45am when she finally gave and slept. I want to continue breastfeeding but sometimes at night I just feel physically sick at the thought of her near me again, I feel like she is just using me like a dummy most of the time. I just want a few hours out of the 24 when a small person is not climbing on my head, lying in my arms or feeding at my breast. Dh is willing to help where he can but she can cry for 2 hours for him and not give up till she gets more breast. Can you believe it has taken me nearly an hour to even type this message as she has been up 3 times since bedtime - now Dh is up there trying to settle her but I can hear her screaming again already. .

Also just wanted to add that when ds was small, he fed ALL the time. I couldn't hold him without feeding him. And I did start to feel like your thread title

So I gave up bf. . I think if I hadn't I was heading doen the PND route. (Then I felt really guilt for years, still do. )

You've done so well to feed your dd for so long, even though sometimes you feel sad.

Try Medised, Jenkeywoo.

Get some tomorrow. Check the doasge and give it half an hour before bedtime.

It's perfectly safe and can be given from 3months plus. It contains Paracetamol and a decongestant which (hooray!) also acts as a mild sedative.

Not for every night, obviously, but great as a sanity saver.

And I totally understand the not wanting to wake a sleeping older sibling thing. I've got 4 boys 9,6,2 and nearly six months and my 2 year old stirs at the slightest noise.

Oh Jenk, you haven't messed up, please don't think that. Some babies need contact more than others at night, and you are doing the right thing by giving it to her. It is obvious that something is making her want to be near you at night, and she will probably get over this stage of restlessness sooner if you meet her needs now. It's maybe not the time to worry about whether other people can comfort her until she's over this unsettled period? Perhaps try it when she is a bit happier at night and it may be more likely to work.

Have you tried staying with her all evening? I mean perhaps setting up camp in your bed, low light so you can read or something. The thought of this probably makes your skin crawl, but IME, when ds has been really unsettled, we've done this for a few nights and that in itself has seemed to reassure him until it got to the point where it was 'safe' to come back downstairs again without him constantly waking.

Think you need a (((hug)))

jenkywoo my dd1 was like this. It started getting a lot better at 14 months and we did nothing to make it get better.

I think it was finally getting mobile so she was more tired.

Prior to that she would not fall asleep anywhere but on the boob it was crap. You just want a bit of personal space time and as soon as you get a wee bit they wake up.

My dd1 seems to assocoate dh during the night as "the denier of Mummy" so at 3 she still goes mental if he tries to see to her during the night.

Not just you I nightweaned dd1 at about 16 months because I was pregnant and even more claustrophobic during ht enight and it was ok actually she wasn't too upset.

She will gorw up to be strong willed and that is a good thing really.

ok... teething granules administered. Calpol down.. and straight back up again, she vommed all over me and my bed. then went even more mental. I ended up bringing her downstairs so I could get the sick off her and me. I then put her in the sling and walked up and down the streets for 20 mins, she enjoyed looking at the stars. She is now sitting on Dh's lap watching tv and he is trying to administer some formula from a cup with a straw. bloody wonderful. TBH we are both sick of being upstairs all night and never together - we have just finished cleaning up the house (and I don't mean cleaning I mean picking up nappies, emptying potties and loading dishwasher) so she's up and in a minute I'll end up feeding her to sleep which I could have done two hours ago and avoided all this fannying around. Thanks for all the ideas, does anyone want to swap babies for a night, I reckon she'd suck any tit out there really and it would give me a break.

ooooo feeling a bit loopy-loo tonight now. can't take much more of this.

This might sound odd, but

if she is very very whingy and only happy when drinking, and voms a lot, maybe it's reflux, which is painful? How about some infant gaviscon?

Maybe she's not well? Especially as she only had MMR last week. If she's drinking from straw, put some medised into the cup. If you have some.

I hope you have a good night. xxx

thanks we're out of medised but have given calpol. I don't think it's reflux, she is rarely sick now but tonight was refusing to swallow calpol so it went down the wrong way and made her gag. I am thinking it's probably something to do with MMR as she has got worse since the jab last week. Thanks again for ideas.

I really hope you get some baby free time tonight. Let me know tommorow? Going up myself now. DH nagging me to get off comp.

oh you poor thing, that sounds really really exhausting. I can totally understand you needing 5 minutes without someone hanging off you and for your personal space to be left untouched for a bit!

Has anything changed since she was 5 months old? e.g. new cot / moved the cot / new room / going from grobag to sheets & blankets / any falls / family bereavements / you going back to work etc etc etc. Can you think of anything at all however unrelated you think it may be?

Runninglate - she does have a few problems. she was delivered at 35 weeks, emergency caesaraian and has developemental delay. She sits but not well, barely rolls and cannot crawl yet. We have just been referred to the child development centre for assessment. She gets very upset and frustrated as she wants so much to do things but her body is holding her back. She has had lots of constipation issues and seems to cry out in pain for a long time before she lets herself poo. She is supersensitive, scared of lots of things like people, dogs, trees, noises etc. However unreasonable I find it, I feel that for some reason she just needs me at the moment. I know it won't last forever and now she's finally asleep I can view it rationally but I may feel differently at 3am! My friend has seen a cranial osteopath as her little girl was not eating well and it really helped. I'm thinking of trying to see if there really is a reason she wakes screaming, imagine if there really was something wrong and I just end up getting cross with her? thanks for making me think outside the box RL.

yes please take her to a cranial osteopath it can help with constipation and all sorts of other issues, cannot do her harm and you will quickly know if it's helping or not.

It does sound like you are doing brilliantly and that are giving everything of yourself that you can possibly muster - she is very lucky to have such a great mum. You also sound very in tune with her, which is amazing. From what you say, I would really recommend going to see a cranial osteopath - she may well be uncomfortable physically and everything will link up to her emotional well being too. She, like us, may find things worse at night - more scary / uncomfortable / generally less able to cope than in the day. A little bit of 'unravelling' may go a long way. Her body may still be 'in shock' from the birth.

Thank you RL, such kind words. I've never liked darkness and I don't sleep well so it's quite possible that DD could be more like me than I imagine! off to bed now to get a little sleep before the next wake up call!

Another vote for the cranial osteopath. I've taken both of mine to see her and recommeneded her to lots of people. Worth a try.

How did last night go?

She finally went to sleep about 10.30pm, I had a nightmare at 1.30am, can't remember details but it involved DD dying I this - I lept out of bed screaming something and dh woke in a fright and grabbed DD to check if she was ok - luckily it didn't wake DD up! I must be really affected by all of this because I don't usually have nightmares. Anyway, DD woke up at 2.30am and I fed her but instead of putting her back in the middle of the bed away from me as usual I let her sleep cuddled in to me - she slept through till 6.30am when toddlerpants (dd2) came in to tell me she had pooed! so maybe for some reason Heather just needs extra mummy time at the moment. We'll see what tonight brings..

Apart from the nightmare - its really on your mind at the moment isn't it?, one wake doesn't sound too bad

Dd woke me only once too so we had a 'good' night aswell.

Have you tried homeopathy? I use it for ds and dd. They do have remedies to help with clingyness and sleep etc. I just picked up my prescription for ds this morning. He's on 3 remedies at the moment. I've been reading up on it to remind myself what each ones for. I have a teething/clingy/upset one for dd too.

I know a bit how you feel - lo was in a really lovely bedtime routine, went to bed at about 7 every night and had 3 x 15 min feeds at about 11, 2, and 5 and went straight back to sleep afterwards. Last Fri I think she started teething and has become a bit of a nightmare, either grizzling or screaming until 1.30 in the morning (feeding will comfort her for a while and you can distract her and make her smile etc) and then being really tired during the day (and she'll only fall asleep on my lap) so I feel a bit chained to her at the mo'. I don't exactly resent it but I do wish I could get a little more done. I think her being so brilliant before has almost made it worse because I (foolishly) was looking forward to long summer evenings outside gardening. Still, have stocked up on Calgel, homeopathic remedies, celery and am hoping it gets better.

I really hope it gets better for you, we just have to keep our eye on the distant horizon I think and realise that one day in the not too distant future, it will just be a bad memory.

New tactic this evening - I give in, maybe she is hungry or for some other reason needs me so I'm not sending DH upstairs but I'm going to go and feed her everytime she wakes, hopefully tanking her up for sleep later. Asleep at 7.30pm, one wake up so far.

Going with the flow Jenkeywoo? Good for you.

Just remember your mantra
"this too will pass, this too will pass"

There are only teeny for a short time.

It just feels like fecking ages .

Good for you Jenkey, sounds good so far

Haven't read the whole thread, but "crying it out" isn't the only solution. I would recommend "sitting it out". This involves breaking the feed to sleep association, but still staying with her. We did this with DS and then gradually moved out of the bedroom. I found this easier, because although he was crying, I felt that I was there, he had been fed, he was warm and not being left alone.

Having said that, DD (5 months) is teething at the moment, so I am feeding her every 2-3 hours at night, because I tend to give her the benefit of the doubt when she wakes up. I know what its like to think "I just wish that for one night I could go to bed and have my pillow and duvet all to myself and know it would be like that till morning!".

Jenkeywoo, I could have written your posts a few months ago. DD is very attached to me, will literally push DH away if he goes to settle her. She used to be an okay sleeper, then around a year old she went mental sleep wise. Always waking up and literally clamping herself onto my boob for hours on end and screaming if I didn't b/feed her. I'd put her to bed, an hour later she'd be up, screaming. I remember one night storming downstairs to DH telling him he had to settle her, he did his best but she wouldn't so I ended up b/feeing her again and she went to sleep, but I was so fed up.
I dont know what caused her blip at a year old, I can only assume it was her teeth.
She did the same thing a few weeks ago after having her MMR.
Have you tried dream feeding, or is she usually awake for feeds? If you try dream feeding, maybe she'd take milk to satisfy her hunger, rather than taking milk because she's awake again and wants to get herself back to sleep?

How was last night with the new tactics jenky?