Breastfeeding.. how long do I 'hang on in there?'

[Babybeesmama]

Hey... 7 weeks old DS feeding every 2 hours day & night... I'm exhausted, emotional... being horrible to my other 2 DC because I'm knackered.

I don't want to stop but I feel 2 hourly is completely unsustainable for me.

I've been trying to express so DH can help but finding time to do that isn't easy. DS is a nightmare for naps...

So what do I do? Hang on in there till DCS back at school & hope he goes longer than 2 hours?

Give one formula top up for last feed & hope he does a longer stretch?

Help me decide 😓

You do what's best for you and your family, it can be so tough . Sounds like you've been doing a great job!

Have you tried expressing whilst you feed so you're not having to find time at another point? Have you tried a Hakaa (www.haakaa.co.uk/collections/breastfeeding/products/100ml-natural-silicone-breast-pump-1)? it works using suction to stick onto your boob then just passively collects as you feed on the other side. So hands free and silent so wouldn't disturb your son.

But if giving a couple of formula feeds saves your sanity do it! There's no prizes for ebf. You might find that your LO starts going a bit longer between feeds soon anyway as your supply establishes, but if your dp could give a feed or two it would just give you a bit of breathing space.

I find that this age was pretty much the maddest point for bf. It feels like all you do is feed. If DC as at back to school is there any way you can go back to bed once you have done school run - maybe feeding lying down in bed?

Other thing that helped at this point was DH taking the baby in the evening. With both of ours he spent ages pacing the living room with a baby in sling while I caught a few hours upstairs.

Congratulations on your baby. How big is he and how long does he feed? If it's just frequent short feeds it's unlikely he's getting a lot of he fatty hind milk so this might be why he gets hungry quicker. Likewise depending where you are it has been very warm and he could just be very thirsty.

They do grow out of it as you know from other DCs, it could be a growth support st the moment of it could be that he's using you for comfort. Is he waking crying and your feeding him because you assume he's hungry?

Growth spurt he will grow out of in a few days. If it's the warm weather you just have to wait it out or DH could try a little cool boiled water or expressed milk / formula in a bottle. if he's using you for comfort then some people do find pacifiers work. Entirely up to you. My DS just started to suck his thumb around this age, by DD definitely used me as a pacifier.

Either way, it doesn't last forever and it sounds like you're doing brilliantly. It's not easy and there's nothing wrong with topping up a bit with either expressed milk or formula if it means you get some rest.

Good luck.

Do you have the "Wonder Weeks" app? He may be going through a growth spurt which explains the increased frequency.

Agree with RhinestoneCowgirl they do nurse for comfort too and if someone else takes the baby for a bit, he might not want to feed as much. I remember giving DD to my husband and she'd often fall sleep for an hour or two in his arms, giving me a huge break!

Have you thought about mixed feeding? DH used to take DD for one feed a day (usually to settle her to bed) which meant I could get some sleep. Agreed that this is the worst point for cluster feeding.
If you add one bottle of expressed or formula milk now it could make BF more manageable in the long term. DD eventually did two bottles a day on top of BF successfully until we switched completely at 6 months old. I don't think I would have made it that far with BF without them.

Thanks for all the replies...

I have the haakaa pump.. only seem to get 1-2oz each time tho. I've been too tired to use it in night.. & he seems to kick it off with his long legs sometimes.

He's had 2 massive growth spurts weeks 3-4 jumped 25th-50th & weeks 5-6 went 50th-75th.. so I thought I was due a more settled phase 😒.

DH is desperate to help.. but also frustrated... he takes DS at 6am but then he's a nightmare to get back down for a nap so ends up bringing him back up screaming & will only be boobed to sleep (DH walked round for an hour with him in pram this morning & he still wouldn't sleep).

His feeds are generally ok Length & all yellow nappies etc. Tonight they are short.. but you might be right he could be thirsty as it's warm.

Maybe I should try expressed bottle tonight & see.. the other dcs are staying at grandmas so be easier if I let DH take over that feed...

I've had pnd x2 around the 8 weeks mark.. & I think was all related to sleep deprivation & I kinda feel like I'm on that slippery slope now 😢.. I just need some better nights to encourage me to keep going. X

When I have my second I'm adamant to put me first. Your mental health is so important, particularly in those early days.
I gave my first a couple of bottles of formula a day from very early on. It saved my sanity. It took the pressure off and I was reassured shed had a good feed as I could see how much she'd had.
Different situation but my daughter was perm and came home at less than 5 pounds so was feeding constantly and also had undiagnosed tongue tie issues, hence why she wasn't gaining weight.
I fought for months to breastfeed and really didn't want to 'give in' to formula. I have no idea why I put myself under so much pressure and realise now the main thing is that they are fed.
Her having a couple of bottles meant I could relax and grab a sleep/rest for a few hours of an evening before the horror of nighttime started.
She barely had any formula whilst in hospital (8weeks) and I couldn't produce enough milk so felt constantly stressed out that I wasn't doing a good enough job. Oh how I wish I'd asked them to give her some formula every now and then to take the pressure off.

I think he's trying to kill me off tonight.. been up every hour 😓

I don't really have any advice as such, but I do have to say I think there is a lot of pressure on mums these days to breastfeed even if they are struggling. I formula feed my DD and have had looks from people about it thinking I must be a terrible mum for not BF..
If you do decide to top up with formula or even go fully onto formula please don't feel bad about it, a fed baby is a happy baby.

Pepper I think DH wants me to FF... he's seen me go through this twice before too. I just wish I could get some longer stretches.. even if it every 4 hours for a long time I could cope with that.

I need to talk to him properly about stuff.. but we never get 5 minutes to talk anymore.. he's busy with the other 2 & I go to bed as soon as the baby does..

I do feel pressured to bf.. more by myself than anyone else.. this will be my last & I really wanted it to work for us 😢

Have you been to any of the breastfeeding drop-ins? They were a lifesaver for me in the early days when DS was feeding constantly. He had tongue tie but all the midwives and health visitors missed it. I was lucky to get it diagnosed by an excellent breastfeeding counsellor at a drop-in.

So I think it would be worth going to rule out tongue tie and to get a bit of practical and emotional support.

Do you breastfeed lying down? I couldn't have breastfed as I did without cosleeping because mine still wakes to feed in the night age 18 months. That is the reality of breastfeeding in my case but I barely wake as I just roll her in for a feed and off back into her side cot.
I would in your situation either stop expressing and just accept your fate because your dh is not really helping much if it is still you expressing, just at a different time, or mixed feed if you really can't do the nigtds as you don't want to or cant cosleep

But I would say 12 weeks and things just click. Which is a long time but you are already over half way

It's hard when you're in this to get the brain space to think, so it's good that you're able to take this step back.

DS1 was like this - at about 2 months either he calmed down a bit or we cracked it (TBH I don't remember - it all passed in a haze) but either way, I just started lying down to feed quite often, so I felt like my body was at least getting some rest.

I have never been able to express any useful amount. It was about this time when DP took DS1 one evening so I could get a few hours joined up sleep and gave formula a go, but DS1 couldn't figure out a bottle (he never did - went straight to straw cup), but luckily it all calmed down. In your case, I'd certainly give it a go, but don't pin all hopes on it, in case you have a bottle refuser :(

DP used to spend an hour in the bath with DS because at that age, it was the only thing that would calm him down apart from boob - is that a possibility?

It's harder for you obviously because you have other kids to deal with - we only had the one at the time.

I disagree about expressing. Definitely worth doing if you can find the time between feeds, if it means you can get a longer stretch of sleep. That said, I didn't express properly (i.e. using my electric pump instead of the Haakaa) until my DS's tongue tie was divided and he stopped feeding constantly. Until then, expressing was the last thing I wanted to do when I didn't have a baby on my boob!

Cross posts, my last post was in reply to penhacked

u done so well do what you feel is best plenty of baby thrive off formula your mental health is as important as bf .Mix feed , carry on bf or switch to formula good luck

If you would like to carry on bf I highly recommend la leche league. Their groups are amazingly friendly and supportive and they have a 24/7 helpline manned by trained bf councillors who have all nursed babies themselves. They'll help you achieve the nursing relationship you want (whatever that looks like) and can advise on mixed feeding in a way that protects your milk supply if that's what you would like to do.

Also. Congratulations!! You're doing an amazing job! Bf is hard, even harder when you have older siblings too

I do feed lying down sometimes, but I don't co-sleep... I'm just not comfortable with it.

Me & DH had a heart to heart this morning. He says he's finding it hard juggling all 3 plus frustrating keeping the house tidy & he wants to give me a proper rest but DS always seems to want feeding so feels useless etc. We decided tonight we'll give an expressed bottle at first waking of the night (DS is use to the minbie bottle as we've been giving a little every day). If that doesn't help we will replace with formula for one feed a day. I'll continue to express with the haakaa. I just got 2.5oz off with the medela this morning so it's a start.

Thank you for suggesting la leche & protecting supply as this is something that worries me giving formula. If I could get more sleep expressing wont be so bad once kids back to school & im happy to sit & express watching tv if DS complies.

I so desperately want things to click for us. I feel awful on the other 2 dc's, they are so well behaved (I get comments like they are a credit to you regularly) & I feel like they are suffering a bit at the moment.

Thanks for all the replies, x

Read this back & noticed I've not responded to some questions..

Yep sometimes I do assume he's hungry in night when he could be waking for other reasons.. sometimes he does have wind.

I've been to some groups but I've had to drag the other 2 dc's with me so not quite the same.. plus some aren't on over summer holidays.

I'll try & keep the faith a bit longer x

You do whatever you need to do to get through.

I bfd my first - he fed constantly, often 6-8 hours straight cluster feeds in the evening. By the time he was a few months he would t take a bottle at all and so he was stuck to me constantly. Which was fine, 99% of the time. It meant I never slept, and couldn't leave the house alone (took me nearly a year to get out by myself.) I couldn't express much either.

If I ever have another, I will be mix feeding.

I'd get some hands on help to check there are no feeding issues that are causing him to feed inefficiently.
I'd try to get him back to sleep without feeding once or twice (not every time) in the night. Try cuddles and winding first, then move on to feeds of that isn't working.
And yes, of COURSE it's ok to give a bottle rather than lose your sanity! I wonder why mix feeding isn't accepted more. It doesn't mean you can't bf alongside.

I remember 7-8 weeks as being the hardest time for bf. They seem to have a massive growth spurt at that point and hey are stimulating supply. So hang on in there, don't fret about one bottle a day but don't do too much if you want supply to match demand.

I actually think you are about to go over the hump. It is hard and deeply tying and invasive at times but definitely from 3 months onwards is way way easier. 7 weeks is right in the thick of massive baby growth and still settling supply. Can I suggest, if you want to keep trying a little longer, you forget the expressing as it's a total ball ache, stressful and time consuming for very little benefit, plus I do think it is confusing for supply and might cause temporary low supply in the next feed meaning baby is grizzley quicker, just focus on relaxing with baby and take to the bed as much as possible with a box set and don't worry about it being every 2 hrs. That will suddenly stop and get better, I promise.

Anatidae
Sounds like your first may well have had tongue tie. Sounds really hard, well done for getting through it!

I wonder why mix feeding isn't accepted more. It doesn't mean you can't bf alongside.

I agree with this BUT it's important to also keep putting baby to breast to keep supply up. A lot of mother who want to mixed feed end up FF because their milk supply doesn't keep up with baby during these early weeks of growth spurts. Definitely give a bottle to get rest but it has to be done carefully or can totally sabotage BF.

KarateKitten actually expressing tends to lead to oversupply, not undersupply. The more milk is taken out, the more milk the breasts produce. (I expressed for almost a year when I went back to work).